The Nothing (22 page)

After
the feelings of wanting to run, a sense of clarity came to James. His fear was profound, but the thought of innocent women being harmed unexpectedly angered him. Fight or flight? It was a choice he was going to have to make quickly.
Maybe it’s time for me to man up and do what is right. I always ran away when there was trouble and look where it has gotten me. But is it worth it? What if the ladies are already dead? Well if Bentley wants to get into a firefight with Rambo, then I will stand next to him and earn my honor. I can’t imagine much of a life beyond all this so why not go out in glory?

“Yeah Bentley, I saw
the guns when I got the cat litter out. You have forty shells too. In all honesty man, if you think we should go in there, I would have your back. I would be right there by your side if it is what you want.”

Bentley smiled
at James. “I feel like I don’t know you James. And I don’t know if that is good or bad. Have you been hiding your true self all this time?” James crouched silently for a second then lifted himself up to see through the car window. “I haven’t been hiding anything. I’m only trying to do the right thing.” The fear was subsiding as James became more accepting of the risks they are facing. He was beginning to truly accept death.

A
man gets to a point in his life where it doesn’t matter whether he lives or dies. That is the point I have been at for a while. Just haven’t come across the opportunity that would do the job for me. Never had the guts to do it to myself. It really wouldn’t suck that much if I died. If the chaos continues and this country falls to shit, then there really isn’t anything to live or fight for. I missed my chance to make my life better and I have accepted that.

“Man James,
one or both of us could get killed if we try to go in there. Shotguns could do some damage for sure; but against a military assault rifle in the hands of an expert? I mean for real, it’s suicide going in there. But part of me can’t let those ladies get hurt. That is if they are still alive.”

“Bentley, don’t you think we would have heard the rifle shots
or more screams? Those things are really loud right?”

“For sure we would have heard them.
Possible that he may have used a knife or something; made it quiet.”

“I’m not so sure
man. On all three? Wouldn’t they have all screamed? And why them, why those particular ladies?” Bentley continued to crouch by the side of the car. “You got a point. And this would be the second time today that I would go in without back up.”

“The second time?”

“Yeah. Around lunchtime I was passing by that burger joint called Almeda’s Burger Shack. There was a large crowed gathering and I was told there was a girl killed in the restaurant.” Bentley raised his face to the sky with the heaviness of what he dealt with at Almeda’s. He inhaled and then blew the air from his lungs as if getting ready for a sprint. “So anyways. To make a long story short; I went in and had to shoot a girl in the leg that was holding a knife on me who had just killed her friend. I think she was holding people hostage but I can’t be for sure. Before I knew it, it was like world war three. Bullets started flying everywhere. I barely got out.” James put his hand on Bentley’s shoulder. “Hey bro, doesn’t sound too bad. Shouldn’t upset you. You deal with that type of shit all the time right?” Bentley paused for a few seconds then continued, “But this time the cell phones were down. There weren’t any 911 calls going through. My fucking radio and computer were down. I shouldn’t have gone in without backup. But there’s the one thing I did that was the biggest mistake I could ever make.”

“
And that is?”

“I shot two innocent black business men as I was running
through the back alley to my car.” I didn’t think before I pulled out my gun and unloaded the clip. They both had on ties. If we pull through this, I will be going to prison.” James didn’t know what to say. What could he say? This is the good brother that everyone worships and compares him with. The Christian man who has gone through life without one single misstep. Now that good guy is a criminal going to prison. What James had been seeing on his monitors before they went dark this afternoon came to mind. “Hey Bentley, I think I saw you on my cams. You were running through a crowd. I thought you were stupid for doing that by yourself. None of them were using the payphone either for 911. They just kept playing with their phones. I am glad you didn’t get hurt.”

“Damn James, you saw me at Almeda’s?”

“Yeah, I didn’t recognize you. Pretty freaky huh?” James peered back up through the car windows and saw the door to Martha’s apartment open as the man with the assault rifle walked out. “Bentley, that special ops guy just walked out…… Oh shit man, I think he is coming towards us!”

Bentley looked through the car windows and crouched back down.
“Fuck man, he is looking right at us. What do you say James? Do we go out there guns blazing?”

“
I didn’t close the trunk all the way. Lets grab the shotguns and run to the end of the street to make him chase us. We can duck behind that brick wall at the other entrance, wait until he is close, and then open up on the motherfucker.”

“Ok James
, when I yell move, we both go for it at the same time… Move!”

B
oth jumped up at once and rammed their upper bodies into the trunk, each grabbing a shotgun. Bentley managed to grab the ammo box with forty shells as well. In the matter of a couple of seconds, both men started racing away from the car toward the brick wall, sprinting faster and harder than either of them had before. James felt like he was floating along the concrete, not aware that he could barely breath and that his legs were getting numb. There was no sight of Bentley in front of him, which surprised him because Bentley was in decent shape while James was close to 280 lbs. James pace slowed as he turned his head back to look for Bentley, who unexpectedly stayed back. With his shotgun held up to his shoulder aimed forward, Bentley was charging the special ops guy.

Then came
a loud whacking sound, James felt the sting of extremely hot concrete on the side of his face. His sweat began to mix with the dust and dirt of the ground. His breath had become so strained that he became faint. James was able to turn his head enough to see Bentley back at the squad car with his gun still in the air and the special ops guy walking towards him.

Stupid shit!
Had to be a fucking hero. We should have never helped those ladies. I wanted to go as soon as I knew one of them was Martha. Tortured before I die. Well bro, we have gone back and forth on this a few times today. Guess you are the one that dies the hero. I wanted to die and go away. But it never quite works out for me.

The world in his eyes began to fade and get fuzzy.
Right before James passed out, he saw Martha run towards the duel, getting in between Rambo and Bentley. Bentley lowered his shotgun and rubbed the back of his head. For James, the world went dark.

Ok
, what the fuck just happened?

Holy of the unholy

Cold eggs, soggy bacon
, and toast with a layer of butter, splattered against the wall. Nick left his chair at the table, angrily walked to Katy, and lunged his whole body forward as if to hit her. His fist jerking a foot from her face. Nick liked to do the macho fake punch when he didn’t get his way. If that didn’t work, he would hit her for real. But she had grown use to it. Even built up a good tolerance for pain. It was only a few days a week, sometimes more sometimes less, that she had to deal with him. Otherwise he was away from the house on so-called business. “Katy, why do you have to half ass everything around here?”

“Oh dear I am so sorry.
I can make you some more. I thought you were showering. I didn’t know you would be so long in there.” She had become good at playing the submissive housewife. She was afraid of him. Nick slammed his fist on the granite island countertop in the kitchen. “You never think you stupid waste of a bitch! You shouldn’t be thinking at all. When I tell you, you cook. And in between you clean. You do what I tell you when I tell you!” Now Katy was shaking. Nick was more agitated than usual. Something was up and she could see it. But all she wanted to do was please him so that he wouldn’t be mean to her. At moments like this, she could only stand still out of fear that any move would be the wrong one. So Katy just stood there staring at the floor waiting for his next command.

No no no!
Katy think! How could you screw up like that? You should have checked with him first. You should have watched for when he woke up and then ask what he wanted for breakfast. I’m so lost right now.

Hesitantly
, and not sure if it was what she should do next, Katy slowly moved toward the wall where the food had splattered. Nick grabbed her by the back of her hair. “Did I tell you to move? You should know better than to disrespect me like that after trying to make me sick with your shitty food. Your own mother said you could cook. Guess what? She is a fucking whore liar!” He forcefully let go of her hair and walked briskly back to the bedroom slamming the door.

Ok, I will clean this as fast as I can and then wait here.
Gosh it is almost 11:30 in the morning. I wish he wouldn’t sleep so late. I would love to know what it is like to have a man sleep next to me when I go to sleep. Isn’t that what married couples are suppose to do? Ah there I go dreaming again! I don’t know what has happened to me lately. All these years I have accepted that I exist separate from him and that we don’t have a relationship. But lately I have been really wanting more. Am I selfish? Am I finally becoming American like on the Young and the Restless? At least back home that is what they did. I miss the countryside of Thailand. I miss my Mom. I wonder if she still looks the same.

***

Letter after letter filled Katy’s mailbox in the small tourist town of Pai. It was an almost serene place nestled in the Thailand countryside. Her mother Kimori gave her one day off a week to read them even though Katy had signed up for the Thaiworld Marriage Service behind her back. It had been a slap in the face for her mother, but she forgave Katy once she learned more about the opportunities for young Katy over in America. Life in Pai Village was mundane and lonely for many. The idea of marrying a handsome and successful American was what many of the young girls of Pai sit around talking about.

Kimori
managed the Pai Jung rice stand in the middle of town. Katy worked as her assistant from seven in the morning until eight at night. Two hours in the middle of the day were for naps and chores. Katy was nineteen and had been working there since she was eight. There were seven brothers who worked as bungalow custodians for the various vacation rentals around the area. Kimori managed the rice stand for a rich man living in Bangkok and had been there since Katy was born. A large square open area was where the kitchen and wash area was. Surrounding it were patio areas where guests could eat and chain-smoke cigarettes. A vender in a corner served alcohol and next door was a brothel. It was the only way Kimori could afford taking care of eight kids.

Being the only girl in a house with seven
boys brought heavy burdens to Katy. Her father, like many others in the village, left before Katy was born. The large costs and responsibility of having too many children puts a father at risk of being labeled incompetent if they can’t pay the bills. Plus fatherhood was very competitive in Thai society. There was pressure to dress your children the best and buy the best house. But Katy’s father took the easy road. Abandoning a family somehow looks better than having a cheap house and kids that aren’t the best dressed.

Katy had been the last-born and was the catalyst for her father leaving. When Kimori was pregnant with Katy, her husband would beat her and tell her that she had too many kids. He left two months before Katy was born and has never been heard from since. One big problem is that there’s little birth control available in their area of the country. Once in a while, a group of white westerners, or celebrities working with some fancy charitable organization, would come through and hand out condoms or other items of necessity with camera crews filming. As soon as the camera crews had their footage, it was off to another country to chase some other cause that any celebrity could get behind. It happened to be a documentary film crew that exposed Katy to the idea of getting married to an American man and going to the United States. They were doing an expose’ on mail order brides who get to their new country only to be abused by their new husbands. Many brides are never allowed to visit their homeland for fear of them never coming back. Katy’s English wasn’t the best so she missed the point of what the film crew was trying to explain. She only caught the glamour of the Thaiworld Marriage Service. She excitedly wrote the address on her forearm with a piece of coal.

Many weeks passed
before she got the nerve to go visit Thaiworld’s office. It was only a five-minute walk from Pai Jung’s. During her break one day, she told her mother that she was going to go buy cloths for her brothers. Instead, she put on a brave face and checked out the marriage service. The weather in Thailand can be very hot and humid for a large portion of the year. And during most times, Katy would struggle with body odor. She could only shower twice a week because with all of her brothers, water bills can get expensive. Besides, it was more important to everyone that the brothers be presentable, find wives and have children. Katy would be forgotten in those discussions.

As
Katy waked along the filthy street to Thaiworld’s office, she became concerned about the way she looked and smelled. Worrying about rejection due to her stink and greasy complexion caused her a moment’s hesitation. Yet the thought of getting married to a nice American and leaving to go live the high life excited her. So she pushed on.

Wow, it is almost
too easy. I remember that film crew telling me that they would fix my hair, put makeup on me and make me pretty. I have never worn makeup before. No idea what doing hair means! I would never look back if my prince came to get me and took me away.

An overwhelming amount of attention greeted her as soon as she entered the front door.
Several Thai men and one American immediately approached and began complimenting her. They touched her hair, the side of her face, her arms, and said things to her that she had never heard from anyone.

“Oh my, you are the goddess Athena reborn!”

“Where have you been hiding?
Successful men in America would sacrifice their lives for you!”

A chubby
American man in a dated plaid suit said, “You have made the best decision you could have ever made for your life. You are going to be the luckiest bride in all of history!” Katy loved the attention. Never has anyone doted on her or showered her with such positive comments. It was something she was not use to. She was so happy that she began to cry.

That first day, they sat her
in a hard plastic chair and had her answer questions and talk about herself. It was a rough start because Katy wasn’t accustomed to talking about herself, and was afraid of saying the wrong thing. Plus, there wasn’t much Katy could personally reflect on that she felt was worthy of anyone’s interest. But the American, who called himself Chris Cruise the manager, was very calming and prompted her along when she would freeze up. He told her that Tom Cruise was his cousin and that if she signs up, she could marry a movie star like him. Katy excitedly asked, “Can I marry him? He got divorced right?” Chris winked at her, “I will give him a call tonight and maybe set you two up. With all that you are telling me, you will surely be a good match for Tom, or someone like him. Who knows Katy, you might end up with the richest man in Hollywood!”

Ka
ty hadn’t told him anything except that she cleans and cooks for her brothers, works for her mom at the rice stand, and likes to play with legos. She also talked about watching TV, but only channels in Russian and Arabic, which she couldn’t understand; but liked watching the action. She also included that she smells better when she baths, hasn’t wet her bed in three years, and happily knows how to add and subtract.

I have never been this happy!
And it is all going to be free for me and only me. Mr. Cruise said that my new husband would pay all of my costs for me! I can’t wait to tell my mother!

Unfortunately t
he joy wasn’t shared at home. Three heavy slaps sent Katy to the floor. “You should know better child! The only man that would marry you would be a fat pig!” Katy looked up crying as her mother continued to berate and lecture her on how she could never trust these men who go around the world looking for a wife. That something was so wrong with them because no one in their own country would marry them. Plus these men would likely rape her and use her as a slave. In all actuality, Kimori didn’t want to lose her only daughter.

“Little Kat
y, I have seen and heard stories of girls like you going to America; being trapped, neglected and never heard from again. These are abusive and evil men. A movie star would not send for a young girl from a Thailand village for marriage. Look at you! You think a rich man would accept a filthy and dirty little girl like you?” Kimori walked away cussing in Thai. Slowly moving from the floor to her feet, Katy composed herself. A small mirror hanging on the wall in the family’s living room showed her reflection, which saddened her even more. Her lashes were too short, her eyes too dark. Lips dry and slightly cracked. Long greasy black hair flowed messily from her head to the middle of her back. Katy would mostly tear at knots every time she brushed her hair. However, the hope of meeting a nice man from America, who would carry her away to paradise, continued to consume her at all hours of the day. So she went back a few days later to continue the journey.

The
thought of marrying a man from Pai sickened Katy. Most smelled bad, smoked too many cigarettes, and slept with prostitutes. These were acceptable norms for single men. People would say that a married man goes through a transformation. Their new wife would replace the vices that had occupied these men once the marriage is consummated. Though behind the scenes, many married men carry on with prostitutes and bars as if they were still single. It was an issue that filled Katy’s thoughts often. In a copy of an American news magazine written in Thai, she read that men over there who beat women and children, go to jail and are very hated. Here, if a man beat his wife to correct her, he was respected. It was a tough paragraph to read and it took her thirty minutes to fully understand the text.

After two more days
during her two-hour daily breaks at the agency office, Katy’s profile was ready to be published. A stylist had fixed her hair, another had put on makeup for her, and several pictures had been taken. It was getting close to the point of no return.

Days later when
Katy returned to the agency for an update, she heard her mother’s voice in the office as she walked in. Katy couldn’t hear what was being said, but could tell that Kimori was upset. A restroom by the front door was the perfect place to hide. The courage to confront her mother wasn’t there. After a short period of listening and trying to make out what was being said, Kimori’s voice abruptly stopped. It had been so loud that Katy couldn’t tell if she had been yelling at Mr. Cruise or someone else. The sudden quiet had her wondering for a moment if Kimori had left. When Katy slowly stepped outside the restroom door, she heard Kimori say in a more delighted tone, “I would have never imagined it would be like this….” Katy wanted to go into the office but wasn’t sure what to expect. She hadn’t imagined that her mother would actually come to the agency and see what was going on. When Kimori was angry or agitated, her voice and tone grew loud. But now the voice Katy was hearing was softer; a mother’s voice.

Should
I go in there and see what my mother wants? I don’t want her to slap me in front of Mr. Cruise. That might mess up my chances of getting married. I can’t just hid here in the restroom the whole time either. Mr. Cruise might think I am weak and not want to find anyone for me. Oh well, here goes nothing!

As
Katy walked out of the restroom, she saw Kimori standing by Mr. Cruise’s desk looking at Katy’s photographs. Tears were in her eyes as she looked up. From behind a huge smile, Kimori said in a softer than usual voice, “My dear child, is this you in these pictures? My sweet Lord, you are so beautiful!”