The Mormon and the Dom (6 page)

“Why don’t they teach this?”

“In school?” Ronan chuckled lightly. “Even if this wasn’t Utah, I don’t see a lot of curriculums teaching that particular truth.”

“But why make so many people so miserable? Why encourage them to hate themselves when they aren’t doing anything wrong?”

“Because the very idea bothers some people. Just like your reaction to pain play.”

“I just don’t understand it. I never said no one should do it, and I didn’t go on a campaign to make the people who do it feel ashamed of themselves.”

“I agree. But some people are so threatened by something they don’t understand, they want to make it illegal for others to do it.” Ronan took the chair to the right of Noah. “You know that it was illegal for different races to marry at one point, right?”

“That was based on ignorance.” When his own words caught up to him, Noah blinked several times and looked away.

Ronan understood. Having indoctrinated views challenged was never easy, but for Noah to break out of his self-imposed isolation, he needed to see things for what they were. He had to start looking at the world with his own eyes and not those of his parents or his church. Again, Ronan wasn’t knocking those who did; he was only trying to broaden Noah’s view.

“In your own religion, blacks weren’t even allowed into the priesthood until 1978.”

“How do you know—”

“You’ve practically got Mormon written all over you. And we are in Utah.”

“You’re not, though.”

“Nope. I was raised in an alternative household.” When Noah raised his eyebrows, Ronan explained, “I had two dads.”

“Your parents were gay?” Noah’s eyes widened.

“My dads were. But my mom was straight.” Ronan had always loved the way he shared his parents’ unorthodox relationship. He could have just said he had a mom and two dads, but that wouldn’t have been nearly as much fun.

“You had a mom and two dads?”

“Yep.” Ronan nodded. “I actually thought everyone’s house was like ours.”

“And no one picked on you?”

“I don’t think anyone really cared.” Ronan shrugged. “But we lived in San Francisco.”

“Why did you move to Salt Lake City?”

“I won a scholarship to the U.”

“You went to the University of Utah?”

“Why do you sound so surprised? Did you think I was an uneducated pervert?” When Noah looked stricken, Ronan teased, “I’m actually a highly educated pervert.”

This time, Noah laughed. “Nothing really bothers you, does it?”

“Not really.” Ronan had a powerful urge to touch Noah but refrained. “Do a lot of things bother you?”

“Everything. Well, they don’t really bother me. I just feel so out of place all the time. I feel like everyone’s always looking at me and judging me. If they knew I was here with a man like you…”

“What? You’d be tarred and feathered?”

“Metaphorically, yes.”

“So you have the mask you wear in public, and doing this is a way to take that mask off?” It was actually a fairly common reason people sought out BDSM.

“Does that make me a coward?”

“Not at all, Noah.” This time, Ronan followed his instinct to take Noah’s hand. His hand was warm, a little sweaty, but what struck him was the way Noah gripped on to him as if he were a lifeline. “Everyone wears masks.”

“Even you?”

“Even me.”

“But you seem so strong.”

“I am. But that doesn’t mean I feel the need to share everything about myself with every person I meet. Take this house and the shop. I didn’t get this place by going into the bank and telling them everything about me. I told them what they needed to know.” Ronan straightened up. “I put on my best suit, cleaned my fingernails, and presented myself as a businessman.”

“But that’s not a mask, since you
are
a businessman.”

“And I’m a Dom, too. It’s not a lie to withhold things about yourself. It’s prudent. Call it wearing a mask, call it putting the best foot forward, or just call it selective sharing. It’s normal, and everyone does it.” Ronan used his other hand to stroke over the back of Noah’s hand. “You might think people in public are looking at you, judging you, because you think you’re the only one wearing a mask. You’re not.”

“I want to stop worrying about everyone.” Noah squeezed his hand and leaned close. “Even if it’s just for a few hours a week, I want the freedom to do things that make me happy.”

“I can help you with that.”

“So how do we start?”

“We already have.” Ronan grinned. “Now, tell me what you want me to do to you.”

Noah dropped his gaze.

“You have to tell me. This isn’t going to be pleasurable for you if I guess, because I will undoubtedly guess wrong.” Ronan squeezed his hand. “If it makes it easier, you can tell me how you want to feel. For example, when I put your bag in the bike, I’m pretty sure I felt spreader bars.”

Noah blushed.

“Would you like to be bound where you can’t move at all, or would you like to have a little freedom?”

“I’d like to be able to move a bit. If it was too tight, it might be scary.”

“Okay. Are you standing up, sitting down, or bent over something?”

Noah closed his eyes. “I’m bent over a table.”

“Spreader bars on your ankles?”

Noah nodded.

“Do you want to be penetrated?”

Noah’s face scrunched up as if he were in pain. “I do, but I don’t want it to hurt.”

“I’m not ever going to hurt you.” Slowly, by sitting still, holding his hand, and asking detailed questions, Ronan got down the parameters of Noah’s first scene. They settled on a safe word—Constantinople—and details on what each of them would wear and say.

Ronan wasn’t surprised that he became aroused. He usually did during the negotiation phase, especially when his submissive wanted something that blended very well with his own desires. What was different with Noah was the level of Ronan’s arousal. Watching Noah talk with his eyes closed allowed Ronan to examine his face in detail. His blush bloomed and faded, but he kept going. His desire finally overrode his fear and would eventually crush his shame. Each time they hit on an aspect that Noah wasn’t clear about, he would bite his lower lip, showing off straight white teeth and a luscious pink tongue.

“What about you?” Noah slowly opened his eyes, his concerned gaze searching Ronan’s face.

“What about me?”

“Don’t you need something from this?”

“I’m going to thoroughly enjoy watching you struggle not only against the bonds but your own desire to climax.”

Noah shivered. “You won’t give in easily, will you?”

“I’ll push you, but not too hard. Not your first time. But that’s part of what I enjoy. I like testing limits.” Leaning close, Ronan whispered, “You’ll want to come so badly, but I won’t let you.”

“No?”

“Not until you beg me.”

Another shiver made Noah clutch at Ronan’s hand almost as if he were falling. “When do we start?”

Chapter Six

“Now.” Ronan stood, and since Noah was holding his hand, he rose, too.

“Now?” Adrenaline slammed into his body, making him shake.

“If you need more time, don’t be afraid to ask. We can sit right back down and talk more. Or we can go out to eat or anything you’d like.”

“I…no. I don’t want to wait. I’m afraid if I don’t do this now, I never will.”

“Just remember we can stop at any time.”

“Constantinople.”

“Why that word?” Ronan released Noah’s hand, making him feel momentarily lost. “You came up with it right away.”

“When I was reading about scenes, all the information said that it was important to have a good safe word, one that wouldn’t come up by accident. I figured that word hardly ever gets used.”

“It’s perfect.” Ronan laughed and then turned away. “Grab your bag and follow me.”

Swallowing hard, Noah did as instructed. He was shaking so hard he was afraid he would shatter if he fell. He took a deep breath and applied all the techniques he’d read about online to lower his anxiety level. As he was following Ronan toward the back of the house, the one thing he wasn’t nervous about was Ronan. Noah trusted him completely. His opinion of him had changed drastically in the time he’d been in his company. He was expecting a man obsessed with sex and power, yet Ronan wasn’t like that at all. Ronan wore many hats—or masks, Noah supposed, given what they’d been talking about earlier. Somehow, knowing they had that particular thing in common made his secret desires less shameful. He wasn’t alone. It had seemed that way in some respects, even after he found the chat room. However, now he’d met two men in real life who were not only part of the lifestyle but were also normal in all respects. Knowing this gave Noah hope that he really was normal, too.

What had touched him was the kind way Ronan had gotten the details of his fantasy from him. He didn’t demand but coaxed them out of him. His behavior established trust. Even though Noah was nervous and excited to do something he’d been thinking about for almost a decade, he took comfort that if he were uncomfortable at any time, Ronan would stop.

“Okay, this is the room I like to use.” Ronan opened a heavy wooden door.

“Your dungeon?”

“I’d rather call it a playroom.”

Noah was expecting something dark and terrifying, but there was an amazing amount of empty floor space. In fact, as he looked around, it was all floor space. The walls were painted ivory and the floor was gleaming hardwood. Upon closer inspection, he realized there were huge sliding doors along the walls.

“I keep everything tucked away so that I can set things up according to what we agree on.”

As Ronan strode across the floor, his boots boomed. Oddly, the sound didn’t frighten Noah. It was eerily similar to the pounding of his heart.

Ronan slid a door open, revealing all kinds of curious items, most of them unrecognizable to Noah’s gaze. How had he studied so intently yet didn’t know what he was seeing? Anxiety crept in but then faded. Ronan knew what they were, and he wouldn’t use them on Noah unless he agreed.

“Help me set this up.”

Noah entered and helped Ronan place a sturdy table in the center of the room.

“It feels very solid.”

“It is. Everything here is made to be safe.”

“Safe, sane, and consensual.”

“You got it.” Ronan grabbed something else from the closet and popped it on top of the table. “This is a pad so you’re comfortable.”

“Thank you.”

“Of course.” Ronan pointed to Noah’s satchel. “Take out what you’d like me to use.”

Rather than dumping all the contents on the table, Noah took out only what he wanted to play with. He loved wearing the pants, but they weren’t right for what they would do today so he left those inside. From the depths of the bag, he removed the bigger spreader bar and the manacles.

“Ah. Tony’s work.” Ronan picked up the collapsible spreader bar. “I’d recognize it anywhere.”

“He’s very skilled.”

“He is. I have some of his gear.” Ronan picked up the manacles and whistled lightly. “Excellent quality.”

“I decided that if they were something I was going to use often, I should get the best.”

“You’re worth it.”

“I am.” Noah took another deep breath. He
was
worth it. Not just top-notch equipment, but he was worthy of the best Dom in the valley. He was worthy to have his needs met. In that moment, he realized he wanted to be good for Ronan. “You are, too. Worth it, I mean. Not like I’m buying you; just—I want you to be happy with me.”

“I am.”

“But we haven’t done anything yet.”

“We have.” Ronan came around the table. “You’ve already shown me how strong you are.”

“How did I manage that?” Noah lowered his gaze to the floor, because he couldn’t handle being so close and looking right in Ronan’s eyes. The intimacy of that seemed too intense. When Ronan cupped his chin and lifted his face up, Noah thought he was going to pass out. His hand was rough from callouses but remarkably gentle.

“By being brave enough to ask for what you need.” Ronan’s eyes were a beautiful shade of brown. They were sweet, compelling, yet inherently strong. “I’d like to kiss you.”

Noah’s heart practically stopped. Had he heard him right? Since his chin was in Ronan’s hand, Noah couldn’t just nod. Breathless with anticipation, he whispered, “I want you to kiss me.”
Want
was an understatement. He craved Ronan’s kiss the way he craved another breath.

Moving closer, Ronan didn’t make contact right away. He held his face close to Noah’s so that the heat of his mouth caressed Noah’s lips. Ever so slowly, he pressed his mouth against Noah’s, giving him his first kiss.

A bolt of bliss hit him, making him utter a cry at the back of his throat. Ronan’s lips were soft, and he was so gentle Noah almost couldn’t stand it. Just as he pressed forward, Ronan opened his mouth, teasing his tongue into Noah’s mouth. He swore he was going to swoon into a heap on the floor.

He’d always wondered where, when, and how his first kiss would be. This exceeded all his expectations. It was sweet, then sexy, but when Ronan stepped closer, pressing their bodies together, Noah swore he saw stars. Ronan tasted like apple pie and felt like power poured into tight jeans. His cock was hard and pressed right against Noah’s, making him happy for the first time that he was male.

Where he couldn’t smell him before, he could now. His scent was industrial, probably from his work in the garage, but there as a light tang of cologne that he must have put on hours ago. There was also the simple musk of his body that pushed Noah’s awareness of all the other scents away. That was the smell of another man. A man of strength, honesty, and intense passion.

Ronan let go of Noah’s chin so that he could slide his hand down, around his body, cup his buttocks with both hands, and pull him tight.

Noah uttered a sound of surrender. He wanted Ronan to keep on kissing him all day, all night. Just when he didn’t think it could get any better, Ronan gently rocked his hips. His movement caused their cocks to rub together, bringing Noah so close to climax he was almost embarrassed.

While he continued to kiss him, Ronan slid his hands upward and helped Noah slip off his jacket. Normally, he would have carefully hung it up to keep it from wrinkling, but he didn’t care if it was permanently creased. All he wanted right now was to feel Ronan against him, flesh to flesh.