The Weight of Souls (20 page)

Behind me the pressure of the oncoming train struck my back, as if it was pushing the air ahead of it, compressing it into a smaller space. “Oh God.”

The words barely formed on my lips and Justin was there. Like a rugby player he slammed into my thighs and hurled me upwards. My gloved hand closed around the stranger’s wrist and he hauled me up, tearing my shirt, hurting my shoulder, but pulling me out of the way of the train. My feet cleared the platform edge just as the engine screeched into the station.

I rolled and the man and I pitched into a clutch of white-faced commuters.

“What the hell were you doing?”

“Stupid cow.”

“Jesus, are you alright?”

Their voices faded to nothing as the train doors hissed open and I spun back to face the tunnel.

Where was Justin?

 

An arm grabbed mine. “Move it.” I blinked. It was Pete, shoving me through the cluster of angry watchers. “Security will be on their way. Head for the way out.”

“Hey! I don’t think you should be going anywhere.” It was the man who had saved my life. He closed his fingers around my wrist, just above my filthy, soot-stained glove.

“Get off her.” James slammed his fist into the guy’s forearm to break his hold. Then Tamsin and Pete gripped both of my elbows and hustled me along the platform.

“I… I…” I wanted to say thanks. I wanted to find Justin. I’d never seen one of the dead hit by a train. Could you get
more
dead?

“I can’t believe you did that.” Tamsin was wheezing with laughter. “You should see your face. You should have seen all those people. That might be the best video yet. You reckon, Harls?”

Harley nodded. My feet barely touched the floor as they bundled me past the glowing Way Out sign and up the first staircase.

“Here, take my cap.” Pete jammed a baseball cap over my hair. “The transport police will be looking for you.”

“It’ll take more than a cap.” Tamsin was already removing her jacket. “Put this on. Quick.”

Moving on autopilot I shoved my arms into the body-warm sleeves looking around frantically. Where was Justin?

“Where’s your Oyster card? We can’t stop at the gates.” Tamsin shook my arm. “Get with the programme, Oh. Do you want to spend the night locked up?”

I shook my arm free of her grip and pulled my card from my jeans. I showed it to her wordlessly.

“Come on then.”

We were facing the giant escalator. Tamsin pushed me onto the stair ahead of her and the others crowded on. “Run, Oh.” Tamsin gave me another shove and I forced myself to speed upwards, trying not to trip as my eyes blurred the lines on the stairs and turned the escalator into an illusory slope.

There was an angry shout behind us and I paused long enough to turn around. A guard stood at the bottom of the escalator, walkie-talkie in hand.

“We’re not going to make it,” Tamsin gasped.

“Harley, Pete – diversion,” James snapped.

Pete and Harley shouldered past, sprinted to the top of the moving stair and vanished.

I grimaced and held onto my side as a stitch drove a spike through my kidneys.

Above me Pete began to shout.

“They’ll close the station any minute,” Tamsin called.

My legs felt like jelly and I was shaking all over, exhaustion, adrenaline… rage. I forced one last effort from my body and hurtled up the final steps. I staggered off the escalator like a drunk and doubled over.

“Only one more.” Tamsin patted the middle of my back then gave me another push. “Not so long this time.”

“I know,” I gasped and stood up. James and Tamsin hemmed me on each side and forced me to move faster. We ran up the last escalator and emerged into daylight. Only one gate was open and guards were checking cards and faces.

“You’ll be fine,” Tamsin whispered. “We’ve got out of stations before.”

I nodded, too shattered to disbelieve her, and got into the queue.

Just as I was about to place my Oyster card on the gate, shouting broke out. I turned along with everyone else. Pete and Harley were having a fist fight. My mouth fell open. I’d never in my life seen Pete hit anyone.

They rolled to the floor, howling and yelling at one another and all but one of the staff ran through the gates to separate them. The single guard remaining wasn’t too interested in peering beneath my cap, especially as they were looking for a bare headed girl in filthy clothes. I ducked into the fresh air, where I inhaled as if I’d never breathed before.

Tamsin and James flanked me once more. “There’s a Pizza Express down the road. You can clean up and we’ll wait there for the boys.” Tamsin fingered her jacket with distaste. “You’d better keep this till you get home. Dry clean it before you give it back.”

I wrapped my arms around myself with a sigh. Now I was in the open air I could smell the
Poison
seeping from the designer threads. My stomach lurched, but she was right. I had to stay covered up for the journey home. I glanced down. My jeans were blackened and torn at the knee; who knew what my shirt looked like.

 

While Tamsin and James slid into their chairs I sidled past the tables and ran down the steps into the toilet. I cleaned my clothes up as best I could with paper towels and water, then pulled off the cap and stared into the mirror.

My right cheekbone was scraped and bleeding and I had a lump on my forehead that was already bluish purple and surrounded by angry red swelling. I touched it gingerly and winced. My left hand was also scraped and I ran it under the tap as I pulled the filthy glove from my right. I couldn’t go home without it. I hesitated for a moment then put it back on. I held a wet towel against the lump on my forehead and tried to run my fingers through my hair. They came up against another bump on the back of my head and a snarl of knots so tight there was no moving it.

I rammed the cap back on. I’d deal with it later.

Then I stood and just looked at myself. I barely recognised the girl in the mirror. That was it then, I was in the V club. I was… popular. But I felt as if maybe I’d been hit by that train after all.

 

When I got back to the table, Pete and Harley were already sitting down. Harley actually had a bruise forming on his cheek and Pete had a cut lip. I winced; they hadn’t held back on each other.

There was a spare chair between the two of them.

“So you’re in. How does it feel?” Tamsin leaned against James and stroked the inside of his forearm. “I’ll be honest, sweetie, I didn’t think you’d do it.”

“I didn’t think I’d do it either.” My legs gave out and I dropped next to Pete.

James regarded Tamsin from under lowered brows. “Not sure the others are going to like this, babe. The V club isn’t for the likes of her.” He brushed his tattoo as if to remove dust from the ink and glanced at me. “No offence.”

I shrugged. He didn’t have to like me, just let me ask for a truth. “So can I set a challenge now?”

Tamsin laughed and leaned back. “You are funny. Your initiation got you in the club. You don’t get to be a challenger until you’ve been selected by the wheel and completed another dare.”

“What?” I pressed my throbbing palm between my thighs and my head reeled. “How long will
that
take?”

“That desperate to get me back, huh?” Tamsin sneered. “The next meeting is in three days. I suppose there’s a chance the wheel will land on your name. James is the challenger though, so you don’t
want
it to land on you.” A flicker of remembered terror blurred her blue eyes. “Trust me.”

 

22

 

I HAVEN’T SEEN A LIGHT

 

There was a dark haired boy in school uniform standing outside my house. Of course, he hadn’t known where we’d gone, after.

I hadn’t realised how heavy my tread had become until I rushed towards him, my shoes apparently filled with air. “You’re alright!” It was automatic to raise my arms but, just a breath away, I stopped myself from embracing him.

“You thought I was what? Dead?” Justin drawled, with a sardonic twist of his lips.

“I…” I flushed and lowered my arms. “I’ve never seen one of you hit by a train. I wasn’t sure what it would do.”

“It dragged me as far as Moorgate then I managed to get back onto the platform.”

“Did it hurt?” I wrapped my arms around my chest.

“It was more scary.” He started climbing the steps to the house. “Shall we?” He gestured ahead of himself like an old fashioned gentlemen.

I opened the door and Justin held out his elbow so that I could take it. With a single deep breath I wrapped my arm around his. “I’m in the club.”

He nodded. “Sorry about knocking you off the platform.”

I nodded. “I wouldn’t have done it otherwise. It was the most freaking stupid thing...” I suddenly remembered how Justin had died and choked my words back down. We were in my hallway but hadn’t pulled away from one another. The feel of his arm in mine reminded me of something else. “I’m sorry too, about Tamsin. Are you OK?”

Now he pulled his arm free. “I couldn’t expect her to stay single forever.” He shrugged, but his eyes were hooded.

“A couple of days would’ve been nice.” I shut my mouth when I saw his face. “You don’t want to talk about it. I get it.” I checked the clock and headed towards my room; it was almost nine, curfew time.

“Taylor?” Dad appeared from the kitchen, a mug of tea balanced on the arm of his chair. I froze. He rolled into the hall and gasped. “What happened?”

I looked down at myself.

“I had an accident.”

“An accident? Christ.” His elbow knocked the cup from his chair. A tannin rainbow splashed as the mug spun and bounced on the carpet. Tea spattered the wallpaper and a wet stain spread under his wheels. He ignored the mess and pushed himself towards me. “Look at you. What sort of accident?” His fingers fluttered over me, light and desperate. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine.” I shifted, uncomfortable beneath his frantic regard. He reached up and caught my face, turning my cheek. “You’re covered in bruises. Was it a car?” His voice cracked. Then he looked at his own fingers. “What is this? Soot?”

“I fell over, on the tube.”

The wall clock ticked as Dad inhaled. “On the tube?” He gripped my arm. “You’re black.”

I swallowed. “I-I fell off the platform. It was so crowded.”

“Oh my God.” Dad’s face blanched, his cheeks so white it looked as if he was going to faint.

“Dad, breathe. I’m alright.”

With one hand he dragged me backwards into the kitchen. My feet squelched through tea-drenched carpet. Once at the table he forced me under the low-hanging light.

“This needs Dettol.” He stroked my cheek then forced me to sit.

His hands trembled as he washed my face with kitchen towel and gently applied the antiseptic to my grazed skin. I winced, but remained quiet.

Finally he spoke. “You were almost hit by a train.”

“No, honestly. I was pulled straight back up. A friend helped me.”

“Hannah was there?” Dad froze.

“Not Hannah, someone else.”

He pressed his lips together and wiped at my neck. I felt the pressure of his eyes on my gloved hand. “Were you... doing your usual thing?”

I forced a grin that felt more like a grimace. “Actually, I’ve joined a sort of youth group. I was with some of them.”

“A youth group?” Dad pulled back and his face lit up like my bedroom. My heart hurt a little at how much that cheered him.

“It’s some of the guys from school.”

“Hannah and Pete.”

I rolled my eyes. “Dad, Pete and I haven’t been friends for ages.”

Dad dragged his fingers through my tangled hair. “I liked him.”

“Well, he wasn’t happy with our friendship the way it was. And Hannah… she’s not talking to me at the moment.”

“Oh.” Dad’s face fell as if I’d slammed the lights off. “I’m sorry.” He patted my hair and dropped his hand. “So, who’s in this group?”

“You know, people from my class, some from the years below.”

“A youth group.” Dad rolled the words around his tongue as if testing them out.

“We meet in a church.”

“In a church?” This time Dad’s eyebrows shot upwards and I knew he thought V was a religious thing. I didn’t disabuse him.

He cleared his throat. “Taylor, is this something to do with the boy in your class who died? With Justin.”

I caught my breath. “You heard that they found him?”

“I’m in a chair, not an isolation ward.”

“Right. Sorry.”

“If you’re looking for answers, you and the rest of your class, I suppose a church isn’t the worst place to look.” He rubbed his stubbled chin and I said nothing. “You know you can come and talk to me if you want to.” He tugged the arms of my chair until our knees touched. “You’ve had to deal with too much death already. If there’s some way I can help...”

I shook my head. “I’m OK, Dad.” I glanced at the door. Justin had drifted to the open jamb and was leaning against the frame. “I know Justin’s still with us.”

Dad closed his eyes. “I wish I had your faith.” He pushed back. “Go and get properly cleaned up. I’ve got a heart attack to recover from and a complaint to write to the Transport Authority.”

“Don’t do that, Dad.”

I stood up and he moved his chair so I could get past, at the last moment he caught my arm. “Taylor, I don’t like you going out after school like this, but I won’t take away your chance to make new friends. You just have to be more careful. You know how to travel in London. Be more aware of the world around you, will you?”

I nodded. “This won’t happen again.” I gestured at myself and he sighed.

“You look so much like your mum these days.” He half turned away. “Don’t let what happened to her, happen to you.”

 

Justin followed me to my room. “Your Dad was pretty spooked.”