The Trouble With Love (25 page)

Luke chuckled and told him, "That's just the way I like it, too."

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

It had been a week since he'd seen Sabrina, and Cole was going nuts.  He
missed her so much his heart wanted to shrivel up like a raisin, every time he thought about her.  The impact of her absence was compounded by the fact he knew she was pissed off at him, had basically told him she was done with him, before she walked out of that hospital door.  And he couldn't even apologize to her...beg her to forgive him for being an ass.

So here he sat, in front of the fucking television, munching on Fritos, while
Sabrina
was out there somewhere, hating him. 
Even though Imelda piled up his plate every meal, like he wasn't going to eat again for a week, Cole had taken to munching between meals too.  Because he was bored...and depressed.  With every day that passed, it seemed his lip got longer and his mood darker.  He'd even yelled at Cassie yesterday when she'd tried to give him some magazines to keep him occupied.  Yet another thing he needed to apologize for.

Cole popped another chip in his mouth and chewed it to dust then swallowed
, and picked up the glass of sweet tea Imelda had left him on the coffee table
.  He knew sitting on his ass here wasn't going to get him anywhere.  He had to get up and do something, get moving, or he'd be in this wheelchair a lot longer than he could tolerate.
..but he couldn't make himself do it.  Maybe a few more days of kicking back and he'd do it...maybe not.  He just didn't have the gumption to do anything
,
without the spunky sexy woman he loved
by his side
.

"Howdy, boy..." Carl Bellamy, Cassie's dad, walked in limping slightly, and said.  "I came in to watch my soap...got hung on it while I was laid up
,
"
he laughed then finished, "But don't you tell anybody, they'll think I'm one of them sissies."

Cole offered him the bag of chips and finished his tea, then set the glass down,
and handed him the remote
.  "Guess, I'll just go take a nap," Cole said then unlocked the brake on the wheelchair.

"Shouldn't you be up on crutches by now?" Carl asked him as he sat down on the couch and punched buttons until he found the right channel.

"Yeah, probably...just don't feel like it right now.  If I'm in the way, let me know and I'll head home."

"You're
not in the way, Cole...you're always welcome here, you know it....y
ou'r
e just not acting like yourself," Carl told him then pinned him with his gray eyes.  "
What's got you so down in the mouth
, boy
?"

Cole shrugged.
  He
wasn't about to dump his problems on Cassie's old man.  He hadn't even done that with his own dad before he died.  If he couldn't work it out, he talked to Luke, but Luke was so busy worrying about his pregnant wife, there was no way Cole was going to dump on him either. 

His best friend had enough to deal with right now with all the horses Cassie had added to their
stable
, and the
n the
cattle herd he and Luke
now
owned together
. 
There w
ere
also the crops on the back one hundred acres of the Double B he was getting ready to harvest soon.
  No, he wasn't going to dump on his best friend, his plate was overflowing.

"
This about that pretty little filly who was out here helping Cassie
Bee
?
"  Cole's eyes flew up from the box of Twinkies he'd been reaching into to get his next snack.
  How the hell did Carl Bellamy know about him and Sabrina, he wondered.

Yeah
,
the
FBI
put her into protective custody...I'm just missing her
, I guess
."

"You sweet on her?" Carl asked and smiled, then popped a chip in his mouth.

Cole hesitated a long time, debating on how much to tell him.  It seemed like one question was leading to another here, and before long C
arl
would have
him s
pill
ing
his guts.
  Maybe he needed to.
  "
I love her...asked her to marry me
...
but she's so pissed off at me, she probably won't even talk to me now."

"What the hell did you do?  I thought you rescued her from that gang that kidnapped her...she shoulda been thankful for that, right?"

"You'd think
, huh?
..." Cole shook his head then said, "She
was
thankful...it's what I said to her later that was the problem.  Seems like I'm always sticking my foot in it with her."

Like he was at a theater watching a movie, Carl listened raptly, and rustled another chip out of the bag then asked, "What'd you say?  Couldn't be that bad."

Cole groaned and admitted, "Oh, it's bad...I was a jackass.  She told me the FBI asked her to go to work for them and I freaked out.
..told her in no uncertain terms that wasn't happening.
"

Carl hooted then slapped his thigh and said, "What a bonehead thing to do!  You don't know women at all do you, son?"

"Looks that way, huh?" Cole rubbed a hand over his face then looked at Carl, "The bitch of it is I can't even tell her I'm sorry...they won't let me talk
to her, until after the trial.
"

"Send her a letter...I used to write my wife letters all the time.  Women love that
stuff
."

Cole huffed out a
frustrated breath, "I don't
even
know where she is."

"Maybe those
FBI
fellas
at the front gate can get it to her," Carl suggest
ed
, but his attention was only half on Cole now and half on what was happening on the TV
program
he wanted to watch.

This old man was smarter than he looked, Cole thought, that was a fucking
fantastic
idea!
 
Smiling for the first time in a week, Cole asked the leathery old man,
"You got some p
aper and a pen I could borrow?"

"In the office next to your
r
oom..." Carl said then leaned back on the couch, getting comfortable to watch the rest of his program.  "Go on...I wanna finish watching my show," he said and pointed at the television.  "That Beth woman is gonna
try to steal Jasmine's
baby
...this is some good stuff."

Cole chuckled and told him, "Thanks, Carl..." then wheeled himself down the hall to the office.
  Hope surged up inside him that this might actually work. 
He could apologize and let her know how he felt...how much he was missing her.
Even if she didn't write back, maybe just putting it all down on paper would make him feel better.
He just hoped the guys at the front
gate would
agree to
deliver
it
to her
.

Wheeling into the office, Cole grabbed the yellow tablet off the desk and a pen then wheeled himself to his room.  This was going to take some thought...and privacy...he had to get it right.  His whole damned life depended on it.

Two hours later, Cole was sitting in the middle of the big bed in his room, grinding his jaw in frustration, swimming in wadded up yellow balls of paper.  He huffed a frustrated breath then tossed the half-used pad down on the bed beside him
and
squeezed the pen so tight he thought it might snap.
  All the words he'd tried to put on those balls of paper, didn't begin to tell Sabrina how he felt about her.  They all felt weak, inadequate, sort of how he was feeling right abou
t now.

Luke walked into the room, sweaty and tired looking, but he
glanced
around the room and grinned at him.  "You trying to learn origami or something?"  Cole growled and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Okay this shit has to stop, Cole...you're better than this," Luke told him and waved at the paper strewn all over the room.

"I'm not better than anything, Slick.  I'm done, finished,
toast
," Cole turned laid down on the bed
, punched the pillow that had been behind his back, then
he
turned his back to Luke.  "Just leave me alone for a little while."

Cole heard Luke unwad one ball of
paper, then another
.  He
groaned then sat up and faced Luke,
then
slid to the side of the bed
grabbing
for the paper in Luke's hand.  "Just leave me the fuck be, Luke." 

Luke stepped back and continued to read then looked at him with narrowed eyes.
  Emotion surged up in Cole's throat and he said quietly, "Give that to me, Luke
..." then
put his hand out.

Shaking his head, Luke handed the papers to him.  "Don't try to flower it up, Cole...just tell her how you feel in here," he took a step then put his finger on Cole's chest.  "I know you're torn up, and I'm sorry.  I'd tell you she'll come around, but I'm not sure she will.  Prepare yourself for the worst, man...I don't need you falling apart on me."

Cole sucked in a deep breath trying to dam up the emotion trying to force itself out in
to
the open.  He would not lose it in front of Luke...he wouldn't.  He nodded
at Luke,
wadded the paper up and threw it across the room,
then p
ut his f
ace in his hands
and rubbed his eyes with the heel
s
of his hands. 

"Get yourself dressed, I'm going upstairs
to
get cleaned up.  I'm getting you out of this house...
you need a little cowgirl therapy
."

"That's the last fucking thing I need," Cole told him, looking at all the paper on the floor wondering how he was going to pick it up with his bum leg.

"Ok, you need some Bud therapy then..."

"What I need is Sabrina..." he said in a choked voice and felt his lips tremble over the words.

"Get dressed, Cole...and that's an order."

Cole gave him a middle finger salute, and Luke laughed
then
walked out of the room.  As much as Luke was trying to make him feel better, Cole knew that wasn't going to happen
,
until he got Sabrina back.
..or until he gave up and tried to forget her.
  But a few beers might help him forget for a little while, he thought, and got up to get dressed.  He'd worry about picking up the paper, and pieces later.

Luke dropped him in front of the bar
before he parked,
so
Cole
didn't have to walk all the way from the station on his crutches.  He was getting used to them.  As much as he'd avoided using them at the Double B, it was good to be on his feet again
, although, it hadn't been so easy to get dressed in something other than the sweatpants he'd been wearing
.
  He'd had to ruin a good pair of Wranglers to get them to fit over his bandage, and that had pissed him off, but he'd gotten his boots on
too
, which felt good.

He was leaning on his crutches in front of the bar waiting for Luke, and a pretty blond cowgirl smiled at him before she walked into the bar.  He'd tipped his hat and returned her smile, but felt absolutely no spark of interest. 
And she definitely had been his type...before Sabrina. 
It was like Sabrina had ruined him for all other women...and that pissed him off. 

He'd have to get over that if he eventually gave up on chasing her.  No way was he going to be alone for the rest of his life
,
because
Sabrina
was too stubborn to
accept he was human and made mistakes,
realize he loved her, and
w
as truly trying to change to make her happy.
 
He'd told her he had no idea what the hell he was doing as far as relationships went
, and that was the truth
. 
But her turning off on him like she did when she got
mad
, tossing him to the curb and not talking, that wasn't something he could deal with.