The Sexy Vegan Cookbook (4 page)

2 fluid ounces gin

1 tablespoon dry vermouth

1 tablespoon Crazy Shit Vinegar (see recipe,
page 194
)

1 slice pickled jalapeno, for garnish (optional; see Tip,
page 195
)

1 slice pickled carrot, for garnish (optional; see Tip,
page 195
)

Place your martini glass in the freezer. Fill a cocktail shaker with ice, and add the gin, vermouth, and vinegar. Stir with a long-handled spoon for 30 seconds. Remove the glass from the freezer, strain the contents of the shaker into the glass, and add the jalapeno and carrot garnishes, if using.

3 thin slices cucumber

4 or 5 mint leaves

1 lime wedge

4 or 5 ice cubes

1 shot (1½ fluid ounces) gin

6 fluid ounces tonic water

Place the cucumber and mint in the bottom of a highball glass, and smash them together with a muddler or the handle of a wooden spoon for 5 seconds. Squeeze the juice from the lime wedge over the crushed cucumber and mint, add the ice, gin, and tonic, and give it a stir. Drop in the squeezed lime wedge for good measure, and consume.

4 shots (6 fluid ounces) white tequila

½ cup fresh lime juice

½ cup triple sec

½ cup Hibiscus Syrup (recipe follows)

4 cups ice cubes

Lime Zest Salt (recipe follows)

1 lime wedge

In a blender, combine the tequila, lime juice, triple sec, hibiscus syrup, and ice, and blend on high until the mixture is slushy. Spread out the lime zest salt on a small plate. Rub the lime wedge along the rims of 4 margarita or rocks glasses to moisten them, then rub the rims of the glasses in the lime zest salt to coat them. Pour the frozen drink into the glasses, and try not to give yourself brain freeze.

Store your extra syrup in a tightly closed mason jar in the fridge. It will last at least 4 months.

2 cups water

½ cup dried hibiscus flowers

4 cups unrefined granulated sugar

In a nonreactive pot (like stainless steel or enamel), bring the water to a boil. Turn off the heat and add the hibiscus. Let the hibiscus steep for 25 minutes, then strain the mixture into another pot, pressing the hibiscus to extract all the liquid. (Now you have hibiscus tea. If you let it cool, slightly sweeten it, and pour it over ice, it makes a refreshing beverage on its own.) Add the sugar and bring the mixture to a boil, stirring until the sugar dissolves. Let it cool to room temperature before using.

Store your extra lime zest salt in an airtight container at room temperature. It will last at least 6 months.

1 cup kosher or sea salt

Zest of three limes

In a food processor, pulse the salt and zest until finely ground and fully combined.

1 cup roughly chopped strawberries

2 tablespoons unrefined granulated sugar

2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice

One 750 ml bottle champagne, sparkling wine, or prosecco

High-quality dark chocolate (optional)

Place the strawberries, sugar, and lemon juice in a bowl and mix well. This is called macerating (that’s ma-CER-ating, people), which draws out the strawberries’ natural sugars. Cover and refrigerate for 1 hour. Then, in a blender or food processor, puree the mixture. You can strain the puree through cheesecloth if you want to remove some of the seeds, but I personally don’t mind them. Pour 4 ounces of champagne into each of the 6 glasses and, with a long-handled spoon, gently stir 1 tablespoon of the strawberry puree into each glass. (Any extra puree will be great in your morning smoothie.) Serve with the dark chocolate. Then have sex, either with yourself or with whoever else is there (as long as they’re into it).

Basic Seitan

My Balls

Pretend Italian Sausages

Pretend Breakfast Sausage Patties

Tempeh Bacon

Pretend Canadian Bacon

Tempeh Chorizo

IF YOU WERE BORN IN THE USA
during the past century, you were born into a culture of meat. If you weren’t born during the past hundred years, then you’re either astonishingly old or from the future…and in either of these cases, I’ve got some questions. But let’s say you were born in the twentieth century. Your parents were most likely not vegetarian or vegan, and there was probably even some semi-digested cheeseburger hanging out in your umbilical cord when it was cut (actually, I’m not sure if umbilical cords work that way — just roll with it). You grew up knowing meat as “the thing that goes in the middle of the plate.” It may have been surrounded by veggies, or a grain, or, in my case, cheese, dough, and sauce, but no matter what, it was always there. How it came to be the centerpiece of our diets is debatable. But whether you believe it arrived out of necessity or through really, really good brainwa— er, um, I mean marketing, all that matters now is that you’re reading this book. You have decided to reduce or eliminate your meat consumption, and that is fantastic! There may be times, especially when you’re a new vegan, that you’ll be jonesin’ like a crackhead for some good old-fashioned spaghetti and meatballs, a mile-high deli sando, or some smoky bacon strips. Well, allow me to take care of those phantom itches and show you a few easy and delicious things to put where the meat used to go.