The Perfect Emotion (4 page)

When I look straight ahead Andy is holding the door open to the restaurant next door. I quickly pick up my pace and shuffle through the door.

“Brrrrrr, it’s too cold out,” I say as I shake and shiver.  I forgot my gloves again and try to rub my hands together.

“Where are your gloves?” Andy asks.

“I forgot them, I keep doing that.”  He reaches to take them into his hands, but I recoil them quickly.  “Do you think they have hot chocolate?”  I ask hoping that I’m being subtle enough. 

“Yea, what else do you want? Not the best selection, but it’s quick.” He smiles at me.

“Fries.”

“Okay, I’ve got it.  Go grab us a seat.”  I don’t like the idea of him paying for me, but it seems silly to worry about a hot chocolate and a few fries. 

I grab us a table by the window and find myself thinking about just who is on the other side of these walls. The torture I force on myself feels well deserved. I start thinking about whether I should go tomorrow to the courts. Maybe I need to just decide in the morning. I know if Maggie has anything to say about it she will push me to go. Pulling me from my thoughts Andy places my hot chocolate in front of me and the fries in the middle. He sits across from me with his hands embracing his hot chocolate. The heat on my hands allows a tingling of sensation to creep back into them. I gaze back out the window and watch a group of girls cuddled together stumbling from the drinks they probably consumed at McGee’s.

“Have you ever been in there?” Andy asks and nods his head in the direction of McGee’s.

“Yea, just once though.  I have an I.D., but I’m not twenty-one yet.” 

“I just turned over the holiday break.  My friends like to go every weekend.  Well, sometimes during the week too.”  He pauses and laughs lightly.  “I don’t go out as much as they do though.”  I shift in my seat as I run my hair behind my ears and bite on the bottom corner of my lips.  I’m not completely uncomfortable, but I feel like I have to tread water in order to not lead him on in anyway. 

“So, what do you have planned for the rest of the weekend?” I ask in order to keep the conversation flowing.

“Not too much really. This test has me a little worried to be honest, so probably studying. What about you?”

“Same here.  I want to make sure I’m ready for this test.  Plus, I have a paper due next week too that I need to get started on.”

“You going to the library at all?”

“Yea, I have to, otherwise I’ll never study if I stay around the dorm.  I get side tracked way too easily.”

“Well, I’m sure I’ll see you there.” I nod and smile at him as I reach for a fry.

We drink our hot chocolate and eat the fries as we watch our fellow colleagues coming out of McGee’s.  The conversation flows and the awkwardness for me has settled some.  Then I tell him that I’m going to head back and get a good night’s rest.  He tells me he’ll walk me to my dorm since it’s on his way to his house. 

“Hey, I haven’t seen you at the gym, do you still play tennis?”  He asks as we are bundling up to head out.  I brace myself and pray that he doesn’t ask about what happened to me last semester.  I’m sure he noticed me gone for the remainder of the semester. 

“Yea, I need to get back over there.  I miss it.”  I tell him and hope that satisfies his interest. 

“I’ve watched you play and you are really good.  Did you play when you were a kid?”  I answer him keeping my answers light not letting on just how much tennis means to me.  My heart constricts as I realize just how much I miss the sport.  It has always been a way for me to release, escape and distract myself. 

We walk out and pass by McGee’s and this time I refuse to let myself look inside. I know he is in there and I don’t need to fuel my wandering mind. Andy keeps in stride next to me, but keeps his distance from touching me. When we reach my dorm I thank him and rush towards the doors.

“Hope I see you tomorrow,” He yells out before I’m inside.

“Okay,” I respond and head in. 

Once in the elevator I grab my phone out and see a text from a number that I don’t have stored in my new phone.

Will I see you tomorrow? Reed

I lean against the elevator wall clutching my phone tightly. All possible answers run through my head, but then I finalize my decision. Everything becomes clear for the moment.

Yes. Katherine

C
HAPTER 3

I wake to an empty dorm room because Maggie stayed at Brandon’s room.  Stretching my arms up I reach for my phone to see no missed calls or texts.  It’s a welcomed observation.  I don’t miss the countless calls and texts I used to get from Kyle.  He doesn’t have my new number and I plan to keep it that way.  I still get an occasional email from him, but I continue to delete them before ever opening them.  He called my home several times after
the incident
(my therapist hates that I call it an incident, but it helps me cope) last semester.  I never answered when he called, however mom did once and he got an earful.  Really he’s lucky my dad never answered.  Dad did make an appearance at Kyle’s parents’ house though.  I have no idea what was said or how that went and I plan to keep it that way.  Every now and then I still think of Kyle, but it’s different than before.  I can’t stop myself from wondering if he’s made any changes.  Sometimes when I think too much about what happened I start hyperventilating.  I force myself to try and deal with the panicked feelings though.  It’s a struggle to not push everything in deeper and distract myself from dealing with it. 

Before I can dwell too much on these thoughts there is a light knock on my door.  I push myself out from my warm cocoon to open it.  Kelly is standing there in her running clothes with a tight closed smile on her face.  It’s been a while since we’ve ran and by the look on her face she needs it as much as I do. 

“It’s too windy and cold out. Should we hit the treadmills?”

“Yes, please.” With that I close the door and start to get myself ready and then bundled up for the walk over.

The wind has died down, but the cold is still bone chilling even with the bright sun.  The reflection off the snow is still blinding.  My bag is strapped across my body with my racket tucked in tightly.  I like how it feels; I’ve missed it. 

“Have you talked to him?” I barely hear Kelly around the dead silence of the early morning on campus. I tighten my shoulders because I honestly forgot. My mind was wrapped up in thoughts of tennis … and Reed.

“No, sorry Kel.  I will today though.  Seriously, you have nothing to worry about.  What did you guys do last night?” 

“Nothing.  He never came to my room.”  I glance at her and see her bottom lip tremble.  There really isn’t anything else I can say.  I’ll have to make sure to reach out to him today.  “You playing tennis after our run?”

“Yea.”  I keep my stare straight ahead and bite down on the bottom corner of my lip.  Kelly’s lips purse in a smile as she bends towards me to get a look at my face.

“With who?” 

“Reed.”  The smile stays planted on her face, but she doesn’t ask any more questions.

Once inside the warm building we drop our coats and bags at the lockers.  I fix my hair back in a ponytail and arrange my iPod.  We walk out and pass the tennis courts.  Just to be sure I take a peek out onto them and don’t see anyone out there.  My breathing relaxes knowing I have more time until I see him.  This run will be good for me.  We hit a pair of treadmills next to each other and I turn my iPod on to hear the sounds of
Rhianna
singing
Stay
.

The burn running up through my legs is a welcomed distraction. I hit six miles and start my cool down. I don’t want to completely exhaust myself before I get on the courts because I know I’ll be rusty after too much time away. Kelly starts her cool down too and once we are done we head over to the small snack/smoothie/coffee station. 

“Alright, I’m headed out.” Kelly says as she stands up.

“Okay, I’ll find you later. Hey, everything is fine.” I wink at her and she smiles at me.

“Good luck playing today.”  I press my lips together and just nod.  I look at my watch and see I’ve still got some time until I need to change into my tennis clothes.  I probably should get out there early and practice though.  I finish up and head into the locker room to change.  Before I head out I splash my face with water to rid the sweat from my run.  Staring at my reflection for a moment and I can’t help, but notice the circles under my eyes.  Insecurity rises up in me and I head over to my locker to put some concealer on.  With my racket in tow I head back out scanning my surroundings to see if I see him yet.  My heart rate picks up and nerves run through me causing me to shake a little.  I stop to look out on to the courts before moving forward to get on them.  Oh, how I’ve missed playing.  Before I can dwell too long I feel a tap on my shoulder and instantly I hold my breath.  I’m not expecting to have to talk with him let alone touch me.  I turn around and I let my breath out when I see Andy standing in front of me.

Arriving to the gym early I finish the last of my orange juice.  It’s still early for most on campus and the locker room is pretty empty.  I head over to my locker to throw in my gym bag when I see a guy walking past.  I look over and he glances at me briefly before heading out of the locker room.  I recognize him instantly.  Andy.  Last semester I caught him hitting on Katherine before we were about to play a game of tennis, but I cut that off right away.  Funny, I don’t recall seeing him at the gym any other times.  Then it hits me that he is probably here because he knows Kate is here. 

Last night at McGee’s as I was getting ready to leave I saw him with Kate walking by.  My first reaction was to chase after her, but then I calmed myself.  She never turned around and saw me, but I could tell she was not interested in him.  Her body language said it all.  She kept her distance from him.  I didn’t like the scene in front of me one bit, but I couldn’t risk pushing her away further.  However, I did know of course that he was definitely into her.  That I understood.  It’s not hard to fall for Kate. 

I throw my racket over my shoulder and walk out of the locker room.  When I see her my breath hitches and my chest tightens.  Fuck, I want her.  She’s beautiful with her hair tied back. She’s nervous as she stands there biting on her bottom lip, which is always a clear indication.  I know she does it subconsciously, but damn if it doesn’t turn me on. 

I just stand back taking her in and then I see Andy stroll up to her. 
Game on, game on, Andy.
  I give him a moment with her and find it comical that he ignores the way she is backing up away from her.  She’s cornered now and I hate to see her suffer.  She doesn’t see me as I make my way up to them, but Andy’s expression is priceless.