The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women (4 page)

The more attention you pay to your sphincter muscles, the easier it will be to begin to relax them. Because the two muscles work in tandem, you can encourage the internal sphincter to relax by relaxing the external sphincter. Many people have found that by exercising and strengthening their PC muscles they can have more control of their sphincter muscles. PC muscle exercises will help you get in tune with the feelings in your pelvic area, increasing your sensitivity and responsiveness. The exercises will also tone the pelvic muscles, making them more flexible and more receptive to pleasurable sensations; plus, when you exercise the PC muscles, other muscles in the area are also exercised and strengthened. (For exercise examples, see Exercising Your PC Muscles below.)

Women and men who regularly exercise their PC and pelvic muscles report some very positive benefits: heightened pelvic sensations and greater anal sensitivity; increased pleasure during clitoral stimulation, and during vaginal and anal penetration; more control over orgasms; and better, more intense orgasms. As with any exercise regimen, this should be performed daily for best results. If your muscles seem tired at first, don’t worry—that’s normal. The harder the exercises are for you, the less toned your PC muscles are, and the more you need a workout. Use your common sense, and don’t overdo it to begin with. If you experience any pain while doing them, see a doctor.

Some of the following exercises are called Kegel exercises, named for the physician who first popularized the theory of exercising PC muscles; others are
those recommended by health care professionals.
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You can do the exercises lying down, sitting, or standing. You can also do them during masturbation or foreplay; you’ll get a work out in addition to increasing blood flow to the area and upping your arousal.

 

FINDING THEM: In order to locate your PC muscles, pretend that you are trying to stop peeing (or while you are peeing, you can actually stop the flow of urine). The muscles you contract to stop the flow are your PC muscles. If you put your finger on your perineum—the area between your vagina and your anus—while you do this exercise, you can feel the contractions.

 

NICE AND EASY: Take a deep breath and while you inhale, contract the muscles and hold the contraction for a few seconds. Then exhale and relax the muscles. This combination of inhale/contract and exhale/relax is what your body does naturally. You can do about a hundred repetitions per day.

 

QUICK AND CLEAN: Take a deep breath and this time while you inhale, tighten and release the muscles repeatedly (about ten times), then exhale and relax. Try to do these contractions as quickly as you can. Twenty to fifty sets a day is recommended.

 

SUCK IT IN: For this exercise, inhale and pretend you are sucking water inside your vagina and anus. Then exhale and bear down, pushing out that imaginary water. You will exercise your pelvic muscles and your stomach muscles. For best results, do ten to thirty each day.

 

SHAKE IT GIRL: Renowned anal health expert Jack Morin recommends moving your body while you do your pelvic exercises: “I suggest combining the Kegel exercises with lots of free movement in a variety of settings. The positive effects of this movement will be limited, however, if you hold your pelvis rigid while moving the rest of your body. In fact, habitual, chronic, pelvic ‘holding on’ is one major reason why so many people need Kegel exercises. Holding the pelvis requires muscular tension which restricts movement. Restricted movement allows muscles to deteriorate.”
³
Try combining the exercises with walking, running, dancing, or simulating a hula-hoop motion.

Just inside the anus is the anal canal. The anal canal is about one to two inches long and leads into the rectum. The same soft tissue that makes up the anus comprises the anal canal, so it is very sensitive to touch and stimulation. The walls of the anal canal are comprised of tissue that, like that of the clitoris and penis, becomes engorged from increased blood flow during arousal. When the sphincter muscles are relaxed, the anal canal will expand during arousal, although it will still feel “tighter” than the rectum because of the sphincter muscles.

Beyond the anal canal is the rectum, which is eight to nine inches long; the rectum is made up of loose folds of soft, smooth tissue. It is wider than the anal canal and can expand more than the anal canal when you are aroused. Unlike the vagina, the rectum is not a straight tube, but has a subtle curve to it. The lower part of the rectum curves toward your navel. After a few inches, the rectum curves back toward your spine, then toward your navel again. The rectum and colon both curve laterally (from side to side) as well; whether to the right or the left will vary from person to person. These curves are part of the reason that anal penetration should be slow and gentle, especially at first. Each person’s rectum and its curves are unique, and it is best to feel your way inside the rectum slowly, following its curves, rather than jamming anything straight inside. Just as the vagina is most sensitive at its opening, the anal opening and anal canal are more sensitive then the rectum.

Men’s and women’s anal anatomy is very similar with one important difference: women have a G-spot and men have a prostate gland, both of which can be stimulated during anal penetration. Named in honor of the German gynecologist Ernest Grafenberg who was the first to write about this sensitive spot in the 1950s, the G-spot is also known as the urethral sponge.
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The G-spot is located behind the pubic bone; it surrounds a portion of a woman’s urethra, and can be felt through the front wall of the vagina, about an inch to two inches inside the vaginal opening. It’s much easier to find the G-spot when a woman is aroused, because during arousal, the sponge will swell and become more pronounced. If you slip a finger inside the vagina and curve toward the front of the body , you’ll locate the G-spot, which will feel spongy, a distinctly different texture than the smooth tissue around it. For many, but not all women, stimulation of the G-spot is very pleasurable and may lead to orgasm. Most women who like G-spot stimulation prefer firm, deliberate pressure and stimulation rather than a light touch. The urethral sponge contains paraurethral glands and ducts that fill with fluid; some women are able to ejaculate this fluid. This is known as female ejaculation or vaginal ejaculation.

So what’s the G-spot got to do with anal pleasure for women? During anal penetration, especially in certain positions, many women can experience indirect G-spot stimulation. A thin membrane is all that separates the vaginal cavity from the rectal cavity, and if pressure is applied at the
right angle during anal penetration, the G-spot can be stimulated. In fact, plenty of women can have what they describe as a “G-spot orgasm” (the same orgasm they have from direct G-spot stimulation) during anal penetration, and some can ejaculate from anal penetration alone. Because it develops from the same embryologic tissue as the male prostate gland and produces fluid similar to prostatic fluid, the G-spot is often called the “female prostate.”

The prostate is a gland that surrounds part of a man’s urethra; it’s behind the pubic bone, below the bladder, and above the base of the penis. A mass of muscle, glands, and connective tissue, the prostate is about the size and shape of a walnut; it produces ejaculatory fluid that combines with sperm and fluid from the seminal vesicles to create male ejaculate.

Men can experience direct prostate stimulation when they are anally penetrated. You can find the prostate two to three inches into the ass and toward the front of the body. Like the G-spot, it’s easiest to find when a guy is turned on. As he becomes aroused, the prostate gland fills with fluid, swells, and becomes more prominent. Prostate stimulation can be a big source of pleasure for men; it can enhance genital stimulation as well as lead to orgasm. Many men can have an orgasm without ejaculation or ejaculate only prostatic fluid as a result of prostate stimulation. For more information on prostate stimulation, see chapter 12.

 

NOTES

1
Jack Morin,
Anal Pleasure and Health
; Cathy Winks and Anne Semans,
The New Good Vibrations Guide to Sex
(San Francisco: Cleis Press, 1997); Roselyn Payne Epps and Susan Cobb Stewart, eds.,
The American Medical Women’s Association Guide to Sexuality
(New York: Dell Books, 1996); James H. Grendell, M.D., Kenneth R. McQuaid, M.D., and Scott L. Friedman, M.D., eds.,
Current Diagnosis and Treatment in Gastroenterology
(New York: Simon & Schuster, 1996); and San Francisco sex educator Robert Morgan, personal conversations.

2
These exercises are recommended in
Anal Pleasure and Health,
by Jack Morin, and
The Complete Guide to Safer Sex from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality,
edited by Ted McIlvenna (Fort Lee, NJ: Barricade Books, 1992).

3
Morin,
Anal Pleasure,
59.

4
Beverly Whipple, John D. Perry, and Alice Khan Ladas,
The G Spot: And Other Discoveries About Human Sexuality
(New York: Owl Books, 2005).

 

QUOTES AND SIDEBARS

Toni Bentley,
The Surrender: An Erotic Memoir
(New York: ReganBooks, 2004), 87.

Bert Herrman,
Trust: The Hand Book (A Guide to the Sensual and Spiritual Art of Handballing)
(San Francisco: Alamo Square Press, 1991), 45.

Our emotional, psychological, and spiritual well-being play a major role in our erotic lives, and our experiences of anal sexuality are no exception. Anal play can be exceptionally psychologically-charged for some of us because of our own emotional issues or negative ideas associated with the ass. Listen to your heart, trust your instincts, and, above all, communicate with your partner.

There really is no faking it in anal sex. Your body, mind, and psyche all must be in agreement that you want to have anal sex. Don’t have anal sex because you think it’s what your partner wants. Or because your partner is pressuring you to do it. Or because you’re afraid that you won’t be a desirable lover if you don’t do it. Take responsibility for your erotic likes and dislikes—figure out what they are and then communicate them to your partner. If you aren’t wholeheartedly gung ho about getting your ass fucked or you’re harboring some unresolved issues, those emotional and
psychological feelings will absolutely have an impact on your physical experience. Desire is a key ingredient to hot, satisfying anal sex, and if it’s missing, you can experience tension, discomfort, and pain. If you try it and don’t like it, then that’s okay; anal sex just isn’t for you, and you should respect your own desires.