The Saddest Song (18 page)

Max and I left early, anxious to get there. Since Gran and Grandad wouldn’t be there, our moms had sent coolers full of food. Max’s mom even ordered us Danish Kringles for our breakfast.

“She’s making it up to you for getting the wrong flavor on Thanksgiving,” I said as we pulled out of my driveway.

“Yeah, she double checked the label ten times. I’m glad they are going to dinner with your parents tonight. I didn’t want them to sit home.”

“They’ll have a great time. Dad made reservations at Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse. They are taking Grandma too. She got back this morning.”

“We have to take her to Disneyland soon.”

I agreed and grabbed his iPod.

“May I?”

“Go ahead. As long as it’s mine and not yours I should be fine.”

We spent the next two hours happily talking non- stop. We arrived just as Sophie and Ethan were unloading their truck. They told us Rylee and Colin would be awhile since they had hit traffic coming from L.A. They had spent the holidays with Rylee’s family.

Max and I carried our coolers into the kitchen and Sophie helped me put all the food away. Max and Ethan took our bags up to our rooms and we followed them up to unpack. I was in the same room as last time and I hung up the dress I had bought for New Years Eve. It was short, black and had used up the entire Bloomingdales gift card my aunt had given me for Christmas. It was worth it. I had fallen in love the second I had tried it on. We all had decided to go all out tonight and get dressed up.

“Hey,” Max called from his room across the hall, “Colin and Rylee are here!” We helped them in with their stuff and then we all went into town and had lunch at a quaint, tiny restaurant. We walked the streets and went into all the little shops. It was cold out and the snow on the mountains and trees made it look like a winter wonderland. When we had covered all there was to do in the village we headed back to the cabin and the guys built a roaring fire.

Our plan for New Years Eve was simple. Dress up, dance and welcome in the New Year together.

Rylee had decided it would be fun for the girls to get dressed in my room and then we could make a grand entrance for the boys. We made sure all the food was on trays, while the guys filled up the ice bucket and set up the bar. Gran and Grandad had left us a case of expensive Champagne and we had a few bottles on ice. Before we headed upstairs to get ready Colin popped open a bottle and poured us each a glass. We carried them upstairs and I took a sip promising myself I would go easy. A couple glasses throughout the night, no more. Seemed like an easy promise at the time.

Max

We followed the girls upstairs to get dressed for our party. I could hear laughter coming from behind Rainey’s door. I quickly showered and put on black pants and a white dress shirt. I sprayed cologne, which I wore only on special occasions like school dances, and headed back downstairs. Colin was dressed similarly to myself, only his shirt was a light blue. He was lighting candles that he had placed on every available surface.

Ethan came down dressed all in black and the two of us moved couches and the coffee table to make room for dancing. When Colin finished with the candles he handed each of us a shot glass and piece of lime. “To us,” he said, and figuring it would be okay since I wasn’t driving, I joined them. When he handed me a second one, I downed it and then went to help Ethan select the music.

We put on a playlist of old standards and turned the lights down low. The flickering candles gave a romantic glow to the room while millions of stars twinkled through the floor to ceiling windows. If the girls wanted a romantic New Years Eve they were going to have one. I found myself wishing that Rainey and I were so much more than we were. I wanted her to want to have a romantic evening with me. Tonight I didn’t want to be just her friend.

It felt like forever until the girls were ready. Finally, Rylee came down the stairs. She was wearing a short red dress. Colin gave her a wolf whistle and met her at the bottom step with a red rose. She exclaimed, he kissed her, and I tried to imagine Rainey greeting me the same way.

Ethan met Sophie next. She wore a white strapless dress and as they kissed I grew anxious to see Rainey. I knew my feelings for her had grown into more than she was ready for but when I saw her coming down the staircase in a short, tight black dress and heels that made her legs go on forever, I knew it was hopeless. I had fallen completely in love, with my best friend.

Colin had given me a rose for her too but I felt suddenly tongue tied. I was used to her looking up at me, but when she stepped off the bottom step she looked me straight in the eyes, thanks to her six inch heels.

“You’re perfect,” I said, holding out the rose.

“Thank you. You’re pretty perfect yourself.” She held the flower to her nose and I managed to compose myself. I started to say something when a champagne cork popped and the party began.

Chapter 24

Rainey

Champagne was quickly becoming my favorite drink, and New Years Eve my favorite night. I heard Rylee say we had gone through six bottles by ten o’clock but the fuzzy, warm feeling that engulfed me just made me hope that we wouldn’t run out. We ate some of the appetizers that filled the trays that covered the dining table and Max told me to go easy on the drinks and put a water bottle into my hands. I just laughed and told him I was fine. I was more than fine. I was floating on air. I was happy. There was no place in the world I wanted to be but right here with my friends.

When the dancing began, Max held me tightly as I lay my head against his shoulder. I could hear him singing softly, his voice like warm velvet. I had kicked off my heels hours before and Max was once again taller than me. I breathed in the smell of him, his cologne my new favorite smell.

“Max,” I murmured

“Hmmm?” he whispered against my ear.

“You smell as good as you look.”

“I do?”

“Yes, you do.”

The song we were dancing to ended but I didn’t let go. I just swayed against him until the next song began. In my head I could think of so many things I wanted to say to him. I wanted to tell him how much he meant to me, how I could never live without him. But all that came out was, “I could stay like this forever.”

“Me too,” he replied, and pulled me tighter against him.

Right before midnight Ethan turned on the Television so that we could see the count down. When there was only ten seconds left we all counted down before shouting “ Happy New Year!” in unison.

While the other couples began to kiss, his lips met mine in a friendly kiss and as he pulled away I realized I didn’t want him to. I pulled him back and kissed him for real.

Max

I gave Rainey what I thought was an innocent kiss at midnight. I’d been holding her in my arms as we danced and I ached to do so much more. When I pulled away she pulled me back and kissed me like nobody ever had.

I heard Sophie say, “It’s about time,” and the four of them disappeared up the stairs. Rainey seemed unaware of them or just didn’t care that they witnessed what was absolutely the best kiss of my life. When she said we should go upstairs, I nodded and walked her to her door. She kissed me again and I tried to be a gentleman and say goodnight. I swear I tried.

“Rainey, we’re kind of drunk. Maybe we should get some sleep.”

She looked up at me and smiled, “Okay. Can I sleep with you?”

“Rainey, I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

“Max ,” she whined, “We can sleep in your bed. Come on!” She pulled my arm and we entered my room.

“Okay, can I get your pajamas for you?” I asked, still trying to be sober and smart about this.

“No. Can you help me with my zipper?” She turned her back to me and pulled her long hair over her shoulder so I could unzip the black dress. I took a deep breath. She was killing me.

“Are you sure?”

“Unzip me Max.”

I pulled the zipper down and the dress fell to the floor leaving her standing there in nothing but a pair of black lace panties. She turned around and began pulling at the buttons of my shirt and I lost every shred of control I had. I loved this girl and I told her so over and over as we fell onto the bed. She responded by kissing me harder and nothing has ever felt so right.

Did it matter that we were both drunk? Not then it didn’t. I made love to her as if it were my first time as well as hers. Because any sex that I may have had before had nothing to do with love. It couldn’t touch what I shared with Rainey. Afterwards we slept, wrapped in each others arms.

Chapter 25

Rainey

I awoke slowly, feeling a sharp pain behind my closed eyes. My mouth felt dry and my stomach nauseous. My heart fluttered in panic when I recalled my dreams. So wrong, but so real. I had dreamt that I slept with Max. Not slept. Had sex with him. Not just sex, either. It was tender, and passionate and perfect. Oh my god. It was so real, so what I had hoped having sex would be like. I rolled over and my head felt like it would explode. What was I thinking drinking all that champagne?

“Good morning,” Max’s voice whispered. My eyes flew open. Max was lying next to me, his hair messy from sleep, a sweet smile on his face. I blushed as I thought of what I had dreamed, glad he couldn’t read my mind.

Max continued to smile at me but his turquoise eyes questioned mine.

“Are you okay?” he asked, worry in his voice.

“I have a headache,” I said, closing my eyes.

He kissed my forehead gently. “Can I get you something for it?”

“Please,” I whispered.

“Okay, I’ll be right back.” He kissed me again, this time on the cheek. “Rainey, I just want you to know that last night was the best night of my entire life.”

My eyes flew open in time to see him sitting on the side of the bed reaching for something. Boxers. That’s what he reached for. He was naked.
Naked
. Oh my god. I felt quickly to see if I was wearing my pajamas and my worst fear was realized. My dream wasn’t a dream. It was real.

He stood up and smiled at me. A heartbreakingly, happy smile.

“I love you, “he said, as he went into the bathroom for my medicine.

I quickly searched the floor for my clothes and saw my dress lying half way across the room. Max’s button down was lying closer so I grabbed it and put it on as he came out.

“Wow, you look great in my shirt,” he grinned.

Wait. This was wrong. He knew what we had done and he was happy about it. No. Oh my god.

“Max, last night…we were drunk, Max. We didn’t know what we were doing, right?”

His smile disappeared and he sat down and reached for me, pulling me into his arms. I laid my head against his chest and took a deep breath.

“Rainey, it’s alright. I know you feel guilty because of Garrett. But Rainey, we love each other and Garrett would want us to be happy. It was perfect. It was amazing. You’re amazing.”

He pulled back and lifted my chin so I would look him in the eyes.”We love each other, Rainey. There is nothing wrong about it.”

I stiffened in his arms and looked away. I couldn’t meet his eyes.

“Talk to me Rainey.”

“Max, no, this is so wrong. I love you Max. You’re my best friend, my family. I adore you but I’m your brother’s girlfriend. This isn’t happening. Oh my god.”

Tears blurred my vision and soon I began to sob. Loud ugly sounds came out of me. I should have been embarrassed, I wasn’t. I was out of my mind. With shock, With shame. With regret. Max held me until the worst of it was over and then he stood up and I saw that he too had been crying.

“Forgive me, Rainey. I thought you felt the same. I am so, so sorry.”

“Let’s pretend it never happened. Okay? Please. We will just pretend none of this happened. I want us to be the same. Okay? Please? Please, Max!” I begged.

Max knelt down at the side of the bed and looked directly into my eyes. “Rainey, we will do whatever you want. If you want to pretend that we never did it, then we will.”

I took a couple of deep breaths and began to hiccup. Max brought me a bottle of water and laid my clothes beside me on the bed. The look in his eyes broke my heart. What had I done?

Max

New Year’s Day. A new beginning. At least, that is what I thought when I woke up. I believed that Rainey and I had both fallen in love. We had realized that we were meant to be and I watched her sleeping, my heart full of happiness. We had fought through the grief over Garret and grown closer as the weeks and months went by. It was the best thing that could have happened to us. Sure, it was weird that she had been my brother’s girlfriend first, but I knew he was okay with it. Hadn’t he even hinted at it from the other side?

But no, Rainey wasn’t ready. Damn it! Why didn’t I know that? Last night she’d sure seemed ready. Was it only the alcohol that made her respond like that? I knew from Garrett that they had never slept together. They had decided to wait until they were seniors. What a mess. I felt guilty even though I hadn’t been trying to take advantage of her. I asked her over and over again if she was sure. She was drunk, but so was I. Maybe I couldn’t read her like I could when I was sober.

Now I had to take all that happened and go back to where we were before the clock had struck midnight. What kind of fucked up fairytale was this? Was it even possible? What choice did I have? I had to go back to being her best friend or risk losing Rainey completely.