The Memory Witch (18 page)

He let out a strangled sound. “Quinn, don’t talk like that. You’re going to be fine.”

“But the birds…”

“I’m not going to let you die, I promise,” he said and marched through the forest at a breakneck pace. His movements were swift although I’m sure it wasn’t the easiest thing to carry my convulsing body through the snow.

Wrenching open the front door of his cabin, I struggled to remain conscious. I said meekly, “The bathroom…”

After Mason deposited my limp form softly on the floor of the bathroom, I was able to get me to the toilet just in time. I was too sick to feel embarrassed over how much I vomited. When nothing seemed left in my stomach, I still gagged over the toilet.

I lost track of time. My body felt spent, but I was finally able to stop the convulsing that had plagued me since Mason came upon me in the forest. I leaned away from the toilet and collapsed backwards. Before I could hit the ground, Mason had his arms around me.

He smoothed back my hair and whispered into my ear, “Quinn, are you okay?”

“No,” I sobbed. I let him cradle me as I shut my eyes tightly. My body and mind were falling apart. This was my fault. Casting a powerful spell without making the right preparation was stupid and reckless.

Mason’s body tensed as his cell phone rang in his pocket. After removing the phone from his pocket, he acknowledged, “It’s my aunt. She’s probably calling for me to pick her up.”

I stifled a sob. “She’s going to be so angry with me.” Ruining an herb garden had earned Mason a hunger spell for a week—how would she punish my negligence? One of her rules was I needed her approval before practicing a spell. Once she discovered the altar and dozens of birds bloody and broken against the ground, there would be hell to pay.

He tightened his hold on me. “It’s going to be fine, Quinn. I’ll take care of it.”

After Mason left the bathroom to answer the call, I attempted to turn my brain off. It was impossible. My father’s sad eyes were seared into my brain. How did I even begin to process his confession? He had killed himself and by the sound of it, he laid the blame for his suicide at my feet.

I wondered if he would’ve told me everything about my childhood if given more time. I was tempted to try the spell again, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to go through it. The soulless eyes of the birds would haunt me for the rest of my life.

Noisily, Mason entered the bathroom. Taking an inventory of my appearance, he seemed appeased. I assumed I no longer looked as though I was at death’s door.

With my knees knocking, I attempted to move into a standing position. His hand shot out to steady me. “Do you have to leave?”

“No,” he replied. “The snow is coming down hard now and she said the roads are probably dangerous already. She’s going to stay the night at her friend’s house. I also told her we had Chinese takeout and you were now sick. She wants me to look out for you until you’re feeling better.” Eyeing me thoughtfully, he asked, “How are you feeling?”

“Better,” I assured him. “Just really cold.”

“Why don’t you take a warm bath?”

“Okay,” I agreed. A warm bath was too inviting to pass up. Not only could it relieve the chills, but also help remove the residual filth after getting sick.

He ducked by me and turned on the faucet. “Do you need help undressing?” he asked watching my shaking fingers fumble at the zipper to my jacket. Taking my hands in his, he unzipped the coat and lifted it gently off of my shoulders.

“No, I’ll be fine.”

I wouldn’t meet his eyes. The embarrassment of the situation was starting to get to me. With my workaholic schedule and study habits, I leaned towards a type A personality. Allowing Mason to see me in such a vulnerable state bothered me. This was the second time he was seeing me at my worse. I assumed any attraction he felt for me would be erased completely by my display.

A ghost of a smile appeared on his striking features. “If you’re sure…”

“Yes.”

He moved past me to the door. “Call out if you start feeling dizzy or nauseous. I’ll get something you could change into after the bath.”

My eyes clouded over as I looked at my savior. “Mason…thank you,” I said.

He didn’t reply. Instead, he nodded and disappeared into his bedroom. A minute later, Mason handed me a t-shirt and sweats that I would be swimming in. The bathroom closed and I set out to remove my clothing.

My movements were slowed and clumsy as I took off each piece of clothing. I had to stop several times to fight off waves of queasiness. I wondered how long this feeling would last. Although my body was in a miserable state, I couldn’t help, but feel grateful.

If Mason hadn’t come along, I may have died out there. If the spell was strong enough to unleash death upon the birds that happened to fly by, it was safe to assume I was close to fading along with them.

I sank into the water and dipped my head underneath. I held my breath and looked out at the distorted ceiling through the surface. The illusion was reminiscent of my life. Everything I knew before had been a distorted version of the truth concocted by my overprotective mother. She had created a fantasyland for me to live in. I had gone along for the last ten years living a pretend life with no idea that my father had died by his own hands.

Something terrible had happened to me, bad enough that my father couldn’t bear to live anymore. What had me meant by warning me to stay out of the woods? Was that where this awful thing had occurred? Is this why I had nightmares about the forest and the dark things that lived there?

Meeting my father had given me more questions than answers. It also filled me with longing. Our meeting was far from the happy reunion I envisioned in my mind. He had looked at me with mistrust and regret. It also ruined my ideal of him. I was furious that he had committed suicide. Instead of helping me through whatever had happened, he deserted both my mother and me. No wonder she was uncomfortable every time I tried to talk about my father.

The water was lukewarm by the time I was done with the bath. I stood up and wrapped a towel around my body. Soaking for such a long time in the bath had lowered my blood pressure and a dizzy sensation came over me. I slipped forward and cried out as I banged my knee on the rim of the tub.

Mason was in the bathroom in a flash. He grabbed my shoulders to assist me in regaining my balance. He frowned as he said, “I told you to call for me if you felt dizzy.”

I tugged the towel closer and felt my face go aflame. “I’m trying to tough it out. I made this mess and I have to pay the consequences.”

He slipped an arm around me while I stepped out of the tub. “You’re talking nonsense. I’m sure that you had a good reason for what you did. Which I expect you to tell me about as soon as you feel better.” Once he was certain I was steady on my feet, he released me. “Are you able to get dressed?” I gave a slight nod, he continued, “Get dressed and lie down. I’m going to be out for a little while. I’ll leave you with a phone and you can call me if you need anything.”

While he spoke, I had my eyes on the floor, watching the droplets of water spill on the ceramic tile. My head shot up. “Where are you going?”

“I’m going to the woods. I’ll clean up before the storm gets worse and Stella comes back,” he explained. “She seemed to believe my story about the food poisoning, but if she’s suspicious, she may find a ride back and try to figure out what’s really going on.”

“Mason, I can’t ask you to do that…”

“You’re not asking me. I told you I would take care of things.”

I swallowed hard and watched him closely. I had a renewed sense of my partial nakedness as I saw his eyes travel down my body. His blue eyes were stormy with a range of emotions when his gaze moved back to my face. I was certain I appeared the same way. A part of me wanted to crawl into bed and cry until I had no tears left. Another part of me desired to be kissed by Mason and allow him to numb the pain I was feeling.

“I’ll be back soon,” Mason said and laid a chaste kiss on my forehead before rushing out of the room. I wanted to stop him, but didn’t have the strength. For once, I actually wanted someone else to take control and fix the broken things in my life.

The wind was rattling the windows as I snuggled under Mason’s comforter. I grimaced as I saw the rate at which the snow was falling. Mason had been gone for more than forty minutes and I started to worry about him. As I picked up the cordless phone he left behind with his scribbled cell phone number, I heard the front door open. I breathed out a sigh of relief.

Guilt gnawed at me as he walked into the room. His cheeks were crimson and he was covered in snow. The bottom of his jeans was drenched to almost the knees. I expected fury on his face—instead I only saw exhaustion. I scrambled for something to say that would convey the depth of my gratitude. He had traipsed through a snowstorm with the indelible task of cleaning up the bodies of dead birds. Mason had done it all to keep me safe from his aunt’s wrath.

“You look freezing,” I noted.

“I’m glad you’re not. Your color looks back to normal. Feeling better?”

“Yes…thanks to you,” I said softly. “Your bed is really warm…” I couldn’t finish the statement. I wasn’t sure if I should extend the invitation to come in it with me. The thought of warming him up was both enthralling and terrifying.

“I could go crash on the couch if you’re more comfortable with that.” I hadn’t expected Mason to be such a gentleman with the opposite sex. His reputation made me figure he would try to ravish me as soon as he saw me in his bed.

“No, we could share the bed.” I bit down on lip to prevent myself from rescinding the offer.

“Okay, I’ll go clean up first,” he stated and went into the attached bathroom.

When he exited the bathroom ten minutes later, I noted he left on his t-shirt and his boxer shorts. The clothing was unable to conceal the hard planes of his chest and abs. He lacked the softness of the pampered Tanner. Mason had earned every muscle and it increased his sexiness a thousand fold.

Too many years of my fear of sexual situations made my body stiffen as he slid in beside me. However, once his arms were around me I let my fears go. Mason was safe. He wouldn’t hurt me in the way that Tanner had just because I had doubts about losing my virginity.

His hands dropped to my waist and I leaned into his muscular chest. I found it hard to concentrate as his breathing tickled the back of my neck. I waited for his breathing to regulate and for him to fall asleep. The exhaustion of the day caught up with me and I felt myself relaxed by Mason’s protective presence. My eyes fluttered closed and I fell into a dreamless slumber.

I woke up the next morning before sunrise. I was weary, but unsure if I would be able to fall back sleep anytime soon. I was surprised that I had felt comfortable enough to sleep through the night. I had assumed I would lay awake visualizing my father’s forlorn expression in my mind. I replayed his admission in my head and still found it hard to believe that my mother was able to lie to me all these years. No wonder the family photo at Christmas had put her on edge. She probably harbored plenty of resentment towards my father.

I sighed at my tumultuous thoughts. Mason stirred and pulled me closer to his body. I had edged away from him during the night. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Mason asked behind me.

Without an explanation, I understood he was talking about the disaster of my spell yesterday. I wished I could never be forced to talk about it. I only wanted to be comforted by Mason and think about how much I was growing to care for him. When he had tried to kiss me at Christmas, I thought it was only physical attraction between us. The way he acted the night before hinted at the possibility of something much deeper. He was entitled to know the truth.

“I summoned my dad,” I admitted.

I heard his sharp intake of breath. “What happened?”

“I had so many questions for him…I was hoping he would be able to tell me the truth about my past. I was completely obsessed with the thought that I cast without an offering,” I sighed.

“Did you see him? When I found you in the woods, you looked like you were in some sort of trance. Your eyes were opened, but they were glazed over. With the altar and the dead crows, I figured you must have dabbled in some sort of dark magic,” he said to my back.

I spun around to face him. “The spell worked and he looked like he did when he died. Besides the guilt and sadness that seemed to haunt him. We talked about his death and I asked him who had killed him. My mom always said it was a burglary gone wrong and the person panicked and shot my dad. I should’ve questioned more why I could never find anything online about the case. Or why my mom didn’t seem more intent on finding his killer,” I admonished myself.

“Did he tell you?”

“He killed himself…” I swallowed hard. Mason held me tightly to his body. Pushing down my instinct to unwrap myself from his embrace, I instead rested my head against his chest. I fingered the fabric of his t-shirt and tried to memorize the feel of his body. This intimacy felt fleeting and I wanted to brand each detail in my memory.

“I’m sorry, Quinn,” he said softly.

“It was my fault,” I choked on the final word. “Whatever happened to me was bad enough that he couldn’t handle it and ended his life.”

I saw Mason’s jaw clench. In a tight voice, he asked, “Is that what he told you? He blamed you for his suicide?”

“He said I was warned to not go in the woods and I didn’t listen. That must be where something happened to me.”

His fingers moved to my chin and forced me to look at him. His cerulean eyes were dark and intense. Tension pulsed from his body as he said, “Quinn, you probably don’t want to hear this, but your dad was selfish and weak. You can’t allow him to get into your head and make you think it was somehow your fault…”

I shook my head at him. “I can’t be sure of that because I can only speculate over what happened.” I bit down on my lip and confessed, “I’ve been trying to find a spell to get my memories back.”

In the past couple of hours, Mason had somehow earned my trust. He had seen me at my most vulnerable. He could’ve called his aunt as soon as he came across me in the woods. He didn’t. Instead, he ventured out into a snowstorm and disposed of the gruesome dead birds to protect me.

Mason nodded. “I understand your reasons, but you’re not likely to find anything. Aunt Stella would hide the spell if she suspected you were looking for it.”

“I should’ve guessed that,” I groaned.

“We’ll figure it out,” he said. He smirked as my eyes widened at the sentence. How did Mason and I suddenly become a “we” in the course of a couple of hours?

“You’ve done too much already. I mean I don’t think I’ll be able to live down throwing up in front of you…twice,” I said and squirmed over the thought. “Maybe it’s better if we kept our distance like before.”

His finger trailed a line down my face. I closed my eyes and relaxed into the sensation. “Is that what you really want?” he asked huskily.

“I don’t know,” I mumbled. It was hard to concentrate with his proximity. His hand reached under my shirt and he pressed his palm flat against my back. The skin to skin contact was enthralling and my toes curled over how much I loved the sensation.

He smirked at my obvious lie. My body was betraying my brain. My heart raced and my breathing was labored. He gave me plenty of time to stop him from kissing me. It was the last thing I wanted.

Unlike the ferocity of our kisses months ago, these were gentle and leisurely. His mouth moved as if we had all of the time in the world. He grazed my lips with his before moving in for a deeper kiss. I gripped his neck as my need for him built.

Mason positioned his body over mine while I moved flat on my back. He took a minute to study me and smiled down at me. “You look incredibly sexy wearing my clothes.”

I blushed at the compliment. He rolled up the edge of the t-shirt to expose my belly. Goosebumps erupted on my forearms as he kissed the exposed skin. I felt the roughness of his cheeks from several days without shaving. His mouth trailed up, but stopped at my ribcage. I reached for him and he began to rain more urgent kisses on my mouth and neck.

His hands were gentle on my body. I didn’t feel mauled in the way I had felt at times with Tanner. Mason caressed me in a way that allowed a slow build of desire for him. I didn’t shrink from his touch as his hands ran across my chest. My acquiescence to his touch pleased him and he grew braver. His fingertips reached beneath my bra. I gasped and put a hand against his chest. His naughty boy smile was endearing.

“I’m sorry, guess I got carried away,” he apologized and moved back to his side of the bed. He kept his arm around me and eyed me carefully before questioning, “Are you okay? I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

I stiffened under his penetrating blue eyes. “It’s not that I didn’t enjoy it…” I swallowed hard and focused on a spot on the wall above on his wall as I admitted, “The things Tanner had said that night are true. We were together a year and I could never bring myself to sleep with him.”

“Quinn, I wasn’t expecting…”

I cut him off. “I’m not insinuating you were, but you should know this was one of the reasons I steered clear of you. All of my friends lost their virginity early on in high school, but every time Tanner tried to take things too far, I would feel scared.”

“Maybe you had a sixth sense about what an ass wipe he would turn out to be,” Mason replied. “Quinn, I like you. If you’re not ready to have sex, I’m not going to pressure you into it.” Mason noted my discomfort and tried to lighten the mood by cracking, “Give me some credit, I do have some self-control.”

“I just don’t know if I’ll ever feel comfortable enough. It wasn’t just a fear, it’s like I felt sick over the thought of taking things to that level…” I trailed off as I saw Mason’s mouth set in a grim line.

“I’m probably freaking you out, right?”

“It’s not that…” He kissed me tenderly and chastely on the lips before sitting up in the bed. He leaned against the headboard and looked deep in thought.

“Mason?” I said and sat up as well. After crisscrossing my legs, I gave him an uncertain look.

“It’s nothing,” he said, but I could hear the doubt in his voice.

My stomach churned and I feared that maybe I had shared too much. Amber had always been my confidante. With her out of my life, it had felt good to finally open up again to someone and talk honestly about all of my fears.

Mason was able to interpret the worry on my face and grabbed my hand to comfort me. “I don’t want to suggest anything to you that could be totally off-base.”

“Just tell me what you’re thinking,” I commanded and squeezed his hand for reassurance.

He sent me a sidelong glance. I could see his mind churning as I waited for him to speak. Finally, he said, “It’s just that you said your dad looked guilty, right?”

“Yes,” I replied slowly.

“Well, maybe he felt guilty over what happened to you because he was the one responsible,” Mason suggested. I tried to pull away from him, but he held firm onto my hand.

“No…”

“Just think about it for a minute. Your dad feels guilty over whatever happened when you were a kid and kills himself. When you see him again, he looks sad and ashamed. Maybe your mom wanted to protect you from knowing what he did,” he theorized.

“And what do you think he did?” I asked nervously. I glanced at his sad eyes and made the connection. “Because I’m freaked out about sex, you think my dad molested me?”

I tried to get off of the bed—away from Mason and his vicious accusations. He grabbed my forearms and held me in place. “I’m sorry if you’re upset. I told you I would help you figure out what happened and the whole situation with your dad just doesn’t sit right with me.”

I stopped struggling. I took a few breaths to regain control over my emotions. “I can see why you would think that,” I said shaking my head, “but it doesn’t feel like that’s what happened. I was happy to see him. I don’t think I would be so excited to meet him if he had abused me.”