The Redemption (41 page)

“What if he never comes back?”

“Then he’ll miss out on his own love story.”

I smile. “In Diablo, you told us to follow our hearts.”

“Follow your heart. It will lead you home.”

On the drive home, I ponder her words and my thoughts drift to Dex and the mess he must feel his life is. It makes me want to call him, but I don’t. Even Tommy told me to give him time.

So I do. I also wonder about my future and what role am I willing to let Dex play in my life and in the boys’ lives. As much as I love starting this new chapter with Dex, hoping he follow his heart back to me, the reality is, I need to close other chapters, fully opening my heart to him.

The kids go through our nightly routine until I crawl into bed. My entries haven’t been as regular recently, so I pull my journal out of my nightstand and write:

Dear Cory,

I’ve been working on the tour that starts in five months and closed two deals for Kaz and Derrick. Johnny seems content with the music—writing and recording in his home studio to care about marketing. Tommy’s been working with the tour designers and stadiums. We all seem to be caught up in our own thing, but Dex is lost to us all.

I’m worried.

He sends the boys videos, so they can keep learning. They miss him, but understand that sometimes grownups are busy. They seem satisfied for now with the videos and packages he’s sent them though they ask about him a lot.

I shouldn’t bore you with this stuff. I’m sure you see right through me. You always could. So I’m just going to get this off my chest now.

I still hold onto the notion that time will heal all wounds. My heart wants to believe what my head logically knows is an impossibility. You will never be replaced in my heart. But maybe, just maybe, there’s a little room inside for someone else too.

I know you wouldn’t want me to spend my life alone. Nor I you, but it’s easier said than done, like most things. I’ve been closed off for so many years that I’ve come to realize that I will be alone forever if I continue to live like this. You, my love, will always be a part of me. But now I’m asking you to loosen the reigns around my heart and let me live in love again.

My tears drop down onto the paper, smearing the ink a bit, but I continue writing.

Please don’t hate me, Cory.

I don’t want to lie to you or hide my feelings any longer. Hoping you find contentment in me finding happiness again would be amazing and freeing in so many ways. I’m not sure if that will ever happen, but like Holli always says, Dare to Dream.

So I’m not sure where this leaves us—you and me, Mr. Journal. But I think this might be my last entry. Before I go, I must say this one more time—I Love You, Cory.

Goodbye.

XO

This is not how I planned for us to see each other. I didn’t have any real plans, but this was never a thought until now. I see the gravesite up ahead and the gathering of people circled around. Despite my deep-seeded desire to run away, I walk forward. I go because Dex needs me.

I don’t quite make it to the grave when I spot him off on the other side of a tree sitting down. His sunglasses are on and I’m thinking they might be hiding more than his eyes. He sees me walking across the groomed lawn when I veer toward him, breaking away from the crowd. He doesn’t say anything when I reach him, so I sit down despite that I’m wearing a dress. I decide not to say anything for the moment, not sure that anything I say is wanted. But I do lean my head on his shoulder, selfishly wanting to be close. Dex doesn’t move or say anything until Gage spots us, sending a glare our way. “I’m now the head of an empire I never wanted.”

I lift my head and look at him, seeing behind the dark lenses to the eyes that have cried over the death of his mother and maybe more today. “You only have to be what you want to be.”

He looks my way. “How’d you hear?”

“Tommy. Why didn’t
you
call me?”

Turning back to watch the last of the cars unload and the mourners joining the funeral, he says, “When we left Diablo, I thought we finally had our chance. I didn’t count on the impact my mom’s illness and the new will, Gage, all of it would put on me.”

“I was there for you.”

“I know you were.” The left side of his mouth goes up quickly before disappearing again. “But I was being buried alive with responsibilities I never asked for. The company is generations old and I own it. All. What do I know about manufacturing?”

“You have a strong team of lawyers and other managers to help you figure this out. It doesn’t have to be the same week your mom passed away.”

I catch his eyes on me again and he doesn’t turn away this time. “I missed you. Do you know that?”

I exhale, my heart starting to beat faster, then say, “I missed you so much.”

“You know, Rochelle, we’ve been through a lot. You’ve been through more. I didn’t want to put you through anything else.”

“That’s why you left?” I ask.

He nods. “One of the reasons.”

“You can put on this big show for everyone else, but I know who you really are, Dex, and you’re not gonna scare me that easily. I didn’t stop caring about you because you stopped calling.”

I see the corners of his mouth go up. “I didn’t stop caring either.” He wraps his arm around my shoulders and says, “You’re pretty damn strong, sweetheart.”

“I’m here to share the burden. Just let me in.”

Dex stands and helps me to my feet. “C’mon. The sooner we do this the sooner we can leave.”

Just as he turns to join the others, I stop him by taking hold of his arm. “Hey Dex?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t rush through the funeral. I understand the desire to get through this and to be anywhere but here, but this is important, not just for others, but for you. Stay present in the moment, for your mother.”

I see the emotion he’s held back start to show as he looks down, lifting his sunglasses to wipe at his eyes, then lets them fall back into place. “I don’t want to sit in those chairs. That makes it real.”

His denial is familiar. I remember thinking the same thing years ago, but I didn’t want to upset Cory’s family by not sitting next to them. “You don’t have to. Stand where you want. I’ll stand by you.”

Shifting, he swallows hard. “I didn’t do the same for you at Cory’s.”

“You didn’t have to. I understood. All that mattered is that you were there.”

“I didn’t know you saw me,” he says, reaching for my hand.

When our fingers entwine, I reply, “You were leaning against a tree. You wore a black shirt and sunglasses. You were holding something shiny. I remembered it catching my eye as it reflected in the sun.”

He releases my hand and pulls out his wallet. Digging inside, he produces an oval coin. I recognize it before he says anything, my heart beginning to throb out of my chest. “Cory gave this to me in Paris. It’s St. Christopher.” My breaths shorten as he continues. “He said he’s the patron saint of travelers.”

“I know.” I take it from him, holding it in the palm of my hand. A tear joins it. “I gave this to him the first time he left to tour without me. He didn’t want to go alone.” I look up at Dex. His sunglasses in his hand, his tear-filled eyes on me. “I told him he was never alone. He had you, Johnny, and Tommy. And you guys would always be there for him when I couldn’t.” I fold my fingers around it.

“He told me this coin would help me find my way home.” His hand wraps around my fisted one. “It was the last thing he said to me before he left Paris.”

The sob I was trying to hide from him breaks free. I sniffle, then ask, “Did you?”

“It led me to you, Rochelle.” He puts his sunglasses over his eyes again and releases my hand. His voice shakes when he says, “I just wish it didn’t come at the expense of him.”

Adjusting my sunglasses down over my eyes, I say, “We didn’t come at the expense of Cory. The universe doesn’t work in such cruel ways. This is how it was always meant to be.”

Taking my hand again, he asks, “Were we always meant to be?”

“We may have taken the scenic route to get here, but we’re here now, baggage and a few cute kids along for the ride.”

“Dex,” Gage calls from behind us.

Dex turns to look. When he turns back, he says, “Guess we should go over there, but before we do, I want you to know that having you share the journey has made the road less traveled worth the risk.”

“Dex!” Gage yells, ending the conversation.

Dex turns and with me by his side, we stand behind the chairs, two people mixed in with the large crowd and watch as his mother is put into her final resting place.

I stand back in a corner of his mother’s living room with Johnny and Holli, Tommy, Kaz, and Derrick. None of us are talking much. I’m not surprised. Funerals suck.

Holli nudges me. “Maybe you should go hang out with him.”

“I don’t want to add to his obligations today. Everyone wants a piece of him to help them find peace with his mother’s death.”

She touches my arm. “I understand, but you being there isn’t a burden to him.”

“Everyone knows about us, don’t they?”

Nodding, she says with a reassuring smile, “And supports you. He’s a good man. It just took a while to get to know the man underneath the façade. You’re good for him.”

“He’s good for me.”

Johnny takes Holly’s hand and moves closer. “Holliday’s right. I remember Dex being pretty cool back in the day. He just lost himself along the way. Fame does that to some people… to most. You reminded him of who he really is. I think he might have done the same for you, you know, reminding you of who you always were.” He steps forward. “We’re gonna go talk to him and take off unless you want us to stay, Rochelle.”

“No,” I reply, “it’s fine. You can go. I might help him escape soon anyway.”

Johnny and Holli leave after a hug and Derrick and Kaz follow closely behind, leaving me and Tommy there. When I lean against the wall next to Tommy, he says, “You know that time we went to Barstow?”

“How can I forget it?”

He rubs his chin in a thoughtful manner. “When Dex called me. He told me two things. One was the motel’s name. The other thing… he said and I quote, “If I die, tell Rochelle I’m sorry.”

I look at him in shock. “Sorry for what?”