The Weight of Souls (22 page)

That was when I ran for my tent. I don’t know how much time I have before the man forces me back into the dark. I do know my sanity will not bear it. I have condemned my children’s children to lives of servitude to a foreign god, I have sold my own soul. I have seen the Lord of Death and lived.
 

I would rather die than face him again.
 

 

Justin’s voice faded and his palm landed on my forehead. Slowly he stroked my eyes closed. “There’s more, but you need to rest. I’ll watch over you, OK? I’ll keep the Darkness at bay, just for tonight.”

I yawned. “You can’t keep the Darkness at bay.”

“Watch me,” he growled.

And I did. I opened my eyes and watched him guard me until lead filled my lids and I fell into a dreamless sleep.

 

23

 

YOU’RE IN THE CLUB NOW

 

“Taylor, you’ll be late for the bus.” Dad’s voice drifted up the stairs and I clenched my fists.

“And suddenly you’re the school police,” I muttered, kicking my heels against the bed post.

“What’s the matter?” Justin leaned against the wall by the mirror, apparently his preferred spot. “Don’t want to go to school?”

“Shut up.” I tried to make myself rise, knowing Dad would soon come up to chivvy me along, but my body wouldn’t obey me. I picked at a spot on my bedspread. “If you must know, Hannah isn’t speaking to me.”

“She’ll get over it.”

“What if she doesn’t?”

Justin caught my eye. “Then she doesn’t.” He cleared his throat as if embarrassed. “You’re the strongest person I know, you’ll go on without her.”

I swallowed and returned my stare to the loose thread on my coverlet. “I don’t think I am strong without Hannah. I’m not sure I can face the dogs on my own.”

After a moment a cool hand covered mine and I jumped. Justin had moved to sit beside me on the bed.

“You are and you can.” He spoke without meeting my eye. “You’ve dealt with this,” he fingered the edge of my glove, “on your own for how long now? Three years? You put up with all our crap for longer than that. You just faced an oncoming train. You can do anything.”

I swallowed again. “I just can’t deal with it right now.”

Justin sighed. “Everyone feels that way sometimes; at least you haven’t run away to the Science Museum.”

A snort made me cover my nose and before I could think about it I was asking, “Will you come with me?”

“To school? Are you kidding?”

“Just for today.” I finally met his eyes and knew mine were pleading.

“One of the only good things about being dead is
not
having to sit through double French.” He pulled his hand away from mine.

“What else are you going to do with your day?”

He hissed through his teeth. “Taylor, I–”

“It’s your fault, the fight I had with Hannah. OK, I guess it’s been coming for a while, but it wouldn’t have been this week.”

“I don’t want to see Tamsin,” he finally blurted.

I stared at him. “Right, I forgot.” It would hurt Justin to see Tamsin all over James; a knife in the heart on top of the fall from the scaffold.

I stood up and forced a smile. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll manage.”

Justin twisted his fingers together awkwardly.

“Seriously, I’ll cope.” I flicked my hair over my shoulders and straightened. “What’s the worst they can do?”

Justin suddenly looked up with a grin. “Taylor, you’ve forgotten something.”

“What?” I frowned.

“You’re in the V Club now, you’re popular.”

 

The common room was crowded when I arrived and habit made me look for Hannah. I spotted her crown of bright hair over on a table by the window and automatically my feet started in her direction. As if she’d sensed me come in, she stopped her conversation and turned. Her warm eyes met mine and instantly cooled. My feet faltered as she, very deliberately, shoved her bag on the empty seat next to her and turned her back.

The air in the room fled and I stood in between tables, struggling to breathe, hurting and humiliated.

“What’re you doing, Oh?” Harley shoved me in the small of the back and I stumbled. Anger swung me round like a top and my fists clenched at my waist.

He stepped back, hands raised. “Easy ‘eye of the tiger’. I was just coming to get you. You looked lost.”

I felt like an anime version of myself, as if I should have a huge question-mark blinking above my head.

“Come on, we’ve saved you a seat.”

“You’ve what?”

Harley leaned in. “You’re in the club now. You sit with us.”

“You want me to sit with you?” I tested the words out, but they still felt foreign and wrong.

Harley shrugged. “‘Want’ is a strong word, but you’re in V and you rocked the dare last night. I can’t wait to see what you do next.” He grinned. “Anyway, the rule is, V sticks together. You’re with us now.”

 

Moving like an automaton and half wondering if I was still asleep I followed Harley over to the “popular table”. As I approached I expected the usual raft of insults to fly at me, but nothing happened. Tentatively I put my hand on the back of a chair. Still no one prevented me. Like an addict, unable to stop myself, I glanced over at Hannah. She was watching me with her jaw slack and her hands clutched to her chest.

One of her new friends nudged her and she closed her mouth and looked away.

Fine then. I swung into my new chair and dumped my bag at my feet.

Tamsin sat opposite me filing her nails. James was next to her, lounging cross-armed. His eyes fell on me and didn’t shift, not even when it became uncomfortable. I looked away first, to find Pete looking at Hannah with sadness in his eyes.

“You were right,” I muttered. “She’s had enough of me.”

Pete rubbed his head. “It’s probably for the best. She won’t ask questions now.”

Tamsin glanced up. “What do you care? You’re with us now, sweetie.”

I nodded. But if I was popular, why did I feel like my guts had been scooped out with a spoon?

 

Just before bell a hand landed on my shoulder. I would have flown out of my chair if the weight of it wasn't preventing me.

“Well, well, well, Taylor Oh.” Mr Barnes’ voice confirmed the owner of the hand. “It seems you’ve ‘dared’ to become a bit more sociable.” He laughed with forced joviality and for some reason my mind flashed up an image of the dead clown. “Didn’t I tell you there were opportunities in this school, that the unpopular could rise?”

At the edge of my vision his meaty fingers twitched on my shoulder. “Yes, Mr Barnes.”

“Yes, Mr Barnes,” he falsettoed and his shirt sleeve rode up. On his wrist, mostly hidden by his cuffs was the edge of a tattoo.

As he patted my shoulder and stepped back I whipped around to look from James to the headmaster. James was grinning with a sly and superior air. Mr Barnes nodded at him, tugged his shirt back into place and strode away, already growling at someone for leaving their bag in the walkway between tables.

I rubbed my shoulder, as if I could remove the taint of his touch.

“I wish you wouldn’t wear that dorky glove,” Tamsin sighed. “It’s so… gawd I don’t know, emo.”

I glowered at her. “Trust me, you want me to keep the glove.”

 

24

 

STILL GOT TIME

 

“So, how was it?” Justin was lounging on my bed when I got home.

“Really strange.” I dropped my bag and pushed his legs so I could sit down. “Everyone’s freaked out about what happened to you. And Tamsin was actually…”

“Nice?” Justin sat up.

“God no, but she wasn’t like before either.” I stretched and groaned as my shoulders cracked. Then I went still. “Hannah’s still not talking to me.”

Justin winced sympathetically. “I’m sorry, that sucks.”

“At least I don’t have to deal with all the bitchiness and I don’t have to lie to her about V.”

“See, silver linings everywhere.” Justin spread his arms and I couldn’t withhold a smile.

“Yes, this is just one big happy silver lining.”

My hand had been throbbing all day. I fingered the glove for a moment, then with trepidation, pulled it back to reveal my hand.

Justin leaned closer. “It’s darker.”

My pulse thumped as I nodded. The Mark was so black I could no longer see the faint outlines of the veins beneath my skin. I ran my palm over the top of it then covered it over once more.

“We’ve still got time,” I murmured

Justin’s fingertips hovered over mine. “If you believe that, Oh, why are your hands shaking?”

 

I dreamed again that night and woke up with my mother’s voice ringing in my ears and Justin’s arms around my shoulders.

“He’s hungry for the world,” I muttered.

“What does that mean?” Carefully, as if he thought I’d bite him, Justin smoothed my hair out of my eyes.

“I don’t know.” I shuddered and gripped his arm. “But if someone in the V club wasn’t involved in your death, I’ll be an appetiser.”

 

“What’s going on?” I clutched my Oyster Card, unwilling to commit to swiping it. The bus was packed with more than double the usual number of commuters.

The driver glared at me, obviously harassed and impatient to be moving. “Central Line’s down.”

I glanced at the door, wondering whether to jump back off again, but a crowd had gathered behind me, anxious to get to work. I’d have to shove my way through them and there could be ghosts anywhere. I hugged my chest and my pulse pounded. My hand felt as if it was bleeding, as though the Mark were a real injury, worsening with every hour. I had told Justin we had plenty of time but I didn’t believe it. I couldn’t take another Mark.

But was it safer to stay on the crowded bus, or try and get to school another way?

My breath shortened and a sharp pain in my chest made me drop my bag. I felt as if I was being buried alive, as if grains of sand filled my mouth and nose, and pressed down on suddenly aching limbs. I gasped for air.

“Get a move on.” Angry voices shouted from outside and the people began to press in on me. I couldn’t stay on the bus, it was too crowded: I’d suffocate.

Wobbling, I scooped up my bag and backed out of the vehicle, earning myself an angry tut from the driver and furious grunts from the commuters I shoved aside in my rush to escape.

I could barely see, but I had to watch every face, I had to see who wasn’t carrying a briefcase when they ought to be, who was reaching for me through the mass of heaving shoulders.

It was too much, how could I check every single face?

A pointed heel came down on my foot and I cried out. Tears worsened the situation even more. Finally I burst through the crowd and yanked my bag out behind me. It came free with a suddenness that knocked me off my feet, but I still scrabbled backwards in the pavement grime, desperate to be away from the crowd and find clear air.

But the air didn’t clear, my chest continued to thump with the panicked hammer of my heart and I couldn’t take a breath without feeling as if I was stabbing myself in the lungs. The world started to go grey, but I couldn’t let it. I had to keep watching, had to keep away from the ghosts.

I gripped my chest, as if that would free me from the weight that bore down on me. It didn’t help. Was I having a heart attack? What happened if I died and I was still carrying a Mark?

“Taylor, what’s going on?” The voice was familiar and I focused on it gratefully. I couldn’t answer. All I could do was keep trying to breathe and forcing my heart to keep beating.

“I think I’ve seen this before, OK, my aunt used to do this.”

I shook my head, still unable to see past the grey veil that had covered the world. “My heart,” I rasped.

“You’re having a panic attack, Tay. You have to keep breathing.”

“Trying,” I gasped.

“You need a paper bag or something. But I can’t get you anything, you have to do this yourself.”

“Too many people.” I was blind and I could be surrounded by ghosts with no way to know and no way to run. My pulse fluttered like a hummingbird in flight and in the distance a dog barked angrily.

“Tay, listen to me, I’m not going to let anything happen to you. There aren’t any ghosts right now, I’m watching. You just have to concentrate on breathing.”

“J-Justin?” I inhaled desperately. It had to be him; he was the only one who knew about the ghosts.

“It’s me. Come on, Tay, in and out, in and out.” He grabbed my hand and squeezed it as he took over responsibility for making me breathe. He was going to keep the ghosts away. I was safe.

Gradually my pulse slowed and my heart started to beat more ponderously. As the sand receded from my mouth and nose, my vision cleared and I saw him watching me with concerned eyes.

“Freak.”

As the world came back into focus I saw that I was blocking part of the path, businessmen were stepping over me to get to the bus queue. Muttered insults propelled me to my feet. I grabbed my bag and staggered to a bench. Justin followed, his eyes darting, taking seriously his promise to keep the ghosts at bay.

I sagged onto the sun-warmed slats. “What are you doing here?” I rubbed my eyes, ashamed that he’d seen my breakdown.

Justin took one final look around then sat beside me. “I’ve been walking you to school, alright. Just, you know, making sure you were OK. Keeping the others back.”

I blinked. “Others?”

He nodded. “There’ve been one or two like me. I ran them off.”

“I didn’t know.”

“I didn’t want you to.”

We sat side by side in the sunshine.

“I guess I’d better get to school. I’ll miss first period even if I walk fast.” I hoisted my bag on my shoulder. “Are you coming with?”