The Nights Were Young (12 page)

              “If there was one thing in the whole world you could do what would it be?  For a job – what would you do if you could do anything?”

              She shook her head and muttered, “It’s stupid.”

              “Come on.  I’d be an actor.”

              She burst out in a laugh.  “Actor!  Seriously?”

              “Yeah, don’t be so mean.  I mean, I don’t think I can act for shit but if by some magical way I had the chance to be on one of those TV shows I would totally do it.”

              “Like what show?”

              “I don’t know.  One of those stupid family shows where stuff doesn’t seem so… .”  He took a drink.

“Seem so what?” Marie asked. “So bad?”

“So real,” he answered. “Give me back my smoke.”

He took back the cigarette and popped it in his mouth, but then he quickly took it out.  “What is this, cherry?”

              “It’s my chap stick.”

              “Eh, here.” 

He gave her back the cigarette and lit another. 

“I hate cherry.”

              “Well I love cherry.”

              “Good thing we’re just friends then.”

              She grinned and asked, “So we’re friends again?”

              “Yeah… hopefully you’ll come with some benefits eventually.”  He smirked.

              “You’re an ass,” she said, laughing.

              “Yeah, yeah.  So what is it?  What would you do for a job?” 

              Marie groaned, “Oh fine.  If I have to tell you, I’d be a singer.”

              “A singer?  You sing?” He seemed excited about it.

              “No.  At least not in front of people.”

              “What about in front of one person?”

              “No,” she said quickly.

              “Hey, who’s got two thumbs and wants to hear you sing?”  He pointed at himself with his thumbs and made what Marie thought was the dumbest, beaming face - that made her melt inside. “You know I could play for you on the guitar.  I learned some chords off the internet a few years ago.  I only know one song but I can play it pretty damn great.” 

              She smiled and said, “I think I should be getting back.”

              He paused, and suddenly his smile disappeared. Marie was tired, and he didn’t look tired at all, like he belonged out there in the night – never to sleep. “No,” he said softly.” He put his hand on hers. “Stay out with me.” He whispered so desperately, like Marie was the only thing that kept him existing, like he’d vanish if she were to leave. Or maybe, just maybe, despite all his cockiness and confidence, he was simply lonely.

              Marie sighed.  Her mother was back at the house, and would be waking up in a few hours.  For all Marie knew she could wake up in that moment and check to see if Marie was in the house. She looked out the window and into the night. She would have stayed if she could, out there in the freedom of the night with Travis, but choice was an illusion to her. 

“No, I don’t have a choice, Travis. I need to go.”

              He looked at her, into her eyes. One side of his mouth drew back and he looked down for a moment, and Marie felt it – that he knew how powerless she felt against the life that had been chosen for her.

              “Alright,” he said.

              He drove them back to the bottom of the hill at Marie’s driveway. 

“Thanks for hanging out with me,” he said. “You’re a fun partier.”

              “Thanks for the weed,” she joked. 

              “You know you owe me now, right?  I mean, weed’s not free.  It’s either cash, or a sexual favor.”

              She glared.

              He raised his hands up. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding.  Don’t worry. You made it clear I’m not supposed to touch you.”

              He leaned against the window. The moon shown down on his skin, and she saw the way his white T shirt hung lazily on him. She caught his eyes roaming over her, taking their time when he was looking at her bare legs. She bit her lip. It was before her, a choice to go further, against her parents’ wishes, to go forward like a wave, fearless to crash against the shore. 

Why not
, she thought. 
We’re only this young once
.

              She moved to him and put her hands on his cheek, then put her lips to his, and they kissed. He grabbed her hips and moved her closer. She ran her fingers through the back of his hair.  Her legs rested across his lap and his fingers were slipping under her shirt and onto her back. She stopped and pulled away. His eyes were glazed and his mouth still open, stunned.

              “I think I love cherry now,” he whispered.

              They laughed softly. 

“I should probably get back inside,” she whispered.

She climbed off of him and opened the passenger door. 

              “I want do this again,” he said as she got out.

              “Me too.”

              “Well when?”

              She shrugged her shoulders and smiled.  “Tomorrow night.”

              “Okay,” he said loudly.

              She laughed and closed the door. “Goodnight, Travis.”

              A toothy grin was on his face as she shouted back to her, “Night, pretty girl!”

              Marie turned and started walking – he would have sat there with that grin as long as she was standing there. 

He drove away a few seconds later, and she heard him howling out his window as he raced out of the neighborhood.

              **********

Marie’s mother was making breakfast the next morning; her father had already left for work, as usual, and Marie pranced down into the kitchen.  She glowed when she kissed her mother on the cheek and said, “Good morning.”

              “You’re in a good mood,” her mother said.  “You’re not on drugs are you?”

              Marie froze and for a moment she questioned if she still smelt like weed.

              “I’m kidding, Marie,” her mother said.

              “Oh, good one,” Marie said, forcing herself to laugh.

Marie took her eggs to the table. She started eating, and for the first time, without thinking of how much weight breakfast would add to her. 

Her mother sat down next to her with coffee.  “So why are you so happy today?”

              “I guess I’m just in a good mood, that’s all.”

              “I sent out your applications.”

              “Oh good.” Marie couldn’t have cared less about them.

              Her mother waited for a response, staring at Marie, but Marie just kept eating, and an awkward silence fell between them.

              “Aren’t you excited?” her mother asked.

              “Oh yeah, sure.”

              Her mother eyed her and sipped slowly from her coffee.

              “A
thank you
would be nice,” her mother said.

              Marie stopped eating and looked up, and she quietly said, “Thank you.”

              They held eye contact for a moment, and her mother did not smile at her, but seemed to be studying her, thinking something but not saying anything.

              “Mom, what’s wrong?”

              Her mother looked away from her, and for a moment she gazed into the empty space of the kitchen.

              “Nothing,” her mother said. “Nothing.”

              Her mother stood and walked away into the living room. This happened sometimes. Her mother would just become silent, seemingly angry. It always happened when Marie didn’t act excited enough about something, usually something that her mother was more enthusiastic about. Maybe it was a lack of connection between them, and it was apparent during those times when Marie displayed her apathy towards what her mother cared about.

              Marie looked around, and then stared at her eggs, and suddenly she didn’t feel hungry anymore, but that she had already eaten too much. She pushed the plate away from her, and she wished she had woken up with Travis, even if just in his truck, instead of the silence she now sat in.

              **********

              Travis was sitting at his usual table with his friends at lunch.  Marie was with Kate and Joey, and Joey was mostly silent except for when Kate asked a question every so often.  Marie was distracted from them; her attention was on Travis.  She would catch him looking at her, and then he would smile and lose track of the conversation around him.  She would smile back, then her eyes would look down, then they would look back up to catch his gaze again.  He winked at her – she turned red.

              Kate caught what was happening and groaned. “Oh God… you two are so stupid.”

              “What?” Marie asked.  “What are you talking about?”

              “You and your love puppy over there.  It’s almost embarrassing honestly.  You aren’t in first grade.” 

              “Whatever,” Marie said, and she turned her attention to the homework assignment in front of her, which should have been done the night before. 

              “You’re totally horny for him,” Kate said. 

              “I am not,” Marie said. She was laughing in embarrassment and pulling at her pony tail. 

              “That pretty much confirms it.  Don’t you think?” she asked Joey. 

He nodded obediently.

“Whatever,” Marie said. She looked back at Travis, who looked at her. They couldn’t help themselves.

              **********

That night, Travis waited for her in his truck at the end of the driveway under the moonlight. While the rest of the neighborhood slept, Marie ran to him, and together they drove away.

They reached the dock, and Travis was already swigging from his water bottle full of liquor. 

              She had intended earlier to take the evening slow like it had gone the night before.

              “So how was your afternoon?” Travis asked. He almost reached across her to the glove compartment. 

              Instead, she climbed onto his lap, pulled his face to hers, and kissed him. In that moment she forgot all of it, all of the shit that brought her down. It was just him, and he thought she was beautiful. When she was with him, she could believe that about herself, that she
was
beautiful. Everything about her that seemed so different and so wrong in any other place, was how it was meant to be, perfectly, and she was what she was meant to be… when she was with him.

              She pulled away, and their lips separated slowly.  

              “Damn,” he whispered. 

              They continued, his lips moved down her neck and along her collar bone.  His hands moved up from her hips, and she stopped him before he reached her chest. 

“Not yet,” she whispered.

              “Okay.”  He returned his grip to her hips. 

Her days became nothing of routine.  Homework became a thing to handle during lunch or during other classes where she should have been taking notes.  Sleep became a thing to catch up on in the afternoon.  Her mother’s constant overbearing became a thing that was easier to endure. 

              Marie was meeting Travis often in his truck those nights, and they would sit at the dock for hours.  Sometimes they would talk most of the night, and other times there was hardly any speaking, only physical expression of their affections.  Some nights Travis would bring weed, and most nights he just brought booze. Some nights Marie would drink with him or smoke a joint. Some days, in school, he would convince her to sneak out of class and join him in the band hall that he knew how to break into.  Some days they would spend a couple of hours together after school in the parking lot.  Before long Travis knew Marie’s favorite things, like her favorite color and her favorite song and her favorite flower.  Marie knew stories of Travis, like how he had broken his arm when he was four falling out of a tree he couldn’t climb.  Travis knew Marie’s worst fear, to perform in front of an audience.  Marie knew that Travis was deeply embarrassed about wetting the bed until he was five. 

              They never went to each other’s homes.  Travis did not want Marie at his home, where he also did not want to be.  Marie did not want Travis to face her mother’s judgments.  Their relationship was out of sight. Travis told little to his friends about what they did, only that they hung out.  Kate knew that they messed around, but Marie did not confess the extent to which the messing around was happening.  It was their secret, some sort of safe, hidden, passionate place that they escaped to. 

              Marie would find herself singing softly at night while strumming some chords on her guitar.  The music in her was awake in a way she’d never felt it before, and she heard it when she thought of him - and when he was around.