The Space Beyond (The Book of Phoenix) (3 page)

Theo’s eyes scrunched, and he tilted his head. “What do you mean, little bird?”

I suppressed the need to roll my eyes at the nickname. How could he not see things had changed between us?

“You and Mira said the universe makes things happen so we can serve our roles as Guardians. Things like all evidence of our existences disappearing. People forgetting we were ever in their lives. And by universe, I’m imagining angels.”

He nodded. “That’s how we understand things.”

“So whatever it is the angels do,” I continued, “these soul connections are stronger, right? That’s why we feel something with Brock and Asia, because it goes beyond this current lifetime?”

“Correct. That kind of bond is at the soul’s level, not the physical level. You’ll know it when you see such a soul. In fact, because you are more in tune with your own soul now, you’d feel the connection even more strongly than you did before, even when the physical world denies your part in it.”

My throat tightened at his words. Or maybe at how easily he said them, as if it were no big deal that the world denied your existence. Even your own parents. Ugh. I couldn’t push that from my mind.

“Leni,” Theo said, his narrowed eyes trained on me, “are you still thinking of your parents?”

“No,” I answered, probably a little too quickly. “I’m just trying to understand it all because of Brock and Asia and—” I paused, choosing my words carefully. “—and what you all said about Nathayden and Rebethannah. I was wondering if we’d recognize them if we ever saw them.”

Theo’s eyes had tightened infinitesimally at the mention of the dyad’s names before he pivoted toward his desk. He cleared his throat as he sat down. “Yes, you would most likely know them, at least at a soulful level. Of course, if you could remember from other life cycles, you’d recognize them easier and faster.”

A dismissal and an assignment all rolled into one sentence.

“I’ll work on it,” I muttered as I made my way to the door. I knew everyone was right about that being a priority, and trust me, I
wanted
to remember. There was nothing like having glimpses of yourself across time and being unable to clearly recall it all. I only wished everyone could agree on the best way to do so.

Mira thought the most painful memories would be easiest to recall since they’d be imbedded deeper, and she thought it also most effective because they contained the life lessons that would make us better Guardians and achieve more in this lifetime. Anything else we remembered was superfluous in her eyes. She tried to convince us that focusing on the pain in our hearts and souls would lead us to the pain from our past lives, but all it did was remind us of the horrible things we’d been through in this life. I hated when Jeric had sessions with her, because he had enough pain in this lifetime and Micah’s that Mira drew out too easily, making him rehash it all every time.

Theo, on the other hand, believed we suppressed painful memories, and they would be the hardest to recall. He believed in the gradual-then-suddenly theory that we’d slowly regain glimpses of our past lives if we tried to focus on certain triggers, and then, suddenly, one day we’d remember it all. He suggested looking at pictures or bringing out heirlooms of past eras, but it hadn’t done much for me. He figured it was just a matter of finding the right trigger.

“Have you been using the Book?” Theo asked as I opened the door. He referred to the Book of Phoenix, the journal where Jacey had written down her and Micah’s story to help us remember things faster this time around.

“I write in it, yes,” I said as I paused in the doorway.

“Keep doing so. It has more answers than you realize. It belonged to Jacquelena in previous lives, you know.”

I looked over my shoulder at him. Why hadn’t he mentioned this before? But his glasses were on as he focused intently on a paper in front of him. I shook my head and closed the door behind me. There was nothing in the Book from previous Jacquelenas except Jacey’s story, and I’d read it a thousand times already. If there was anything to glean from her writings, we already had. And I’d jotted down things from time to time since being here at the Phoenix manor, like the few bits and pieces I remembered from the cycle before Jacey, when Jeric and I were One soul—but it’s not like the Book suddenly began filling in all of the blanks.

Then again … Theo wasn’t the first one to tell me the Book was more than a journal. The Keeper in the Space Between had said there was more to the Book than I knew.

Hmm…

Several Guardians mingled in the outer offices, and I pushed past them, feeling Jeric’s presence just outside. Neither of us had taken the opportunity to get to know too many of the others; only Brock and Asia and a couple of other dyad pairs who we’d been assigned to Gate duty with. I honestly didn’t know who permanently belonged at our Gate and who didn’t, because people were constantly coming and going. Some went out and returned from missions. Some were visiting from other Gates around the world, while our own were out traveling, too. And we knew there were some we’d yet to meet who’d been on missions since before Jeric and I had even crossed paths in Italy. According to Melinda, there were seven Gates on Earth with over a thousand Guardians at any given time. Considering the population of Earth, that was a miniscule number, but I found it hard to believe so many of these people were scattered about the planet as complete unknowns to the regular world.

“Hey, babe,” Jeric said, snagging my hand as soon as I stepped outside. He’d obviously been waiting for me, and rather impatiently since he tugged me so hard, I nearly fell into his arms. After he gave me a quick kiss, I pulled back to get a good look at him and gauge his needs.

His blond hair had grown out a bit since we’d been here, and it was at its usual level of disheveled-ness, rather than being a complete mess standing on end as if he’d been pulling it. And he wore a big smile with dimples that made my thighs clench, and the grin reached all the way to his bright blue eyes. I couldn’t help but return the smile. He was in a good mood, which meant Mira had gone easy on him this time … or had ditched him again.

“Good news. We got a shift,” he said as he entangled his fingers with mine and pulled me toward the stairwell. “It starts in ten.”

I hurried alongside him although his strides were much longer than mine. “With Brock and Asia?”

“Nope. Beggars can’t be choosers. We’re filling in for a pair who had to take off for something going on up in Atlanta. We’re with Mat and Kel.”

I snorted and looked up at Jeric. “Can you behave?”

He shrugged. “No problem. I’m secure in my manhood. As long as they don’t try anything. Not that I’d blame them with this bod.”

I slid my arm around his waist and squeezed. “This bod is mine.”

“Damn straight.”

I giggled at the double entendre.

Chapter 3

“Oh, this should be interesting,” Mat said as soon as Leni and I met him and Kel near the water for our shift a few minutes later, the golden light of the afternoon sun reflecting off the bay’s surface and through their translucent forms. His voice sounded even more feminine than usual in his astral state. Probably because his soul was in its more natural condition—or was it
her
soul I should say? Even his essence took on more of a female shape.

We’d met Mat and Kel one of the first nights we were allowed out of the recovery room after being Forged, when Brock and Asia were showing us around the grounds of the Phoenix manor. Mat was shorter and thinner, cut like a skateboarder, with long, brown hair that only emphasized his feminine looks. Kel was taller, with a buzz cut, and a body more like Brock’s and mine. We’d come through the mansion Leni and I had argued over so many times, and out the large wooden doors that led to the grassy lawn with the oak trees I’d seen in my dreams. Beyond the lawn was the water, and there I’d stopped short with my mouth hanging open. Mat and Kel had been standing by the shore, kissing under the moonlight. Or, at least, I assumed they were. I had to look away as soon as my brain caught up with my eyes. I’d done some kinky shit in my life, but watching two guys make out? No thanks. Not my thing. At. All.

To be honest, I was surprised to see a gay couple as dyads. Leni and I hadn’t been told much at that point, but we’d learned that each Twin Flame pair had what we humans would describe as a masculine side and a feminine one, two halves of a whole soul, although the differentiation was more complex than that. So at the time, I’d assumed that meant each dyad pair consisted of a dude and a chick. Obviously, I assumed wrong.

According to Brock, who gave us the low-down, Mat’s soul’s name was Matoria, and she was the feminine half with Kelverich, the masculine side. In other words, she usually took a female body, and he took a male one. When Matoria came to Earth for this life cycle, her soul found its home in a male fetus. Brock said her soul had almost gone Dark because her so-called Christian parents disowned Mat because he had the hots for guys. After being on the streets for a while, Mat finally found Kel—who’d had no interest in men until he met Mat. Total wig out at first that Brock said included a fistfight, but once they remembered who they were and reached the Gate, it all made sense, and they were just as much together as Leni and me or any other dyad couple. I’d heard we had a lesbian couple at our Gate, too, but they’d been out on a mission for weeks, and we hadn’t met them yet. Not that I gave a shit before about who loved who—Leni’s concern about my potential behavior came because I loved pussy, and I wouldn’t stand down from an argument that it was the best thing God gave man—but I now had a whole different perspective about homosexuality.

What grated on my nerves were guys like Mat who tried too hard to be the funny flamer, and they only came off as assholes. So it wasn’t the words or the girlish lilt that got to me, but the snide tone that promised more of the same for the entire shift.

“Yeah, quite interesting,” I muttered.

A sigh from Leni rippled through our soul. It wasn’t for me or my sarcasm, though. She’d picked up on Mat’s snark factor, too.

“This shift won’t do us any good,” she said so only I could hear as we traveled to the Gate.

“Too late to back out now,” I told her, then I gave her a mental squeeze and added, “We’ll just have to make it worth our time after.”

A vision of her naked body trembling as she straddled me played in our minds. Sex in this state made everything else worth it.

“Do you ever think of anything else?” she teased.

“Only when I’m forced to.”

Conversation was nonexistent with Mat and Kel, the silence broken only by the Guardians who we relieved as they gave their report of no activity. The Lakari seemed to have grown quiet lately. Brock thought Enyxa was up to something. I couldn’t help but think it had something to do with what happened to Leni and Asia the other day. I secretly hoped Leni was right about this shift, because as much as she wanted a repeat of the events of the other day, I didn’t. Especially without Brock and Asia here. No activity at all would be perfect.

Nothing ever went my way.

The Gate remained dim for the majority of our shift, and I thought my wish would come true, until it lit up like a spotlight shining from the sandy floor of the bay up toward the surface. Any marine life that had been swimming or drifting around scattered, leaving only the light and us. Above the water, however, Dark souls hovered. I could feel them like an icy trickle on the nape of my neck as they waited eagerly for the possibility of their comrades to join them and strengthen their numbers.

A small pinprick showed in the light of the gate, and as it grew open, Leni’s anticipation washed through us. We both hesitated, watching and waiting to see if this was like the other day or a more normal hole being ripped open by Enyxa or her Lakari. Mat and Kel, of course, went into immediate action, as they were trained to do. Light shot out of them in streaks as they tried to plug the hole before any Lakari could pass through.

“Come on, we gotta get it closed!” Kel yelled as he and Mat used their light to tighten the hole back up.

Still, Leni and I watched and waited.

“Wake up, bitches,” Mat said, “and get to work!”

“They’re coming,” Kel bit through gritted teeth.

A dark shadow began filling the hole and pushing its way through. Leni and I snapped out of it and attacked, thrusting our light into its darkness. The Lakari was almost through, though, with many more pushing on it from the other side. Dark souls wanting in to take over the Earth. As if this world needed any more Darkness in it. Leni and I used all of our strength to shove back as Mat and Kel worked to close the hole.

“Fuck,” Kel muttered, his voice strained by his effort. “Destroy them, damn it.”

Leni threw herself into me, combining our forces. We soared at the Lakari and shattered it into pieces. The bits flew back into the hole just as Kel and Mat finally closed it up. As soon as the Gate fell dark, Mat flew at me.

“You need to step the hell up,” he yelled into my face.

Although we weren’t in our physical bodies, I bowed up. “What the fuck does that mean?”

“You had your thumbs up your asses, just staring at the bitches,” Kel said, sidling up behind his partner.

“We’ve heard nothing but how great you’re supposed to be, how you’re such a strong warrior and leader, but you’re nothing but a fucking pussy,” Mat snapped.

Before I could respond, Leni soared toward me and bumped against my form, making me stagger back. Her essence seeped into mine. I immediately calmed when it did.

“Leave it alone,” she whispered as her soul stroked mine.

I swallowed down my retaliation, but I couldn’t so easily dismiss their words and the meaning behind them. Everyone else had been tiptoeing around this, but they all felt the same way, I knew. They were waiting for me—and Leni, too—to become the leaders they thought we were. As if there were a fucking switch we could throw and bam!
Here we are, bitches!

Maybe that had happened in past life cycles, but not this one. I didn’t see how anyone could do that, though. How do you so quickly and easily say, “Screw everything I know about this world and the people in it—they were just means to this end”? I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t believe the accident that killed my sister and parents was simply a convenient way to remove them from my life. How messed up is that? And what about Micah’s Marine brothers? They had their own lives, people who loved them, things they cared about. What happened to all these people’s souls? They just moved on to another world, completely forgetting who was left behind here? That sucked.

“Erm … that’s not how I understand it,” Leni said, interrupting my thoughts that, of course, she felt, considering we were basically one entity at the moment. “Those souls had their own purpose and their own paths. It wasn’t all about you. Besides, you may be with them again.” She paused, and a twinge of hurt ran through us. “I don’t know about my parents and me, but you had a different relationship with your sister and your parents. A closer one. Maybe that wasn’t the first time you’d been together as a family. Maybe that connection will bring you together again.”

I mentally grunted. “Yeah, well, it won’t be in this lifetime, will it? And
this
is the life I’m in now. Everyone wants us to forget that—to forget everything about ourselves until now.”

Not that life had been a fairy tale before meeting Leni. In fact, it had pretty much sucked ass. I’d lost my family and my hearing right when things were going so perfectly. I became a loner. Even when I was with all those girls, I was alone, in my own silent world. Before the accident, there was talk of our band hitting it big, and I thrived on that attention. I lost that thrill, though. Fighting and modeling never brought it back. Yeah, life sucked before I met Leni, but damn, it had been
my
life.

“We’re
people
,” I said aloud so Mat and Kel could hear, separating myself from Leni and turning to them. “Earthlings. Whatever the hell you want to call us. We have a life. A
recent
past. We’re more than Guardians, and we’re not the people we were in the past, so deal with it.”

“Yeah, you just keep thinking that, buddy, and we’re all screwed,” Kel muttered.

I shrugged. “We are who we are now, and if you don’t like that, you can fuck off.”

Mat’s essence darted through the water until he was in my face. Again. “Get off your self-righteous high horse and do what you’re supposed to do,
Jeremicah
. You chose this, remember? We all did in the Space Between. So buck up and be the leader everyone needs. Or, at least, do your god-damned job so the rest of us can do ours and maybe actually live a while longer. You keep this up, and you’ll get us all killed. Including your own Flame.”

I stared at Mat’s form, seething.

“Kel, call your bitch off,” I growled.

Mat glared at me for a moment longer, then sauntered back to Kel. “No need, babe. I said my piece.”

I turned away from them, and Leni came up to me. I needed her to back off, too, though. I could imagine my heart racing in my physical body, and the need to punch something was overwhelming. I didn’t want to hurt her. What made me angrier than anything was that Mat was right. I chose this life to be a Guardian, and part of that choice was taking my rightful place as Leni’s protector. I couldn’t imagine not being by her side and keeping her safe. But part of
that
was being the leader with her that we were meant to be.

And fuck. How do you reconcile who you thought you were for the past 23 years with something like that?