The Swarm Trilogy (61 page)

I’ve never left you.

Guilt washed over me. He’d never left? So he’d seen Chase and I become closer. Had he been watching when we made love? I wasn’t sure how, but I could still feel that he loved me. Nothing he’d seen or heard had changed that.

I know you still love me, Lianne.

Can you hear my thoughts now?

The sound like laughter coursed through me again.
It’s not hearing like when I was alive. It’s hard to describe. It’s similar to just knowing.

Do you miss me?

No.

My heart dropped to the floor and broke in a million pieces. I’d spent months mourning him. I put off my life because I couldn’t go on without him and he didn’t even miss me.

I’m with you always, Lianne. I can’t miss you because you and I are a part of each other. How can I miss that which is a part of my eternal being?

Relief replaced the grief.
I wish I could feel closer to you every minute of every day.

Then you wouldn’t live your life to the fullest. You wouldn’t love again. You wouldn’t get married and have children. You’d long only for me and you’d waste away to nothing until you died and joined me.

But then we’d be together again.

I couldn’t see Bryden, but somehow I knew he was shaking his head.
In the afterlife, we’re united with everyone we love. What we had together was beautiful. What you’ll experience after death isn’t the same. Lianne, we can never have again what we had before.

But I can feel all of it right now, Bryden! I still love you with all my heart.

That’s a human response fueled by emotion. You have to do the same thing I always asked you when I was alive. Trust in us, Lianne. Trust that we had a special time together, a time that will never come again. You must move on. Time will heal you. I promise.

But what if it doesn’t?

I felt him smile.
The healing has already begun. You’re able to love Chase.

I’m sorry.

Don’t be sorry. I want you to live and love again. It’s not my permission you need. All you need is within, Lianne. Don’t convince yourself to hold back from love because of me. Love, laugh, live.

I promise I will.
I meant it, too. I’d been holding myself back. Scared of loving for fear of losing it all again. It wasn’t a veiled attempt to honor Bryden. I couldn’t lie to myself in this place.
Can you help me with what’s to come? Can you tell me what to do?

I can’t. I wish I could help you. The world is tearing itself apart, but I don’t know how to solve it. You have the strength inside you to do what’s right. Find it. Believe in it. Trust your instincts.

I felt a wrenching in my soul. He was moving away from me.
Bryden? Where are you going?

Eloh is here now. I must leave you.

NO! Don’t go!
If I had arms, I would have reached out, scraped at him with my fingernails until he agreed to stay.

We will be together again, Lianne. Love never dies.

I collapsed into a heap on the hard stone floor of my chamber. Chase and Xaxier were gone. I sat alone.

Find the one whose mind is clear.

I lifted my head from the floor, anger burning my eyes. She stood in front of me, the only thing I could see clearly. It was the woman with the peacock feathers again.
I need more than that. Who’s mind is clear, Eloh?

My powers are slipping. I cannot see as I used to. You know her.

Is it my mother?

I cannot see that.

Useless
, I mumbled under my breath. What was the point of a goddess if she was so weak?

The end is coming. You must bring it about. Use the dagger. Kill them all!

I sat up. I wasn’t going to kill anyone. Then I remembered the picture Chase had drawn of me, surrounded by girls.
Oh no, I will not kill all of those girls. It’s not going to happen.

Your choice will determine the future of everyone. Find the one whose mind is clear. She will know what to do. You are the Vessel. Be the Vessel.

The air wavered and the woman in peacock feathers was gone again. My chest exploded and my eyes popped open.

I’d seen the afterlife. Bryden spoke to me. Eloh gave me prophecies. Maybe it was time to place my trust in something greater than me.

Arms wrapped around my waist, lifting me to the bed. I blinked, and then saw Chase holding me, and Xaxier pacing anxiously behind him.

“Lianne!” Chase yelled in my ear.

I reached up, pushing his mouth away from my face. His voice was so loud it echoed in my head. “I can hear you just fine. Stop screaming at me.”

“Thank Eloh, you’re alive.” Chase squeezed my face into his heaving chest. His face pressed into my hair, leaving it damp. What was that? Tears?

“Of course I’m alive. Why wouldn’t I be?” I pushed Chase away. When I saw his face, I gasped. His eyes were red and swollen, his cheeks puffy. “What is going on?”

“Your heart stopped beating,” he said between choked gasps. “I thought I’d lost you.”

I ran my hands up and down my chest. I could feel it. I felt his arms around me. I could see everything. If I didn’t trust Chase with every fiber of my being, I would have thought he was lying to me. But he had no reason to.

“Dead?” I whispered. Chase nodded, then pulled me to him again. I glanced over his shoulder at Xaxier, still pacing and wringing his hands. “Does this happen often?”

“Never. Not once has anyone ever left me during a session with the dead. I counsel people on a daily basis, letting them connect with their loved ones. This hasn’t ever happened before. I don’t understand,” Xaxier said.

Chase laid me on the bed gently, but didn’t move outside of arm’s reach. He turned to Xaxier. “You almost killed her!”

“I didn’t mean to, Chase.” Xaxier held up his hands. “I’ve been in your father’s employ since you were a small child. You know I’ve never committed a crime, much less been accused of one. This was not my doing. Something happened while she was communing.”

Chase’s head whipped back to me. “What did you see? Did Bryden try to steal your soul? Did he ask you to join him in death?” Worry dripped out of Chase’s eyes in the form of tears.

I wiped them off of his cheeks with my thumb. “No, he didn’t. He approves of us. In fact, he kind of berated me a little bit for holding myself back from you.”

Chase hung his head down, then looked at me again, a smile on his tear-stained face. “I knew I liked Bryden from the moment we met in the forest. I should have been more patient waiting for you instead of selfishly telling you how I felt before you even knew me. He’s a better man than I ever was.”

I kissed Chase on the lips, and then settled back on to the pillow. “He wasn’t better. He was just different. You’re perfect the way you are.”

“Xaxier?” Chase moved back, but not far away from me. “What happened?”

He inched closer. He was probably afraid Chase was going to hit him if he got too close. “We started like I always do. I have the subject concentrate on their loved one. Then I connect with them through my gift. I hear nothing, see nothing, once they are connected. When they’re done, we both become aware again.”

He paused, straightening his shirt.

“With you, it was different. One moment we were both unaware, the next you’d collapsed on the floor and I was standing next to you. Chase took you in his arms, and claimed you had no heartbeat. I didn’t know what to do or how to bring you back. Your connection with me had been shattered.”

“I knew I’d fallen. I saw it in the vision. It was after I spoke with Bryden, before she interrupted everything.” My blood boiled. Eloh took every chance she had to get in the way of my life.

“She?” Chase asked.

“Eloh. Who else? She said I have to kill everyone.” I was getting tired of her frantic begging. Didn’t she know I was doing the best I could to figure it all out?

“Was that when your heart stopped beating?” Chase’s hand gripped my shoulder, almost a little too tight.

“She did say something about losing her magic. Maybe it was an accident?” I offered, unsure what any of it meant. My heart was beating strong. I didn’t feel like I’d just died. “Maybe my heartbeat was just faint?”

Chase glanced back at Xaxier. “Tell her.”

Xaxier shook his head. “No, you died. Your soul left your body. I saw it. Then right before you awoke on the floor, it flew back in.”

I looked to Chase, sure Xaxier had lost it, but Chase nodded his head in agreement. “I didn’t see your soul. When you started breathing, your chest lurched up toward the ceiling, as if it was accepting something from the universe into it. Do you feel any different?”

I waited for my body to give me a sign that something had changed within me, but I felt the same way I had only moment before we’d contacted Bryden. “No, I don’t. Eloh didn’t tell me anything new. She only sounded frantic this time. I don’t know if we’re running out of time or if it’s her. All she does is make everything more confusing than it was before. If that’s even possible.”

A knock at the door interrupted the conversation. They needed to take their focus off of their mistake and get back to reality. I hadn’t died. Just passed out or something.

After a nod from Chase, Xaxier opened the door. The little girl from the stables stood in the doorway, clutching flowers in her fist. She held out her other hand toward me.

Even though I was weak from whatever had just happened to me, my instincts told me to go with her. I struggled to stand up, but found I was weaker than I had thought. My legs felt like jelly.

Silently, she walked over to me, placed her open hand on my legs, and closed her eyes. Warmth traveled from my toes up to my hips. My strength came back immediately. It was possible I felt even better than I had when I woke up this morning.

She took a step back. Her blonde hair rested over her face, covering most of her eyes. Her palms stretched out to me, oriented toward the ceiling.

“Are those flowers for Lianne?” Chase asked her.

She didn’t move. Didn’t acknowledge he’d even spoken. Her hand held steady. I reached out, tentatively, placing my palm atop hers.

My eyes were forced to close. I felt her presence inside my mind, similar to communing with Eloh, but it was gentler. I searched around, unsure what was happening. Did she have something to tell me? Something that was too hard for her to say?

Inside her mind, I found nothing. It was as clear as a cloudless summer morning.

My eyes snapped open. “You’re the one I’ve been looking for. The one whose mind is clear.”

A smile spread across her face. Then she collapsed in my arms.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

I reached out, catching Wren before she hit the floor. The flowers fell from her limp hand, scattering around until my floor resembled an untouched meadow.

“What’s wrong with her?” I looked up at Xaxier. “Is this the same thing that happened to me?”

Xaxier nodded as he dropped to his knees. I held her in my arms. She was only a small child, I could have cradled her like a baby. Xaxier laid two fingers on her throat, looking for a pulse. He looked up at me. “She’s alive, but barely.”

I let out a sigh of relief. “I don’t understand what’s happening. If she’s the one I’m looking for, then what comes next?” My heart pounded like a trapped beast.

“Did you find anything in the book?” Chase asked. “Did you learn anything?”

I shook my head. “I didn’t get that far.” Something vibrated at my waist. I felt around, realizing the movement came from my bag. The dagger!

I pulled the drawstring and the bag spilled open. The jewels on the dagger spread streaks of color through the room like a rainbow. It clattered on the stone floor.

“I don’t know what to do!” My hands shook as I began to panic. “I wish someone would just tell me how to solve all of this.”

A light burst in the room and Johna stepped out of a portal. She glanced at the child in my arms. “The Malborn are here. Portals have been spotted opening all around the castle ground. Time has run out, Lianne. Do you have a solution yet?”

“No,” I said through gritted teeth. “I don’t know how to sever everyone, but I did find the one whose mind is clear. It’s Wren. I just don’t know what it means! Eloh told me to find her and every single time she tried to talk to me, I pushed her aside, thinking I had more important things to do. She just came to me, then passed out.”

Bright flashes of light poured into my chambers through the window.

“What’s going on out there?”

“I told you, the Malborn are here. They’re porting in right now. Their military will follow their gifted. They want you, Lianne. They’ll kill anyone in their path.”