The Trouble With Love (27 page)

He snorted then picked up his pen and wen
t back to work on his crossword, ignoring her again.  Fine by her...if he was occupied she could go find
out
where the other guy was sleeping.
  She filled her glass with water, drank a little then poured out the rest in the sink.  "Well, goodnight then..." she looked over his shoulder as she passed by and said, "the word is p-r-i-c-k...as in poke with a needle," she laughed, then walked on by feeling his eyes burning her back.

When she got to the hall, she went into the bathroom and checked the window and
found out
it would open, so she left it unlocked, but pulled it back down.  If she couldn't get the other agent's phone, she'd have to settle for going out that window to walk to a convenience store or something.
 

There were only four bedrooms in the house, and since she didn't see him on the sofa when she'd passed through the living room, she could only assume he must be in one of them. 
There was one bedroom on the main floor, so she went there
first
and eased the door open and saw that it was empty.  Gabe was in the room next to hers, so the only place he could be was in the one at the other end of the hall upstairs.

She went up the stairs and turned left and
walked down the hall, then
stopped at the bedroom door, her heart racing and her mouth dry. 
Her hand trembled over the doorknob then she sucked in a breath and turned it slowly.  It was dark inside, but there was a night light plugged in beside the bed
,
where she saw the agent covered up to his neck with a pillow over his head, and it lit up the night stand.  His gun was laying on the night stand and his cell phone was beside it.

Sabrina shoved the door open inch by inch then ti
ptoed across the thick carpet to the nightstand.  When the agent in the bed snorted in between snores, she almost dropped to the floor, but his breathing, and snoring, evened out again, and she let out the brea
th she'd been holding herself.

Trembling before, her hand was now shaking violently, as she closed it around the cell phone, then turned and ran on her tiptoes back to the door.
  She quietly closed the door and released the knob then ran back to her bedroom and
went inside, locking the door.

There was no way she was going to try and put the phone back where she'd gotten it from
after she  made the call.  S
he'd just put it on the counter in the kitchen, and hope he thought he'd left it there.
 

Walking across the room she sat on the bed and just breathed for a minute, trying to get her rampaging heart rate back to normal. 
Once she could breathe right again, she smiled and dialed Cole's cell phone number.  When he didn't answer, and she got his voice mail, she figured there was no reason to leave a message, since he couldn't call back.  Just hearing his voice though made her heart squeeze inside of her chest, and tears burn her eyes.  She missed him so damned much...missed being held in his arms.
 

Next, she
tried his house phone, and got the recording there too.  This was her one chance to find out how he was doing, and she wasn't going to waste it.  Maybe he was at the Double B with Cassie and Luke, she thought, then dialed the number.
  She let out a relieved breath when Cassie picked up on the third ring.

"Hey, Cassie...it's Sabrina," she told her knowing she wouldn't recognize the number.

"Oh, hey girl!  How're you doing?" Cassie said with glee.

"Not so good...this protective custody thing sucks.  I'm going crazy..."
  Crazy didn't begin to describe her current emotional state.  She'd stolen a freaking FBI agent's phone, for
g
od's sake, because she was so desperate for outside human contact...desperate for Cole.

"Yeah, I'll bet," Cassie said then hesitated, "You know when you'll be done with all that?"

"Two or three weeks?  They haven't really said for sure..."
  If this wasn't finished in two or three weeks, she was out of here.  She planned on telling Ms. Whitmore that tomorrow.  This was like
she
was in jail, instead of the criminals.

"Cole's in bad shape, Bri...I'm worried about him."

Sabrina sat up on the bed and whimpered, emotion clogged her throat when she asked, "Oh, my
g
od--is his wound infected?  I've been so damned worried about him too."

"No, his wound is fine. He's finally up on crutches now..." Cassie told her.

"What's wrong with him then, did something else happen?" Oh Lord, Cole sure didn't need anything else wrong with him.  A bullet in the leg was more than enough...too much.

"You guys broke up, right?" she asked curiously.

"Well...I sort of went off on him, before I left with the FBI at the hospital.  He was being his
bossy
self, and said something that set me off..."

"He thinks you broke up with him, and he's in a really bad funk, Bri."

Sabrina groaned, that's what she'd been afraid of.  "I haven't been able to call, they took our cell phones and wouldn't let us use theirs."

Cassie snorted, "Do I want to know how you're calling me now?"

"Probably not..." she chuckled then asked, "Is Cole there, I really
need
to talk to him."

Dead silence filled the line and lasted for at least thirty seconds, then Cassie said, "He and Luke went out to the bar
in
Bowie
."

"He's really missing me, huh?" Sabrina
said sarcastically with a snort.  Tears overflowed her eyes and she felt them track down her cheeks. 

Panic surged up inside of her
at the thought
he was moving on
,
because he thought she'd dumped him
.  T
hen it was replaced by anger
,
because he would get over her so quickly
,
when he said he loved her.
  And here she'd risked herself to get her hands on a phone to call his ass because she was worried about him.
 

"I've got to go." she told Cassie then disconnected the line.

Sabrina
got up off of the bed to go to the kitchen and try and put the cell phone on the counter, but halfway across the floor a sharp pain sliced through her midsection and she dropped to her knees and bent her arm over her waist
.  W
ith a giant sob she couldn't hold in
, Sabrina
laid down on the floor and curled into a ball trying to make it stop.  She knew
relief
would be a long time coming though. 

This was the kind of pain that took years to recover from for her...like when Kenny had died.
  If
Cole
could get over loving her in a week and feel up to going out tomcatting in the bar in Bowie, then it surely wasn't the kind of love
--he wasn't the kind of man--
she
wanted, or needed in her life.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Luke had stopped after his first beer, and just played waiter for Cole, who definitely didn't stop at his first beer, or even his seventh.  Cole was leaning back against the seat watching the pretty colors whirl behind his eyelids when cars passed them and the headlights shone through the windshield.  After beer number five, he'd only thought about Sabrina ever hour or so, instead of every minute they'd been in the bar. 

Now that it was quiet and they were headed back to the Double B
though
, she was all he could think of.
  He was going to try to write that letter to her again when they got home.  Sure, being drunk wasn't the optimal time for lucid thinking, but Cole felt like it would help him get the words down that he really meant
,
if he wasn't thinking too hard.

They pulled up in front of the Double B and Luke got out and came around to help him inside.  Luke was a very good friend and Cole appreciated his help, because he was afraid without it
,
he was going to fall flat on his fucking face when he got out of the truck.
  Just like he'd felt when Sabrina had dumped him at the hospital.

Instead of helping him slide down out of the truck
,
Luke tossed him over his shoulder in a fireman's carry then grabbed his crutches with the other hand, before kicking the truck door shut. 

The bouncing was making him feel a little green and he burped loudly.  "Hey, Slick...slow down a little bit or I'm gonna paint your ass," Cole told him then hiccupped.

"
You're not a lightweight, man, and
I'm having to carry your
drunk
ass, the least you can do is shut up and enjoy the ride." Luke told him with a laugh then bounced him up three steps to the front porch.

When they got inside, Luke set him down and handed him the crutches.  "You think you can make it to the bed without falling?"

Cole nodded then wished he hadn't when his head started spinning.  Cassie came into the entryway
in her housecoat, her arms folded under her breasts and her face a solemn mask.  The light from the living room shining behind her kind of made her look like she had a halo on
her head
, Col
e thought.  If she was an angel, he
though
t
, she wasn't a very happy one right now.  He thought maybe she was mad at Luke for staying out so late.  
"Thanks for loaning me Luke tonight, sugar," he slurred then smiled.

"Sabrina called for you," she told him flatly.

Feeling lightheaded, Cole wobbled on his crutches then swallowed back the bile that surged up into his throat. "
She called
!?!"
he shouted then felt his eyes water and closed them. 
Goddammit
, she'd called and he'd been out getting drunk and missed
her call
. 

Cole
really did want to hurl.
 
"What did she say?"
he asked then groaned and slapped a hand to his forehead, where it felt like his brain was sloshing around inside his skull.

"She was worried about you and wanted to talk to you," Cassie told him and put a hand on her stomach.

"Shit...what did you tell her?"
his gaze flew to hers and he didn't like the strange sparkle there...at all.

"I told her the truth...that you and Luke had gone to the bar in Bowie."

"
Fuck!
" Cole howled then put a hand over his mouth and held his breath until he composed himself. "Is she going to call back?"  God, he hoped she said yes.

"I don't think she'll be calling back, Cole...after I told her she said something like "He's really missing me, huh?" then hung up the phone.  I'm so sorry
,
"
Cassie told him and he saw her eyes glittering with tears.
"If she hadn't hung up so fast, I'd have tried to smooth things over...but she almost hung up in my face."

Luke piped in, "It's not your fault, darlin'...." then walked over and pulled her into his arms.

"No it's
my
fucking fault...the whole
fucking
thing is my fault.  I just screwed up the best damned thing that's ever happened to me, and there's no fixing it now."

Cassie ran over to him and hugged his waist, "Don't give up
,
Cole...she really does love you
, s
he wouldn't have called otherwise.
  S
he just doesn't realize how much you love her.  Figure out some way to show her."

That was the thing...Cole had no idea of how to do that.  He was just a clueless man, who knew nothing about relationships.  He'd told Sabrina that
from the get go
...had definitely shown
her
that
to
o,
over and over.
 

Cole was at his wits end about what to do with Sabrina...he loved her, but he had no confidence whatsoever that he'd ever be able to make her happy, even if he did get her to forgive him...
or
talk to him again.  This damned cycle would repeat itself again and again, until he slowly went stark raving mad.
..and she hated him.  That was something he couldn't accept. 

She deserved to be happy, and he
needed to accept that he
wasn't the man for the job.

"Nah, I'm done, sugar.  S
abrina
deserves to be happy...and I don't know how to make that happen."
  Cole shook his head and used his crutches to wobble down the hall to his room.

The next morning Cole felt like he'd taken hits to his head with a baseball bat, and his mouth felt like he'd harvested the cotton crop on the back acreage with his mouth.  He rolled over and threw an arm across his eyes, trying to block the bright sunlight coming in through the sheer curtains on the window.

He laid there that way a few minutes trying to jump start his sluggish brain, then the events of the night before came crashing back to him.  Sabrina had called and he'd missed the call...not only that Cassie had told her he was out with Luke and that had sealed the deal on their relationship...on any other relationship for him as well.  He'd come to the conclusion they weren't for him.
  In his drunken stupor last night that had been easier to accept.  In the light of day, not so much.  But he
had
to accept it...and move on. 

Sabrina deserved better than he could give her emotionally.  His love just wasn't enough.

Cole shoved up on his elbows and flinched at the pain that pierced his skull. It was almost as bad as the one piercing his heart.  He was going home today, it was time for him to reclaim his life...the one that didn't include Sabrina.

***

"Oh, hey, Sheriff..." Elmer
said when he
came bouncing into his office,
then he
stopped mid-stride
and
his face fell.  "I didn't know you'd be back so soon.  I was just about to have our staff meeting."

"Staff meeting?" Cole asked curiously.  They had morning roll call with the day crew before they headed out for the day, but they'd never called it a staff meeting.

Elmer's face got red and he shuffled his feet, "Yeah, I arranged for us to have a weekly staff meeting with Julie Beth and the mayor's assistant, and the clerical crew every week so we could stay on top of things."

Cole was afraid he knew what they were staying on top of...town gossip.  Julie Beth was the conductor of the
Bowie
gossip train...and Elmer wasn't far behind.
  "Cancel it. We don't do staff meetings, Elmer.  If they need to know something they can come and ask."

"But, Cole..." he whined and took another step inside the office.

"Cancel it." he repeated more firmly.  "And come back in here when you're done, we need to talk."

Elmer nodded and turned around toward the door, "You sure you're feeling up to coming back so soon, Sheriff?"

"
Yes
, Elmer, now go!" he told his Chief Deputy shortly then ran a hand through his hair.

Traffic detail was where Elmer was headed, Cole had to get him out of here...he needed peace.  Dropping his head onto his hand
, he
took deep breaths trying to find the balance he'd somehow managed to lasso this morning after his shower. 

He wasn't fucking sleeping, but that was to be expected.  It would get better soon, he hoped.  Exhaustion and police work weren't a good pair.
 

After he'd left the Double B,
Cole had
spent a week at his house trying to come to terms with losing Sabrina...trying to get his head on right. 
The quiet at his house had just given him more time to think than he wanted.  He finally couldn't stand it anymore, so he decided to come back to work and see if the distraction of being busy would help him.  Something had to help...eventually.

Elmer came back in and sat in the chair in front of his desk
, then asked, "What'd you want to talk about Sheriff?"

"We need someone on traffic duty, El...and I can't think of a better man for the job," he told him hoping inflating his ego would help him agree.

"Aw, Sheriff...you know I hate that.  Isn't there something else I can help you with...reports maybe? I've been behind on those," he told Cole.

"Why are you behind on the reports?" Probably because he was too damned busy setting up staff meetings to feed the gossip mill.

"We've had a lot of calls lately, and I had to go out and make sure they were handled right."

"Handled right?" he asked.  Cole hadn't heard anything about any calls that would require supervision while he was out.  Luke had kind of kept an eye on Elmer, dropping into the station now and again, and all he'd reported to Cole was they had some loose cattle calls and a bar fight or two...typical Bowie stuff.

"Yeah, I instituted a new policy for the deputies...when they go on a call, they have to wait for a supervisor to show up and assess how they perform.  Thought it would be a good way to make sure they're giving good customer service."

"Customer service?" Cole felt blood rush from his chest and up his neck to
scald
his face.

"Yeah, you know...make sure the community is happy with what we're doing for them."

"The community pays us to keep the peace and protect them.  They don't give a
damn
about how
nice
we are while we do our job!  That was a
bonehead
move Elmer.  It delays our response times to calls and could mean someone
gets
killed if
we're delayed getting to a scene
!"  Cole stood up and leaned on his desk toward Elmer.  "If they don't like how we're doing our job they can file a complaint
with the Mayor's Office
!  Do you get that Elmer?"

Elmer cleared his throat and nodded then said, "Yes, Sheriff...I didn't think of it that way
."  Cole saw him wiggle in his chair like he was about to bolt out of the office.

Cole's breathing was erratic, and fury boiled inside of him like lava.  He took a step back and tried to rein it in, because all of it wasn't because of Elmer.  He needed to be more aware of that, he thought.  This wasn't how he normally spoke to his employees.  The deputies that worked for him were used to a laid back, affable kind of boss...not a raging maniac.

"Take your radar gun and go set up at the city limit. I've noticed a lot of speeders there where the limit changes.  There's a school near there, and one of the kids could get hurt.  I want you there
until I tell you otherwise
."