The Vicar of Wakefield (18 page)

'How,' cried I to myself, 'shall men so very wicked be chearful,
and shall I be melancholy! I feel only the same confinement with
them, and I think I have more reason to be happy.'

With such reflections I laboured to become chearful; but
chearfulness was never yet produced by effort, which is itself
painful. As I was sitting therefore in a corner of the gaol, in a
pensive posture, one of my fellow prisoners came up, and sitting by
me, entered into conversation. It was my constant rule in life
never to avoid the conversation of any man who seemed to desire it:
for if good, I might profit by his instruction; if bad, he might be
assisted by mine. I found this to be a knowing man, of strong
unlettered sense; but a thorough knowledge of the world, as it is
called, or, more properly speaking, of human nature on the wrong
side. He asked me if I had taken care to provide myself with a bed,
which was a circumstance I had never once attended to.

'That's unfortunate,' cried he, 'as you are allowed here nothing
but straw, and your apartment is very large and cold. However you
seem to be something of a gentleman, and as I have been one myself
in my time, part of my bed-cloaths are heartily at your
service.'

I thanked him, professing my surprize at finding such humanity
in a gaol in misfortunes; adding, to let him see that I was a
scholar, 'That the sage ancient seemed to understand the value of
company in affliction, when he said, Ton kosman aire, ei dos ton
etairon; and in fact,' continued I, 'what is the World if it
affords only solitude?'

'You talk of the world, Sir,' returned my fellow prisoner; 'the
world is in its dotage, and yet the cosmogony or creation of the
world has puzzled the philosophers of every age. What a medly of
opinions have they not broached upon the creation of the world.
Sanconiathon, Manetho, Berosus, and Ocellus Lucanus have all
attempted it in vain. The latter has these words. Anarchon ara kai
atelutaion to pan, which implies'—'I ask pardon, Sir,' cried I,
'for interrupting so much learning; but I think I have heard all
this before. Have I not had the pleasure of once seeing you at
Welbridge fair, and is not your name Ephraim Jenkinson?' At this
demand he only sighed. 'I suppose you must recollect,' resumed I,
'one Doctor Primrose, from whom you bought a horse.'

He now at once recollected me; for the gloominess of the place
and the approaching night had prevented his distinguishing my
features before.—'Yes, Sir,' returned Mr Jenkinson, 'I remember you
perfectly well; I bought an horse, but forgot to pay for him. Your
neighbour Flamborough is the only prosecutor I am any way afraid of
at the next assizes: for he intends to swear positively against me
as a coiner. I am heartily sorry, Sir, I ever deceived you, or
indeed any man; for you see,' continued he, shewing his shackles,
'what my tricks have brought me to.'

'Well, sir,' replied I, 'your kindness in offering me
assistance, when you could expect no return, shall be repaid with
my endeavours to soften or totally suppress Mr Flamborough's
evidence, and I will send my son to him for that purpose the first
opportunity; nor do I in the least doubt but he will comply with my
request, and as to my evidence, you need be under no uneasiness
about that.'

'Well, sit,' cried he, 'all the return I can make shall be
yours. You shall have more than half my bed-cloaths to night, and
I'll take care to stand your friend in the prison, where I think I
have some influence.'

I thanked him, and could not avoid being surprised at the
present youthful change in his aspect; for at the time I had seen
him before he appeared at least sixty.—'Sir,' answered he, you are
little acquainted with the world; I had at that time false hair,
and have learnt the art of counterfeiting every age from seventeen
to seventy. Ah sir, had I but bestowed half the pains in learning a
trade, that I have in learning to be a scoundrel, I might have been
a rich man at this day. But rogue as I am, still I may be your
friend, and that perhaps when you least expect it.'

We were now prevented from further conversation, by the arrival
of the gaoler's servants, who came to call over the prisoners
names, and lock up for the night. A fellow also, with a bundle of
straw for my bed attended, who led me along a dark narrow passage
into a room paved like the common prison, and in one corner of this
I spread my bed, and the cloaths given me by my fellow prisoner;
which done, my conductor, who was civil enough, bade me a
good-night. After my usual meditations, and having praised my
heavenly corrector, I laid myself down and slept with the utmost
tranquility till morning.

A reformation in the gaol. To make laws complete, they should
reward as well as punish

The next morning early I was awakened by my family, whom I found
in tears at my bed-side. The gloomy strength of every thing about
us, it seems, had daunted them. I gently rebuked their sorrow,
assuring them I had never slept with greater tranquility, and next
enquired after my eldest daughter, who was not among them. They
informed me that yesterday's uneasiness and fatigue had encreased
her fever, and it was judged proper to leave her behind. My next
care was to send my son to procure a room or two to lodge the
family in, as near the prison as conveniently could be found. He
obeyed; but could only find one apartment, which was hired at a
small expence, for his mother and sisters, the gaoler with humanity
consenting to let him and his two little brothers lie in the prison
with me. A bed was therefore prepared for them in a corner of the
room, which I thought answered very conveniently. I was willing
however previously to know whether my little children chose to lie
in a place which seemed to fright them upon entrance.

'Well,' cried I, 'my good boys, how do you like your bed? I hope
you are not afraid to lie in this room, dark as it appears.'

'No, papa,' says Dick, 'I am not afraid to lie any where where
you are.'

'And I,' says Bill, who was yet but four years old, 'love every
place best that my papa is in.'

After this, I allotted to each of the family what they were to
do. My daughter was particularly directed to watch her declining
sister's health; my wife was to attend me; my little boys were to
read to me: 'And as for you, my son,' continued I, 'it is by the
labour of your hands we must all hope to be supported. Your wages,
as a day-labourer, will be full sufficient, with proper frugality,
to maintain us all, and comfortably too. Thou art now sixteen years
old, and hast strength, and it was given thee, my son, for very
useful purposes; for it must save from famine your helpless parents
and family. Prepare then this evening to look out for work against
to-morrow, and bring home every night what money you earn, for our
support.'

Having thus instructed him, and settled the rest, I walked down
to the common prison, where I could enjoy more air and room. But I
was not long there when the execrations, lewdness, and brutality
that invaded me on every side, drove me back to my apartment again.
Here I sate for some time, pondering upon the strange infatuation
of wretches, who finding all mankind in open arms against them,
were labouring to make themselves a future and a tremendous
enemy.

Their insensibility excited my highest compassion, and blotted
my own uneasiness from my mind. It even appeared a duty incumbent
upon me to attempt to reclaim them. I resolved therefore once more
to return, and in spite of their contempt to give them my advice,
and conquer them by perseverance. Going therefore among them again,
I informed Mr Jenkinson of my design, at which he laughed heartily,
but communicated it to the rest. The proposal was received with the
greatest good-humour, as it promised to afford a new fund of
entertainment to persons who had now no other resource for mirth,
but what could be derived from ridicule or debauchery.

I therefore read them a portion of the service with a loud
unaffected voice, and found my audience perfectly merry upon the
occasion. Lewd whispers, groans of contrition burlesqued, winking
and coughing, alternately excited laughter. However, I continued
with my natural solemnity to read on, sensible that what I did
might amend some, but could itself receive no contamination from
any.

After reading, I entered upon my exhortation, which was rather
calculated at first to amuse them than to reprove. I previously
observed, that no other motive but their welfare could induce me to
this; that I was their fellow prisoner, and now got nothing by
preaching. I was sorry, I said, to hear them so very prophane;
because they got nothing by it, but might lose a great deal: 'For
be assured, my friends,' cried I, 'for you are my friends, however
the world may disclaim your friendship, though you swore twelve
thousand oaths in a day, it would not put one penny in your purse.
Then what signifies calling every moment upon the devil, and
courting his friendship, since you find how scurvily he uses you.
He has given you nothing here, you find, but a mouthful of oaths
and an empty belly; and by the best accounts I have of him, he will
give you nothing that's good hereafter.

'If used ill in our dealings with one man, we naturally go
elsewhere. Were it not worth your while then, just to try how you
may like the usage of another master, who gives you fair promises
at least to come to him. Surely, my Friends, of all stupidity in
the world, his must be greatest, who, after robbing an house, runs
to the thieftakers for protection. And yet how are you more wise?
You are all seeking comfort from one that has already betrayed you,
applying to a more malicious being than any thieftaker of them all;
for they only decoy, and then hang you; but he decoys and hangs,
and what is worst of all, will not let you loose after the hangman
has done.'

When I had concluded, I received the compliments of my audience,
some of whom came and shook me by the hand, swearing that I was a
very honest fellow, and that they desired my further acquaintance.
I therefore promised to repeat my lecture next day, and actually
conceived some hopes of making a reformation here; for it had ever
been my opinion, that no man was past the hour of amendment, every
heart lying open to the shafts of reproof, if the archer could but
take a proper aim. When I had thus satisfied my mind, I went back
to my apartment, where my wife had prepared a frugal meal, while Mr
Jenkinson begged leave to add his dinner to ours, and partake of
the pleasure, as he was kind enough to express it of my
conversation. He had not yet seen my family, for as they came to my
apartment by a door in the narrow passage, already described, by
this means they avoided the common prison. Jenkinson at the first
interview therefore seemed not a little struck with the beauty of
my youngest daughter, which her pensive air contributed to
heighten, and my little ones did not pass unnoticed.

'Alas, Doctor,' cried he, 'these children are too handsome and
too good for such a place as this!'

Why, Mr Jenkinson', replied I, 'thank heaven my children are
pretty tolerable in morals, and if they be good, it matters little
for the rest.'

'I fancy, sir,' returned my fellow prisoner, 'that it must give
you great comfort to have this little family about you.'

'A comfort, Mr Jenkinson,' replied I, 'yes it is indeed a
comfort, and I would not be without them for all the world; for
they can make a dungeon seem a palace. There is but one way in this
life of wounding my happiness, and that is by injuring them.'

'I am afraid then, sir,' cried he, 'that I am in some measure
culpable; for I think I see here (looking at my son Moses) one that
I have injured, and by whom I wish to be forgiven.'

My son immediately recollected his voice and features, though he
had before seen him in disguise, and taking him by the hand, with a
smile forgave him. 'Yet,' continued he, 'I can't help wondering at
what you could see in my face, to think me a proper mark for
deception.'

'My dear sir,' returned the other, 'it was not your face, but
your white stockings and the black ribband in your hair, that
allured me. But no disparagement to your parts, I have deceived
wiser men than you in my time; and yet, with all my tricks, the
blockheads have been too many for me at last.'

'I suppose,' cried my son, 'that the narrative of such a life as
yours must be extremely instructive and amusing.'

'Not much of either,' returned Mr Jenkinson. 'Those relations
which describe the tricks and vices only of mankind, by increasing
our suspicion in life, retard our success. The traveller that
distrusts every person he meets, and turns back upon the appearance
of every man that looks like a robber, seldom arrives in time at
his journey's end.

'Indeed I think from my own experience, that the knowing one is
the silliest fellow under the sun. I was thought cunning from my
very childhood; when but seven years old the ladies would say that
I was a perfect little man; at fourteen I knew the world, cocked my
hat, and loved the ladies; at twenty, though I was perfectly
honest, yet every one thought me so cunning, that not one would
trust me. Thus I was at last obliged to turn sharper in my own
defence, and have lived ever since, my head throbbing with schemes
to deceive, and my heart palpitating with fears of detection.

'I used often to laugh at your honest simple neighbour
Flamborough, and one way or another generally cheated him once a
year. Yet still the honest man went forward without suspicion, and
grew rich, while I still continued tricksy and cunning, and was
poor, without the consolation of being honest.

'However,' continued he, 'let me know your case, and what has
brought you here; perhaps though I have not skill to avoid a gaol
myself, I may extricate my friends.'