The Mechanical Messiah (39 page)

Alice whispered to him, ‘Are you intending to take the Jovians out on another hunt?’ she asked.

‘They will want
something
for their money,’ said the colonel. ‘And I have to earn mine. Sorry and all that. No help for it.’

‘And you intend to arm them with bows and arrows?’

‘Stones to throw?’ the colonel suggested. ‘Small stones. Pointy sticks, perhaps.’

‘Well,’ said Alice, and she peeped once more through the nearest porthole. ‘You had better make haste, then, for the sun is going down.’

‘What? What? What?’ went the colonel. ‘Sundown isn’t due for ninety Earth days yet.’

But be that the case, or be it not, the sun
was
going down.

‘Ah,’ said the major. ‘I should have mentioned this. Horrid things happen in the night.’

enus could certainly boast a splendid sunset.

The Earth folk and the Jovians oohed and ahhhed at it.

Alice cried out in delight as the descending solar disc bloated into lemons, greens and purples.

Cameron Bell, who stood beside her, considered Alice to be the most enchanting creature that ever there was and wished very hard that some miracle should occur that would maroon just her and he upon this world for ever. It was a mad wish, of course, and the private detective knew it. But he ached to slip his hand about her delicate shoulders and draw her close to him.

‘We must cherish this moment,’ said Alice, precisely reflecting Cameron’s thoughts. ‘We will probably never again see such a sight as this.’

‘I feel honoured to see it,’ said Cameron Bell.

‘Honoured,’ said Alice. ‘That is a good way to feel.’ Alice suddenly glanced all around. ‘Where did Colin the dragon go?’ she asked.

Major Thadeus Tinker, port glass in one hand and cigar in the other, said, ‘He pops off at night.’

Alice shrugged.

The major continued, ‘You never actually see him go, but go he does until morning.’

‘It is growing rather dark now and somewhat chilly, too,’ said Alice.

‘And we had better go inside,’ said the major, ‘because things come that really aren’t very nice.’

Dinner was not the jolly affair that it had been on previous occasions. All dressed formally, of course. Because, after all, dinner is dinner no matter where it might be taken, and standards must never drop. But the Jovians sat sullenly, exchanging little but surly mutterings.

Alice, Cameron, Colonel Katterfelto, Darwin and Major Thadeus Tinker occupied a table to themselves and suddenly felt somewhat isolated. Somewhat vulnerable.

‘Don’t think badly of me for saying this,’ said the colonel, in a hushed yet puffing fashion, ‘but the natives are restless, as it were. Jungle drums beating. That kind of dangerous business.

‘What is he saying?’ Alice asked Cameron.

‘He is saying that he fears the Jovians might do something, how can I put this, mutinous. They have paid a lot of money to come here and shoot things. They might choose to shoot things that are other than Venusian.’

Alice’s eyes opened wide. ‘They might shoot
us?’
she said.

‘Word to the wise,’ said Major Tinker. ‘Chummed up with a Jovian once. Hired him as a forward scout on Mars. Used to send him out first thing to check for danger.’

Alice raised a quizzical eyebrow.

‘Yes yes yes,’ said Major Tinker. ‘I could have sent an Earth fellow, I know, but you know how it is.’

Alice thought that she probably did.

‘Thing was,’ the major went on, ‘he showed me some photographs of his home. Very pretty things, full colour, not the usual sepia. One was of what he called his “Recreation Room”, had all his hunting trophies up on the wall. I’m not sure he meant to show me that one. The one with three mounted human heads upon wooden shields hung over his desk.’

‘How perfectly frightful,’ said Alice.

‘That’s not the worst of it,’ said the major. ‘He had a woman, too, stuffed and posed giving a—’

‘That is quite enough of
that,’
said Cameron Bell. ‘I would suggest that when dinner is concluded we all go directly to our cabins and lock ourselves in most securely.’

Darwin the monkey picked at his salad and whimpered to the colonel, ‘That Jovian who made the gun-fingers at me keeps grinning in my direction,’ he said.

‘I’ll protect you. Have no fear, my dear fellow.’

‘I found the best way,’ said Major Thadeus Tinker, ‘is to pull a pillow over your head and assume the foetal position.’

‘This is not the time for
that
kind of talk,’ said the colonel.

‘When they come,’ said the major.

‘Stop it, Tinker, you saucy fellow, it’s not appropriate here.’

‘I mean when the ghosties come in the night,’ said Major Tinker, and his hard and horny hands shook as he said it. ‘If you can’t see them and you can’t hear them, then it’s almost as if they are not there at all.’

Alice said, ‘This is all too awful. I am afraid of ghosts.’

‘Ghosts can’t hurt you,’ said the colonel. ‘Bother you, yes. But hurt you, no. Saw one on Mars once. Strangest business. Sleepin’ peacefully in me tent when I heard a kind of whooshing sound. Woke me up, you see. Went outside and damndest thing. Sort of metal box on legs, big thing, mind you, like a little house. Spaceship of some sort.’

‘That isn’t really a ghost, is it?’ said Darwin, who having had no personal experience of ghosties in general sought to have none in particular. ‘A spaceship is a spaceship, not a ghost.’

‘You’d think,’ said the colonel. ‘But think on this. The spaceship — if such it was — had the letters USA on the side. United States of America, that stands for.’

‘I think he is making this up,’ said Cameron Bell. ‘America is never likely to send a man into space. Americans cannot even speak the Queen’s English, for goodness’ sake.’

There was some laughter at this. But it was a bit forced. ‘Saw the ghost of the spaceman,’ the colonel continued.

‘He wore one of the new atmospheric suits. But he was a ghost. His suit was white instead of the proper silver. Had his name on the breast. NASA. Odd name for a fellow, Nasa. Don’t know what to make of it at all.’

Silence fell upon the table. No one knew just what to make of
that.
And when the Treacle Sponge Bastard was served, no one, it seemed, was in the mood to enjoy it.

Brandies were drunk, cigars were smoked, then all turned in for the night.

It would be a night to remember that nobody wished to remember.

A small child came to Cameron Bell. A small child that he knew.

‘Mother does not love you,’ said this small child. ‘Mother loves
me
the best.’

Cameron Bell gaped from his bunk. ‘My twin brother, Peter,’ he said.

‘You killed me, Cameron,’ said Peter. ‘You held my head under the water of the ornamental fountain. You killed me because Mother loved me the most.’

‘It was not
me,’
said Cameron Bell. ‘It was Uncle Johnny. I proved it in court. It was my first case. The stains on his shirt cuffs proved it.’

‘He tried to pull me out and save me. But you sent
him
to the gallows.’

‘No,’ said Cameron. ‘You have it all wrong. It was not me, I swear.

The troops just marched past the colonel. More and more of them, but each a soldier that he knew. Each a soldier who had served under him, who had lost their life upon one campaign or another. And Jovians too marched with them. Jovian hunters were these and as each one passed they pointed a finger, coldly, at the colonel.

Darwin hid beneath his pillow trembling terribly. He could not see the ghostly troops, but he could sense they were there.

The white rabbit came once more to Alice.

‘You are not a ghost, you are a rabbit,’ said Alice.

‘You will never be free of Venus,’ said the white rabbit. ‘The ecclesiastics will call you to them again and again for ever.

‘I should be very afraid if that were to happen,’ said Alice. ‘Please tell me what I must do to make it stop.’

‘You must do
this,’
said the rabbit and he whispered at Alice’s ear.

‘Oh!’ said Alice. ‘I don’t think I could do
that.’

Major Thadeus Tinker hid his head beneath his pillow. He had been through this for the last seven nights and had not enjoyed a single moment of it. Ghosties swirled about him in a fervour. The major kept his head down.

The ghosties fairly tormented the Jovian hunters. They chased them all over the spaceship making them howl with fear.

Ray guns would certainly have been discharged in every direction had not Colonel Katterfelto displayed another moment of foresight and had them all locked away in the gun cabinet.

The ghosties did not bother Corporal Larkspur. He sat cross-legged upon the floor of his private quarters, surrounded by a ring of
Magoniam
pieces. He chanted words that were neither of Earthly nor Jovian origin and swayed backwards and forwards as he did so. Ghosties that sought to enter his cabin dissolved as dreams in sunlight.

When the light of the sun returned to the
Marie Lloyd,
it poked its glistening fingers through the portholes of the starboard side and touched upon the cowering folk whose cabins faced that way.

There was no joy to be found at all in breakfast.

‘I leaveth the choice up to thee and thine,’ announced Corporal Larkspur, the only inhabitant of the spaceship to look as if he had enjoyed a sound night’s sleep. ‘We can leaveth at once, assuming of course that the ignition key returneth.’ He offered a penetrating gaze to Cameron Bell, who smiled in return. ‘Or thou canst go out, armed with sticks and stones, and seek to bringeth down what game presenteth itself’

‘Or perhapseth just take the refund,’ Stumpy suggested.

‘I consulteth the contracts during the night,’ said Corporal Larkspur most convincingly. ‘No refunds canst be made.’

The Jovians now made the surliest faces. Major Tinker had a mental image of heads upon walls. His own next to Colonel Katterfelto’s. Just below that of Corporal Larkspur.

‘There is one thing,’ said the major, ‘which might relieve a sticky situation.’ He drew from his pocket his pouch of uncut diamonds. ‘These fellows seem to be lying around all over the place. And Colin only guards the gold. This one alone—’ he displayed a rough gem ‘—would go for approximately ten thousand pounds at Hatton Garden.’

And then the major stepped nimbly aside as the Jovians made for the door.

‘Be back by midday of the London clock,’ Corporal Larkspur called after them.

Colonel Katterfelto shrugged. ‘I think I’ll just leave them to it this time,’ he said.

Darwin wondered whether a few hours of diamond prospecting might prove
extremely
profitable. But, as Colin came suddenly lumbering by, the monkey of space decided to err on the side of caution and remain aboard the spaceship.

‘Would you care for a last little walk?’ Mr Cameron Bell asked Alice.

‘I would,’ said Alice. ‘Very much indeed.’

They left the ship and Alice linked her arm with his. Cameron Bell sighed inwardly as he and the woman that he loved so much strolled through the sylvan glades, admiring the wonderful blooms, the colourful four-winged butterflies, the towering trees and all that lay around them.

‘It is very Heaven,’ said Alice. ‘I am glad you chose to walk with me, rather than loot this magical world of its diamonds.’

Cameron Bell said nothing. His thoughts were all his own.

Alice turned her face up to his. ‘What will you do when we return to Earth?’ she asked.

‘That very much depends upon how much time has passed there,’ Cameron said.

‘I hope not
too
long,’ said Alice. ‘Do you think I will top the bill at the Electric Alhambra?’

‘I will personally see to it that you do,’ said Mr Bell. Time passed on in its magical way. The two walked on together.