The Swarm Trilogy (53 page)

“So you think she doesn’t remember?” Chase asked. He bowed his head, rubbing his cheeks with his hands.

He was as frustrated as I was. If I was him, I’d be mad at me right now. I’d spoiled a perfectly good opportunity to learn more from her. Instead, I choked and ran out.

“This is going to make my next visit even more difficult,” I said. My mother’s cautious face swam before my eyes, accompanied by a vivid recollection of her face the day she killed Bryden. I brushed the thoughts aside, and focused on how I would explain myself to her.

“Next visit?” Chase’s eyes remained fixed on mine. “There won’t be a next visit, Lianne. You’re done.”

I stalked over to him. Even though my head barely reached his shoulder, I was determined to dominate him. “You have no say in what I do or don’t do next.” I glared at him, my shoulders squared and my feet firm on the ground. I wouldn’t back down.

Chase waved a hand at me. “Sorry. I shouldn’t talk to you that way. You’re not mine to control.”

“I never will be. I can control myself just fine.”

The air between us thickened. The magic in my stomach crackled. I held my hands behind my back, fearing the magic would escape and singe him. It was stronger when I was angry. While I’d learned to control it, I still didn’t fully trust myself.

Chase ran his fingers through his hair, the blond strands falling into place. It was like he was constant perfection.

“I know, I know. It was a reaction, Lianne, calm down.” He glanced at my arms. I shook them out, letting him see that my hands were free of any fire. “We’re putting Elessia to rest tonight. Will you be there?”

I nodded. “Of course I will.” My mood softened immediately. I was reminded of everything that drove me. There was a war coming, and I was the only one who could end it. If I could, I’d stop it before it started. I only had to unravel the mystery Eloh had given me. Once I knew what I was supposed to do, I could act on it.

Chase placed a hand on my shoulder. He leaned in closer, as if he was about to kiss me on the cheek. If he did, would that violate his promise of not kissing me until I asked him to? Did a peck on the cheek count the same as a kiss on the lips between lovers?

“I’ll have them send dinner to you in a few hours, then I’ll pick you up. We can go together.” He whispered it all in my ear. His lips so close, but they never touched me. He was true to his word, then.

I wasn’t sure how I felt about it.

Chapter Seventeen

I sat on the bed.

I stared at the wall.

A couple of hours until dinner would arrive.

I jumped up and put my boots back on. Waiting was for people of leisure. Time was my enemy and the longer I waited, the closer I was to losing everything.

I flicked my fingers and a portal appeared in front of me. It shimmered golden, with a hint of green in the middle. If I squinted my eyes, I could almost see the other side. The cottages, the forest in the distance, my mother standing outside, alone, waiting for me to return.

As I walked through, I felt a twinge of nausea, a common side effect for people who’d never been through a portal before. But I knew deep down it wasn’t the portal. It was my fear.

Regardless of how scared I was to face my mother again, I knew I needed to do it. I had no choice. Her mind was clear. She was the one I was seeking.

I thought I heard someone call my name, but I emerged on the other side and closed the portal behind me. If someone was there, they didn’t need to follow. This was my task. I could only do it alone. Knowing Chase was nearby earlier, gave me a reason to escape. This time I was alone and I’d face it with a strong conviction.

She was severed. I wouldn’t let the past scare me again.

It was chilly in the forest and I hadn’t thought to bring a cloak. I shivered, crossing my arms across my chest. I’d seen correctly. She was standing outside the cottage, wrapped in a cape and holding a second in her arms. My mother hadn’t seen me yet. She was facing the direction I’d left in earlier.

Standing still, I watched her for a few moments, hoping to unearth some clue about her, but nothing in her firm stance or unwavering gaze shared a secret. She was as mysterious to me as she’d been before, except without her magic she was completely harmless.

I cleared my throat. She turned toward me, her eyes even, not giving away a bit of surprise.

“I thought you’d be back. I brought this for you.” She held out the extra cape toward me. It was a motherly gesture. I felt strangely calmed and disturbed by it. Still, I took the cape and flung it over my shoulders. “Let’s walk along the perimeter. If you pull the hood up over your head, to cover that interesting hair of yours, no one will realize you’re not supposed to be here.”

I followed her quick pace toward the edge of the clearing. Chase hadn’t told me what, if anything, he’d discovered about the perimeter alarms.

“After you left, something happened,” she said. I braced myself. If a messenger had come and she or Mags told them about me, I knew I wouldn’t be here for long. They’d come for me. I’d been out of my chamber so much in the last few days that the guards no longer had the fear of Chase in them. They yelled at me if I went somewhere I wasn’t supposed to. If I was found here, I’d be in big trouble.

My mother glanced behind her, toward the cottages. A few people stirred outside, but none of them paid attention to us.

“I think I remembered some of my past.”

I took in a gasp. “It’s not possible.”

“Are you sure? When I saw you, it trigged something deep within me. We had a contentious relationship, didn’t we?”

I nodded, afraid of giving away too much. Contentious was putting it lightly. She’d killed the man I loved while trying to murder me. I stared into her eyes, not seeing one bit of the venom she’d always stored there. Her statement wasn’t a threat. It was simply a memory – maybe one she didn’t want to remember.

“What do you remember?”

She looked away from me, fiddling with the buttons on her cape. “Nothing specific, really. I just recall darkness and death.” She reached out and grabbed my hands. “Did I do something to hurt you?”

I fought back the tears, forcing them to keep hidden. “You killed the man I wanted to marry.” I took a deep breath. “He died saving me from you.”

Her arms encircled my body before I could protest. My adoptive mother had never hugged me, never once shown this kind of compassion. Maybe it was something that even bordered on love. If my mother’s personality had changed with severing, then maybe she could feel the instinctive love of parent for child.

My heart pounded. I wanted to hurt her, pay her back for all the grief and sadness I felt. I wanted her to know how it felt to be given up for adoption, raised by people who hated me, ridiculed by everyone in the town, never loved for who I was. If she knew what it felt like to sift through lies, to finally find love, then have it torn away before it was ever given a chance to blossom into something beautiful, then maybe she’d be qualified to offer me the comfort I needed.

Instead, her arms, the arms of my biological mother, was all I needed to rip the hurt from my body, tie it up, and throw it into the abyss. I melted into her embrace, allowing myself to be emotionally naked. Silent tears streamed down my face as I burrowed into her shoulder, soaking her cape.

“I’m so sorry, my sweet, sweet daughter. If that’s what I was like before, I’m glad I can’t remember. I don’t want to be that woman anymore.”

I’d never allowed myself to dream too much about my biological family. As a child I was told I was a spoil of war, a gift from my people to their victors. Even though it turned out it was all a lie, and I’d been placed there as a secret weapon for an eventual invasion by my people, I didn’t care much about my biological family. I figured if it was so easy for them to give me up, then I didn’t want anything to do with them anyway.

Yet deep down, locked away in a part of my heart I rarely accessed, I wanted exactly this. A mother who would hold me while I cried. A mother who cared about me. A few short months ago, she tried to steal my magic and kill me. Now she cradled me as if I were the baby she gave up all those years ago.

I was ashamed to admit I liked it. Craved it, even.

The past sixteen years stripped away, until I felt like a tiny baby, needing only its mother. My heart opened up, grew a thousand sizes. All of those walls I’d built crashed to the ground, leaving nothing but hope rising from the dust.

“I’m getting you wet,” I said between gasps.

“It’s okay, Lianne. I’m your mother, I don’t mind.” Then she kissed my forehead.

My stomach plummeted. How many people grew up with kisses from their mother? Not me. It was my first.

“Now why don’t you tell me more about what happened between us?” Her voice soothed me. My eyes stung with salty tears. I nodded. She pulled me down to a lush patch of grass. We sat facing each other, as I spilled the story of everything from my birth through Bryden’s death. I told her about her other daughter, my twin sister, Sebrina.

When I told her how she’d kidnapped me, the sadness in her eyes was palpable. Her hands shook as I described the transfer of my magic into her. When I choked out Bryden’s death, I wasn’t the only one with a tear-stained face any longer.

“I can understand now why they did that to me, that severing. I almost wish I was still living in ignorance.” She brushed her hair out of her face, tucking it back into the hood of the cape.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have told you everything in such detail.”

My mother grabbed my hands, cradling them in hers. “Yes, Lianne, you should have. I’m glad you did. Now I can be the best mother to you. I can make up for all of it. I don’t know how, but I can try.”

I glanced up at the sky, the sun had already dipped below the top of the trees. I scrambled to my feet. “I didn’t realize how late it was getting. I have somewhere else I need to be.” I couldn’t miss Elessia’s funeral. I had promised Chase I would be there and I refused to disappoint him. “Go back to Mags and Trevin. I’ll find a way to free the three of you from here.”

She put her hand on my arm. “Take me with you now.”

I shook my head. “No. I want to get all three of you at once, but I need to have a plan. I don’t think it will be as simple as just leaving. You’ll need a place to live and I don’t have that for you yet. I will arrange everything. Besides, you have everything you need here.”

“I don’t have you, my sweet daughter.” She squeezed my arm. My heart swelled again.

“I promise I’ll be back for you,” I said. “Just give me a day or two to figure it all out.”

My mother nodded, gave me one more hug, and then headed back to her cottage. The others had retired long ago, there was no one around to see me open a portal. I flicked my fingers, bringing the sparkling portal to life. I stepped through, eager to get ready for Elessia’s funeral. Afterward I would tell Chase everything. He would help me find a way to protect Mags, Trevin, and my mother. Once they were free, we could finally figure out how she could help me with Wren’s dire prediction.

Chapter Eighteen

I slipped the silk dress over my head, shimmying it over my waist. It was the most expensive gown I’d ever worn. It was a fitting tribute to Elessia, who’d risked everything for Chase and I. She deserved the finest at her funeral for what she’d sacrificed. It was one small thing I could do to honor her.

Running a brush through my silver curls, I wondered who’d ordered the dress to be left in my room. Was it Chase? Or Reychel? I’d thank them both, just to be sure. After a quick splash of water to my face, I slipped on the matching silk slippers. I took a glance in the mirror. I tried not to think about how much better I would have looked with my red hair, instead of this mess of grievous silver.

A knock at the door interrupted the first vain thoughts I’d had in months. I opened it to find Chase on the other side, dressed in his finest doublet. A tentative smile crossed his face.

“This wasn’t how I pictured us on our first night out together.” His eyes looked me up and down. “The clothes are right, but the event is wrong.” He held out a hand to me. “You look beautiful.”

A blush crossed my face. “Thank you, but like you said, this isn’t the time.”

He cocked his head to the side. “You look different. It’s not just the dress. It’s something else.”

A smile broke out on my face, so hard I thought my cheeks might crack. I was still high from my meeting with my mother. This entire week had been one of healing. I hadn’t felt so good for so long my whole life.

“There’s something I need to tell you.”

Chase’s eyebrow lifted. “Really? What is it?”

I felt my stomach flip at his gaze. If my mother could finally be a real mother, then maybe there would be a place in my heart for Chase too. Miracles were known to happen, but so many at once was unfathomable. Yet not unwelcome.

“I’ll tell you later tonight. We need to honor Elessia’s life first,” I said. With a pang of sadness, I realized I still had more sorrow to slog through before I could concentrate on all of the happiness.

Chase nodded, taking my hand in his. “You’re right. Are you ready?”