The Pull of Destiny (42 page)

Now that’s something I
want to avoid.

Maybe in another life I
might have been able to kiss Luke back and not have to worry about the implicit
repercussions, but that was neither here nor there. What mattered right now was
the fact that nobody (hopefully) had seen the results of our little
tête-à-tête.

Luke looked about as
stunned as I felt, which was saying something since I felt like I’d been hit
between the eyes with a sledge hammer. He ran a shaky hand through his hair as
he cleared his throat. “CiCi, damn- I didn’t mean to do that,” he stammered,
taking a hesitant step towards me then just standing there, his hands in his
pockets.

I stared at him dumbly,
resisting the urge to put my hand up to my lips.
Bad idea when you’ve just
been kissed.
That would just the fact that I was still mightily shook up
over the kiss (
can you say dazed?
) really obvious to Luke, and I surely
didn’t want that. Not at all. Unfortunately, Luke chose that moment to lick his
lips and I almost groaned as the hyper voice in my head started in.

What I really want to
do is grab Luke and kiss him senseless.

Swallowing hard, I tried
to banish the unhelpful thoughts from my mind. No, you don’t. Focus, Celsi!
Yeah,
Celsi, focus on his nice, soft lips.
My imagination (and the little voice
in my head that never shut up) wasn’t helping me one bit as I argued with
myself. As I am prone to doing. No! He’s your friend, you skank!
That
doesn’t explain why
-.

“You kissed me,” I
breathed, sounding like all the wind had been knocked out of me. Which, in a
way, was kinda what had happened. Metaphorically.

What I had meant to say in
response to Luke’s apology (if it had been an apology at all. Because wasn’t
that a smug gleam in Luke’s green eyes?
You’re imagining things, Celsi
.
Okay then) was a standard ‘It’s okay.’ But apparently it wasn’t okay; otherwise
I would never have opened my mouth and posed that awkward question. Luke
had
kissed me. And I guess my subconscious wanted to find out why.
When it comes
to stating the obvious, Celsi, you’re a natural.

Because Luke was standing
directly under a light, I could totally tell he was blushing as he opened his
mouth then closed it again, looking suitably flustered. He definitely hadn’t
expected that. Neither had I, but it was a valid point. He had kissed me
unprovoked. I hadn’t batted my eyelashes at him or given him any ‘come hither’
looks. The question I should have asked him was ‘why’.

In a soft voice, he said,
“I know. I’m-.” I sent a hard glare his way and he paused. I really didn’t feel
like hearing the word ‘sorry’ coming out of his mouth right now. “I didn’t mean
it.”

“How could you not mean
it?” I took a step away from the wall now that my legs were steadier. When
would the night’s surprises end? “Either you kiss or you don’t,” I argued,
choosing the wrong time to be perverse.

Looking slightly mulish
and all the sexier for it, Luke protested, “I was aiming for your cheek!”

“So how did you end up at
my lips?”

That might have been the
wrong question to ask, because as soon as I mentioned the word ‘lips’, Luke’s
eyes dropped to my mouth and he stared for the longest minute before dragging
his eyes back up to meet mine.
Not the best way to defend yourself.
Still,
I was nonplussed. Why was he staring at my lips like he wanted to kiss me
again? Was I reading way too much into this?

You’re trippin’, Celsi.
Definitely wishful thinking.

And why was I pushing
this? Why couldn’t I just be glad that Luke Astor had deigned to kiss me? Take
it as a win, a once in a lifetime opportunity come to fruition? Why couldn’t I
be like the normal girls and just squee myself off into the sunset?
Because
you can’t seem to keep your mouth shut.
But I felt that I had to know. Part
of me was insisting that Luke had kissed me because he liked me in
that
way, but I knew it couldn’t be true. Yet I couldn’t debunk that theory till I
heard from him that he hadn’t kissed me because he liked me in
that
way.
Can you imagine the daydreams I would have if I didn’t know for real what the
deal was? I didn’t want to get hurt by Luke or anyone else. What can I say; I’m
just complex like that.

For some odd reason,
Ahmed’s words floated unbidden into my mind.

‘He's smooth. I guess I
could say- he's been around the block a few times. He knows how to play the
game.’

Could this have been what
he meant? Was I just a pawn in a Luke Astor game?

Before I could think more
about this, Luke spoke and I almost jumped. I’d been so wrapped up in my head
that I almost forgot he was there.

“I told you that my head
hurts. You- you don’t understand how bad it actually is.” He gave a humourless
laugh, shaking his head slightly. “So when I leaned in to kiss your cheek, my
vision doubled and I...” His voice trailed off and he licked his lips again,
his eyes not leaving mine. “I shouldn’t have done it, though.”

No kidding.

I laughed nervously,
clutching my purse. The sincerity in his voice was impossible to miss, which
had to mean he was telling the truth and the kiss had just been a mistake.
Are
you happy now, Celsi?

“You really surprised me,”
I said, tittering as I twisted the strap of the bag in between my fingers.

Luke didn’t crack a smile,
if anything, he looked even more serious. “It was a total dick move. I
shouldn’t be touching you like- like we’re best friends, not until we’re used
to each other.” My mouth gaped open with surprise as he continued, sounding
angry with himself. “But I just forget because you’re so nice and so easy to
talk to.” The corner of his mouth turned up in a cute, lopsided smile as he
looked at me. “I feel like we’ve been friends for years and- now I messed up.”

Involuntarily, my head
shook from left to right as I tried to cut in, to tell him that that’s exactly
how I felt about him, too. “Luke-,” I started, but he was on a roll and he just
talked over me.

“I don’t want this to mess
up our friendship,” he concluded, hanging his head as he stared down at his
sneakers. “I’m sorry.”

Stepping closer to him, I
put a hand on his arm, feeling his muscles tense then relax as I touched him.
Is
this how awkward it’s going to be between us from now on?

“Our friendship means a
lot to me too,” I said quietly. I really didn’t want it ruined by this either
and an idea popped into my head. “We can just- agree to push this under the
rug.”

So to speak.

I didn’t want to lose
Luke, now that I’d found him. When I was with him, I forgot about the real
world and my problems at home. Luke had problems too and I felt that he understood
what I was going through with Nate, even if it was just a little bit. He also
had a bullying, domineering man in his life. Being friends with Shazia and
Robyn was different. Sure, they were sympathetic, but their problems consisted
of bad hair days and zits. Not ultra-violent cousins who would sometimes beat
the crap out of you just because they could.

Luke’s eyes widened.
“You’re cool with that?” he asked, twisting away from my hand so that he was
facing me.

I nodded. “Yeah.”

“Just forget this ever happened?”

“Forget what ever
happened?” I asked with my best guileless look on my face.

He chuckled. “You’re just
awesome, CiCi. But I’m really-,” he started.

I waved a finger in his
face. “Uh uh,” I said, noting the apologetic expression playing on his handsome
features. “Say sorry again and I swear, I’ll scream.”

Déjà vu was kicking in.
This was almost the same conversation we were having right before he kissed me.
Gulp.

Luckily, before anything
else could pop off, Robyn barrelled down the hallway towards us.

“There you are! I’ve been
looking all over for you!” she exclaimed, totally oblivious to the awkward vibe
that Luke and I were giving off. I didn’t know whether to yell at her or laugh.
She doesn’t notice anything!

“Why? What’s up?” I asked.
Maybe she had spotted our abrupt exit from the ballroom.
Sure took her long
enough to get here.

Robyn tapped her wrist,
pointing to her watch. “I don’t know about you, but I want to get out of here.
Do you know how embarrassing it is to have pervy old men pinch your ass right
in front of your boyfriend?”

Luke turned a snort of
laughter into an ill-disguised cough as Robyn turned to glower in his
direction.

“Sorry, I got something
stuck in my throat,” he spluttered, wiping tears of laughter from his eyes.
Obviously, he didn’t believe that Robyn and Todd would last for long. Then
again, it had been almost three weeks already, and that was practically a
record where Robyn was concerned.

“So you want to leave?” I
asked her. She nodded, her blonde hair bouncing.

“If you’re ready.”

Boy, was I ever. But in
order to leave, I had to say bye to Luke’s dad (common courtesy) and the last
thing I felt like doing was seeing that man again.

I nodded at an impatiently
fidgeting Robyn, who was tapping her shoe on the tiled floor, and turned to
Luke, who still seemed to be holding back laughter.

“I guess I should go say
bye to your dad-,” I started half-heartedly. He shook his head immediately,
moving closer to me so that nosy Robyn wouldn’t hear.

“You really don’t have to.
Like he deserves it. I’ll tell him you said bye.” He shrugged. “I know he’s
unpleasant to deal with.”

Understatement of the
year.

I smiled gratefully at him
and was rewarded by a gorgeous smile back.
Damn, those eyes...

“Thanks, Luke,” I said.

He wrapped his arms around
me tightly, hugging me against him. “Are you kidding me? Thank
you
. I
swear, I’m gonna make this up to you,” he whispered in my ear, brushing my hair
out of my face.

Behind us, Robyn cleared
her throat loudly and deliberately. “I hate to break this up, but are we done
here?”

***

I stopped right
outside the closed Science class door, swung the strap of my bag over my
shoulder and drew in a deep, bracing breath.
Time for a pep talk, Celsi.
Leaning against the wall next to the class, I ignored the weird looks people
pushing past me were shooting me, focusing instead on looking and acting normal
when I walked into class.
Be cool.
You might be wondering why I was
trying to calm myself down when all I felt like doing was backtracking in the
opposite direction. Well, this was the first time I would be in the same room
as Luke since the gala, so you can imagine I had a right to be nervous.

Try
nauseated.

To make matters
worse, after I had told them what went down at the gala, Shazia and Robyn had
done their best to blow things way out of proportion. Things like
‘whipped’,
‘he loooves you’, ‘somebody’s in denial’
and
‘you’re so into the guy’
had been said, leading me to threaten to stop talking to them if they even
mentioned anything about the kiss to Luke. I wasn’t worried that Shazia would
say anything to him, mostly because she’s the most sensible person I knew. But
Robyn- she was another, looser lipped story. Plus which, something that Robyn
had said to me offhandedly had stuck and was currently making my head whirl.

‘A kiss
isn’t something you can put behind you that easily.’

Damn her for
being astute enough to figure out the real thing that was troubling me with
this situation about Luke.

 Did I
handle everything okay?

Because let’s
face it, the gala night was the first time something like that had happened to
me. As in the first time a guy had just randomly decided to kiss me. Did I
over-react when I backed away?
What were you supposed to do, kiss him back?
In the hotel hallway?
Mental head shake.
I don’t think so, Celsi Sawyer.
You handled it just fine.
I rubbed my nose, sighing. Maybe I did. I just
hoped that things between Luke and I wouldn’t be different due to the kiss
debacle.
It was all his fault!
But I had read enough books to know that
one single, accidental kiss had the potential to cause a whole lot of problems.
Yes, I am aware that I read far too much. Unfortunately, poor little unworldly
me had absolutely no personal experience with things like- romance.
At all.

Unfortunately,
the untimely arrival of our gruff Science teacher meant that I had to cut my
internal musings short and I followed her into class, my heart beating
irrationally fast.
Just chill, Celsi. Don’t even look at him.

Well, that was
going to be pretty difficult, since Luke was lounging right in the back of the
class, his woolly beanie pulled low over his dark, shaggy hair, chewing gum as
he laughed at something with the cute Filipina girl next to him. And he was
sitting a couple of rows behind me, which was unnerving, to say the least. As I
slowly walked to my seat, focusing on my feet so that I didn’t have to look in
front of me (and ultimately at Luke) I was sure that I could feel his eyes on
me.