The Story of Lansing Lotte (38 page)

I sighed as I shuddered from the thought. I didn’t allow myself the fantasy of a naked Lansing Lotte, let alone Lansing Lotte deep inside of me, connected to me.

“How would that feel?” he whispered against my lips, before tasting them tenderly, discovering every curve, every valley in rhythm with the gyration of his hips.

“I’m so wet, you’d slip so deep inside me, and I’d hold tight to keep you there.” With my words, he broke apart.

“Shit, Lila.” He held himself still but firm against me. I felt him pulse, despite his jeans.

He collapsed on top of me for a brief moment then jerked up to balance on his elbows.

“What was that?” he smiled sheepishly.

“That was hot,” I said quietly.

“I’m a mess,” he said, looking down his chest at where we were lined up.

“So am I,” I whispered. He must have noticed my innuendo and he returned his eyes to me.

“I should go,” he said sitting back, then reaching to pull me forward. I didn’t know how to respond. Only moments ago I felt amazing, and suddenly I felt worse than I had in years. I recognized that feeling. It was one I’d had before from another rock star. He’d gotten what he wanted and he was done. My face must have given away my feelings because he gripped my chin.

“What just happened here?”

“I don’t know,” I said softly.

“I’m going to tell you what happened. I came to apologize. And I came to kiss you. And I came, because you set me on fire, Lila. I’ve missed you. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. I’m going back to my place to clean myself up, and I’ll be back in a bit, so we can talk. Okay?”

I didn’t know what to say, so I simply nodded my head before he brushed his lips against mine in another tender, but lightning fierce kiss.

I was practically giddy. I hadn’t felt that good in a long, long time. I jiggled my legs with nervous energy as I stood in the lift ascending to my floor. I had taken my sweatshirt with me and I was holding it in front of my damp jeans. I almost laughed out loud at the pleasure it brought me to recall how Lila felt against me. She was tender, but I knew she was on the edge of being wild. She tugged my hair, she talked dirty, yet she was sweet. I wanted her like I had never wanted anyone, including the woman I found sitting in my apartment.

Guinevere.

“Guinie, what’s wrong?” Immediately, I was concerned that she would only be in my place if something bad had happened. If Arturo found out about us. Or if Arturo was found dead.

“I came to see you.”

“How did you get in here?” I wondered looking around the empty living room as if it would give a clue.

“Will let me in.”

“I have got to get the key changed,” I mumbled.

Guinie glared at me for a moment and then her eyes softened.

“I miss you. I miss everyone. It’s almost Christmas and no one wants to get together.”

I sighed as I ran my hand through my hair; a momentary flash of Lila tugging it came into my mind.

“Yeah, I don’t think anyone’s ready. We’re all trying to deal with what happened or what we think happened. I haven’t seen Tristan or Perk, either.”

I looked at her questioningly.

“Tristan comes to see me, every once in a while, but he’s almost always drunk. And Perk is so preoccupied with Hollister, but he’s always been the quietest of you guys.” She was thoughtful for a moment. I considered how Guinie had worked her way into all our lives. We were a band of brothers, until Arturo decided he wanted to settle down with a woman. Perk had one, too. I didn’t know if it could happen for me, but I wanted to try.

“Guinie, why are you really here?”

She had stood when I entered my place. Then, she walked around my couch to meet me where I had been talking to her. She angled in close to me and her arms reached around my neck. She leaned forward rubbing her face on my chest, her eyes closed as she inhaled deeply.

“You smell good, Lansing.”

I almost laughed. She had to be smelling Lila. Only moments ago we were rubbing against one another.

I don’t know what came over me, but I groaned when Guinie’s lips hit my neck. Her mouth worked its way up to my jaw. She was on a mission for my mouth, until I pulled back.

“What are you doing?” I said softly.

“I’m lonely,” she sighed, letting her head fall forward onto my chest. “I need some distraction from my thoughts.”

I froze at her words. I’d been saying the same thing, until Will tried to convince me otherwise.

“What’s this really about? You don’t love me, Guinie.”

“I do. I do. It’s just…”

“It’s not the same as how you feel about Arturo,” I sighed.

“It can’t be the same. He was my first. He was my only. We were engaged. And now he’s gone.”

She paused.

“And now I know there could be another.”

I stood completely still.

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying I want you. I need to move on. Help me move on.” Her voice was pleading. I almost felt sorry for her. Guinie had endured enough over the past months.. The loss of Arturo. The loss of a baby. The loss of a friend that she shared my guilt over. She tried to be happy for Elaine, but the pain was two-fold: the baby was mine, and the fact Elaine was even having a baby.

“I don’t think I can do that, Guinie.”

“Why not? We promised it would be only you and I.”

“But Lila knows, too. And Elaine seems suspicious.”

“Elaine? She doesn’t know anything. She’s still so infatuated with you, I could never tell her anything.”

She looked at me for a moment, her arms still around my neck.

“But Lila? You have that look again when you say her name. Lila’s the issue, isn’t she?” Guinie bit.

“No. Arturo’s the issue,” I emphasized.

“Suddenly you have a conscience. You kissed me when you rescued me. You kissed me in your apartment, moments before Layne came to see you. You declared your feelings to me before Layne died. You’re suddenly worried about Arturo?”

“Aren’t you? You just said you loved him. He was your first.”

Guinie’s arms slid off of me and she stepped back.

“Well, you’re my second.”

“I don’t want to be second.” I stopped. I had heard those words before from others, and my heart sank.

“I don’t want to be second,” I said softly, looking into Guinie’s liquidy eyes. “I need to find someone who can be my first, and I can be hers.”

“Is it Lila?”

“I…I don’t know,” I lied, because I did know. I did want it to be Lila.

When it had been over an hour since Lansing left my apartment, I decided it was time to shower. Fleur had woken up after he left. She was able to keep down a cracker and some sips of ginger ale, which I took as a good sign. I let her go right back to sleep as I felt she needed the rest. She smelled funky, but I would bathe her in the morning.

When it reached the two hour mark, I realized I was still exhausted myself and I went to bed. I was physically relieved, although my body craved more, but I was emotionally drained.  That had happened before.

When Josh and I first started dating, he made me feel like I was the center of his world. He called. He texted. He sang to me. I always took his pressure for sex as gentle. More a recommendation than a demand, but I could tell he was a bit serious. If we didn’t sleep together, he was going to move on. When I finally gave into him, I was happy in the moment. He was my first. It wasn’t what I expected, but I didn’t really know any better. It hurt like hell, despite how tender he tried to be. However, I didn’t feel the overwhelming connection to Josh that I assumed should have happened. Whenever he was around me, he was always grabby and handsy. I gave in, but I wasn’t finding what I had heard was so great about sex. It was frenzied, and Josh was finished just when I thought I started to feel something. Something I didn’t know I was missing until I had my rebound man. He took his time, worshipped me, and worked me until I recognized what I had been missing all along. I hadn’t experienced that sensation again until Lansing.

But just like Josh, who got what he wanted and then had to leave for some gig, some party, something or other, Lansing ran off, too. I had drifted to sleep and was dreaming again of Josh Tucker. That hadn’t happened in real life, but I imagined I walked in on him and my sister. I knew his body, and hers, well enough to know how they would fit together. The image haunted me for years after Sara’s confession. I hadn’t had the dream in a long time, but what happened earlier rekindled those old negative feelings, and so I dreamed.

Josh had my sister up against a wall. I find him with his back to me, his pants down by his ankles, a leg wrapped around his hip. He spun so he had her positioned that I had a side view of them together. She hadn’t noticed me, but he did. He looked me in the eye as he kissed her shoulder, protecting her from discovering me, and said my name in his ecstasy.

“Lila.”

I flinched that he would call out for me while he was with her.

“Lila.”

My name sounded again, but it was impossible that Josh had spoken because he was kissing my sister the way I knew he had kissed me.

“Lila.”

I sat upright in my dark room, panting hard. My chest was rising and falling visibly as I glanced around the room to see Lansing standing at the end of my bed. He immediately approached me and I fell back onto my pillow.

“You scared the shit out of me,” I said to the ceiling, as my hand covered my heart and rose and fell with its rhythm.

Lansing sat next to me on the bed and I sat upright again.

“How did you get in here?” I bit, my anger evident.

“I have my means,” he smiled.

“I need to talk to the management,” I snarled, knowing what would come next.

“I already did.” He crooked up his lip and his dimple showed in the darkness. He was being cute and I was pissed.

“Get out,” I said.

His smile dropped as he looked at me. I actually pushed him. Acting like a child, I pushed on his chest to no avail.

“Get. Out.” I said again, clearly angry at his presence. He had some nerve coming into my apartment after leaving hours ago and entering without my permission.

I raised both hands to push at him again, but in a lightning quick move he had me pinned back to the bed. He was straddling me and my wrists were captured on either side of my head.

“No,” he growled, leaning toward my face. “I’m not leaving.”

I sniffed. Something smelled off.

“You smell funny.” I paused and inhaled again. Despite his grip on me, I felt him stiffen.

“You smell like…you smell like…a girl.” My eyes opened wide as I stared at him. I began to thrash under him.
How dare he?
How dare he go get his rocks off again with someone else and then come back to me? I continued to struggle, my knees locked under his weight and my arms still pinned to the bed.

“Lila, stop it. I’m sorry I’m late. Guinie was in my apartment and…”

I stopped. I lay still as I stared at him. His blue eyes sparkled regardless of the lack of light, but I hated him at that moment.

“Guinie was in the apartment, but I’m here for you.”

“Well, you can’t have me. You can’t have us both, so just go back to her.”

“I’m not leaving. I came for you.”

“You and Guinie are destined for one another.”

“That’s in the past. It’s all in the past.”

He sighed as he sat back a little, loosening his grip but still keeping me captive.

“Look. I might not have had the most exemplary history with women, but I’m writing my story a new chapter. The future. And you’re it, Lila. It’s gonna be you. Only you.”

I didn’t know how to respond. My heart still raced and I still seethed with anger. It didn’t explain how he smelled like Guinevere.

He slid off of me and whipped off his shirt. Standing before me, his bare chest was cut like none I’d ever seen. He didn’t have a single mark on him unlike his bandmates. He was clean and smooth with ridges of rock solid abs. His nipples rose and fell as he stood erect and he looked down at me. I’d lost my fight for the moment.

He turned his back and entered my bathroom turning the light on and leaving the door open. I got out of bed and followed him.