The To-Do List (40 page)

 1193. And those ridiculously expensive Maharishi trousers you bought and wore only once  . . .

 1194. And the grey John Smedley jumper that Claire shrunk in the wash  . . .

 1195. And the black John Smedley jumper that Claire shrunk in the wash  . . .

 1196. And the grey and yellow striped John Smedley jumper that Claire shrunk in the wash  . . .

 1197. Buy a shirt requiring cuff links.

 1198. Get an Oyster card for when I’m in London.

 1199. Find extended warranty for iPod  . . .

 1200. And for new digital camera  . . .

 1201. And for the old TV.

 1202. Try and work out who’s who on
EastEnders
.

 1203. Buy new festive outdoor lights.

 1204. Do the lottery if only because it’ll give me and Dad something extra to talk about.

 1205. Stop thinking a meal isn’t complete without pudding.

 1206. Eat more raw food.

 1207. Try Goji berries.

 1208. Eat more fruit.

 1209. Listen to the
Today
programme.

 1210. And the
Archers
.

 1211. And in fact more radio in general.

 1212. Get Leeds-based car showroom to change their burglar alarm dialler number which has been phoning my mobile phone on and off since February.

 1213. Learn to enjoy surprises.

 1214. Buy subscription to
Men’s Health
.

 1215. Edit wardrobe.

 1216. Buy tie hanger.

 1217. Buy digital thermometer.

 1218. Listen to Claire’s medieval music without grimacing.

 1219. And again on behalf of wife try to listen to Crash Test Dummies without yelling, ‘Will someone stop this racket now!’

 1220. Work out my carbon footprint.

 1221. Try to eat daily 5 portions of fruit and veg.

 1222. Be more encouraging.

 1223. End fatwa against Royal Sun Alliance  . . .

 1224. Set clock in conservatory to the right time.

 1225. And the one with Indesit  . . .

 1226. And the one with BQ’s kitchen installation service.

 1227. And the one in our bedroom  . . .

 1228. And the one on the CD player.

 1229. Tune in Channel Five properly on the TV.

 1230. Transfer ISA to one with a better rate.

 1231. Institute a casual Friday policy at work.

 1232. Stop worrying about death  . . .

 1233. And the likelihood of people trying to steal your identity  . . .

 1234. And potentially fatal diseases  . . .

 1235. And whether or not you’re a good dad.

 1236. Worry more about eating properly  . . .

 1237. And the meaning of life  . . .

 1238. And how you’re going to get this next novel finished on time.

 1239. Look after your lips.

 1240. Stop being tied to your mobile.

 1241. Try to buy more seasonable products.

 1242. Find out exactly what Hedge Fund managers do to make all that cash.

 1243. Chillax more.

 1244. Collect together all the random photos lying about the house without a frame and frame them.

 1245. Do something with the old Christmas wrapping.

 1246. Buy tube of Superglue.

 1247. Clear out shed.

 1248. Pick up Lydia more often from pre-school.

 1249. Do something with huge rubber band ball on desk.

 1250. Work out how to transfer calls from one telephone handset to the other so that when Claire’s mates call I don’t have to get up and find her.

 1251. Label one of our two cordless phone ‘his’ and the other ‘hers’ so that if I ever do need to answer a call I’ll know where my phone actually is rather than chasing around the house with my ear to the ground like some kind of idiot.

 1252. Increase iron levels.

 1253. Finish off the huge tub of multivitamins that you bought when the news about ‘bird flu’ first broke.

 1254. Take a bag with me whenever I go shopping.

 1255. Spend more time doing nothing.

 1256. Buy a humane spider catcher.

 1257. Clean under microwave.

 1258. Create a weekly spending budget and stick to it.

 1259. File Claire’s old tax statements because if you leave it to her it will never happen.

 1260. Get rid of all joke presents of the fluffy washing-up gloves/executive miniature snooker table variety.

 1261. Be more generous.

 1262. Talk less. Listen more.

 1263. See if conditioning hair makes ANY difference whatsoever.

 1264. Try to reduce your water consumption.

 1265. Do something with last year’s Christmas cards instead of just leaving them stuffed in the cupboard where you keep the board games.

 1266. Visit the RSC.

 1267. Sort out dodgy toenail.

 1268. Compost.

 1269. Go ice-skating.

 1270. Record new out-going message on home phone.

 1271. Record new out-going message on office line that doesn’t state your mobile phone number incorrectly.

 1272. Get rid of all audiotapes since you no longer have a tape deck.

 1273. Discover something new about your locality.

 1274. Delete all old files from laptop hard drive.

 1275. Delete all old files from desktop hard drive.

 1276. Watch
Ghost World
DVD.

 1277. Clean windows.