The Story of Lansing Lotte (48 page)

Kneeling before Lila, I knew,
just knew
, that she would never have followed Josh Tucker. It had to have been something else. Lila was smarter than that.

“Want to sign my cast, Mr. Lansing?” Fleur broke my thoughts as she stood next to Lila. I was starting to feel a bit silly on the floor of the hallway, begging for forgiveness, but I would have sacrificed anything for either one of them.

“Sure, Ladybug,” I said, as I stood and Fleur skipped off for a pen. Lila still held her body in a way that said she wasn’t letting me in, but I needed her to understand.

“Nothing happened last night. With anyone. I’m not Josh Tucker,” I said sheepishly.

“Thank God for that,” she laughed without humor. “But I’m not Guinie.”

“Well, of course not.”

Somehow it was the wrong answer.

Fleur returned with a black marker and held out her fragile little arm to me.

“Is this why you called me so many times last night?” I spoke to Fleur’s arm as I scribbled my name like I had for a million autographs.

“Actually, no,” Lila said on a sigh. I noticed her staring at the signature on Fleur’s cast. She was debating about something.

“I saw Arturo,” she said as she met my eyes. The brightness I knew in those browns was dull. She looked sad. Sadder then I’d seen her on Thanksgiving, but they were also full of sympathy.

“What?”

“He was outside the apartment building when I left last night.”

I took a moment to process that. Arturo was outside while we held the party upstairs. He knew what day it was. He was instrumental in encouraging our private celebration years ago.

“Did he…did he talk to you?” my voice shook.

“He did. He seemed to know about the party.”

I nodded my head.

“And he knew me.”

I blinked at her.

“How?”

“Said he’d seen me around.”

I looked left to right as if I expected Arturo to appear. My heart raced with excitement and anger. I felt like I stood on the edge of a precipice. I could walk away and search out Arturo King, like I had already done on several occasions, or I could cross the line to Lila and let her help me figure out my life.

I was choosing forward as I stepped toward her, but she pushed me back by gently placing a hand on my chest.

“I can’t,” she whispered. “My heart can’t take it.”

“I want to be with you, Lila.”

“I can’t, Lansing. I can’t be your distraction and then have you run off to Guinie with each crumb of Arturo. I can’t be your replacement to numb the pain of what has happened to him. Or her.” A tear leaked out of her eye and she hastily swiped it away.

“I can’t be your anything. Period.”

“Lila, you’re not a distraction or a replacement. I don’t even know what you’re talking about,” my voice rose. I honestly didn’t.

“You said we were friends. We could be a distraction for one another,” she said.

“I didn’t mean…”

“Then you told me I was a beautiful distraction after you ran off to find Arturo.”

“I explained…”

“But you also said I was the best distraction after you’d been with Guinie.”

I stopped cold; my anger clear.

“I told you. I have not been with Guinevere again. I admitted my error in judgment, which was months ago. I absolutely have not been with her since then.”

Lila scanned my face. If she found my honesty, she didn’t admit it.

“I don’t want to be in the way. You have a lot going on, Lansing. The band. Arturo. Guinie. Go back to them. They need you. You need them.”

“I need you, Lila. And Fleur.” I realized that Fleur was still standing beside Lila, quietly holding her arm to her chest, while the other arm wrapped around Lila’s leg. Her eyes were filled with tears as were Lila’s. They were both letting me go.

Lila looked down at Fleur then bent to kiss her on the head, and spoke quietly to her. When she stood up again, Fleur stepped forward stretching out her arms to hug me. I picked her up, squeezing her little body to mine.

“Good bye, Mr. Lansing,” she said softly.

“No more dancing in the lobby without me, Ladybug,” I choked. I noticed Lila’s face. She was surprised, but for what I didn’t know.

I returned Fleur to the ground and she scampered off into the apartment. Lila and I faced off alone.

“Lila, please.”

She stepped toward me and kissed me tenderly on the cheek.

“You’ve been the greatest of distractions for me, too,” she said with a shaking voice. “I almost forgot,” she practically whispered, and then she slowly closed the door on me.

There’s that saying, “what you don’t know won’t hurt you,” but my father liked to twist it and say, “what you don’t know can always hurt you.” He meant it more metaphorically. You don’t know something, until you do, and then it hurts. That’s how I felt as I slid down the door and slumped onto the floor in the short entry of my apartment.

I had forgotten, for the briefest of moments, that Lansing Lotte was a rock star. He made me believe he was so much more than that drama. When I saw him sign Fleur’s cast like he was autographing someone’s breast, I realized he would always be a rock star, and rock stars were bad news. If I didn’t see it then, I only had to search my memory from the night before where I learned that he had been seeing Guinevere all along. Where I saw him fold into her after defending my honor. Where he simply forgot about me when he was distracted by her.

The sobs came quickly and thundered through my body. I tried to stay quiet and cover my mouth as I curled into myself, but one barked out and within a second Fleur was before me. She was kneeling on the floor in front of me. I wrapped my arms around her, holding her tight to me. I cried over her delicate shoulder and whispered over and over.

“It’s just you and me. Just you and me, like it used to be.”

I don’t know who was rocking who, but we fell into a rhythm that matched my words, as we held onto each other and swayed back and forth on the hallway floor.

A month passed, when I received an invitation to the building’s Grand Celebration. It was an annual event that shared the historical architecture of the structure. That year they decided to showcase the modernization that occurred after the fire. There was pride in the fact they had kept the antiquated aura. It wasn’t something I would normally attend within the building. It was more for the well-to-do and some of the famous residents, but I had personally gotten the invitation from Will Galehaut.

I hadn’t known him before meeting Lansing Lotte. I saw him on rare occasions in the lobby. I knew he owned the building, living in the penthouse suite, which encompassed one half of the top floor. I didn’t know that he was the son of a software conglomerate executive, a bit socially awkward, and gay. He was a big man, one of the largest I’d ever seen, and he was a bit rough around the edges, which I chalked up to that social awkwardness. He was also in love with Lansing Lotte. It showed in his face each time he talked about Lansing. It broke my heart that there were two of us who would never be recipients of Lansing’s love in return. It was never going to be reciprocated from Lansing to Will, because Lansing was too into women.

Which was how Lansing Lotte was portrayed all over the media, in that month plus. He was often photographed with Tristan Lyons and a multitude of girls as they made public appearances again. The top clubs, private concerts, and exclusive parties included The Nights new duo of Tristan Lyons and Lansing Lotte. Perkins Vale was still not as involved in the public life. I credited Hollister from the women’s shelter for Perk’s absence. She was a pleasant woman, but I didn’t know her story, other than meeting her a year ago at the shelter. I was reminded again, that her story could have been my sister’s or mine, if we didn’t have a generous father.

My father would have attended the gala. I didn’t want to go and had respectfully declined the invitation, then adamantly refused it when Will wouldn’t give up on insisting I attend. I didn’t see the point and I repeatedly told him that.

“I don’t understand why you want me to go, so badly. It’s not like I mingle with that crowd, anyway.”

“That crowd happens to be some wealthy and influential people who might have more reputable connections for your photography career.” He smirked at me one night when he came to have pizza with Fleur and me. I had decided that Fleur needed to have some kind of positive male figure in her life, or she was going to grow up hating men for abandoning her, so I was trying to include Will in some of our mundane activities like pizza night. He didn’t seem to mind. He even brought an interactive video game for young children for Fleur to test.

“Lansing will be there?” I asked softly.

“I haven’t seen much of him,” Will smiled, then bit his lip and forced his face to fall serious.

“He’s been busy,” I snapped, avoiding Will’s curious eyes.

“Lila, I’m gonna ask you straight up. Did you love him?”

“I can’t.”

“But did you? Do you?”

“I…,” I held my breath knowing what my answer was, but uncertain if I should say anything to Will. “I think I wanted to. Just when I was certain that I could, he reminded me why I shouldn’t.”

Will pinched his eyes at me.

“How?”

“He’d been dating or seeing or whatever with Guinevere DeGrance the whole time.”

Will sat back in the dining room chair, stunned. His face was pure childish disbelief and then it shifted.

“Who told you that?”

I didn’t answer, so he continued.

“Whoever told you that was highly misinformed. Lansing might be a bitch in heat when it comes to women. He seems to attract them like chocolate sprinkles to ice cream, but he has not, and I repeat, has not, been with Guinevere DeGrance other than one time. He’s repentant of that time and has been trying to make up for it ever since.”

I snorted softly. “How?”

“He’s been celibate ever since,” Will spoke confidently. It was my turn to raise an eyebrow at Will, whose face slowly fell into acknowledgement.

“You didn’t,” his voice almost cracked in his surprise.

I didn’t answer again.

“You little hussy,” he laughed, but then stopped cold. “This is more serious than I thought.” And as an afterthought added, “Why didn’t Lansing tell me?”

I had to laugh, he was so earnest in his dismay that Lansing hadn’t told his best friend we had been together.

His face lit up, and he smiled deeply when he spoke.

“It all makes sense,” he clapped his big hands once.

I was thoroughly confused and simply shook my head as I reached for the beer he brought to our meager dinner.

“You aren’t making any sense,” I giggled. “It doesn’t matter, either way. All it was to Lansing was a distraction. He told me.”

Will’s eyebrows rose high on his forehead then.

“He told you that?”

“Yep. Said we were friends and we could be a distraction for one another. But I can’t do that. I can’t be his little plaything that he returns to after he’s been off with the band and their crusade for Arturo.”

Will sat forward, balancing his elbows on his knees and reached for my hands.

“Lila. I’m not romantic. I don’t know the first thing about it. I’ve never experienced the love I want. The love I think I deserve, and I might never have it, either. But I know one thing for certain, you were not a plaything to my friend. He might be a bit confused, at times. Give into his whims. Get in over his head. But he was not using you as a distraction
from
his life. He wanted you and Fleur to
be
his life. He wanted something normal and good, away from all that chaos, and you, my girl, were it. Not in a bad way, but a good way.

He told me how you comforted him about Layne. How you talked to him about Elaine and accepted his decision not to marry her, but support her. He mentioned how you made him realize that being with Guinevere wasn’t what he thought it would be and wasn’t how it should have been. I know he was fixated on his chance. He just didn’t realize that what he wanted was a chance at love, and it wasn’t going to be with Guinie.”

Will had been methodically rubbing his thumb over my clasped hands, and I couldn’t wipe the tear that spilled from my eyes.

“Lansing might get women, but he doesn’t always understand them. But you? He understood you, Lila. He understood that you needed more than a rock star living the good life and playing around. You needed a man who was solid and committed, and willing to love you and Fleur. He was ready to do that, Lila. He wanted to do that. He just needed a bit more time to get there. He’s basically a good guy, despite his failings along the way. His intentions are in the right place, even if his actions aren’t always.”

“I don’t need some hero to save me,” I said softly. “I’m fine alone with Fleur.”

“You might be, but why be alone when you don’t have to be? And as for a hero? Lansing isn’t meant to be your hero, Lila, you’re meant to be his.”

Will let go of my hands and sat back to reach for his beer. He guzzled the remainder of the bottle and I watched his large Adam’s apple move up and down as he swallowed. It was a strange thing to concentrate on, but it was a good distraction from what he’d said. I almost laughed when I realized that sometimes staying focused on a distraction is better than accepting what’s going on outside of it. I wasn’t sure I could accept his words, understand his words, but I realized that I hadn’t given Lansing enough of a chance to explain himself. I was too busy shielding myself and closing off my heart. I had accepted that it was too late.