The Velvet Rage (29 page)

Read The Velvet Rage Online

Authors: Alan Downs

BOOK: The Velvet Rage
13.66Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
Counter-blame
Crash and lash syndrome
Cravings
Creativity of gay men
Criminal behavior
Crisis in vicious cycles
Crisis of identity.
See
Identity crisis
Crisis of meaning
compared to identity crisis
described
foreclosure of
resolved through acceptance
Crisp, Quentin
Cruelty of children
Cultivating authenticity as stage three
acceptance of self
achievement
as beyond shame
confusion relating to
contentment in
deconstructing, redefining, previous life
with foreclosure on ambiguity
journey of
rage dissipates
struggles of
validation achieved
visibility diminished
Culture of gay men
Cycles.
See
Vicious cycles
Cynicism
Damage
of denial of sexuality
of rage
of shame
Deconstruction
Defensive behavior
Denial of sexuality
with anger
anonymous sex
anti-gay activities
and bisexuality
damage of
depression from
discussed
as dishonest
exposed by family, friends
and hypersexuality with women
in identity crisis
in relationships
and shame
splitting
and substance abuse
in vicious cycle
while acting straight
Dependence
emotional
on others
physical
Depression
in compensating for shame
from denial of sexuality
and fear of aging
as gay men's malady
in identity crisis
and invalidation
in relationship trauma
in stage two
Despondency
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
Differences
hiding of
realization of
Different-ness
Dishonesty
Disorders.
See
Borderline Personality Disorder
Dissociative Identity Disorder
Distress of identity crisis
Dying vs. aging
Emotional abandonment
Emotional absence of fathers
Emotional abuse
Emotional dependence
Emotional memories
Emotional safety net
Emotional validation
Emotional violence
perpetrator of
victim of
Emotional woundedness
Emotions
in ambivalent relationships
anxiety
from childhood sexual abuse
distance created by secrets
invalidation of
joy
loneliness
managed by sex
needing to subside for life choices
as overwhelming
pain, distress
and process addiction
See also
Inhibited emotion; Meta-emotions; Positive emotions
Environment
Erhardt, Werner
EST
Fantasies, homoerotic
Fathers
admiration for
background of
distance from
emotional absence of
influence of
invalidating sons
love for
as models
relationships with
resentment of
traits of
validation of
Fear of rejection
Feelings
of ambivalence
of being flawed
expressed impulsively
homoerotic
of shame
See also
Emotions
Feminine qualities
First relationship.
See
Relationship, first
Flaws
feelings relating to
of gay men
Focusing on the present moment (skill)
Foreclosure
on ambiguity
of crisis of meaning
of identity crisis
vs. resolution
as soul purging
in stage three
as stress reliever
Forgiveness
as default, with reality accepted
to increase joy
Freedom
and crisis of meaning
cultivating authenticity
Fulfillment
Gambling
Gay boys
Gay ghettos
Gay men
with age issues
and betrayal
and childhood sexual abuse
comfortable in women's company
creativity of
culture of
as disabled
disadvantages of
fashion of
fathers of
as flawed
hostility, social attitudes, towards
humor of
mothers of
network
non-support of
as outrageous
as puppets
rejection of
self-esteem, self-image
stereotype of
urban
as vulnerable
Gay men, maladies of
anxiety
depression, despondency
emotional wounds
self-hatred
substance abuse
suicide
Gay men, needs of
commitment
family, stable home
fulfillment, happiness
love
societal approval
stability
validation
Gay men's life, stage one.
See
Overwhelming shame as stage one
Gay men's life, stage three.
See
Cultivating authenticity as stage three
Gay men's life, stage two.
See
Compensating for shame as stage two
Gentility vs. rage
Guilt
Healing
Helplessness
Heterosexual identity
Hiding
of differences
of rage
of truth
HIV-positive
counseling patients, families
diagnosis requiring acceptance
and honesty
and internal rage
as life-changing diagnosis
Homer
Homoerotic fantasies
Homoerotic feelings
Homophobic straight men
Honesty
vs. impulsive expression of feelings
required for authenticity
required for integrity
Hopelessness
Hostility towards gay men
Humor
Identity crisis
causing late identity formation
denial of
depression, distress, caused by
foreclosed upon
impacted by coming out
rage
relief
resolutions
and retreat into straight life
and shame
stage one relating to
stage two relating to
Iliad
(Homer)
Infatuations
Infidelity
Influence
of fathers
of first relationship
of relationship trauma
Inhibited emotion
problems of
rage as
shame as
Inner peace
basing life choices on
increased by doing skills
Innocence
loss of
seen in others
Integrity
attainment of
contentment relating to
mindful
self-worth relating to
See also
Honesty
Internet sites
Intolerance.
See
Judgmentalism
Invalidation
active reactions to
and depression
of emotions
of fathers
hypersensitivity to
low tolerance for
mutual
passive reactions to
perceived
sex as source
vs. validation
Joy
from changing behaviors
components of
as emotion
as how life is lived
increased by doing skills
and love
repeated, leads to passion
vs. validation
Judgmentalism
about others and self
vs. trustworthiness
See also
Nonjudgmentalism skill
LeDoux, J.E.
Lesbian women
Life choices
as behaviors
delayed until emotions subside
as geographic moves
increasing inner peace
Loneliness
Los Angeles Times
newspaper
Love
contentment relating to
for fathers
joy relating to
lack of
as meta-emotion
as need, craving
of parents
of self
vs. shame
Magritte, Rene
Maladies.
See
Gay men, maladies of
Masculine stereotypes
Memories, emotional
Men
as defining culture
fathers' influence on
See also
Straight men;
under specific Gay men headings
Meta-emotions
love as
passion as
Mistakes, admission of
Models, fathers as
Money, sex for
Moods, management of
Moses
Mothers
as caretakers
feminine qualities of
as loving
as nurturing
over-validation of
relationship with
NBC Nightly News
television program
Need
for approval
love as
for parents
See also
Gay men, needs of
Network of gay men
New Orleans writer's life
New York Times
newspaper
Nhat Hanh, Thich
Nonjudgmentalism skill
Nurturing
Obsession with youth
On Becoming Peace
(Nhat Hanh)
“Out.”
See
Closet; Coming out
Overwhelming shame as stage one
avoidance of
behavior
coping with
damage of
denial relating to
difficulties of
in identity crisis
and infatuations
reacted to with abandonment
and sex
suicide
trysts
as tumultuous
vicious cycles in
See also
Relationships in stage one; Shame
Owning your side of the street (skill)
Palimpsest
(Vidal)
Panic
Parents
abandonment by
affection of
attention of
cravings satisfied by
love of
needs satisfied by
See also
Fathers; Mothers
Passion
code of
and contentment
discovery of
and joy
as meta-emotion
through conquering toxic shame
Perfection façade
Peter Pan
Phobia about aging
Physical abandonment
Physical abuse
Physical dependence
Playground, rejection on
Pornography
Positive emotions
and accepting reality
being present in the moment
vs. expressing distress
leading to happy life
nonjudgmentalism towards others, self
Power
Praise
Primary emotion
Process addiction
behavior
consequences of
as dependency
emotions relating to
food as
gambling as
high price for
internet sites as
moods regulated by
pornography as
sex as
shopping as
Protection, craving for
Pseudo-apologies
Pseudo-self
Psychological trauma (PTSD)
Psychological well-being
Psychotherapy
childhood insights as insufficient
emotions reinforced by expressing
fathers as role models
HIV patient counseling
joy from therapeutic encounters
value of owning feelings
Pursuit of sex
Queer Eye for the Straight Guy
television program
Rage
vs. anger
avoidance of
channeled by humor
crash and lash syndrome
damage of
definition
emergence of
vs. gentility
in identity crisis
as inhibited emotion
intensity of
and shame
speed of
in stage three
and validation
velvet glove hiding
Rage, targets of
Reciprocal blame
Recognition
Reconstruction
Rejection
of children
fear of
of gay men
on playground
Relationship, first
bitterness, cynicism, from
as disaster
influence of
loss of innocence in
sexual fulfillment in

Other books

About a Girl by Joanne Horniman
Blind Luck by Scott Carter
My Best Frenemy by Julie Bowe
Sidewinder by J. T. Edson
Nightingale by Jennifer Estep