The Voyage (7 page)

Chapter 19

When the
MS St. Louis
pulled into Havana Harbor, guards awaited the ship. The vessel was not permitted to dock, and the passengers were not to be allowed to disembark.

The warning bell rang, calling the passengers to come to the deck where the captain awaited them. He would be forced to tell them the news.

In his white uniform, the captain stood before them, his eyes bloodshot with worry and lack of sleep.

“Ladies and gentlemen…I am your captain. At the present time, Cuba is refusing our ship entry. We are anchored outside of the docks awaiting further instructions. As difficult as this is for me, I must inform you of the situation. It seems that your visas are invalid and at present, you are not able to enter Havana. However, negotiations have begun for your safe release here on the island. All we can do at this point is wait and hope that this is resolved favorably. I am truly sorry from the bottom of my heart to bring this information to you. But please note that I am the captain of this ship and the well-being of each and every one of you is my utmost concern. I will do all that I can to insure your safety. For now I leave you… I will summon you again when I have an update.”

The stifling heat hung down, smothering the passengers. Now that the ship had stopped moving, the breeze no longer cooled the atmosphere. An odor of human sweat, mingling with fear, wafted through the stagnating air. Howls like those of wounded animals came from the crowd. Some fell to their knees as the ship tipped and teetered nauseatingly in the ocean’s waves. Several of the people vomited over the side of the deck. The sound of splashing vomit hitting the water added to the hideous atmosphere of despair.

All four friends stood together, but no one spoke. Each had secretly entertained the possibility of something like this occurring at some point during the voyage, yet none had ever acknowledged their fear aloud, none but Alex.  Now together they faced the realization that they might never leave the
MS St. Louis
to a safe haven.

Anna turned to Alex and took his hand in hers. She gazed up into his eyes. “Whatever happens to us…at least we had this short time together.”

He squeezed her hand. If they were to be sent back to Germany, to the camps
,
he would prefer to die rather than to see her suffer. Alex had seen the concentration camp first-hand. He knew torture, and he’d witnessed suffering. Little Anna…tender, small Anna, like a sparrow… What would they do to her? He could not bear to think of it. In that moment, the coward within him wanted to leap from the deck into the water and drown. But he could not; he would never leave her there alone. Once he knew for sure that they were returning to Germany, he planned to suggest a double suicide to Anna. As much as he cherished life, he saw no other way to save her from suffering.

Manny’s wrath grew as he watched Anna and Alex. What did she see in Alex that she could not find in him? Instead of losing his desire for her, the more he saw them together, the more he wanted her for his own. Even Elke had known his feelings; how was it that Anna and Alex did not? They’d betrayed him, especially Alex. Alex knew he cared for Anna. How could Alex, being his friend, have allowed himself to have feelings for her? Manny, always the optimist, refused to believe that the negotiations with Cuba might be unsuccessful. Instead, he pulled a blanket of denial over his head, assuring himself that it was simply a misunderstanding that would soon be resolved. When they worked all of this out, Manny, Elke, Anna, and Alex would be on their way. But he and Elke would be alone... Alex and Anna would be together.

Elke knew the Nazi mentality firsthand; she’d endured their strange habits since childhood. This turn of events came as no surprise. It would be just like them, she thought, to dangle a carrot of freedom and life in front of all these desperate people, only to thwart it at the very last second. Oh, yes, it is most painful when a dream is taken just as it is about to be realized. That was how the Nazis operated, with the utmost cruelty…pure evil. How often had an SS officer treated her with kindness, bringing her and her mother food? Then, out of nowhere, that same man could turn when he was aroused, and slap her face until her lips and nose bled, or worse. Nazis loved the element of surprise and cruelty, but mostly they worshiped power. And often the supremacy they held so dear became the only method that enabled them to derive sexual pleasure. She’d come to know that. Somehow, she did not believe she would be murdered or sent to a camp. No, not with her blonde hair, blue eyes, and Aryan good looks... She would be tortured in other ways. Her heart pounded with fear as she looked at her three friends. For them she already mourned; they would be tormented in one way, but at least they would be together. For herself, she knew she would be alone, and she lived in terror of what the future held.

Chapter 20

The person who had fallen from the deck of the
MS St. Louis
into the Atlantic Ocean was never recovered. The body could not be located. But it came to be known that only an hour prior to the accident another death had occurred on the ship. An elderly man, already in grave condition when he boarded, had passed away by natural causes. After his quiet burial, at sea the strange incident of the “man overboard” had taken place.

A nervous energy spread through the ship like an influx of lice. Everyone walked around the ship on edge. The elaborate dinner parties that had been taking place in the evenings stopped abruptly, and no one wore formal wear to the dining room anymore. Several relatives of the passengers on board who waited on shore in Cuba charted small vessels and came out to the ship to see their families and to promise to do all they could to ensure entrance to Havana. The captain tried to foster an atmosphere of well-being by demanding that the band continue playing, but now no one got up to dance. People waited in the nail-biting stillness for answers. They prayed; they bargained with God. They hoped against hope for an amicable outcome as the negotiations with Cuba continued.  For the passengers on the
MS St. Louis
knew that the only alternative was death.

Chapter 21

An atmosphere of unspoken contempt grew quickly in the stateroom that Manny and Alex shared. Alex attributed his roommate’s foul mood to the insecure nature of the future of the voyage. Alex was sure that Manny now realized they might all be transported back to Germany, and he was convinced that the reality had hit Manny in the stomach like a punch from a prizefighter. Very little conversation was exchanged between the two. And often Manny took meals alone. The change in his friend concerned Alex, but since he had no answers, he felt that all he could do was allow Manny his freedom to be alone to think things through.

Manny was so caught up in his anger at what he perceived as his friend
’
s betrayal with Anna that he hardly considered the tragic state of the
MS St. Louis
. Instead, he walked the deck, consumed with anger, frustration, and longing for the woman he’d fallen in love with.

Chapter 22

On the fifth day of waiting outside the docks of Havana, the captain came to the passengers again.

“As your captain, I have come to give you an update on our situation. From what I understand, the Cuban government is requesting an additional five hundred dollars per passenger in order to allow entrance. Presently the American Jewish Joint Distribution Committee is in negotiations with the Cuban President. However, some of you already have valid passports.  Those of you with valid passports will be permitted to leave the ship. The others whose passports have been declared invalid will be forced to wait for the results of the negotiations. If you are one of those who will be going ashore, you will be notified. Otherwise, we wait together for answers. I remain your captain. And please be assured, that, as always I will do everything in my power to see you to a safe harbor. Thank you.”

After the captain left, a blood-curdling scream came from the throat of a woman standing at the deck. The passenger beside her had slit his wrist. Blood poured like someone had put a hole in a garden hose. It spilled across the deck in a dark red river, and as the victim moved his body, it splattered on to the clothing of surrounding passengers. Now more screaming ensued. The man who’d cut himself jumped from the deck into the water. When a crewmember saw the incident, he set off the alarm, and a rescue team was sent out immediately. The man was pulled safely onto a rowboat as the rest of the passengers watched in horror, sweating profusely in the hot Cuban sun. Then the bleeding man was taken ashore. No one saw him again.

Alex put his arm around Anna, who shivered in spite of the blistering heat.  She turned her face away from the scene, burying her head in his chest. “Come on, let’s go into the library… It’s quiet there,”Alex said, smoothing Anna’s hair gently.

She nodded and continued to lay her head against his chest as they walked slowly to the library. Anna sobbed so quietly that only Alex heard her. The pain in his heart grew as each whimper sliced into him as if it were his own pain.

“Anna, Anna… Shhh… It’s all right.” Alex whispered the words softly…gently...lying to her…hoping to comfort her… He knew that things didn’t look good. Five hundred dollars per passenger was a steep price… There were almost a thousand passengers... No one could pay such an amount, even if they wanted to. He was sure that the American Jewish Joint Distribution Committee could never collect enough donations to rescue every living soul on board.

Alex and Anna found a private cubicle in the study corner of the library. There, with their hands gripped together, Anna laid her head against Alex. Neither of them spoke.

Then through her tears, Anna tried to smile “Well, if we do go back to Germany, at least…perhaps I’ll see my parents again.”

Alex nodded. “Yes, perhaps.” There was no telling where the passengers would be sent. Alex knew that the chance of Anna seeing her parents were slim, but he couldn’t tell her that…couldn’t bear to see her suffer more than she already did.

“Alex,” she whispered, her voice hardly audible, “I’m a virgin.”

He didn’t answer…didn’t know what to say.

“I don’t want to die a virgin.”

Again, he remained silent.

“Will you come to my room? Will you make love to me, Alex?”

He could no longer hold back, and a single tear ran down his face as he gazed into her lovely eyes. If the Nazis had never come into power this beautiful young girl would be standing beside him under a
chuppah
(marriage canopy). It should not be like this, it shouldn’t, but it is, he thought.

“Yes, let’s go to your room,” he replied.

Before they stood, Alex took the hand that he held in his and brought it gently to his lips. “My beautiful, precious Anna…” he whispered.

They walked to her room in silence, hand-in-hand. Anna was nervous; she had never thought that she would make love to a man who was not her husband. She had waited for marriage, done what her parents told her was right. But in the last few hours, when it seemed that she would never leave the ship safely, that she would most likely be sent to a concentration camp, everything had changed. Her dreams of the future were shattered. She would never stand beneath a
chuppah
, never say I do, never have a husband or children of her own. These precious hours that she was about to share with Alex would be all she would ever have to cherish in life.

They arrived at her room. She had a private room, so there was no roommate to disturb them.

For the first time their lips touched timidly as both of their hearts beat in unison. Alex’s hand caressed the maple-colored hair that fell freely about her innocent face. He cherished every small piece of her as if he were Adam, and had been alone on the earth until God bestowed Eve, the greatest of all gifts, upon him. And he relished that gift… His soul sang out in gratitude for the wonder that was Anna. The sharing of their young love, flesh upon warm flesh, and the life giving force of passion took over as the lovers lay in each other’s arms. Hours passed as they tenderly stroked each other’s skin, offering comfort and tenderness, a safe haven in an uncertain world gone mad. But mostly, they knew that they were creating memories… Memories, they both felt sure, would soon enough be all they had left.

Chapter 23

When Alex returned to his stateroom, Manny awaited him. Somehow, although he could not be sure, instinct told Manny that Alex had been in bed with Anna.

“You stole my girl.” Manny’s face was crimson with anger.

Alex stood looking at Manny, stunned, his arms hanging helplessly at his sides.

“You knew how I felt about Anna… You knew.”

“I knew you liked her, but I hadn’t realized your feelings had become serious.”

“Well, you knew I wanted to be with her.”

“Yes, but I thought it was just a casual thing with you, Manny… For me, this is not a passing fancy. I love Anna.”

Manny could not answer. He could not speak.

“She loves me, too. Soon, we might all be dead. For this moment…for this one moment,Manny, we wanted to be happy… I’m sorry… I’m sorry… The last thing I would ever want to do is to hurt you.”

Alex reached up, as if petitioning the heavens for understanding. And Manny walked out of the room, slamming the door behind him.