The Secret Love of a Gentleman (49 page)

“At Tattersall’s.”

“Well, never mind, let us get you there.”

Rob swore at his bloody leg as he tried to make it hurry down the damned stairs.

Jenkins opened the door for them. “Tell Uncle Robert, I am going out—”

“I have told your aunt. She will let Robert know.”

The carriage was already waiting.

“Get in,” his father stated, and then, as soon as the door shut he continued, “I am angry with you. Caroline was under the protection of this family.”

“You know I am marrying her for more reasons than the child. I told you I wished to marry Caro before I even knew.”

“And it is a good thing, because I am not sure the child will survive.”

Rob stared at his father. No. That was nonsense.

“But whether you wished to marry or not, you should not have lain with her. I would have expected this of Harry, not you.”

“Things happen, Papa, and this is hardly the time for you to preach morality. This speech is too late, we are to be married tomorrow.”

“But I am allowed to express my anger and disappointment.”

“I was disappointed in myself at first, and yet I do not regret this child, or that I shall have a lifetime with Caro, and she is thrilled, she has lost…” The words died on his lips, but he forced them out. “She has lost five children. This is the first time she has carried beyond four months. That’s why she did not tell me. She expected to lose the child.”

It cut into his heart. It was his child that might be lost now.

His father stared at him as the carriage rocked over the cobbles.

Rob could see Caro’s eyes as she had looked at him while they’d waltzed last night, wide and bright, shining amber and gold in the bright glow for the chandeliers, and he could see her breaths lift her bodice, and feel the beat of her pulse in her wrist as he gripped her hand.

“Drew said you are the only one who has ever been able to calm Caroline when she is anxious.”

“She calms herself. I merely challenge and encourage her to do it. She is more capable than she thinks.” Rob’s heart pumped hard. “Do you think she will really lose the child?”

“I do not know. Kate had called for her doctor when I left. But your mother said Caro has lost a lot of blood.”

She may have already lost the child, then… Rob had wished to protect Caro, he’d not even thought of his child. He’d been at Tattersall’s. He’d let Kilbride threaten them this morning.

“What time did Kilbride call?”

“Midday.”

Kilbride had called there, distressed Caro and then come to White’s and threatened Rob. There was one thing Rob was certain of. Kilbride must learn a lesson. Rob had to extinguish Kilbride’s threats.

When they reached John’s, without thinking, Rob opened the carriage door and jumped down, pain lanced up his leg but he ignored it, although it made him limp more severely as he hurried up the steps.

Finch opened the door. “Master Robert, Lord Marlow.”

Rob did not acknowledge Finch. He looked at his father. “Where is she?”

“In her room, on the first floor, turn to the right and the second door along.” His father answered.

Rob climbed the stairs faster than he had done in weeks.

“Drew!”

Drew paced the landing outside Caro’s room, his hands fisted.

“How is she?”

“Unwell. Crying. Fearful. But the child’s heart is still beating.” Drew clasped Rob’s arm. “She has lost children.”

“I know.”

Drew breathed out a sigh. “She has lost five.”

“I know.” Rob turned to the door, but Drew’s grip firmed on his arm.

“I was never sure if she truly miscarried or if Kilbride beat her over something and the miscarriages were a consequence. Certainly after each miscarriage I saw her badly beaten. She fell today when Kilbride called here.”

“I know…” Rob’s words were uttered on a hard sigh, as the weight of his responsibility caught a firmer hold of him. He’d wished to protect Caro and their child. He’d failed today.

Rob knocked as Drew let him go.

“Your mother and Mary are with her.”

When the door opened, Mary stood there. She looked pale, but as soon as she saw Rob she caught hold of his sleeve and pulled him in, closing the door behind him. “Thank God you are here. Caro has been crying for hours and there has been so much blood. She is terrified.”

He could hear Caro in the bedchamber next door wailing with her distress.

“The doctor…”

“He left, he had other calls, but he promised to return.”

Rob walked ahead. Caro lay under the covers, on her side, curled up and he could see through the creases in the covers that she was gripping her stomach with both her hands. Her hair was a tangle of blonde about her face and when her eyes looked at him they were wide and wild. “Rob.”

His name was said in a pained plea.

She reached out a hand. “I am losing it.”

He took her hand. He still wore his gloves. “You are not. Not yet. That is not what the doctor has said.”

“Rob.” Tears flooded her eyes, then ran onto her cheeks.

His mother touched his shoulder. “Let me take your outer things.”

He let go of Caro’s hand and stripped off his gloves, then gave those and his hat to his mother. Mary helped him remove his coat, and then he removed his morning coat too and handed that to Mary. Then he gave his hand to Caro again. Hers was warm and clammy.

“Here…” His mother pulled up a chair. “Sit, Robbie.”

He did sit, although it was as if he fell, his fingers clinging to Caro’s. He lifted her fingers to his lips. “Have faith.”

“I cannot,” she breathed. “I had thought I could survive the loss. I’d thought I would live with it and enjoy my child for the months I felt it within me, but then it held past four months and I hoped, I hoped and now I must lose it. I cannot bear it.”

Rob looked back. “Mama, Mary, would you leave us alone, please?”

His mother acquiesced. “Come along, Mary.” Mary looked back with concern before they left.

Caro was in bed in her nightdress. By rights he ought not to be here at all, and not alone with her, and yet what did propriety matter when she was already with child and they were to be wed tomorrow.

He kissed the back of her fingertips. She looked so pale.

“I am losing our child,” she said more quietly, her fingers clinging to his as though she clung to a cliff.

“Drew told me he was never sure if the loss of your children was due to natural causes or Kilbride. Did Kilbride beat you before you lost the children?”

“Not before the first.”

“But the second and third…”
and the fourth and the fifth.

“I do not remember. He forever found things that were wrong with what I did, and after I miscarried… But what does that matter, there is still blood now.” It was said on a wail of distress, and she let go of his hand, as if she no longer trusted him.

“And there is still a heartbeat, Drew said.”

He caught her hand back and kissed it again, then rose and leant and kissed her damp cheek. Her skin was salty with tears.

He’d been laughing in White’s this morning when she’d been assaulted by Kilbride. He’d been choosing bloody horses when she’d been enduring this.

He held their joined hands to her stomach, willing her to be calm at least. “The child is still within you, you will make it afraid, with all your concern. Relax and lay still, Caro, and for now we will trust in the words of the doctor, not your fear.”

A tear slipped from one corner of her eye.

He leant and kissed her lips, then bent and kissed the slight outward curve of her stomach. She did not really show. The child must still be tiny. Yet when he kissed her, something jerked within her.

“Caro.” He straightened, elation twisting in his gut and in his voice. “Have you felt the child move?”

“Yes.”

“I felt it. Put down your legs, the child is not about to give up its life if it can kick or hit out. We have a fighter, Caro. But then I should never have doubted that; you are a fighter. It must be a girl, then, who takes after her mother.”

More tears slipped from her eyes. They rolled into her hair.

“Put down your legs, leave your hand on your stomach, shut your eyes, lie quietly and feel for our daughter’s movement. Perhaps she wishes to tell you she is well and you are not to worry.”

“But there was so much blood.”

“But there is still the heart beat and the feel of the child moving. Shut your eyes, lie quietly and let us see if she will kick again.”

His hand spread across the cotton sheet over her stomach, and one of hers spread over his, while the other cradled the child below his. She shut her eyes as he watched their hands.

“Breathe slowly,” he said quietly.

She did. Then there was a sudden sharp thrust of movement beneath his hand.

“She moved,” Caro whispered.

“She did indeed, as I told you, she seems well.”

Then came more tears. “I have been so afraid.”

“When there was no need, not yet.”

“But I have woken to blood before and then there has been pain and I have lost the child.”

“Has there been pain this time?”

“Only back ache.”

“Well, then, another sign that this is not the same. The bleeding came hours ago, did it not?”

“But it has continued.”

“As much?”

“Not as much.”

“I am not a doctor, Caro, but I will hold by anything he says and if he is content the child’s heartbeat is strong. I am.”

She nodded. Tears of relief now flooding her eyes.

You will not have her, what I did to you is nothing compared to what I might do.
Rob heard the words in Kilbride’s voice.

He was still unsure who the threat had been for.

He’d suffered at Kilbride’s hands once. She had suffered at Kilbride’s hands numerous times, and she was such a delicate woman
.
How had she survived?

But she had not. She had lost five children.

Ah, he really was a fool. Today Kilbride had intervened in Caro’s new safe life because Rob had brought her to town and spurred the man, publishing the news of their wedding in the paper. Rob should have acquired a special licence and taken her away to Yorkshire immediately. But he could not turn back time.

Caro’s eyes were shut again, and she was breathing slowly as her hands stroked over her stomach, as if calming the child. Her hand occasionally ran over his too as tears slipped from the corner of her eyes.

“Albert did hit me when I was with child, and I remember the second time I lost my child, he’d kicked me in the stomach.”

Bile rose at the back of Rob’s throat. The night he’d been attacked he’d been kicked in the stomach and the chest, in the ribs and the head. How violent had Kilbride been to her? “He did not kick you now. Drew said you fell and banged your hip.”

“Yes.”

Her eyes opened. Dark amber looked at him about wide pupils. There were memories in her eyes.

Rob breathed out. He could not imagine how helpless and alone she must have felt, and then how embarrassed to rise up and face the world again, knowing that within her home she was treated with such cruelty. He’d been too embarrassed for her to know of his injuries. He’d hidden them from her. She had hidden years of injuries from the world.

“This child will be loved and it will never know such things. Close your eyes again and try to sleep. Rest is the best thing for both of you. If you sleep, she will sleep.”

She nodded.

He sat beside her, his hand on her stomach underneath hers, as her breathing slowed, and the lines of worry on her face eased. But the child did not sleep. The more Caro relaxed, the more he felt their daughter kick, or hit. He was certain it was a girl.

He sat for a while, until he was sure Caro slept, and he stayed for a little longer as the child stilled. He was afraid too. It was not normal to bleed in pregnancy. He’d grown up in a large family, where there was always a woman expecting a child. None of them had bled, as far as he was aware.

Guilt bit at him, and a burning desire to fix everything for Caro, so she need never fear. He could not stop her bleeding. Yet there were other things that he could do.

His fingers slipped from beneath hers, and his lips touched her temple, gently with a kiss. He did not wish to wake her. She needed to sleep.

He left the room and hurried along the hall, his urgency pushing his leg to move faster. “Mama!” He called, his stride uneven.

“Lady Marlow is in the drawing room.” Finch must have waited on the landing in case anything was needed.

“Have someone send for the doctor again, Finch.” When Rob walked into the drawing room he saw his mother and father, Kate and John and Mary and Drew and all the children. “Mama, would you sit with Caro. She is sleeping and there is something I need to do. I have asked for the doctor to call again. I wish to speak with him. But then I have to go out.”

“How is she?” Drew had risen when Rob came into the room.

“Broken-hearted, but the child is kicking within her. I have persuaded her to believe it is safe for now.”

Drew looked at his father. “What did I tell you, Papa? Rob has a knack for making her calm.”

Rob looked at his father too. “Is Harry here?”

“In bed. I believe he came back about two hours after sunrise.”

Rob looked at Kate. “Which room?”

“Second floor, the opposite wing to Caro’s, fourth door on the right.”

“Thank you,” Rob turned away.

“I will walk back with you.” He glanced back as his mother set down the tea she’d been drinking and stood.

Caro held his heart gripped in her hand and his mind was left in the room with her. He could not think clearly.

“You are good for her.” His mother stated, her fingers slipping about his arm, as they left the room.

“She is good for me,”

“I will not refute it, but comments have been made to your father and I about the difference in your age.”

“And you of all people should pay little heed to it. It is of no matter to Caro or me.”

“No. But you failed to tell us she is with child, and you are very young to become a father.”

“Older than Mary when Mary became a mother, and older than you when you had John.”