The Top Ten Things Dead People Want to Tell You (13 page)

Yet … you’re strengthened by the “good.” You see it expanding wider and faster than the “bad,” bolstered by everyone’s more powerful inclination to choose love. You see that there’s time within eternity for all to majestically rebound. That nothing goes wasted and every experience expands God. That everyone eventually learns whatever they came to learn and returns to love; that everyone makes it “home,” whole and complete, more than who they were. That there are an infinite number of second chances. And unmistakably, even as you see your greatest disappointments and mistakes, you feel that you’re still absolutely adored. You
physically
feel it. And while you can’t begin to understand this, you know it’s true because
you’re understood
. You know that everything is going to be okay. You understand that healing, for everyone, including you, is nonstop.
That the setbacks were foreseen as possibilities.
That everyone who crossed paths (or “swords”) with you did so aware of the probabilities involved; they knew what might happen, and from the zenith of their brilliance they issued a commanding “YES!”

Everyone eventually learns whatever they came to learn and returns to love.

H
ELP
T
HEM
H
ELP
Y
OU
H
ELP
Y
OURSELF

But just as you wobbled, slipped, and made mistakes that brought pain to others, those who’ve done so to you are deeply sorry for the interactions in which you suffered. Interactions, in fact, that made it possible for them to see what they formerly couldn’t. The dead are pressed all the more in gratitude to help those in pain halt or completely avoid a series of unfortunate events, especially as they now see what you can’t: how easy it is, how strong you are, and how much more life has to offer those who let go of the past.

A S
ERIES OF
U
NFORTUNATE
E
VENTS

If you, dear reader, are in a place of continued pain “caused by” others, living or dead, these tips can swiftly change your orbit to one that is more peaceful, loving, and fulfilled.

Groundhog Day (without Bill Murray)

Don’t dwell on the past. It draws your attention away from all that’s happening in the present.
Plus
it ensures that each of your subsequent life experiences will be tainted by the trauma of whatever was once said or done. Which will only trigger negative feelings, which will trigger negative behavior and choices, which in turn will trigger more negative manifestations. What goes around comes around (as in your thoughts coming around into more of those things you don’t like). Just as the rich get richer and the poor get poorer, the bitter grow more bitter, with ever-expanding reasons to be bitter. Dwelling upon what once hurt you will only bring new surprises, new losses, more disappointments—
new reasons
to be hurt.

Leave Reruns to TV Networks

Your recovery is further impeded, and unpleasant manifestations compounded, when
your own focus on the past
invites the misguided sympathy or well-meant overattention of those who want to demonstrate their compassion by confirming that what happened to you was indeed awful, destructive, immoral, disgusting, shameful, harrowing, damaging, icky-gross … and that’s just their warm-up. All of which,
if you play along,
only serves to create or confirm misbeliefs in your powerlessness, vulnerability, and victimhood. The “if you play along” part of that last sentence is all-important.

Now that you’re discovering your power, you may wonder,
What about my negative friends/spouse/co-workers? Must I dump them?
Of course not. They obviously have some great qualities, too, or you never would’ve been their friends or married them, right? You like the same movies, laugh at the same jokes, and basically have fun together. You aren’t as corruptible as you think. Just don’t let their thoughts become your own. Don’t abdicate this highest of all responsibilities: to think for yourself. You’re learning this. Your inner powers are consolidating. By all means, defuse the negative chatter when you can, but whether or not you succeed, don’t play along. Far more importantly, realize that no one else’s moaning, lamenting, or complaining can change the new life track you’re on. You are unstoppable now, naturally more positive than negative, inclined to succeed, and born to thrive.
Olé!

Fighting Phantoms

Seek not to fix or change others, especially when they’ve hurt you. Neither should you find excuses for their behavior or “learn to love them”—however good a sound bite the latter makes. What will serve you most is to create as much space as possible within which to heal, be distracted, and fill your life with new friends, ideas, and adventures.

Einstein said that problems cannot be solved with the same mind-set that created them. The same can be said for manifestations and
their
mind-sets. Instead of tangling with what has already been created, turn your attention away and create anew.

“No” is never forever. You need not make sweeping declarations of what you will or won’t do, or who you will or won’t see. Not that it’ll be easy. Not that you won’t often recall better or worse times from the past. Just do your best; it’ll always be enough. And leave the past to your biographers.

How Not to Be Special

Those who have
never
been seriously violated usually take it for granted that everyone has challenges—after all,
they
have challenges. Those who
have
been seriously violated can fall prey to the illusion that everyone else pretty much has a “normal” life, comparatively challenge-free, and doesn’t have to deal with the sometimes intense doubts and fears that plague them. This often leads the violated to draw the false conclusion that the violation is at the root of their every quiver, sensed inadequacy, or embarrassing awkwardness, further complicating their anguish.

If the violated could peek at the worldviews of others, they would be utterly shocked to find that
everyone has issues
comparable to their own post-violation issues. Not that the violations weren’t horrible or unusual. Not that these events haven’t changed their lives. Not to diminish the gravity of the offenses. But there’s no such thing as an unchallenged life. And whether or not a person’s challenges are visible to others, or greater or lesser than others may have experienced, doesn’t change the fact that they exist. What happens between two or more people is a
co
-creation; what happens afterward—your reactions to what happened and your subsequent choices—
is solely your own creation
. It’s not as important that you understand why or how you got involved as it is that you seize any gifts you can from whatever happened between you and the other person and use them to deliberately craft your life going forward.

The key to your freedom has been with you all along.

L
ET THE
L
EGEND
B
EGIN

This
is what the “dead” want to tell those they’ve hurt. They’re sorry, but you needn’t wallow or waste any more time over the past. They’re sorry for the obvious reasons, and equally for what is not obvious: spoiling your thinking, sending you on wild goose chases, and contributing to your difficulty in knowing that it’s “normal” to doubt yourself. Everyone does. Everyone at times feels lacking, undeserving, or inadequate.
Everyone has issues; they’re essential to the great adventure of life.
Including the very challenges you may now have, “compliments” of a prior violation. They seed dreams to overcome them that launch you into the world as a powerful, deliberate Creator. You are not vulnerable; you are indomitable. And you will know this faster and more surely than those who are not blessed to have as challenging a history.

The key to your freedom has been with you all along. You’re an ancient gladiator of love and joy who jumped at the opportunity to visit earth during these formative years to help spark some new thinking, see what you might make of things, share a few smiles, and help others live deliberately as they discover that they are as awesome as you.

The old belief systems that were once a comfort to you for the excuses they made possible have been outgrown. They need to be shed, just as a cocoon that once protected a chrysalis must fall away for the butterfly to emerge.

Warm and Fuzzy but Limiting Beliefs

1. Time is fleeting; I may have only one chance to get things right.
   
2. Opportunity only knocks once.
   
3. The early bird gets the worm.
   
4. I must be on guard against evil.
   
5. Luck (or its absence) is an uncontrollable component of every life.
   
6. We are not the only ones who control our future.
   
7. Life is a test and then we die.
   
8. There are bad people in the world.
   
9. Random and unpredictable things happen in every life.
   
10. I could have been more except for what happened to me.
    

Beliefs Beyond Forgiveness

1. Time and space set the stage for a lifetime of creating.
   
2. Opportunity never stops knocking.
   
3. There are enough worms for all the birds.
   
4. There is no evil other than what I choose to see.
   
5. I create my own fortunes and misfortunes; my thoughts become things.
   
6. The Universe conspires on my behalf, wanting for me what I want for myself.
   
7. Life is part of an unending adventure.
   
8. Everyone is doing their best and is of good intent.
   
9. Within every situation there is meaning, order, healing, and love.
   
10. I am more because of what happened to me.
    

D
ROP THE
B
LAME
; P
REPARE FOR
L
IFT
-O
FF

With understanding flooding your senses more and more, a new irony appears on your radar:

Forgiveness is only necessary when first there’s blame.

The second lie needs the first lie. Withdraw the blame and forgiveness becomes a moot point.

To cast blame means to not understand that you create your reality, and such a blind spot can rob you of your power to live deliberately today and in the future. It prevents you from accepting responsibility for shaping the rest of your life. After all, if someone could randomly wreak havoc in your life before, which is what blame implies, it could happen again! When there’s blame there’s a belief that bad things can happen to good people for no reason.
You don’t want to believe this any longer.

Yet it’s no wonder forgiveness is such a challenge in the world today: people believe the illusions are real and circumstances can randomly render you damaged goods. They can’t. Nothing can. Not even yourself. The dead would have you skip the whole quandary from the git-go and accept responsibility for everything. Then, with evolving clarity and more confidence in your power, you can also realize deep down that everyone is your friend, everything makes you more, and the sky is the limit for all you can still achieve.

R
EALITY
C
HECK

If this is indeed a chapter for you because of pain you’ve endured from earlier traumas and violations, and now you feel torn over which road to take, consider that none of what you’ve just read means the violator is off the hook. Violations are not okay. You did not deserve what happened. And each of your violators will one day have to “walk in your shoes.” These points were made earlier, and because they’re so important to understand, they’ll be revisited later. To remain on point in this chapter, those who have hurt you, who’ve now moved on, are sorry. They want you to know this. They want you to live again.

They want you to know that it’s okay to love life, love the process, love yourself, and to the best of your ability love those who may still harm you, not because they deserve it
but because you do
. This is how to claim your rightful power. Your tormentors, past, present, and future, are lost in their own confusion and anguish. They didn’t set out to hurt you, but to make some sense of a world that was hurting them. Your earlier thoughts—whether of confusion or love—combined with their thoughts, and the lessons for each of you began. You’ve been learning what serves you, and they’ve been learning what serves them. You each made this possible for the other.

Those who have hurt you are sorry. They want you to know this. They want you to live again.

Loving them doesn’t mean you have to stay with them, heal them, or even give them the time of day. It may mean reporting them to the police, meeting them in court, or becoming their teacher, whether from a distance or through others. It means remembering that they, like you, are doing their best and that the two of you are just learning what works and what does not.

G
REAT
G
ETTING
G
REATER

Life is
not
just about learning tough lessons, but the last two chapters have been the hard ones. There are easier and happier ones to follow. You wanted it all, remember? Not just the candy-coated edition. Besides, even the hard chapters, when read through with eyes wide open and seen for what they offer, brim with excitement and possibilities, laying to rest old notions that truly robbed your thunder.