The Push: A Sequel to The Pull (9 page)

“Did I?”

“Well, I would’ve punched her in the face if I were you.”

“No, I couldn’t do that.” I had been shaken up from the sight of her instead of being angry. I was more offended she was there than anything else.

Shane sat down on a chair and leaned his head against the railing. “Like I said, you handled it well.”

“I mean, who does that? Shows up at a funeral home just to start something? To rub it in that someone died?” The anger was catching up to me now though the more I let it stew.

“She’s so mean and self-centered, so is her sister. They’re spoiled brats who have never thought about anyone other than themselves a day in their lives. I never cared for her. I just tolerated her before,” Shane answered.

I drained the last of the water. Exhaustion was starting to get the best of me now. I hadn’t slept well in what seemed like an eternity. “Are you still staying for a bit or going back to California soon?”

Shane flicked his cigarette over the railing and exhaled the last of the smoke. “I told you I have some time to use up. I’ll be around for a little while yet.”

“Okay.” I stood up. I didn’t know why I’d agreed to coming back up here with Evelyn and Henry. Perhaps I did like their company more than I thought I did. Maybe I was just too scared to be alone right now. Either way, I felt better with Shane around. “I think I’m going to go to bed.”

“Me too. I’ll walk you upstairs.”

We made our way to the top of the wooden stairs. Henry’s snores echoed throughout the entire house. I turned on the light to the bedroom I’d been staying in and turned to look at Shane. “Thank you so much, Shane, for everything. You’ve been the best. I couldn’t have made it through today without you.”

The corner of his mouth lifted into a half smile. “I told you I’d be by your side, didn’t I?”

I swallowed. “You did, and you were.”

Shane took a step toward me and placed a stray hair behind my ear. He looked into my eyes as if studying me for a moment. “It’ll get better, Liv.”

I took a deep breath and nodded. The nighttime was always the worst. When all I wanted to do was go to sleep and try to get some distance between me and the day, I knew I’d just toss and turn from the what-ifs and what-could’ve-beens running through my head all the while getting stabbed in the middle of the chest with the loneliness of missing Darin by my side. Tears welled up in my eyes again. I hated this so much.

“Liv,” Shane said softly.

My bottom lip began to quiver. He put his finger on it to stop the trembling. I looked up into those big brown eyes of his. I could see his sympathy, yet there was more there. He was feeling the grief too. He needed comforting just as much as me. I felt weak and he’d been the only one to be able to hold me up. Before I even could comprehend what was happening, Shane leaned down and pressed his lips against mine. It was gentle at first, then turned into a deeper, more emotional kiss as he cradled the back of my head with his warm palm. My heart lurched from within me. The kiss was over just as quickly as it started. Shane looked down at me again. Something had changed in his eyes. Was that fear I saw?

“Liv,” he stuttered. “Damn, Liv, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what that was. I just…” He ran his fingers through his hair roughly and spun around. “What the fuck was I thinking? I’m so sorry, Liv. Forgive me, please.”

My heart was racing in panic. Shane and I had just…kissed. It’d been a comfort kiss though, he and I both knew that. I think he’d just been trying to comfort his own self though. He looked so embarrassed, I couldn’t let him just keep going on like that. I reached out and put my hand on his arm. “Shane, it’s alright.”

“No,” he continued. “You must think I’m the biggest asshole in the world.”

“Shane,” I repeated a little louder, a little more sternly. “It was no big deal, okay?” But was it truly no big deal? Had I been spending so much alone time with Shane lately that the boundary had now been crossed? Would it be too late to turn back? The thoughts were quickly becoming jumbled inside my head.

He huffed out an impatient sigh, angry at himself. “I’ll let you get some sleep. I’m really sorry again, Liv.” He leaned in and gave me an awkward kiss on the forehead.

As Shane turned to leave, my eyes shifted back to the big, lonely bed. “Shane?”

“Yeah?” He spun around to face me again.

I closed my eyes for a few seconds, knowing this was going to sound as insane to him as it was to me right now, but I was too much of a chicken. I didn’t want to go to sleep alone. “Can you…?” I hesitated. “Would you mind lying down with me in the bed again? I just…” More tears filled my eyes and made their way down my cheeks. “It’s just been such a hard day, you know?”

Shane nodded, his eyes also shifting to the bed. “Yeah, sure.”

“It’s no big deal, right?” I asked, wanting to double check with him.

He shook his head. “No, no. It’s fine.”

I pulled back the covers and curled up on my side. Shane turned off the light and laid down beside me. After a few minutes, he draped his arm over my belly as I curled into him. I knew this wasn’t a normal thing to be doing, nor asking from Shane, but at this moment, I didn’t really care. I felt secure in his arms, and I knew I’d get some sleep feeling that security. My eyes felt heavy, and as they began to flutter shut, my finger went up and touched my lips where Shane had just kissed me.

TEN

Shane

Foggy. That’s what my mind seemed like whenever I tried to think. I didn’t even drank last night, and it felt like I was somewhere in the midst between drunk and one hell of a hangover. Livvy wasn’t even pressed up against me anymore, but I could still smell the scent of her soap on my skin.

My phone buzzed. A text from Gwen telling me good morning. I closed my eyes and let my head drop back against the headrest of my parents’ recliner. Maybe I’d be better off if I did start drinking now. I wondered if my dad had any beer in his garage like he used to when I was a teen. I kind of doubted it, doubted that he even made it out to the garage anymore or drank for that matter.

I stared up at the ceiling wondering how the hell I’d gotten myself into this mess. I’d just wanted what was best for Darin and now…now I was still back in New York comforting his wife, telling myself that was all I was doing anyway. Yes, that is what I was doing. She had always been such a great friend to me. This
thing
we had going between us was my being there for her during an awful time in both of our lives. It made sense, didn’t it? I let out a sigh of exasperation. Who was I trying to kid? There was no excuse for this. It was in the midst of a gigantic muddle of confusion, and I didn’t have anyone else to blame but myself.

I glanced back down at my phone and started to text Gwen back.

“Hey.”

My head shot up at the sound of her voice. I looked up at Liv. She had on blue jeans and a pink sweater where one side was hanging loosely off her shoulder. I tried not to check her out and instead attempt to focus on my phone again. “Hi.”

“I saw a path past the barn. Where does it go to?” Liv asked.

I hit send on the text to Gwen and shoved my cell in my pocket. “It eventually comes out to the road. It was used for hauling hay.”

“I’m going for a walk. Need to try to clear my head,” she stated, reaching down for her tennis shoes.

I nodded and crossed my arms in front of me. “The weeds are probably all grown up by now. Doubt anyone’s been on it for a while.”

Livvy shrugged. She briefly touched her stomach before putting her hands on her hips. “Want to come?”

My heart started pounding in my chest. I knew I should start saying no to her. No to lying in her bed at night. No to going on a walk where we’d be all alone. We were getting to a whole new level of closeness that shouldn’t exist between me and Liv. I should’ve regarded the boundaries, but at the same time, I felt guilty for her being all alone in the world. I wondered what she was trying to clear her head about. Was it because of Darin—or me? I was the asshole who’d kissed her. She probably wasn’t confused about me at all. Another pang of guilt ripped through me. I didn’t know if it was because I was getting some feelings for Liv or if it was because I felt bad for what I’d done to her. Shit if I knew. Gwen’s face registered in my thoughts. No. I was not getting feelings for Liv. This is definitely not what this was.

“Yeah, I’ll come along. Got nothing better to do,” I mumbled as I stood up.

It was midmorning. The sun was still trying to burn off the haziness of the early fog. It was warm but damp at the same time as a chill caressed the bare skin on my arms. Childhood memories began flooding back, things I hadn’t thought of in years. There used to be a tree house my dad and uncle had built for me and Darin in an oak behind the barn. My eyes scanned the area as we walked past it. Now there was nothing left but a pile of rotten wood at the base of the tree. I had had my first kiss in that tree house from Megan Littles in the eighth grade. A smile crossed my lips as I shook off the memory of summers spent playing in and around the tree house.

“Why is that truck over there?” Liv asked, pointing.

I turned my attention to tan steel peeking out from grass so high, it was almost covering the hood of the old Toyota. “Wow. I’d forgotten all about that hunk of junk.”

Liv raised her eyebrows in question as we paused beside it.

I stomped down some of the grass to get a better look at it. “This is Darin’s first truck.”

“I can’t picture Darin driving something like this.”

I smirked. “Oh, but he did.” I grabbed more weeds and ripped them away from the door.

“There’s duct tape on the hood,” Liv remarked.

“I’m sure there’s duct tape all over the thing.” Laughing, I yanked on the driver’s door. When it didn’t budge right away, I pulled harder. Dust mixed with sawdust flew up. I pinched my nose and gestured toward the inside of the vehicle. “After you.”

Liv gave me a hard stare. “Are you crazy? I’m not going in there.”

“It’s been here for decades. I’m pretty sure the tires have become one with the ground by now. It’s perfectly safe, I assure you.”

Liv didn’t seem reassured by my added smile, but she made her way past me and climbed across the seat to sit on the passenger side. I jumped in beside her and ran my fingertips along the steering wheel.

“Reminiscing?” she asked.

The corner of my mouth raised up. “Oh, yeah. This truck made many hauls up in the hills to parties. It got dragged through the mud on purpose and banged up against trees and other cars. It was indestructible.”

“Until it landed here,” she remarked.

“Yeah. That would’ve been my fault. I didn’t even have a license yet and I took Darin’s keys. I rolled the thing down the side of a mountain. It was an accident of course.”

“Of course.” Livvy’s eyebrow arched.

“Had to have it lugged down off of the hill by a friend who owned a machine. Dad was pretty pissed, but not as pissed as Darin was.” My hand moved to the gearshift in the middle. It was so worn and smoothed down that the numbers were no longer visible.

“Why’d you take it?” Liv asked after a heavy sneeze.

I looked over at her and grinned. “I had to go see a girl of course.”

Livvy rolled her eyes. “Oh, I should’ve known. A girl. Why wouldn’t I have guessed that?”

I reached over and squeezed her knee teasingly.

She swatted my hand away. “This girl you had to see wasn’t in the truck when it rolled, was she?”

I shook my head. “No, thankfully, and neither was I. I forgot to put the emergency brake on, and it slid right down. I remember Dad threatening me that I wouldn’t be allowed to get my license until I was eighteen. Didn’t happen though. Mom talked him out of it.” I pulled down the visor and glanced at the insurance papers faded with time with Dad’s signature on it. “So it was hauled down here and parked…for good. I spent the rest of that year working and getting money to help buy Darin a new car.”

“How thoughtful of you.”

I shrugged. “It was the least I could do, you know.”

Livvy chuckled. “I can’t believe he drove something like this.”

“Well, that’s before the great job and great wife. He was a poor teenager once.” I winked at her.

Livvy sighed and looked at the high grass and weeds smashed against the side of the passenger window. “The years of a teenager, when you think life is so hard but it’s really so easy. Then you grow up and have things like this happen to you. I never in my wildest imagination would’ve guessed that my life would’ve turned out like this.”

A twang hit me in the middle of the stomach again and radiated up to the middle of my chest. “You’ve had a pretty incredible life, though, Liv. You’ve had way more than I ever had.”

She snorted. “A car accident, a coma, fighting to get my own husband back from another woman, then finally getting him back and he ends up dying from a heart attack. And now…” Her hand moved down to her belly and rested there. “Now, I have a child on the way, a child who will never know his father. How is that pretty incredible, Shane? How is that anything but cruel and twisted? No one would wish this upon themselves. No one.”

I swallowed and grabbed Liv’s hand and placed it on the gear shift with mine. “But the kind of relationship you and Darin had was amazing. You got to experience love. I’m not so sure many people get to experience that kind of love. You have to think about those kinds of things, Liv. That’s what I’m talking about when I mean incredible. And this baby is a piece of you and Darin. He’ll get to know all kinds of cool things about his dad. He’ll know who he is, Liv.”

Tears swelled in her eyes. “You’ve been all over the world living your life, Shane. I’m sure you could’ve found love a number of times with all the girlfriends you’ve had.”

“No. If I would’ve found what you and Darin had, I would’ve settled down. That’s the kind of thing that makes a man tame, you know.”

“Oh, is it?” Liv looked at me out of the corner of her eye and gave me a small smile. “I just wish I’d had more time with him, Shane.”

I nodded. “I know. We all wish we had had more time with him.”

Livvy pressed her lips together, her jaw clenching in tension as she did so. She took her hand from mine and rubbed at her nose. “It’s like I was so incredibly happy…before. And now…now no matter what, I can’t possibly be that happy again. I’ll never have a complete family. Even when the baby is born, even if I find someone else, it’ll never be his real father. Does that make sense?”

I took a moment to process what she was saying before answering, “It does make sense, Liv, but it makes even more sense because you just lost Darin. I think you can be truly happy again—with someone else. It doesn’t have to be the baby’s real father. When you do—and I know you will—fall in love with someone else, they’ll accept that baby as their own. The baby won’t even know what he’s missing, and I don’t think you will either. That’s not to say that you won’t miss Darin or anything, I just mean I think you can be in love with more than one person in your lifetime. Especially for a woman like you, Liv, you just have it all, and every man is going to jump at that opportunity to be with a great girl like you.”

Liv blushed. She wiped away her tears and turned to stare at me, her blue eyes piercing through me. “Thank you, Shane. I’m so blessed to have you in my life. I don’t know how to get through this, but somehow you give me hope that I will.”

“Damn straight you will.” I grinned.

She leaned over and gave me a peck on the cheek. “I’m ready to get out of this filthy truck.”

“Filthy?” I pretended to look around. “This thing is a goldmine.”

“Ha,” she huffed out. “Seems to me that people take better care of goldmines. They don’t let them go over cliffs.”

“It wasn’t exactly a cliff,” I rebutted.

“Open the door and get out, Shane.”

We continued our walk and didn’t say much. There was peacefulness between us as we moved down the grown up path, our hands locked together. It was as if we’d known each other since we were kids and were just happy to be together. We had known each other a long time and had always connected. Darin just brought us together that much more.

My thoughts drifted to texts I’d been having with Gwen about when I thought I’d return to California. I figured I’d stay a few more days. I still wanted to clean up around my parents’ house a bit. I’d probably start that chore this afternoon. I didn’t want to discuss my leaving with Livvy. I had invited her to come back with me, but I wasn’t so sure that was a good idea anymore. I didn’t know what to do, so I just kept my mouth shut for now.

We finally came out to the road. It was going on noon, the sun pouring down upon us.

“Want to go down further?” I asked Livvy. “There’s a waterfall just a little ways down…at least there used to be.”

“A waterfall?” Liv arched one of her eyebrows in question. “How many girls did you take to that spot?”

I laughed. “Only the most special ones.”

Livvy smiled. It was nice to see her seem happy as if she could forget about all the horrible things that had happened to her, if only temporarily. Her hand moved quickly down to her stomach.

“What is it?” I asked. “You okay?”

She reached over and grabbed my hand, putting it on her belly. After a few moments, I felt a light tap against my hand.

“That’s him?” I asked, waiting to feel more.

Liv nodded. “He’s really active when I stop moving. He’s getting stronger and stronger every day.”

I felt more movement against my hand. “Wow. That’s…incredible.”

Livvy beamed. “It really is.”

“Thought of any names?” We continued to walk again down the road toward where the small waterfall used to be.

Livvy shrugged. “I don’t know. After all that’s happened, I was thinking about naming him Darin. The world needs another Darin Thorne. What do you think?”

I pressed my lips together and smiled. “I couldn’t agree more. Darin sounds like the perfect name for the little fellow. Bet he looks just like him.”

“Oh, I hope so.”

An older woman was jogging down the road toward us. She slowed down to a walk and put her hands on her knees for a break. “Beautiful day, isn’t it?”

I nodded. “Sure is.”

The woman fought to catch her breath as she studied the two of us for a moment. “You two make such a beautiful couple. How long have you been together?”

Livvy instantly let go of my hand and took a few steps away from me as she began walking in the opposite direction away from the waterfall and back to my parents’ house.