The Nights Were Young (13 page)

              She peered out through the window in her bedroom, and over the lake.  There was only a slit of the moon, but the stars made up for its light. Marie could see everything, even some untouched land beyond the houses of Crossfalls Estates. 

              Her cellphone rang. 

It was TROUBLE.

              “Hey stranger,” she said.

              “Hey pretty girl,” he said softly. “I uh, I just wanted to call and say goodnight.”

              Marie bit her lip, and her hand unconsciously tugged at the bottom of her shirt. “Aw you’re so sweet.”

              “Yeah, yeah don’t tell anyone.”

              She laughed.

              “Marie?”

              “Yeah?”

              “I wanted to ask you something.”

              “Alright.”

              He took a nervous breath and asked, “What are we, exactly?”

              “What do you mean?” she said. 

              “Like, are we boyfriend and girlfriend, or what?”

              She lay down in her bed.  “I don’t know.”

              He breathed out heavily, like he had been holding it until she answered. 

“Yeah, me neither,” he said.

              She lay still, waiting for him to talk.

              “I like being with you, Marie,” he said. “So whatever this is, I don’t want it to change.”

              She moved onto her side and brought her feet up. “I don’t want it to change, either,” she said softly.

              He breathed out again. “Good.  So, I guess I should let you go to sleep.”

              She was quiet, and she did not want him to say goodbye, and so she didn’t say a word back to him.

              “Marie?” she heard him ask. “Marie?”

XIII

“Marie?” 

It was her father outside the locked bedroom door. 

              She whirled around and caught herself before she fell down on the closet floor.  The whiskey bottle was nearly a fourth gone now; she hid it behind some clothes and used the wall to steady herself as she walked to the door and opened it. 

              Her father seemed happy. His lips and eyebrows lowered when he saw her. “Are you okay?”

              “Yeah, yeah I’m good,” she answered, barely able to focus on one thing.  There were two blurry visions of her father standing in front of her. 

              He studied her for a moment, but his expression lightened and he must have let his thoughts slide as he sipped on a margarita. 

“Well, good then.  Come on honey.  James is about to make his speech.”

              Her father led her out among the crowd gathered in the living room.  James was standing next to her mother, and people were looking on at him as if he was their leader. 

“Ah, here she is!” James said.  “My beautiful soon-to-be wife!”  He wrapped his hand around her waist.  She stood as still as she could, smiling, fighting not to let her head drop down or stare at someone for too long or be too obvious when blinking hard and fast to keep her eyes open.  The faces blurred together.  Her stomach was churning. 

              “I want to thank everyone here tonight for all of your support,” James said.  “It’s great to have so many friends.  I know that Marie and I are going to have a very successful future together and-”

              Marie’s knee gave out for a moment.  She stumbled, only slightly, but it was enough to make James tighten his grip on her and stop his speech.  He chuckled for the audience.

              They laughed uneasily.

              “You okay, honey?” he asked Marie loudly – like a performance for everyone.

              Marie nodded and smiled. “Damn heels,” she said cheerfully.

              They laughed again.

              James laughed too, though his eyes, when he looked at Marie, were glaring. 

“I know that I’m really going to enjoy and excel in my new position.  It’s going to be a great life – for me and Marie, and we’re ready to live every moment of it.  Thank you.” He rushed the last part.

              The crowd applauded. He probably had more to say, but he wouldn’t continue on with it as long as Marie was standing next to him, or at least barely standing up straight next to him.

Marie noticed her mother’s searing glance at her before her eyesight darted to someone else that was walking by.  Before she knew it James was leading her carefully around the furniture and the people.  His grip was strong on her hip and on her forearm; she was a child in trouble.  He brought her to the couch and sat her down. 

              “I told you to stop drinking,” he whispered.  His face was inches from hers. 

Marie caught a glimpse of a few people sneaking looks at her and covering their mouths when they whispered in each other’s ears. 

              “What’s wrong, honey?  I did what I wanted to do for once?” Marie asked him.

She lost focus when her head began swirling. She put her hand to her temple.  Her eye lids fluttered a little as James spoke more.

              He spoke low, “You’re not acting like any wife I’d like to have.”

              “Well sorry if I’m just trying to enjoy your big night!” she slurred loudly. 

              His hand whipped up and nearly slapped against her to cover her mouth, but he stopped himself just before it touched her.  He pointed at her, and he opened his mouth to say something.  But nothing came out, and he gave up on her.  He walked away, disappearing among the unfamiliar faces. 

              Marie rolled her eyes and used the arm of the couch to stand up.  On her way she could make out more stares and inquisitive expressions from strangers; she poured past them and stumbled out onto the porch.  She was alone; not even the bartender was there.  There was a half-full pack of cigarettes left on one of the patio chairs.  She stole one, and the lighter next to the pack; then she traveled off the porch and around the side of the house, where no one else would come around.   

XIV

It was another night, seven years ago in Crossfalls
.  Marie exhaled slowly.  The smoke drifted from her lips and out into the cold night air.  Travis smoked his own cigarette next to her.  They lay on the hood of his truck, at the dock, under a cloudy night sky.

              “I can’t wait to get out of this town,” Travis said. 

              “Where are you going to go?” Marie asked.  “I thought you were working here after you graduated.” 

              “Yeah but that’s just to save money.  Once I have enough money I’m gonna get outta here.”

              “What are you going to do?”

              “Live,” he answered with certainty.

              “Ha.  Good answer,” Marie said, rolling her eyes.

              “It’s an honest answer.  There are too many people here that are afraid to take that chance and just leave.”

              “But you’re going to take that chance?” Marie asked.

              “I know I am.  When the time comes I’m going to get out of here and have a damn good life.  I’ll have a wife and kids, and a good house somewhere, and I’ll be the father that the man who helped create me never was. I’m gonna name my kids Roland or Ryan or something with an ‘r’.”

              “An ‘r’?” Marie asked.

              “Yeah, I like ‘r’ names. Don’t you?”

              “No, I like ‘L’ names. Like Lauren or Lily.” 

He brought his water bottle, half-full of rum this time, to his lips and swigged. 

“Well I might consider an ‘L’ name,” he said, and he winked at her. “Either way, I’m gonna live a good life.”

              Marie threw her cigarette onto the pavement. 

              “What are you gonna do when you get out?” he asked.

              “I don’t know.” Marie had never thought too far forward.  “Go to college, and then get a job I guess.”

              Travis laughed. “No family?  No house somewhere?”

              “I don’t know.  I’ll plan it all out later.” She felt she was lying; she would never plan anything out. It’d be planned for her.

              “Okay.”  He left it alone.  “Can I ask you something, without you getting mad?”

              “Go for it.”

              “Why haven’t you asked if we’re boyfriend or girlfriend yet?”

              Marie burst out in laughter, so much that she sat up. 

              Travis sat up.  “What’s so funny?”

              “Why haven’t I asked if we’re boyfriend and girlfriend?  Really?”

              “Yeah…”

              “Is it strange that I haven’t?” she asked.

              He shrugged and muttered, “A little bit.”

              “Why?”

              Travis threw his cigarette butt where Marie had thrown hers.  The flame died quick. 

“I don’t know.  I figured most girls would have tried to like – tie me down or something by now.  I mean we’ve been messing around for weeks now and you haven’t… done anything…”

              “What the hell does that mean? Most girls?  Should I be nagging you or something or checking where you are all the time?”

              “Whatever.  I shouldn’t have said anything.”

              “Why does it bother you?”

              “It doesn’t,” he groaned.

              “If it didn’t bother you then you wouldn’t be talking about it.”

              “Just leave it alone.”

              “No.  Why do you compare me to the other girls you’ve been with?” she asked.

              “Marie, please.”

              “Why is it that just because I have a vagina I should be bugging you about tying you down by making you my boyfriend? Is there some sort of plan that everyone’s following, a schedule that we should be on?”

              “Geez, it’s not that.”

              “Then what is it?”

              “Maybe I want to be your boyfriend,” he said, the words spewing out of him.

A silence followed. 

              “What?” Marie asked quietly.

              Travis groaned and lay back down. “Nothing.”

              She tightened her jacket and searched for words.  “You – you want to be my--”

              “Just forget I said anything.” He put his hand over his face and sighed.

              She pulled on her hair and looked at the pavement. “Travis, it’s… complicated.”

              He said nothing. 

              “There’s just a lot that doesn’t make sense to me right now, and I know that we don’t make sense.”

              “Is it your parents?” he asked.

              Immediately she looked up. “Kind of.”

              He sighed.  “You know it’s your life right?  Not theirs.  Not anyone else’s.”

              “It’s not that easy, Travis.”

              “Why can’t it be?”

              “You don’t know what it’s like, Travis, having someone trying to control you all the time and thinking you’re terrible when you screw up.”

              His posture straightened and his voice became stern. “So I’m your screw up?”

              “Oh come on. I didn’t even say that.”

              He got off the hood and lit another cigarette.  He took a giant swig from his half-empty bottle. 

              “Travis, please.  Don’t get like that.”

              He paced around.  After a few drags more, he paused and looked at her, staring and squinting.

              “You’re a spoiled brat,” he said sternly.

              Marie’s neck straightened and her jaw dropped. “And you’re not as bad-ass as you like to act!”

              He was taken aback.  He took another drag then tossed the cigarette. “Oh really…”

              “Yeah and you drink all the time.”

              “Ha!  You drink
with
me, pretty girl.”

              She rolled her eyes. 

He paced more.

They were quiet again.

              “Why
do
you drink so much?” she asked.

              He looked up. “You’re the first person who’s ever asked me that.” He shook his head. “I don’t know.  I like the buzz.”

              “That’s bullshit.”

              “Ugh… Marie, you’re killing me.” 

He ran his fingers through his hair and turned away from her, facing the lake.  He was still for a moment. “I do it to feel good I guess.  There’s a lot of shit in this world to deal with so you might as well deal with it by being a little messed up.”

              Marie hung her head.  “That’s not a good answer.”

              He shrugged. “It’s the only one I have.” He turned around and walked to her. “Plus, we’re only young once, right?” He stood a few inches in front of her. 

Marie avoided looking him in the face. 

“You know maybe we shouldn’t be boyfriend and girlfriend.  You’d probably be pretty clingy,” he said with a dimpled smirk. 

              “And you’d be an ass.”

              He inched closer and put his hands on her legs. 

“I think I still like you, though,” he said softly.

              She leaned away. “You’re alright.”

              “Kiss me,” he whispered. 

When he stood on his toes to steal a kiss she laid back onto the hood. 

              She smiled when she heard him grunt in frustration. Then her head shot up in surprise.  He had lifted her shirt and put his lips on her stomach.  It was cold, but his lips were soft and gentle.  He looked up into her eyes, his own eyes filled with a peaceful desire for her.  His eyes closed and he kissed her stomach again, and then again.  The kisses grew firmer as he moved around her navel and along to each of her hips.  He moved slowly. Her head fell back down onto the hard metal of the truck.  The tip of his tongue was running along her skin and his hand held hers. The fingers of his free hand slipped underneath the top of her underwear, and she could feel him tugging them downward. Soon both his hands wandered to the button of her jeans. He undid the button and pulled down the zipper, but she put her hand on his and sat up.

              He straightened up. 

She zipped up her jeans. 

Both breathed heavily in the night’s silence. 

              “Guess I got carried away again,” he said.

              “Sorry I just.  I’m not…”

              “Ready.  I get it. And you don’t have to say sorry. You should never sorry for something like that.”

              “It’s not that I’m not ready,” she said. “I want to, but...”

              “What?  Don’t tell me you’re actually a dude,” he joked.

              “Shut up.” 

              Travis pulled out two cigarettes and lit them, and then he handed one to Marie.

For a moment she realized how casually she had taken it and inhaled. Months ago, before she met him, the anxiety of smoking a cigarette would’ve driven her crazy.

She looked back at Travis. “I’m not…” she continued, “as uh, experienced as you.”

              He laughed. “Experienced?” He blew smoke into the night.

              “Yeah, yeah… go ahead and laugh.  I’m probably the only girl you know who’s still a virgin.”

              “Yeah well, you and Kate.” He hung his head, facing the ground while his eyes looked sheepishly up at her. “Marie, how experienced do you think I am?”

              “Oh God, I don’t know.  Three maybe?  Or four?”

              He chuckled under his breath and bit his lip. “Alright, I’m gonna let you know this and you can’t tell anyone got it?” 

              Marie assumed he was going to tell her a number higher than ten, or that perhaps he was unable to count the number of girls he had had before her. 

              “Marie… I’m a virgin, too.”   

              She did not say a word – just bit her lip while her eyes lit up.

              He was embarrassed and vulnerable, and he was this way by choice, choosing to be vulnerable in front of her. The
cool
bravado disappeared and it was him, Travis, a real person, insecure like she was.

              “I won’t tell anyone,” she said softly.

              **********

A week later, Marie and Kate wandered through aisles at the local women’s clothing store.  Kate meandered towards the lingerie department and Marie followed with curiosity.  There were lacy pieces and dark colored pieces. 

Would Travis like this one
, she thought. 
Would he like that one?
 

Why did it matter?  She was not his wife.  It was not her duty to please him.  Yet the question of which pair of panties would turn him on recurred over and over in her mind.  She was eyeing a tiny red thong when Kate interrupted her.

              “Gonna wear that for your sex buddy?” Kate asked.

              Marie looked away from it. “We’re not having sex, Kate.”

              “You might as well be.”

              “We haven’t even gone very far, just made out a lot.”

              “Yeah all the time.  I’m surprised you two still have lips.  By now I figured they would have been sucked off your faces or something.”

              Marie moved away from the underwear and caught herself in the mirror.  Her hair was flat and her hips were too big.  She turned to the side, still unhappy with the reflection.  Kate stood next to her and examined her own appearance. 

“You’re so lucky that you’re skinny,” she said.

              “I’m not that skinny,” Marie said.

              “Well you’re skinnier than me.”

              Marie fixed her hair while Kate stopped her examination.  She put her hands on her hips and looked Marie in the face. 

“You know, it’s not really fair what you’re doing to him,” Kate said.

              Marie’s eyebrows lowered. 

“What are you talking about?” 

              “What you’re doing to Travis.  It’s not really fair.”

              “What do you mean not fair?  We’re not fighting or anything.” Marie backed away from her.

              Kate left the mirror and started looking through bras. “That’s nice, but you’re also in some sort of relationship that you haven’t given a name yet.”             

              “You mean the whole boyfriend and girlfriend thing,” Marie said with annoyance.

              “That’s exactly what I mean.”