The Sweetest Kill: A Young Adult Paranormal (16 page)

“I’m trying to save your life.” He growls.

My mouth falls open and my eyes go wide, as his words echo through my mind. It makes as much sense as it makes no sense, whatsoever. Tobias suddenly swears lowly under his breath and turns away from me. I slowly sink back down to the edge of my bed and let myself process this. Yeah, it still makes zero sense.

He wants to keep me alive? Why? What makes me so special compared to the many he’s killed? He is an angel of death, a murderer for survival and yet he feels pity enough to think I need to be saved? If anything, I need to be put out of my misery. Tears starts escaping from my eyes as a thick haze of despondency starts to wrap around me. It was never going to be easy, not with him, not this way.

“You need to leave.” I whisper, “You need to go.”

“Shoshanna…“

“Go away!” I yell, my tears falling freely now, “You lied to me.”

“Yes but it was for your own good.”

“My own good?” I spit, getting to my feet again to stand before him, “You know nothing about me. Yet you’re going to stand there and pretend that you know what’s best for me? You are no better than those fucking doctors at the hospital, do you know that? Take a pill, forget your troubles and live. That’s all they want, just live. But this, being like this, isn’t living!”

By the time I’m finished, I’m fighting for air. I can feel it, the impending anxiety attack. The room starts spinning and my heart is racing in my chest. My hands are shaking uncontrollably at my sides and I ball them into fists, but it doesn’t help. A sheen of sweat comes across my forehead and I feel like I’m going to vomit. My eyes are looking wildly all over the room, I can’t focus on anything.

“I can’t… ” I sob, shaking my head, “I can’t… ”

I feel a cold hand on my face and I push it away. I can’t be touched, not right now, not when everything is spinning out of control. I need to sit down. I need to focus. I know exactly what I need. Stumbling towards the bathroom, I push open the door and fall to my knees in front of my sink. I throw everything that gets in my way onto the floor below. Where is it? Where is it?

My wrist is suddenly grabbed and Tobias starts to drag me out of the bathroom. I struggle to get to my feet and stumble to the ground instead. Rolling onto my back, I’m uncontrollably shaking as I stare at the ceiling. Tobias growls under his breath before scooping me up in his arms. Being confined almost makes it worse. I instinctually start flailing in his arms, but he only tightens his hold around me.

He grabs my chin and I look at him through heavily lidded eyes. I think I’m going to pass out. Tobias’ bright red eyes search my face quickly, before he pushes my head to the side and bites into my shoulder. I gasp sharply at the quick pain before it starts to fade into that undeniable warmth. I relax against him, as he begins to suckle at my neck and everything swirling around in my head comes to a halt. No more chaos. Just… bliss.

I am faintly aware when he retracts his teeth from my neck, when I feel the gentle brush of his tongue on my skin. I feel my heart starting to slow down and try to take in slow breathes, as my head swims with warmth. I lay my head on Tobias’ shoulder, not bothered by his closeness anymore. I’m too wrapped up in the relief I feel.

My body keeps having the odd tremor of shaking, but for the most part, I’m calmed down and exhausted. An anxiety attack is a full body experience. My mind absently shifts to Dr. Reynolds. For this, he’d be very disappointed with me. He’s been doing a more cognitive based therapy, for now. Mostly, making me identify and challenge my negative thoughts. But it’s only a matter of time, before he switches to exposure therapy. I shudder at the idea. I’m not ready to confront my fears. Not at all.

“When do you see this Dr. Reynolds of yours?” Tobias asks, bringing me back into the present.

I scowl weakly at him, as I grumble, “Get out of my head.”

“Is it always like that?”

“Is what always like what?” I snap defensively.

“Your panics. Are they always so… overwhelming?”

I look at him slightly annoyed, but not surprised that he dipped in my head. Dr. Reynolds would love that ability, I think, to get in my head like Tobias can. It’s unnatural though, and though I’m becoming more used to the idea, I still don’t like it. My head and thoughts are my own. I don’t need anyone digging around in it.

“You were projecting very strongly. Practically screaming in your head.” He comments, clearly hearing more of my thoughts, “Now that you’ve drank more of my blood, the bond is stronger.”

“So I’m easier to read.” I conclude.

“Quite.”

I sigh heavily and lay my head on his shoulder again, “Yes, it’s always like that. Sometimes worse.”

“What triggers it?”

“This time?” I ask before giving him a brief dirty look, “You being an asshole.”

He laughs, that deep belly laugh I like. I feel my stomach lurch with butterflies. I try to remind myself that it’s not a sign of anything good. I know the facts. The butterfly thing is just my body’s flight or fight response. My stomach muscles get sensitive during that time and mix with neurons, telling me I’m upset about something. That being said, I can admit, that the butterfly thing is much more poetic.

“You swear at me a lot in your head,” Tobias grins.

“You’d think you’d take the hint.”

“Aggravating you is half the fun, Shoshanna.”

I purse my lips and mutter, “Ass.”

Looking down, I realize that he’s still holding me. I immediately start trying to get off his lap and surprisingly, he lets me. I move to the farthest end of my bed and pull my legs against my chest. I’m shaking again, but this time, it’s not all over, just my hands. I wrap them around my legs and lock them together. Balancing my chin on my knees, I peek up at Tobias to see him peering at me curiously.

“What?” I mutter.

“Why don’t you like to be touched?”

His words automatically lift up any shields my brain can make, “None of your business.”

“I thought we were past all this.” He groans, running a hand throughis dark hair.

“Well, you thought wrong. I don’t even know why you’re still here. The deal is obviously void now.”

“And I told you before, the deal is over when I say it’s over.”

“But you’re not living up to your end of it. What am I getting out of it?”

He considers this a moment before shrugging, “Bucket list?”

I snort out a laugh, before glancing at him with amusement, “Funny.”

“We have around six weeks left.” He says in a persuading tone, “Let’s just continue for the time allotted, and once it’s done, it’s done. If you wish, I’ll be out of your life and you can do to yourself whatever you want.”

“You won’t interfere?” I ask doubtfully.

“I’m sure I’ll be far too busy to even give it a thought.”

I twist my mouth as I consider it. Six weeks, just six weeks. I can do that I think. Taking a deep breath I unlock my fingers and offer my hand, “Shake on it?”

He grins widely, showing fangs, as he takes it in his, “Always a pleasure doing business with you, Shoshanna.”

I quickly take my hand back and lock it with its twin again. I have a feeling I’m going to regret this, but I’m not quite sure how yet. Either way, it’ll be interesting to see what he comes up next.

Genesis

It’s nearly been two days since the new deal was struck, and Tobias hasn’t really left my apartment. In turn, I haven’t really left my apartment either. But then again, I never leave my apartment. He watches me go about my day, trying to ignore him, with fascination. His own word, not mine. I feel like some kind of science experiment he’s watching in its natural habitat. It’s unnerving and also extremely creepy.

He’s left twice to feed, only an hour or so, but swears he hasn’t killed again. I’ve been checking the news just in case, and so far, he’s clean. In fact, according to the news, there hasn’t been any bodies for nearly a week. It left the police baffled. I, on the other hand, feel a bit better, knowing this was all for something. That maybe, me staying alive has served some kind of benefit outside of myself.

“You think too much.” He mumbles from beside me.

I sigh heavily. Yes, I said beside me. He’s insisted that if he’s staying over, he should sleep in my bed with me. I told him he could just leave if it was such an issue, but you can see how well that worked. Surprisingly though, he hasn’t touched me. Not even in his sleep has he touched me. While I was rigid as a rock during the first couple nights, I’ve slowly relaxed into this bizarre routine we’ve created.

I turn my head to see Tobias’ eyes are closed, as he lays on his back beside me. He’s dressed in jeans and… well that’s it actually. Just his jeans. It’s distracting, having a person sleeping beside you who is half naked. I often find myself memorizing every contoured piece of his exposed pale skin. He’s muscular, just not overly so. Just enough to show his strength without feeling like he could crush you with one hand. Even, if in truth, he can.

“If you don’t like it, you can leave.”

He opens one crimson eye to give me a flat look, “Don’t start that all up again.”

I shrug and turn my head back to stare at the ceiling, “Just saying.”

I sense his fingers hovering, before I actually see them. I turn my gaze towards him, but I don’t move my head, only to see his long pale fingers extended towards my neck. He’s been doing that more often. Not touching, but hovering over patches of skin. This time, he’s hovering over the scarred area of the receptionist’s bite mark. It doesn’t look like my other healed bite marks. This one has healed terribly, with ridges and bumps where more scar tissue were needed.

“It doesn’t hurt anymore.” I assure him quietly.

“But it hurt when it was happening.” It wasn’t a question.

I answer it anyway, “Yes. Why is that?”

Tobias frowns a little, “Why what?”

“Why did it hurt when she bit me, but not when you do?”

“Because you’re bonded to me.”

Now I frown, “But it didn’t hurt the first time. I wasn’t bonded to you then.”

He sighs and turns to look at the ceiling too, “Then I don’t know what to tell you, Shoshanna.”

I study his profile. His nose is reminiscent of those old Greek statues. The ones with the slight upturn at the end, but perfectly straight the rest of the way. His forehead has the bump just above his brow line, and his full lips have that curve over his top lip. His dark eyebrows and hair, contrast so much with the paleness of his skin, that he reminds me of a male Snow White. I can see his dark, almost purple veins, under his skin like a road map. Glancing up, I realize I’ve been caught.

Averting my gaze, I feel my cheeks heat. Luckily, he doesn’t say anything and I let out a low exhale in relief. I know I shouldn’t be giving him any more reasons to think I like him. I would never allow anyone else to sleep beside me. I chalk it up to the fact that he feels not only familiar, but oddly safe. He’s kept, for the most part, within my boundaries and only does what I allow.

A knock on my apartment door has me jumping nearly out of my skin. I scurry to my feet and rush over to the door to peek through the peephole. My stomach drops to my toes, as I see the distorted image of my mom. I stumble back from the door in full panic, but also relieved I didn’t give her a key. Shit, shit, shit! What do I do?

“Shoshanna, what’s…“

I tackle Tobias down on the bed, landing on top of him with a grunt, as my hand covers his mouth. I don’t have time to think about the fact I’m straddling him, on my bed, while my mother stands outside my apartment door. The only thing I can think about is getting him to shut up, so I can think of a plan. His red eyes are wide with surprise, when I glance down at him and listen for any noise. Three more knocks are heard on my door. She’s not leaving. Of course she won’t. We haven’t talked in almost two weeks, of course she’d be worried.

“Shoshanna?” Mom calls through the door, “Annie, are you in there?”

“Fuck.” I whisper.

“Annie?” Tobias questions against my hand.

I scowl at him, “Don’t even start and keep quiet.”

He pushes my hand off his mouth, “Why? Who is it?”

“My mom.” I tell him, still whispering, “I haven’t talked to her in weeks.”

“Should she know I’m here?”

“God no!” I hiss in horror.

He grins before practically yelling, “Shoshanna, honey, there’s someone at the door!”

I don’t even think, I just act. I smack my hand over his mouth and press his head onto the mattress with as much force as I can muster. He doesn’t even move an inch, but he does laugh against my palm. He then bares his teeth and nips at the skin at the heel of my palm. An electric current shoots up my arm, and I jolt. His hands come to rest on my hips to keep me steady, and I realize that I’m still sitting on him.

Rolling off him, I shake my hand and grab a pair of black dress pants and a monochrome striped long sleeve shirt off my clothing rack, I run for the bathroom. I try to ignore Tobias’ laughter as it follows after me. I get dressed and practically run out of the bathroom, before skidding to a halt at the scene before me. Tobias is talking to my mom. My mom is talking to a thankfully clothed, Tobias.

When he turns to face me, I feel my jaw drop as I take in his eyes. They aren’t red anymore. Almost more of a golden brown. How does that work? Swallowing thickly, I turn my gaze to my mother, who looks as impassive as she looks impeccable. They both make my apartment look even more like a shit hole than it already does. Clearing my throat, I smooth down my hair and try not to blush too much as I address my mother.

“Hi, Mom.”

She purses her lips and arches a thin black brow, “That’s all I get? A ‘hi mom’? You haven’t called in weeks. You cannot imagine how worried I’ve been…“She cuts herself off and stands up a bit straighter, “Well, we don’t need to go into details. What we will talk about is you not telling me about your young man.”

“He’s not really…“

Tobias smirks as he saunters towards me, before kissing my cheek. The apple of my cheek burns, while I try not to glare at him. He seems incredibly amused as he wraps an arm around my shoulders and brings me against his side. I tense but his hold on me is weak, so the trapped feeling is very limited.

“My name is Tobias but you can call me Toby, Mrs. Belle.”

Toby?!

“Pleasure.” Mom tells him formally, “And call me Haruko, please.”

“I’ve heard a lot about you, Haruko. Shoshanna has been singing your praises.”

I fight the urge to pound my palm into my face and watch Mom’s expression turn dubious, “Has she now? What a surprise. Tell me, Toby, how long have you been involved with my daughter.”

“Two weeks.”

Mom arches a brow at me, unimpressed, “And already staying the night?”

“He got locked out of his apartment.” I lie quietly.

“Come on, sweetheart, don’t be shy.” Tobias grins at me before turning to my mom, “She’s still a bit hesitant about sharing our love.”

Mom’s eyebrows raise in surprise, “Love?”

“Yes.” He says dreamily, while I fight the urge to vomit, “Sometimes you just know. Isn’t that right, sweetheart?”

I want to kill him. I want to drive a stake through his heart and bury him in some nameless place. But I do none of that. Instead, I force a bright and slightly crazed smile. “Yup.”

“That explains why you haven’t been answering my phone calls, I suppose.” Mom says, almost more to herself before leveling a stare at Tobias, “I assume you know about Shoshanna’s… issues.”

“Mom…“

Tobias’s voice cuts me off, “Yes, ma’am.”

“And you are aware of the dangers those entail?”

“She’s been very open with me, Mrs. Belle.” He assures her and I feel my anger rise.

What if he really was my boyfriend and I hadn’t told him yet? Why would it be her business if I had? I ball my hands into fists and scowl at the ground. She’s always doing this, pretending like I’m still some wayward child. Like she needs to caution my playmates and their parents about my behavior ‘just in case’. It’s infuriating. Tobias grabs one of my fists hands in his and rubs his thumb across my tight knuckles. It shocks me a little, when I feel myself start to relax.

“Well,” Mom breathes, obviously surprised before clearing her throat, “That’s good.”

“Is that all you came for?” I ask, trying to keep my voice bland.

She shifts her eyes to me, “I just wanted to make sure you were doing well. Dr. Reynolds called, he said you missed an appointment.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.” I murmur with a frown, “I wasn’t aware.”

“He was very worried.” She scolds.

“I’ll call him.” I assure.

We all stand there in awkward silence. Mom finally takes a few steps towards me and slowly raises her hand up to cup my cheek. She knows about my fear and to an extent, is very understanding of it. She always moves slowly and looks me in the eyes, just to make sure it’s okay before she does it.

Dad is the same way, but he falls into older habits. At first he tried holding me when I had panic attacks. I would kick, cry, and scream until he let me go. After one really bad reaction that ended up with both of us bruised and injured, he stopped doing that. On some occasions though, his mind will wander and he forgets. I think it pains them both to know they can’t touch me without having second thoughts.

“You look better.” Mom tells me softly, “Healthier.”

I give her a weak smile, “I feel better.”

She smiles softly, before offering me her cheek. I lean forward and give it a quick kiss before hastily going back to my original position. Her smile falls a little, but she quickly covers it with an ever brighter one as she turns to Tobias.

“I expect you at the next Sunday dinner.”

My eyes widen, “Mom, he…“

“I’d be delighted.”

I hide my horror under yet another fake smile, but Mom doesn’t seem to notice the difference. Instead, she looks pleased as punch. I can’t say Dad will be feeling the same. With a happy sigh and a nod, Mom heads for the apartment door and opens it before pausing to look at us again.

“Annie, please answer your phone from now on.” She scolds before giving me a disapproving look, “All that worry would have been easily dispelled with a simple phone call.”

“I know. I’ll remember.”

“Alright.” She sighs, “Have a good rest of the day, you two. Nice meeting you, Toby.”

“You as well, Mrs. Belle.”

Mom gives me one last smile, before leaving. I wait, completely stiff, until the door’s latch clicks. That’s when I push Tobias away from me and gasp in harsh intakes of air. My hands are on my knees and I feel like I just ran a mile. He touches my back lightly and I straighten up again, just to push him away, scowling.

“Not at all?” He asks with a playful pout.

I point a finger in his face, “You are now eternally on my shit list. How the hell am I supposed to explain you when you don’t show up for Sunday dinner?”

He smirks before replacing it with a faux confused frown, “Why would I not show up? I’d love to meet my girlfriend’s parents.”

“I am not your girlfriend.”

“Semantics,” He dismisses, “You belong to me, simple as that. In human terms, that makes you my girlfriend.”

I narrow my eyes and grumble, “I do not belong to you.”

“Two handshakes and a few nights sleeping beside you says differently.”

“I hate you.” I snap, but my voice lacks conviction.

He chuckles and grabs my chin so he can kiss my cheek. When he pulls back, his eyes turn from that golden brown back to a bright crimson. I gasp and feel my eyes widen as I watch the transformation.

“How…“

“We all have our gifts.” He says breezily, before smirking down at me, “You, for instance, have the gift of being adorable when upset.”

“Piss off.”

He laughs loudly, briefly surprising me. Rolling my eyes, I go to sit on my bed and Florence jumps up quickly to come sit in my lap. I run my fingers through her thick dark fur and note that I should probably brush her at some point. She’s been keeping her distance since Tobias has been here. She doesn’t seem to like him but she is getting better.

She quickly runs off my lap though, when Tobias comes to lay out on the bed. His dark hair is sticking up in all directions and my hand twitches a little at the idea of brushing my fingers through it. I don’t do that of course, but the urge surfacing isn’t a soothing one. I can’t break my resolve, to keep him at arm’s length.