The Mormon and the Dom (9 page)

When Ronan opened the bottles, Noah’s eyes came open.

“You look very happy.”

“I am. Thank you for doing that for me. I feel like…” Noah trailed off. “This is such a strange analogy, but it’s like this dream I used to have about the house I grew up in. I would be playing in the house and suddenly discover an extra room I never knew was there. That feeling of excitement is almost exactly how I feel right now.”

“You’ve learned something about yourself?”

“I did.” Noah took the bottle of water and drank almost half. “I’m sure it’s something that other people already know, but to me it was profound.”

“Can you tell me about it?” Ronan didn’t want to push him to share if he didn’t want to.

“It was the idea that no one can hurt me unless I let them. And not just physically but mentally, too.”

“That’s wonderful.” Ronan settled next to him, close but not too close. When Noah curled back to his side, he was pleased. He wasn’t playing a game but determined to leave the decision up to Noah. Some submissives craved distance afterward, while others wanted closeness. Ronan was glad Noah was the latter. He wanted to be close to Noah yet didn’t want to crowd him.

Sipping his water, Ronan enjoyed listening to Noah’s insights.

“I just never thought I’d have such a rich interior experience. I thought everything would be physical. Well, maybe a little mental in that the fantasy came from my mind, but I had no idea it would touch all these different parts of me.” Noah met Ronan’s gaze, then looked away shyly. “You were so perfect. It was like you were able to reach inside me and bring all the things I’d fantasized about to life.”

“You told me what you wanted.”

“Not in a detailed way. You were—it’s like you read my mind.”

“I’m very good at what I do.” Ronan wasn’t being full of himself. Skill with reading a submissive wasn’t something he’d learned overnight. And there were times where he went too far or hit a sour note. But the nice thing was he could smooth the mistake over and distract his partner until he touched on something that worked better. However, with Noah, Ronan had felt so fully connected to him that it was like a very rare kind of kismet.

“How often do you…do that?”

“I haven’t had a partner in months.”

“Why?”

“I got disillusioned.”

“By what?”

Ronan realized that in his own way, Noah was trying to give
him
aftercare. He could have quashed it by being dismissive, but he didn’t want to. That was the old Ronan. “I thought my partners were jaded but I think it was me.”

“Jaded?”

“It seemed to me that they didn’t really care about freeing themselves.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Giving their power up to me wasn’t about getting to a new level within themselves.”

“Like what happened to me?”

“Exactly. That’s what it should be. In my opinion, that’s what it should be. Other Doms have other views, but to me, this isn’t just a way to find release. It’s a way to get deeper into that room in your soul you didn’t even know you had.”

Noah grinned, clearly pleased that Ronan had used his analogy.

“I thought the men who came to me only sought me out as a new and novel way to get off.” Ronan shook his head. “But now, after what we shared, I wonder if it wasn’t them at all but me. All along the problem might have been that I just wasn’t finding what I needed.”

“That why I was worried.” Noah reached into Ronan’s lap, edging toward Ronan’s cock. “I want to make sure you’re happy, too.”

“That’s just it.” Ronan captured his hand. “I didn’t have an orgasm, yet I’m entirely satisfied.”

“So I got you off mentally?”

“That’s one way of looking at it.”

“What’s another way?”

“You gave me back something I honestly thought was lost. You gave me back my desire to be a Dom.” Ronan squeezed Noah’s hand. He wanted to ask him to stay, to shower and then doze until they were hungry enough to venture forth and eat. But he was reluctant to push. He didn’t want to pressure Noah for more than he was comfortable enough to give. Noah had shown remarkable progress in a very short time, but he wasn’t ready to come out all the way. He might never be there. As attracted as Ronan was to him, he knew he needed a partner who was completely comfortable with not only his orientation, but also an unconventional lifestyle.

“What happens now?”

Ronan knew what he would like to do, but instead he asked, “What would you like to happen now?”

“Anything?”

“Anything.”

“I want to clean up and then go get the biggest, juiciest burger in all the land.”

“In all the land?”

“Well, all of the land within a ten-mile radius.”

Ronan didn’t think he was hungry, but the idea of a hamburger sounded nothing but good. “Okay. But we have to get fries.”

“Of course! Can’t have a burger without fries. Or a chocolate shake.”

“Anywhere in particular you’d like to indulge in this epic repast?”

“I know a great place over in Provo.”

“That’s a little far.” Ronan stood. “There has to be something closer.”

“You don’t know a place around here?”

“I’m more of a pizza guy.” Ronan also cooked, but he didn’t want to do that tonight. After a quick search on his smartphone, he found a local place that would be perfect. Offering out his hand to Noah, he pulled him up and off the couch. “Do you want to shower with me?”

Noah’s eyes widened, and he nodded.

Ronan liked how even after what they’d done, Noah retained some of his shyness. It wasn’t an affect or even a façade of submissiveness. Such a stance seemed his natural state. Noah was cautious and kind, two very becoming qualities.

In the large walk-in, tiled shower, Ronan discovered that he could be playful, too. Noah sudsed up Ronan’s hair, then made devil horns from the soapy strands. Noah made no attempt to turn their mutual shower into an erotic interlude. Ronan was relieved. He wanted time to get to know Noah. If everything they did was about sex, his interest would quickly fade.

Once they were done, they stepped out, and Noah stood near the sink, trying to see his backside in the mirror.

“Does it hurt?” Ronan would be more than happy to put more salve on him.

“It’s not even red.”

“You seem surprised.”

“I thought it would at least be pink.” Noah met Ronan’s gaze in the mirror. “How did you make it sound so hard when it clearly wasn’t?”

“Like this.” Ronan cupped his hand and clapped it against his own hip. The tiled bathroom picked up and echoed the sound. “Since there’s very little in the playroom, it echoes the sounds.”

“Oh.”

“Also, after getting you used to feel of my hand on you, I slowly flattened my palm. It makes a sharper sound and stings a bit more, but it doesn’t leave any marks.” Ronan stepped forward and cupped Noah’s buttock. “It would be a shame to damage such beautiful skin.”

Noah turned, leaned up, and kissed him. It was tentative and curious. What he lacked in experience, he made up for with longing. Noah kissed him as if it were the only way to stay alive. When Ronan reciprocated, Noah melted against him. Arousal built quickly, reviving his erection, but Ronan didn’t want to go any further than they already had.

Easing his way out of the kiss, Ronan asked, “Are you sure you want to go out?”

“I’m sure.” Noah nodded enthusiastically. “I want that burger.”

“Then a burger you shall have.”

They were dressed and on his Goldwing in less than fifteen minutes. Where Noah had seemed awkward before, he was much more relaxed now. Such was the power of a good session. For his part, Ronan felt inordinately proud of himself. In multiple ways, his experience with Noah had revived him. He no longer wanted to be a professional Dom, but his belief in the process was certainly renewed.

Since it was Friday and almost five, there was quite a bit of traffic. Not that Ronan minded. Today wasn’t a day for rushing around. He kept up with the flow of cars around him, but he kept his interior pace leisurely. Behind him, Noah seemed to be of the same mind. They didn’t talk but simply enjoyed being together and on the motorcycle.

When Ronan found the restaurant, he was pleased to discover it looked fairly busy. That was good. Excellent eateries always seemed to have a crowd. After parking the bike near the back of the parking lot, he stood up so Noah could climb off. They slipped off their helmets, which Ronan put in the trunk and locked.

Side by side, they walked up to the entrance of the burger joint. Everything seemed fine until Ronan held the door open for Noah.

“Thank you.” Noah stepped in and his posture slowly changed. Rather than moving with his head up and shoulders back, he curled in. For the life of him, it looked to Ronan like Noah expected someone to strike him. Whether he was aware of it or not, Noah was making himself a smaller target by pre-flinching. By the time they made it to the line for the order counter, Noah had his attention on the floor and his hands tucked to his sides. It was the posture of a recalcitrant child, one who did the wrong he was accused of and waited solemnly for his punishment.

Rather than ask, Ronan simply observed. Was there someone Noah knew here? With a careful sweep of the area, Ronan didn’t see anyone paying him or Noah any undue attention. People looked at them, but people looked at everyone. As he’d noticed when he’d pulled up, there were quite a few patrons inside the relatively small restaurant. There were two families with little kids, three clusters of teenagers, a few couples, and two diners sitting alone. What in the world had happened during the short trip from the door to the counter?

A perky teenage girl with a paper hat asked, “Hi, can I take your order?”

Sensing that Noah was extremely uncomfortable, Ronan ordered two cheeseburgers, fries, and chocolate shakes to go. When he said
to go,
he swore Noah relaxed. He clearly wasn’t comfortable, but he was far less tense. Ronan pulled out his wallet, paid, then moved with Noah toward the pickup area. The entire time they were there, Noah kept his attention on the floor. When Ronan tried to engage him in conversation, he mumbled answers back. Baffled by his behavior, Ronan was relieved when they got two bags of greasy goodness and a cardboard stand for their drinks.

Noah took the bags and practically ran for the exit. Ronan followed with the drink tray. Outside, he discovered that Noah was standing by the bike, looking toward the Wasatch Front. Since the air was clear, the view of the mountains was amazing. High summer had stripped all the snow off the peaks, making them seem less imposing as they rose over the valley.

Rather than talk in the parking lot, Ronan held his tongue. He opened the trunk so Noah could take his helmet, which he did, then he deposited the bags inside. Ronan grabbed his helmet and put the drinks inside the trunk, then closed it up. He kept quiet until they were back on the bike, heading toward his house.

“Talk to me, Noah.”

Silence filled the interior of his helmet for so long that he wondered if he’d turned the system on. Just when he was going to check, Noah spoke.

“I got scared.”

“Of what?” What in the world could there be in burger place that would put that much fear into anyone?

“I don’t know how to explain it.”

“Was it because I held the door open for you?” That seemed when the change in his behavior had occurred.

“No. That was nice of you. That’s what people should do.”

“Did you know someone there?”

“No.”

Rather than keep pushing when he couldn’t get a read on him at all, especially since all he had to go on was just the sound of his voice, Ronan went silent. When they got back to his place, they got everything out of the bike and went inside. While Ronan got plates, Noah settled at the table in the same spot he’d been before. With wooden, almost jerky movements, Noah divvied up the food onto two plates.

Ronan thought they would have a repeat of what had happened earlier with the apple pie, wherein he ate while Noah didn’t, but this time Noah seemed to be hungry. He took small bites and wiped his face and hands off on the thin paper napkins.

“What do you do for a living?”

Clearly startled that Ronan wasn’t going to keep pushing about what had happened at the restaurant, Noah said, “I’m an accountant.”

“Tell me about that.”

“Not much to tell.” Noah swirled a fry in plastic cup of ketchup and popped it in his mouth. “Accounting pays well, but it’s not very exciting. All I do are payables for a multistate construction company.”

“Payables?”

“There are different kinds of accounting. The place I work for is so big they have a full-time accountant just to pay their vendors.”

“So you don’t do payroll?”

“No.” Noah grinned. “There are five or six people who do just that.”

“Wow. They must be huge. What does this company build?”

“Houses, mostly, in those huge housing developments. But when the housing market crashed, they expanded into other areas. Well, I take that back. They’ve always built other things, like office buildings, strip malls—that sort of thing, but they upped that kind of job when the housing market slowed.”

“I thought the housing market was back?”

“It is, but for a while, new construction was really stalled.” Noah ate another batch of fries. “Can I ask about you?”

“Of course.”

“Why would you do that—what we did—for money?”

“Because I wanted the boundaries of the relationship clear.” Ronan thought Noah wanted to talk, but he had to get what happened sorted out in his own mind first. If he waited and kept the lines between them open, eventually, Noah would communicate.

“And money does that?”

“An exchange of money tends to define the limits of a relationship.”

“I don’t see how.”

“When you take your car in for service, you expect the mechanic to fix the car, right?”

“Sure.” Noah popped a small fry in his mouth. “That’s why I’m taking it in.”

“But you don’t expect to hang around with him afterwards and go for a beer, right?”

“No. I can’t imagine what we’d have to talk about.”

“That’s exactly it. The expectation of friendship simply isn’t there.”