The Reason Why (33 page)

“Good-bye, Chino,” Pam whispered.

Tracey wiped the tear from Chino's eye.
Good-bye, Pooh,
he thought, staring into the eyes of his new wife. He was staring into the eyes of his new future. His break from the past was complete.

P
am found herself sitting in her apartment in the dark, thinking about her life. Everything had come crashing down on her, and she didn't know how or why. Chino was gone; he was out of her life for good. He couldn't get over her relationship with Erik. She had shot the love of her life, and then borne a child by him. Chino's son, Antonio, was seven months old now. He was safe and sound in his crib, not understanding the mounting bills, stresses, and pressures that his mommy faced.

She had gone from being a young, sweet, innocent college girl to this: a college dropout, a single unwed mother of an infant son, a person dodging phone calls from bill collectors. She had gone from not worrying about money, and sitting on top of the world, to worrying about catching her own case. She had gone from virgin to call girl. From brand-new to tired and used up.

Her life had left her behind, and somehow, in some way, fortune had given her a life that belonged to someone else.

She had gone from Pammy to Pam to Pooh to Carmen. She had gone from a dorm room to a luxury condo to damn near a mansion, and now she was back in an apartment. Life had spit in her face, and now she found herself having to get up, wipe it off, and keep on moving.

“Keep on moving, Pooh,” is what Chino had told her after Young Mike's death. “We have to live our lives and keep on moving.”

And so she had, and so she would.

If she was anything, it was a survivor. Like millions of sistas who had walked this world before her, she did whatever she had to do to make a life for herself and her child. Whether it was sleeping with the enemy or working for them as a domestic. She did what she had to do. At least that's what she had told herself the first time she slept with a man for money. But then again, it really wasn't her first time.

Chino had promised her that she wouldn't miss her job, and she didn't. He gave her everything she ever wanted, in exchange for her being his girlfriend. And what was a girlfriend but an exclusive piece of pussy on lockdown? So no, she had turned tricks before. She had been Chino's private trick. But then she stepped out from beneath that umbrella and became a public trick. And now she had moved beyond that. She was now arranging for others to turn tricks. She had learned the game, and she had started her own escort service. It was time for her to stand on her own two feet and get her own paper. No more turning tricks for private boyfriends or public johns; either way, you had to please another motherfucker to get paid.

Now it was about pleasing herself. Now it was about depending
on herself to pay her bills and get paid. Now it was time for her to reach for the stars.

Ring, ring.

Pam answered the telephone. “Hello! May I help you?”

“You got any girls that speak Greek?” the caller asked.

“No!” Pam said, slamming the phone down.

My Reasons Why

I exist is because of God's grace.

I have a writing is because of my readers.

I strive is for my sons: Valen-Mychal, Victor-Amon.

I take walks is because of my dogs.

I never cry alone is because of my family.

I never doubt my talent is because of my twin: Linda Stringer.

I was a part of a legendary crew is because of Joe (Bub) Johnson, Triple Crown Posse founder/leader.

I stay on the path is because of my godmother Elder Vera Jackson.

I believe in friendship and forgiveness is because of Christ.

I love myself is because of my journey.

I never quit is because they can't hold a good woman down.

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