The Side Effects of You (22 page)

I felt low because of what I had said. After all, he hadn't put a gun to my head back then, so I was at fault too.

I reached over and wiped his tears. “Call your mom first, baby. Let her know you're going to be a daddy.” I smiled.

He rubbed his face to dry his tears and then shook his head. “Do you forgive me, Andrea? Do you? For what I forced you to do to our baby? Do you forgive me?”

I grabbed his hand and squeezed it so tight. “Yes, Q, I forgive you. You're not the only one responsible for what happened to us back then. I didn't have to go through with it, but I did, so do you forgive me?”

“I forgave you a very, very, very long time ago, Andrea. I know if I had never spat the bullshit to you about how big the burden and responsibility would be, and how we had too much on our plates as it was, you would not have budged. I played you back then, Drea, listening to motherfuckers who are not even around anymore, thinking they knew what was best for us, when they had no clue. I loved you so much, and leaving you was, like, the hardest thing, but I believed the hype back then. And when it all came crumbling down and reality hit me, the smoke cleared, and all the things I thought I was shooting for were beyond my reach, and I was too cowardly to come crawling back to you.

“When I heard you were engaged to a church boy, I thought that was the best thing for you. And loving you so much, I said to myself, ‘I won't bother her. I want her to be happy.' I got engaged to and married the first smart chick I dated, but I knew she didn't love me, not like you. When we made love, there was no passion. We talked, but there were no deep conversations. All we had in common were educated friends, liking upscale dining, wanting to live the life and have the image of a successful couple. Can you imagine making love by a schedule? Pulling out a fucking calendar to confirm what night it was? I was penciled in on her schedule, Drea, and kids weren't on her timeline. I just wanted a normal life, a normal wife, a normal marriage, where we could eat the wrong shit when we wanted to, have comedies on our movie list, and if I saw you in the shower and I wanted to push my dick in you, I could.

“You being pregnant, you accepting my ring, and you loving me are all I've ever wanted. I forgive you, baby. I am happy, happier than I've ever been in my life. You can gain, lose, whatever. Just don't change who you are. I love you, Andrea, inside and out, and I'm bursting right now. You've always been beautiful to me, and looking at you right now, with my seed growing inside you, you are the most beautiful I've ever seen you.”

I smiled. “You are an amazing man, Q. You are going to make a good husband and a great dad. I love you, and I am blessed to have you in my life. Blessed to have another life granted to me by God. Right now, you are also the most beautiful I've ever seen you. I needed a love like this. If every woman on this planet could experience this, there would be a bunch of happy women. To find that good, unconditional love from a man is rare, and you are my reward. I know we went about things the wrong way, but God still loved me enough and had enough mercy on me to give me another chance at love. And I'm grateful it's with you.”

He leaned over and kissed me softly.

“So call your mother. Tell her that you are going to be a dad.” I smiled.

“You don't mind if I call her first?”

“Baby, I don't mind.”

I never wanted Quentin as much as I wanted him at that moment. Being pregnant was a shock, a mind-blowing thing, but I was happy. He was the man of my dreams, and if he was the prize in the end, he was a welcome prize, because I needed him to get me through the side effects of Jeremiah. He was the right prescription, administered in the right dosage, to help me get over Pastor Young. While he grinned and gave his mom the news, I held his hand.

He was definitely the man whom God had made for me, and I loved him. I truly loved him.

I wiggled my hips to salsa music as I diced veggies for my fajitas. I enjoyed the wine that Jay had cracked open for me before taking Angelica to the store. She had a project for school that she needed to work on, and he volunteered to take her to get the supplies while I started dinner. As I diced the veggies, I couldn't help admiring the rock that he had adorned my finger with a couple of days before. It was beautiful. I had never felt so loved, so alive, so happy. My ex-husband had never given me anything but a couple of STDs, heartache, headaches, and problems.

I was happy that he was locked away, because if he were free, he'd be a thorn in my side, just like Ana was. I was relieved not to have him lurking around my place. I put the veggies to the side and flipped my cutting board over to the meat side. I opened the rib eyes, sliced them into thin strips, put the strips in a bowl, and added seasonings. I'd wait until Jay and Angelica walked in before I sautéed everything. I wanted it to be hot and fresh. Everything prepped and ready to go, I refilled my glass and waited for them.

My phone buzzed as it vibrated on the counter, and when I saw Ana's name on the caller ID, I quickly answered.

“Ana, you have to turn yourself in,” I said without a hello.

She was quiet.

“Ana?” I said.

Still silence.

“
No juegues conmigo, niña
.”

But still nothing.

“
Hola, hola, hola
,” I yelled. “
Donde estás
?” I demanded.

I heard sniffling. “Help me, Mama. Help,” she whispered. I could barely hear her.

“Help you? What do you mean, help you, Ana? Where in the hell are you?” I quizzed.

“Please come, Ma, please. I'm in trouble,” she cried. I couldn't care less if she was in trouble. I just wanted them to pick her up. I had no idea where she was living, what she was doing, or who she was doing it with.

“Ana, where are you?” I asked again. Then I heard her scream a bloodcurdling scream.

“Nooo, nooo, please, nooo!” Ana shrieked. I heard my baby crying. I heard what sounded like punches and fighting noises.

“Ana! Ana! Ana!” I yelled. But she didn't answer. I was in a panic. All I heard were loud noises, Ana's screams, and a man saying, “I'm going to kill you, bitch! Where in the fuck is my money?”

Terrified, I ran to the front desk and told my agent to dial the police. I didn't know what was going on; all I knew was my baby needed me.

“Ana, baby, I'm coming,” I cried into my cell phone. I was going out of my mind.

My agent handed me the desk phone. I held it to my free ear, keeping my cell phone to my other one. “Listen, this is Josephina Ramirez,” I said quickly. “My cell phone is being monitored for my daughter, who has a warrant, and she's somewhere, in trouble.”

I heard the police operator typing something. “I'll get you to the right department.”

I was transferred.

“Mrs. Ramirez, this is Officer Davis. I see there is activity.”

“Yes, and she's in trouble. I don't know where she is, but someone is beating her. She is screaming for help.”

“All we need is two minutes. Whatever you do, don't hang up that phone.”

In a panic and shaking, I cried, “I won't. Just find her please. She is in trouble.”

I held my phone to my ear. I couldn't bear to hear my baby scream and beg for her life. I thought my heart would stop.

“Just one more minute,” Officer Davis said.

I was trembling, and my face was soaked with tears.

Jay and Angelica walked in the lobby just then, laughing and joking.

“Josie, what is it, baby?” Jayden asked as soon as he saw my face.

“It's Ana. She's in trouble. She's—” I heard a bang, and the screams stopped. “Ana!” I yelled into the cell phone.

“We got her,” Officer Davis said. “You stay put. We are headed over there.”

“Please tell me where,” I pleaded. “I need to go and see about my baby.”

“Just hang tight, Mrs. Ramirez. We will call you as soon as we bring her in,” the officer said and then hung up.

I was shaking. I couldn't hang up my cell phone. I heard more yelling from unknown voices, and a couple of minutes later, the phone went dead. I fell to my knees, and Jayden and Angelica got on either side of me, lifted me to my feet, and helped me into the apartment. Jayden was asking questions, and I had no answers.

“I don't know, Jay,” I yelled. “I don't know!” He held me tight and helped me over to the sofa.

“Shhhh, baby. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Relax. They are going to find her.”

I just sobbed.

Angelica sat down next to me on the sofa and held my hand. “Mama, don't worry,” she said. “Don't worry.”

I dried my eyes and took a few deep, cleansing breaths. Jayden refilled my wineglass and handed it to me. My hands were shaking. I was so scared for Ana. She had somehow gotten herself into a bad situation. I didn't know if my child was dead or alive.

What felt like hours later, there was a knock at the door, and my heart pounded. It was Officer Davis and his partner.

Jayden let them in, and I jumped up, demanded information.

“Where is she? Is she okay? Can I see her? Is she in custody?”

“Mrs. Ramirez, we are sorry, but your daughter didn't make it. She was already deceased when we got to the location,” Officer Davis said. “We do have the guy that did this to her in custody. We have your daughter's killer, and he is not going to walk. I guarantee it.”

I heard a painful wailing and realized it was coming from me. “Nooo!” I screamed. Jayden held me tight. “Please, God, no, no, no, no.” I sobbed uncontrollably. My legs were weak, and I sank back down onto the sofa. Angelica rushed to me, and we held each other and cried.

“We are going to need you to come and identify her body,” Officer Davis said.

I heard Jay answer for me. “We will, sir.”

“I'm so sorry for your loss,” Officer Davis said quietly, and then he and his partner left.

I was in a daze and couldn't speak. Ana was my problem child, yes, but never in a trillion years did I want my child to be killed. It hurt like hell. The pain was indescribable; it was a pain I'd never experienced in my life. Even a beating from my ex-husband had nothing on what I felt at that moment. I literally wanted to die too. I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest.

Jayden begged me to get up so we could go and identify her body. I couldn't.

“Please no, Jay. I can't. I can't.”

“Baby, we have to,” he declared.

I knew he was right, but I didn't want to go. It took him an hour to finally convince me to go. In the car, I just sobbed during the entire ride. When we got to the morgue, a man greeted us and took us back to see her. He pulled back the sheet that covered my baby's face and body. She was unrecognizable. Whoever had done this to her was evil and cruel. No amount of makeup would have made my child look normal again. The hole in her chest was small, but I knew that was where she had been shot. I touched her wound and her cold hand and sobbed. If it hadn't been for her tattoos, the ones I had forbidden her to get, I would not have been able to recognize her.

“It's her,” I cried. “It's my Ana.”

The man quickly covered her back up and told me it was okay to come back the next day to discuss arrangements. I simply nodded, and Jayden walked me back to the car.

That was the absolute worst day of my life. The only thing that allowed me to sleep that night was the Ambien from my medicine cabinet.

The next morning, I woke up and broke down again after Jayden confirmed that it hadn't been a dream. My Ana was gone.

I sat in the small courtroom and wondered what the decision was going to be. I didn't want to show the judge that video clip, but I would if I had to, because I wasn't going to be on appointment-only terms to see my kids. Jeremiah pursuing full custody was insane. He was only trying to get back at me, and after hearing the news that I was pregnant, he was sure he was going to walk away with my kids.

I sat and listened to our attorneys handle the proceedings, and when the judge finally addressed me, I thought for sure that I'd have a chance to tell my side and that he'd understand that Jeremiah had driven me into the arms of another man. He'd have to see that I didn't set out to be an adulteress and that I had just happened to get caught at a raw time in my life.

“Yes, Your Honor, it's true that I had a physical affair with Quentin Hughes,” I told the judge. “He and I were friends, and we reconnected. The more I had issues with Mr. Young, the closer I got to Mr. Hughes. I never intended to have an affair. I didn't want things to go this way. I know right from wrong, and I am sorry for my actions. However, I'm a good mother, Your Honor. My children deserve to have us both, and I just want to work it out with Jeremiah so we both have equal rights when it comes to them.”

The judge nodded. “As much as I would like to have sympathy for you, Mrs. Young, as a man of God and an upholder of the law, I don't think you'd be a better fit for your children at this time. I will grant the petition for divorce, and I will give sole custody of Lena Young and Jeremiah Young Jr. to their father.” He continued to ramble on, but all I heard was custody was going to be given to Jeremiah.

“Your Honor, please, I know what I did was horrible, but Jeremiah knows our marriage was over long before Quentin. Jeremiah, please don't do this. Don't let him take my kids away. This isn't fair. Jeremiah, please, don't do this,” I cried.

The judge banged his gavel and ordered my attorney to quiet me. I couldn't believe the judge had taken my kids.

“I have proof that Jeremiah has secrets too,” I blurted. It was time for me to expose him.

“Well, you need to go to family court with that. As of now, this session is adjourned. Good day,” the judge said and stood.

I couldn't even show him the video, because he had shut me down. I stood and marched over to Jeremiah. I slapped his face so hard that his deacons rushed over and pulled me back. I wanted to spit nails.

“You will rot in hell!” I yelled as the deacons dragged me out of the courtroom. “Your secrets won't stay buried forever,” I shouted, trying to break free. “You're a fraud, Jeremiah, and God is going to punish you,” was the last thing I could get out.

As I was being dragged out of the courtroom, Quentin saw one of Jeremiah's men rough handling me, and he rushed over. He had come to court with me, but we had decided it was best if he didn't come into the courtroom.

“Man, you better take your hands off of my fiancée,” he yelled. The deacon released me. “What the hell is wrong with you, man? She is pregnant.” Quentin shoved him in the chest, ready to fight.

Jeremiah's flunky just looked at him, straightened his jacket, and went back inside.

“Baby, are you okay?” Quentin asked me. “What was that about?”

“That bastard got custody of my kids. The judge gave that motherfucker full custody of my kids,” I cried. I was now sobbing. “I can't see them unless he allows me to visit. He gave him my babies.”

Quentin wrapped his arms around me to comfort me. “Shhh, Drea. Don't cry, baby. It's not over. We can fight him.”

“To lose again? Jeremiah has all these crooked-ass judges in his pocket. They love that faggot-ass bitch. I can't fight him, Q.”

“You can, and we will. Come on. Let's go. You need to calm down and rest. We still have a baby in here”—he touched my stomach—“that you have to take care of. You can't let this stress you, honey.” He pulled me by my hand. “Come on. Let me get you home.”

This was the ultimate side effect of Jeremiah. It was time to get his ass back.

And I knew just how to do it.