The Sexy Vegan Cookbook (3 page)

On September 10, 2006, I cooked myself up a nice porterhouse with mushroom gravy and some roasted potatoes, and the next day
I went vegan. I realize that this means my first day of being vegan was on September 11th, but I wasn’t making any symbolic statement; it just happened to be a Monday, and, as we all know, diets start on Monday.

After this animal product–free month, I had more energy and I’d lost about eight pounds, so I thought I’d give it another month, and then another month. My energy continued to skyrocket, and my doodie became more and more, um…attractive, which was very nice. When you’re an obese man, eating a terrible diet, your day kind of revolves around defecation. Your doodie schedule is unpredictable, and after you go, you don’t really feel, um, right until you’ve showered. Wow, this really took a turn, huh? Everybody still hungry? Good. The point is, I was becoming healthy on the inside, which was beginning to show on the outside: my complexion improved, the whites of my eyes got whiter, and after ten months, I’d lost sixty pounds! The most important factor, however, is the doodie. It acts as a litmus test for your overall health…or should I say
shit-mus
test. Nice.

On the same level of importance as having consistently enjoyable bowel movements was the fact that my new way of life lent the value to my work that I had felt it was missing. I realized that consuming vegan food and preparing it for others served the world in countless positive ways. I certainly could have written about the health, ecological, and ethical benefits of a vegan diet, but that is a totally different book, for someone way, way smarter to write. The key is that once I discovered that I could not only survive but thrive without taking the life of another being, I was sold. I was a vegan. For good.

At some point, in late 2006, someone told me all about this
YouTube.com
website. I had not yet heard of it, but after they described it to me I said, “Wait, I can do
what?!?
And I can say bad
words?” So I immediately began to ponder doing a silly online cooking show, for no other purpose than to entertain my friends and to distract me from a four-hour-a-day
Halo
habit. I shot it with the help of my trusty cameraman and longtime friend Crandall, and threw it up onto the interwebs. It was somehow featured on the how-to page on YouTube and jumped to 25,000 views in less than a month. So I continued to make episodes over the next couple of years, threw together a website and a MySpace page (RIP), and built up kind of a fan base, mostly in Canada for some reason (I love you guys!).

Then on January 15, 2010, pretty much out of nowhere I received an email from the great Georgia Hughes of New World Library, asking me if I would want to write a cookbook. I immediately thought, “Hmm…I don’t even
read
books, but okay, I’ll do that.”

I, however, had to first do a little research on this Georgia character, simply to confirm that she was indeed a real person, from a real company, and not one of my idiot friends messing with me (which would not have been the first time). After concluding that Georgia was indeed real, I agreed to allow New World Library to pay me to write a book. So, here I am. In a book. It’s papery in here. Enjoy!

It’s a QR code. You’ll find them sprinkled throughout the book, and they link to helpful videos of me demonstrating select recipes. To take advantage of this feature, simply download a QR code–reading app to your smartphone or tablet. I’ll periodically update the links to offer bonus recipes and tips, so be sure to follow, like, and subscribe to the Sexy Vegan at my various social media outlets to keep yourself informed of the updates.

http://www.thesexyvegan.com/trailer

www.thesexyvegan.com

www.facebook.com/thesexyvegan

www.twitter.com/thesexyvegan

www.youtube.com/lukin82

The Bloodbath

The Arnold Bomber

The Dirty Dudetini

The Knucklehead

The Numbskull

The Get Busy

WHETHER YOU’RE GETTING TUNED UP
before a night out, in need of a little “hair of the dog” the next morning, or having some civilized libations at a skinny jeans– and hoodie–clad hipster dinner party, these beverages are sure to positively affect both the palate and the blood alcohol content.

1 shot (1½ fluid ounces) vodka

1 cup canned, bottled, or fresh tomato juice

¼ teaspoon vegan Worcestershire sauce (see WTF below)

Pinch of salt

Pinch of pepper

Pinch of celery seed

¼ teaspoon adobo sauce

Celery stalk, for garnish

Fill a pint glass halfway with ice. In a cocktail shaker, combine the vodka, tomato juice, Worcestershire, salt, pepper, celery seed, and adobo. Shake for 5 seconds to mix thoroughly, and pour over the ice. Garnish with a celery stalk and any dignity or self-respect you may have dropped on the floor the night before.

Believe it or not, it’s made with anchovies. There are, however, a few fantastic vegan versions out there. You can find vegan Worcestershire sauce at a natural foods market or on the interwebs.

½ cup fresh lemon juice

3 cups water

½ cup agave nectar

1 shot (1½ fluid ounces) rum

1 shot (1½ fluid ounces) vodka

1 shot (1½ fluid ounces) white tequila

1 shot (1½ fluid ounces) gin

½ shot (¾ fluid ounce) triple sec

8 ounces cola

In a pitcher or bowl, whisk together the lemon juice, water, and agave, and set aside. Fill a cocktail shaker halfway with ice, and add the rum, vodka, tequila, gin, and triple sec. Shake for 5 seconds to mix thoroughly. Fill two pint glasses halfway with ice cubes and strain the contents of the shaker into the glasses. Then pour half of the lemon juice mixture into each glass and stir to combine with the liquor. Let the contents of the glasses rest for a few seconds until perfectly still, and then slowly pour 4 ounces of cola on top to get that half-and-half Arnold Palmer look.