Authors: Nadine Matheson
‘Are you happy?’ Katelyn asked.
‘Excuse me? I asked you first.’
‘I’m not the one who sold her house and grabbed her two children and ran off halfway around the world because we’re not as rich as we used to be.’ Lucinda opened her mouth to respond but couldn’t think of an appropriate lie. ‘Mom. Reece and I aren’t stupid. Actually, Reece is stupid but I’m not.’
‘Don’t talk that way about your brother.’
‘Ok fine. But I am happy. I was pissed…’
‘Hey, language.’
‘Sorry, annoyed about leaving New York, leaving my friends and stuff like that but I like being here. I like being near to Grandma and Grandpa and finally getting to know my aunts and cousins. London is cool. Reece’s friends exist in a virtual world so to him nothing’s changed.’
‘I’m doing my best to make everything right,’ Lucinda said as she lay on the bed.
‘I know, mom. We wouldn’t have moved if you weren’t. And it’s not like dad was about to win any Father of the Year awards.’
‘You shouldn’t talk that way about your father. He’s still your father.’
Katelyn sighed. ‘I know. He keeps telling me that in his emails but he’s not here and you are. You’re really quite loud.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘You. Singing. When you sing it fills the house.’
‘Thank you but it’s not going as well as I thought it would.’
‘You know what you should do…’
‘Don’t you dare suggest The Voice or X-Factor.’
‘God mom, no. I was watching this programme on ITV called the Big Reunion. Here let me show you.’ Katelyn reached for her MacBook and opened up the Internet. ‘They got all of these old groups from the nineties for a big concert.’
‘Old?’
‘Yes, old. I haven’t even heard of any of them. In fact I wasn’t even born when…
‘I get your point, thank you very much. Not that it matters. I doubt that your aunts would be interested in a reunion.’
‘But that doesn’t stop you, does it. People love retro and vintage stuff. I was reading about in my magazine. Retro is in.’
‘Katelyn. I’m neither retro or vintage.’
Katelyn rolled her eyes. ‘Mom, you’re overreacting. I’m just saying that you can put on a show. Something small and intimate. Not Wembley stadium or that place in Greenwich which Auntie Emma took us too.’
‘You mean the o2.’
‘Yeah not there, but somewhere smaller, with you and your piano just like Nina Simone. Except maybe not so angry. What do you think?’
‘I think my darling daughter that you may be on to something.’
IT WAS going to be one bitch of a hangover. Jessica could still taste the wine at the back of her tongue as she slowly rolled over onto her back. She hadn’t even made it into her own bed and had passed out on the sofa. The empty wine glass was lying on its side, stained red with the remnants of the wine reminding her of the failed promise she’d made to herself. With the benefit of hindsight she was glad that Lena wasn’t here to see her in this state. It was her phone that had woken her up at the ungodly hour of 8.30am. She pulled it out from where it’d been wedged in the back of the sofa with the remote control and what looked like half a bag of now melted chocolate buttons. There were various emails from newspapers and magazines wanting to buy her story, and two texts from Barclays with an update on her bank balance; for the first time ever she wished that the numbers were a great fat zero, as that way Andrew would leave her alone. The second text was from Lucinda. She was about to delete it when the phone vibrated in her hand. Jessica must have still been drunk because she didn’t press decline.
‘I suppose that you’re calling to gloat.’
‘No, Jess. I haven’t called to gloat. I just wanted to see how you’re doing?’ Lucinda said as she sat down on the bottom step and took off her trainers. ‘I’ve seen the papers and I just thought…’
‘You thought what?’
‘I know that it can’t be easy.’
‘This is anything but easy,’ Jessica said as she opened the shutters of the front window and immediately closed them again when she noticed a couple of photographers holding cups of tea whilst they waited outside. ‘I’m sure that you’d love the whole world knowing your business but I don’t.’
‘You’re more than welcome to come to me if you want to get away from things for while,’ Lucinda said.
‘Unlike you, Lou, I can’t just pick up and run whenever things don’t go my way. I have responsibilities,’ Jessica snapped back. She walked into her kitchen and started opening cupboards looking for anything that would put an end to the pounding headache that had started to form in the middle of her forehead. She vaguely remembered eating half a bowl of porridge yesterday and a bag of popcorn but she didn’t think anything of nutritional value had entered her stomach. Lucinda didn’t rise to the bait as she stretched out her legs. ‘Jess, I just wanted to see how you were doing and to let you know that I’m here for you, ok?’
‘It’s funny isn’t it?’
‘What’s funny?’
‘Well, everything was fine until you came along. Dad wasn’t ill…’
‘For crying out loud Jessica, you’re just being…’
‘And my marriage was fine.’ Lucinda took a deep breath and started to silently count to ten.
‘There were no problems with my marriage. We were happy.’
‘Happy? People don’t walk out of their marriages when they’re happy.’
‘But as soon as you stepped foot in London, everything starts going to shit. I’m such a fucking idiot. I don’t know why I didn’t see it earlier…’
‘Jess, your marriage problems have…’
‘They have everything to do with you. What did you do? Email him before you left. Tell him that you wanted to finish off what you started.’
‘Seriously Jess, you better stop right there.’
‘Stop what? How long have you been fucking my husband, sister?’ Jessica spat out the last word as she reached for the bottle of wine instead of the bottle of water at the back of the fridge.
‘Have you been drinking or are you on drugs? I’m not…’
‘I bet it started as soon as you came back. Is that why you kept sending your kids to mum and dad’s, so you could fuck Andrew in your bed?’
‘You’ve gone too fucking far. I haven’t spoken to or seen that man that you call your husband. You really are a delusional cow. I told you from day one that he was a dog but you didn’t want to see it. You believed all the bullshit that came out of his mouth over your own flesh and blood. You have no idea what he tried to…’
‘I don’t want to hear anymore of your lies, Lucinda. I know this has something to do with you. I know that…’ Jessica didn’t get a chance to say anymore as the call came to an abrupt end. She stared at the phone in her left hand and the wine bottle in her right hand. She threw the phone to the other end of the kitchen and watched as it hit the tiles as she slid down to the floor.
Lucinda ran to the bathroom and washed her face. She was so angry and she couldn’t stop the tears that sprung from her eyes. After all these years, Jessica was still holding on to the lies that Andrew had told her, even though he’d walked out on her and had laid bare their lives for the world to see. She got dressed and headed downstairs to the front room. Earlier she’d gone for a run to clear her head and give herself room to think, but now it felt just as congested as it had when she woke up that morning. She sat at the piano and played a few scales to warm up. Then she began to play the song that had been forming in her head for the past few weeks.
‘You said that I was a star,
But I was no more than dust and light,
I was supposed to shine brightly but the eclipse came and took my light
I fell down to earth with nothing to break my fall
I tried to stand up but my power was gone.’
She could feel the emotion of the song rising from the pit of her stomach. It was the only thing that felt right and natural to her. It put a soothing blanket over Jessica’s words.
‘Mom, there’s someone at the door for you,’ Reece said as he suddenly appeared at Lucinda’s side with a half eaten croissant in his hand. She hadn’t even realised that he’d come into the room or that someone had been knocking at the door for several minutes.
‘Who is it?’
Reece shrugged his shoulders. ‘I don’t know. Some woman.’ Lucinda wondered if it was a reporter who had tracked her down looking for
a close member of the family
to give them information on her sister’s marriage breakdown.
‘You sounded good mom,’ Reece said as he threw himself onto the sofa and turned the TV on.
Lucinda opened the front door prepared to give the reporter or whatever they were a mouthful but she stopped when the slender red-headed woman turned around. She was definitely not a reporter. She was wearing the world recognised uniform of a new mother, black leggings, vest and an oversized cardigan. She wasn’t wearing any makeup and when she put her hair behind her ears, Lucinda could see a faint scar running from her temple to her chin. The woman immediately pulled her hair back over her ear and smoothed it down. She had the same intense green eyes like her brother.
‘Was that you?’
‘Excuse me?’ Lucinda asked as she wondered what this woman hoped to achieve by turning up on her doorstep at ten o’clock on a Saturday morning.
‘Was that you singing?’
‘Yes, it was.’
‘It sounded amazing. Painful but amazing.’
‘Can I help you or do you just randomly go around knocking on people’s front doors offering a musical critique?’
‘I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Yes, my name is Madeline and you’re trying to kick me out of my house.’
* * * *
‘How old is your baby?’ Lucinda asked as she placed a cup of tea in front of Madeline who was now sitting in her kitchen, looking around, clearly not impressed with the decor.
‘Abigail is six months and teething. I don’t think I’ve slept for two days,’ Madeline answered with a smile. ‘And Joshua is 5.’
‘Same ages as my niece and nephew,’ Lucinda replied as she sat down in front of Madeline knowing she was about to hear a story that she wouldn’t like.
‘I left my husband two years ago. He gave me this,’ Madeline said as she pulled back her hair to reveal her scar. ‘And this.’ She lifted her right cardigan sleeve and revealed a faint four inch scar. ‘There are three metal pins holding my wrist together.’
‘I’m sorry,’ Lucinda said, not quite sure what she should be saying. To apologise didn’t seem enough.
‘It’s ok. Joshua was 3 when I left. Owen my brother, whom you’ve met, he found the house for me. His flat was too small for a nervous wreck of a sister and a lunatic three-year-old.’
‘You don’t have to tell me all of this. I appreciate that none of this is easy.’
‘I just want you to understand why this house has been important to me,’ Madeline said firmly as though she’d been practicing. ‘We had been there for almost a year, Josh and I, when my husband calls me out of the blue. Tells me that he wants to see Joshua. Wanted me to forgive him. Said that he’d had counselling. Anyway, like I fool, I went to see him. Owen told me not to and well…I ended up with a broken wrist and he gave me Abigail as a leaving present.’
‘I don’t know what you expect me to…’
‘That house is the only place where I’ve felt safe with my children. My brother is only around the corner. I can’t leave. Not yet.’
‘I’m sorry. I really am and believe me if I was in a position to…I just can’t. I need my house back.’
Madeline nodded. ‘I’m sorry about Owen by the way. He’s a bit overprotective.’
‘Please don’t worry about it. I’d have done exactly the same thing if I were him. Family is important.’ Suddenly as if a thousand light bulbs had gone off in Madeline’s head, she looked straight into Lucinda’s eyes and she broke out into a smile.
‘I know who you are. No wonder Owen kept saying you looked familiar. He had to listen to me playing your album on repeat when I was 16. My best friend and I even sang your song at our college talent show. You were in Euterpe, right? Oh my God. This is so cool,’ Madeline said excitedly as she took a sip of her tea. ‘Wow.’
‘And I’m kicking you out of your house,’ Lucinda said embarrassingly.
‘I’m not being funny but what’s wrong with this one?’
‘It’s a long story and not one that I’m prepared to go into with a complete stranger.’
‘Fair enough.’ The two women said nothing for a few minutes and just drank their tea.
‘I can’t believe that I’m sitting in Lucinda from Euterpe’s kitchen,’ Madeline said with a giggle. ‘Can you believe that this is the first time I’ve been out of the house all week? It was like when I first moved in. I was scared shitless of leaving the house in case he found me, and the annoying thing is that I had a really beautiful house in Crystal Palace. We’d bought that house when it was a wreck, and we spent two years doing it up, making it perfect. It was what I did before I became a mum. I’m an interior designer. I loved knocking things down and building them back up again. Unfortunately I went and picked a man who decided that he liked knocking me down too. He was nice in the beginning but it starts with a push or a pinch and then…sorry. You don’t want to hear about all of this.’
‘It’s ok. If you want to.’
‘It’s odd. I feel like I know you.’
‘I’m kind of used to people saying that.’
‘Anyway, what I wanted to say to you was this. We’re in the process of selling the house. The Crystal Palace one. Apparently, I’m a millionaire. He was being a right arse about the house until the one across the road sold for something stupid and the next thing I know my lawyer is telling me that my decree nisi is in the post and that he’s offering me half the proceeds from the house.’
‘Oh lucky for you. So what are you going to do now?’ Lucinda tried her best not to sound envious.
‘I’d love to buy your house…’
‘That’s not going to happen…’
‘Don’t worry about it, I can’t afford it. I half considered going back to Ireland and living with my parents but that would just give me a nervous breakdown. Owen is helping me look for somewhere else but I just need some more time.’
‘Well how long do you need?’
‘I’m asking for another three months on top of the six weeks that I’ve got left.’