The Secrets of Boys (16 page)

Eric’s face twisted with bewilderment. “What now?”

“I’m sorry, Eric,” Cassidy said. “I can’t.”

“Cassidy, why are you doing this to me?” His voice was almost a whine.

“I’m sorry,” she repeated.

“I am really, really confused.”

“I am too,” Cassidy admitted.

She felt the bed shift as Eric stood up. She still couldn’t look at him. “Look, Cassidy, I don’t know how to deal with this,” Eric said. “Call me when you figure out what you want.”

He opened the door and walked out, not even slamming the door behind him. What had she just done?

She shivered suddenly in the breeze blowing in through the open terrace doors, wondering if things could possibly have gone worse. She looked guiltily around the room, thinking about all the money and effort Eric had spent trying to make the evening perfect. And she had ruined it. She was the worst girlfriend ever. That is, if she was even Eric’s girlfriend anymore… .

The tears that were welling up in Cassidy’s eyes burned the second she felt a little relieved.

August 4

Dear Cassidy,

Wow, I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry your date
went so badly, and I hope you’re feeling better now. I
wish you had called me, even though it was really late
at night and Nurse Ratchet would have read me the
riot act. I mean, it was kinda cool getting a letter on sta-tionery from the Casa Malibu Inn, but I still would
have preferred a phone call. I hate knowing you were
alone there crying all night. And yeah, I know you were
crying because of the stains on the paper. Those didn’t
look like champagne.

So have you spoken to Eric since then? Because from
the way you put it in your letter, it kind of sounds like the
ball is in your court. If you haven’t ended it officially yet,
you should probably get around to that soon just so you
don’t string him along.

I’ve been thinking about this Zach guy and, I
mean, do what you want, but please try not to rush
into anything. I know that I shouldn’t be handing out
relationship advice because, you know, I’ve never had
one. Unless you count the time I dated Therese
Craparo in sixth grade for two weeks. I know you
thought it was shallow to break up with her because she
went by the nickname “Craps,” but you’ll be happy to
know that I haven’t had a real girlfriend since, so I got
exactly what I deserved—loneliness and a pathetic
excuse for a sex life.

So speaking of which, did you know we’re not
allowed to do it here? Seriously, this guy Dave and
this girl Sharlene got caught making out behind one
of the outhouses (um … gross?) and now they’re on

“touch bans,” which means they’re not allowed to go
within fifty feet of each other or even make eye contact; otherwise they get twenty extra hours of KP

each. You totally think I’m joking, don’t you? I’m
not. This place is sooo stupid, Cassidy. I mean, of
course they’re acting like it’s this great forbidden love
right now, but probably if the counselors just left them
alone, they’d be sick of each other in like a week anyway. So retarded.

I wish I were home in Malibu. Then you could
actually talk to me about what’s going on in your life
instead of just writing me letters.

Cheers,

Joe

This wasn’t Cassidy’s idea of an official first date between her and Zach, but it would have to do. The previ-ous week, she had been in no condition to be sociable, especially because she’d been feeling downright hideous for leading Eric on and screwing with his head. It had practically killed her to cancel on Zach for their “tomorrow soon” rendezvous, but he’d been so sweet and understanding about it. In fact, he’d suggested that they get together the next Friday and Cassidy had jumped at the chance.

However, a few days later Larissa had made her swear on her great-grandmother Eugenia’s life to come to see the Seersucker fall fashion extravaganza. Cassidy had thought she’d have to bail on Zach
again
, but luckily he’d agreed to tag along. He’d claimed he absolutely loved haute couture—which Cassidy thought
had
to be a total lie. Zach was as sophisticated as they come, but no self-respecting heterosexual male would be caught dead saying something like that, even if it was a French expression, and Zach happened to be the wise, intelligent (and hotter-than-hot) TA in her French class.

Zach was now driving through the streets of Los Angeles, looking for Smashbox Studios, where the fashion show was being held. Cassidy cranked open her window and let the breeze rush in, ruffling her dark hair as they eased by glitzy storefronts, tall palm trees, and the gorgeous, flawless people who were strolling the streets at dusk. She glanced at Zach and thought about how he belonged on the runway himself. Sure, he was a little short, but everything else about him was ethereal and sublime. His jaw was very angular and his eyes seemed so wide all the time, like he was absorbing everything he encountered and filing it all away in his memory. Cassidy even thought his ears were delectable—

especially the little extra flap of skin up at the top of his right one. This tiny, insignificant physical flaw just made him even more distinctive and unique.

And he was mere inches away from her. All Cassidy had to do was lean over and lick him from head to toe, but then that could cause a major traffic accident and the cops would get called and everyone in Malibu would know that she was involved with her TA.

If you call one earth-shattering kiss “involved,”
she thought.

“Are you excited about the show?” Zach asked, taking his eyes off the road for a second and delivering a

“stop dead in your tracks and gawk at me” smile.

Cassidy’s face was completely void of enthusiasm.

“Can’t you see how thrilled I am?”

Zach chuckled. “Remember that thing I said about liking haute couture?”

She nodded.

“Big fat lie.”

“I thought so,” she said knowingly.

“My ex-girlfriend forced me to go to all these fashion galas in New York and I absolutely hated it,” he explained. “But I’m making an exception, just for you.”

Cassidy felt conflicted. She was so thrilled that he’d complimented her, but it was only
after
he’d brought up his ex. She had to get to the bottom of it. “Did you guys, like, live together or anything?”

Zach smirked. “It wasn’t that serious.”

She was so relieved that her pulse returned to its normal rate. But when she reminded herself that she currently had a boyfriend, whom she hadn’t had the courage to “ex” yet, her stomach churned to the point where she might have to barf in her Bric’s white nylon tote bag.

“Besides, it’s easier for starving writers like me to hone their craft when they don’t have to pay rent. That’s why I trained to be an RA—free housing is definitely worth babysitting a bunch of hyper freshmen.”

“If you’re not into freshmen, what are you doing hanging out with someone still in high school?” she asked.

“Who, you?” Zach playfully shoved her with his shoulder. “You’re extraordinary, Cassidy. Half the time, I forget that you’re not in college.”

Cassidy felt her cheeks glow as Zach’s gray Nissan Xterra pulled into the valet parking lot of Smashbox Studios. Zach got out and handed the attendant his keys, then walked around and helped Cassidy out of the car. When she placed her clammy, sweaty hand in his, she felt a jolt of energy rush to every neuron in her system. Her attraction to Zach went that deep.

They followed the signs for the fashion show down a long, dim hallway. The throbbing music that had been nothing but a hint of muddy bass when they entered grew stronger until the hallway took a sharp turn and they suddenly found themselves in a dazzling auditorium packed with people. Light projections flit-ted across the white curtains that hung at one end of the room, and a runway jutted into the crowd.

“How are we supposed to find Larissa in here?”

Cassidy asked, eyeing the solid wall of impeccably dressed audience members laughing and mingling around her.

“Perimeter check,” Zach said. “Let’s walk around the outside of the room and see if we can spot her.”

He held out his hand and Cassidy took it again, feeling the warmth seep into her palm as Zach snaked expertly through the clumps of people lingering on the fringe of the crowd. Everyone seemed glossy and slightly pretentious, wearing haughty scowls and “look at me” accessories. Cassidy had tried to put some flair into her outfit for the occasion, adding a flowing yellow scarf belt and some dangly earrings to her tan miniskirt and black tank top ensemble, but looking around, she felt like she’d been born and raised in the Gap. If it wasn’t for Zach, who was still clutching her hand and leading the way, she’d feel so out of place.

“There she is,” Zach said suddenly.

Cassidy looked up from the sea of fur-trimmed boots and snakeskin stilettos she’d been staring down at and caught a glimpse of Larissa standing in a tight clump with Fumiko, Dina, and Toby—the guy Larissa had been raving about the last time they all went out dancing.

Together they made a beeline for the group, but Cassidy had to remember to slip her hand out of Zach’s at the last minute.

“Cassidy! Zach!” Fumiko cried. She leapt out of the circle and gave them hugs as they approached. Her cheeks were pink with excitement. “Glad you guys could make it.”

“So am I,” Cassidy said. “I know you’ve all been putting a ton of time into this. There’s no way I’d miss it.”

“Yeah, really. We’ve been pulling all-nighters for the past week to get all the sewing done,” Larissa said with practiced exhaustion. Cassidy couldn’t tell if she actually looked tired from staying up late sewing or from the rings of smoky shadow she’d layered around her eyes to create a very professional-looking cracked-out heroin-chic look.

“I’m sure it will be worth it,” Cassidy assured her. “I can’t wait to see what you came up with.”

Toby ran his hand over his shaved head. “I’m going to get a beer. Anyone want?”

Everyone except Cassidy raised their hands. Toby looked at her questioningly.

“I’m Amish,” she joked.

Cassidy was beyond pleased that Zach was the only one who laughed.

“I’ll be back in five,” Toby said.

“I’ll go with you!” Larissa volunteered quickly.

“You’re going to need some help carrying all those beers.”

She noticed how Larissa’s earlobes had turned red, which only happened when she was embarrassed.

Cassidy’s interest was definitely piqued—maybe something was going on between her and Toby. She and Larissa had been on acquaintance-level speaking terms since the Avocado Incident, so she was way,
way
out of the loop.

But before she could whisk Larissa away to the bathroom for a quick catch-up session, Toby sauntered away and her best friend scampered after him in her distressed leather Steve Madden boots with three-inch heels.

“So have you really been pulling all-nighters for the past week to get this finished on time?” Zach asked.

“You must be ready to drop.”

Dina laughed. “Actually, it was just some late nights the past couple of days,” she said. “I think Larissa was exaggerating a little.”

“She’s been known to do that,” Cassidy said. “It seems like she’s been really busy helping you guys, though.”

“Oh, don’t get me wrong, she’s been a huge help,”

Dina said. “But you know, we kind of have the whole thing under control. I mean, we
did
go to school for this. Mostly we’ve all just been hanging out.”

Cassidy felt blood throb through her temples. It hurt enough when Larissa made it seem like she was ditching her to solve the fashion crisis of the twenty-first century, but ditching her just to hang out? That was total bull-shit. She took a deep breath and felt Zach’s hand discreetly reach over to pat her on the small of her back. A wave of calm rolled over her at his touch.

“What have you been up to this summer?” Fumiko asked Cassidy and Zach, slipping her thumbs through the belt loops of her vintage-wash Joie jeans. “Keeping busy with French class?”

“Yeah, we had another field trip the other night,”

Cassidy said. “We went to see
Vivre sa vie
. Have you heard of it?”

“Omigosh, I
love
Godard!” Fumiko squealed. “His films are so stylish. I always wanted to do my eye makeup like his heroines’.”

“Funny, I actually tried the other day,” Cassidy said, laughing at the memory. “But I ended up looking more like Courtney Love on a bender than Anna Karina on the silver screen.”

The entire group burst into laughter, and it took a moment for Cassidy to register that they were laughing at what she had said. She had never been able to make an entire group of people laugh. Sure, she’d just made Zach giggle a minute ago, which she thought was progress. But this type of response was really unusual.

On the few occasions when she had gotten over her shyness enough to say anything at all, people looked at her like she was a lost child asking strangers in the grocery store whether they’d seen her mommy.

This is so strange,
she thought.
Being the center of attention feels kind of … good.

“What’s so funny?” Larissa asked as she and Toby returned with the beers. Her cheeks were flushed and her forehead wrinkled into a tiny frown.

“Oh, Cassidy was just telling us about a makeup mishap she had,” Dina explained. She stuck a thumb in the neck of her Corona and flipped it over so a spray of white fizz engulfed the lime. “Don’t you hate it when those happen?”

“They don’t really happen to me,” Larissa said in a breezy tone. “I know what I’m doing when it comes to makeup.”

“Like the time you put an avocado mask on my face and I broke out in hives?” Cassidy couldn’t help reminding her.

“Wow, did that really happen?” Dina asked. “That sucks.”

“It wasn’t exactly a shining moment,” Cassidy said.