The Man You'll Marry (13 page)

“I don’t know what’s so funny. I can’t believe you’d do something like this! What about Aunt Milly’s wedding dress? Doesn’t that mean anything to you? Don’t you care that Mark, Aunt Milly and I all felt the dress should go to you? You can’t ignore it. Something dreadful might happen.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

“I’m not,” Shelly said resolutely. “You can’t reject the man destiny has chosen for you without consequences.” Shelly’s voice was solemn.

“You don’t know that Jordan’s the man,” Jill said with far more conviction than she was feeling. “We both realize a wedding dress can’t dictate who I’ll marry. The choice is mine—and I’ve chosen Ralph.”

“You’re honestly choosing Ralph over Jordan?” The question had an incredulous quality.

“Yes.”

There was a moment’s silence.

“You’re scared,” Shelly went on, “frightened half out of your wits because of everything you feel. I know, because I went through the same thing. Jill, please, think about this before you do something you’ll regret for the rest of your life.”

“I have thought about it,” she insisted. She’d thought of little else since her last encounter with Jordan. Since her talk with Shelly. Since her visit to her mother’s. She’d carefully weighed her options. Marrying Ralph seemed the best course.

“You have no intention of changing your mind, do you?” Shelly cried. “Do you expect me to stand by and do
nothing
while you ruin your life?”

“I’m not ruining my life. Don’t be absurd.” Her voice grew hard. “Naturally I’ll return your aunt Milly’s wedding dress and—”

“No,” Shelly groaned. “Here, talk to Mark.”

“Jill?” Mark came on the line. “What’s the problem?”

Jill didn’t want to repeat everything. She was tired and it was late and all she wanted to do was go to bed. Escape for the next eight hours and then face the world again. Jill hadn’t intended to tell Shelly and Mark her news quite so soon, but there’d been a telephone message from them when she got home. She’d decided she might as well let Shelly know about her decision. Jill wasn’t sure what kind of reaction she’d expected from her friends, but certainly not this.

“Just a minute,” Mark said next. “Shelly’s trying to tell me something.”

Although Shelly had given the phone to her husband, Jill could hear her friend’s frantic words as clearly as if she still held the receiver. Shelly was pleading with Mark to talk some sense into Jill, begging him to try because she hadn’t been able to change Jill’s mind.

“Mark,” Jill called, but apparently he didn’t hear her. “Mark,” she tried again, louder this time.

“I’m sorry, Jill,” he said politely, “but Shelly’s upset, and I’m having a hard time figuring out just what the problem is. All I can make out is that you’ve decided not to see Jordan Wilcox again.”

“I’m marrying Ralph Emery, and I don’t think he’d take kindly to my dating Jordan.”

Mark chuckled. “No, I don’t suppose he would. Frankly, I believe the decision is yours, and yours alone. I know Jordan, I’ve talked to him a couple of times and I share your concerns. I can’t picture him married.”

“He’s already married,” Jill stated unemotionally, “to his job. A wife would only get in the way.”

“That’s probably true. What about Ralph—have I met him?”

“I don’t think so,” Jill returned stiffly. “He’s a very nice man. Honest and hardworking. Shelly seems to think he’s dull, and perhaps he is in some ways, but he…cares for me. It isn’t a great love match, but we’re both aware of that.”

“Shelly thinks I’m dull, too, but that didn’t stop her from marrying me.”

Mark was so calm, so reassuring. He was exactly what Jill needed. She was so grateful she felt close to tears. “I want to do the right thing,” she said, gulping in a quick breath. Her voice wavered and she bit her lower lip, blinking rapidly.

“It’s difficult knowing what’s right sometimes, isn’t it?” Mark said quietly. “I remember how I felt the first time I met Shelly. Here was this completely bizarre woman announcing to everyone who’d listen that she refused to marry me. I hadn’t even asked—didn’t even know her name. Then we stumbled on each other a second time and a third, and finally I learned about Aunt Milly’s wedding dress.”

“What did you think when she told you?”

“That it was the most ridiculous thing I’d ever heard.”

“I did, too. I still do.” She wanted a husband,
but not Jordan
.

“I’m sure you’ll make the right decision,” Mark said confidently.

“I am, too. Thanks, Mark, I really appreciate talking to you.” The more she grew to know her friend’s husband, the more Jill realized how perfectly they suited each other. Mark brought balance into Shelly’s life, and she’d infused his with her warmth and wit. If only she, Jill, could have met someone like Mark.

No sooner had she hung up the phone than there was a loud knock on her door. Since it was late, close to eleven, Jill was surprised.

Peering through the peephole, she gasped and drew away. Jordan Wilcox.

“I thought you were in Hawaii,” she said as she opened the door.

“I was.” His eyes scanned her hungrily. “This morning I had the most incredible feeling something was wrong. I tried to call, but there wasn’t any answer.”

“I…was out for most of the day.”

He took her by the shoulders and then, before she could protest, pulled her into his arms.

“Jordan?” She’d never seen him like this, didn’t understand why he seemed so disturbed.

“I just couldn’t shake the feeling something was wrong with you.”

“I’m fine.”

“I know,” he said, inhaling deeply. “Thank God you’re safe.”

“O
f course I’m safe,” Jill said, still feeling bewildered. Jordan’s arms were tight around her and he buried his head in the curve of her neck, his breathing hard.

“I’ve never experienced anything like this before,” he said, loosening his hold. His hands caressed the length of her arms as he moved back one small step. He studied her, his gaze intimate and tender. “I hope it never happens to me again.” Taking her hand, he led her to the sofa.

“You’re not making any sense.”

“I know.” He momentarily closed his eyes, then gave a deep sigh. He raised her fingers to his lips and gently kissed the back of her hand.

“It was the most unbelievable thing,” he continued with a shrug. “I awoke with this feeling of impending doom. At first I tried to ignore it. But as the day wore on I couldn’t shake it. All I knew was that it had something to do with you.

“I thought if I talked to you I could assure myself that
nothing was wrong and this feeling would go away. Only I couldn’t get hold of you.”

“I was out most of the day,” she repeated unnecessarily.

Jordan rubbed a hand down his face. “I tried to phone you at home and I couldn’t get an answer. I don’t know your cell number. So I panicked. I booked the next flight to Seattle.”

“What about your business in Hawaii?”

“I canceled one meeting and left what I could with an assistant. Everything’s taken care of.” He sighed once more and sagged against the back of her sofa. “I could do with a cup of coffee.”

“Of course.” Jill immediately stood and hurried into the kitchen, starting the coffee and assembling cups and saucers in a matter of minutes. She was arranging everything on a tray when Jordan stepped up behind her.

He slid his arms around her waist and kissed the side of her neck. “I don’t know what’s happening between us.”

“I’m…not sure anything is.”

Jordan chuckled softly, the sound a gentle caress against her skin. “I’m beginning to think you’ve cast a spell over me.”

Jill froze.
Spell
and
magic
were words she’d rather not hear. Even the smallest hint that the wedding dress was affecting him wouldn’t change what she’d done. She’d made her decision. The dress was packed away in the box Shelly had mailed her, ready to be returned.

“I’ve never experienced anything like this,” Jordan said again, sounding almost uncertain.

Jill should have been shocked. Jordan Wilcox had probably never felt confused or doubtful about anything in his adult life. She speculated that his emotions had been buried so deep, hidden by pride for so long, that he barely recognized them anymore.

“I think I’m falling in love with you.”

Jill closed her eyes. She didn’t want to hear this, didn’t want to deal with a declaration of love. Not now. Not when she’d settled everything in her own mind. Not when she’d reconciled herself to never seeing him again.

“That’s not true,” Jordan countered, turning her around and into his arms. “I can’t live without you. I’ve known that from the first moment we kissed.”

“Oh, no…”

His amused laughter filled her small kitchen. “You said the same thing that night. Remember?” The smile faded as he gazed at her upturned face. His eyes, so gray and intense, seemed to sear her with a look of such power it was all Jill could do not to cry out and break off his embrace. She glanced away, chewing nervously on her lower lip, willing him to free her, willing him to leave.

His hands cupped her face, his thumbs stroking her cheeks. “You feel it, too, don’t you?” he whispered. “You have from the very first. Neither one of us can deny it.”

She meant to tell him then, to blurt out that she was engaged to Ralph, but she wasn’t given the chance. Before she could utter a word, before she could even begin to explain, Jordan captured her mouth with his own.

His lips were hard and desperate as they claimed possession of hers, firing her senses to life. She moaned, not from pleasure, although that was keen, but from regret.

Ralph had kissed her that night, too. Jill had tried to reassure herself their marriage would work. She’d put her heart and her soul into their good-night kiss and hadn’t felt even a fraction of what she did with Jordan.

It was so unfair, so wrong. She was marrying
Ralph
, she reminded herself. But her heart, her foolish, romantic heart, refused to listen.

Nothing Jordan could say was going to change her plans, she decided, trying to think of Ralph and the commitment they’d made to each other a few hours earlier.

If only Jordan would stop kissing her.
Oh, please stop
, she begged silently as frustration brought burning tears to her eyes. If only he’d leave, walk out of her life forever so she could start forgetting.

But she had to push him out of her arms before she could push him out of her life. Yet here she was clinging to him, her arms curved around his neck. And she was holding on as though her very existence depended on it.

Jordan obviously felt none of her hesitation, none of her doubts, and soon, far too soon, Jill was returning his kisses with equal fervor. Raw emotion overwhelmed her until she was so weak she slumped against him, needing his support to remain upright. Her breath came in shallow gasps as his lips trembled against hers.

“Oh, Jill,” he breathed, his voice a husky caress. “The things you do to me. I’ve frightened you, haven’t I?”

“No.” He had, but for none of the reasons he knew. She was terrified by the things he made her feel. Terrified by the rush of need and love that crowded her heart.

She hid her face in his shoulder, wanting to escape his embrace even as she submerged herself in it.

“I never knew love could be like this,” Jordan said hoarsely. “I’ve never been in love, never experienced it before you.” He rested his jaw alongside her cheek in a gesture of tenderness that moved her deeply.

Jill swallowed and blinked through a wall of tears. “Please…” She had to say something, had to let him know before he spoke again, before he convinced her to love him. She’d set her mind, her will, everything within her, to resist him and found she couldn’t.

“I realize we haven’t known each other long,” Jordan was saying. “Yet it seems as if you’ve always been part of my life, always will be.”

“No…”

“Yes,” he countered softly, his lips grazing the side of her face. “I want to marry you, Jill. Soon. The sooner the better. I need you in my life. I need you to teach me so many things. Loving me isn’t going to be easy, but—”

“No!” Abruptly she broke away from him. “Please, no.” She buried her face in her hands and began to sob.

“Jill, what is it?” He tried to comfort her, tried to bring her back into his embrace, but she wouldn’t let him.

“I can’t marry you.” The words, born of frustration and anger, were meant to be shouted, but by the time they passed her lips they were barely audible.

“Can’t marry me?” Jordan repeated as though he was sure he’d misunderstood. “Why not?”

“Because…” Saying it became a nearly impossible task, but she forced herself. “Because…I’m already engaged.”

She saw and felt his shock. His eyes narrowed with pain and disbelief as the color drained from his face.

“You’re making it up.”

“No, it’s true.” She held herself stiff, braced for the backlash her words would bring.

“When?” he demanded.

She heaved in a breath and squared her shoulders. “Tonight.”

A shudder went through him as his eyes, dark and haunting, raked her face. Jill’s throat muscles constricted at his tortured look, and she couldn’t speak.

It took Jordan a moment to compose himself. But he did so with remarkable dexterity. All emotion fled from his face. For a breathless moment he just stared at her.

“I’m sure,” he said finally, without any outward hint of regret, “that whoever it is will make you a far better husband than I would have.”

“His name is Ralph.”

Jordan grimaced, but quickly rearranged his features into a cool mask. “I wish you and…Ralph every happiness.”

With that, he turned and walked out of her life. Just as she’d wanted him to…

Early the next morning, after an almost sleepless night, Jill put the infamous wedding dress in her car and drove directly to Shelly and Mark’s. The curtains were open so she assumed they were up and about. Even if they weren’t, she didn’t care.

Keeping the wedding dress a second longer was intolerable. The sooner she was rid of it, the sooner her life would return to normal.

Jill locked her car and carried the box to the Bradys’ front door. Her steps were impatient. If Shelly wasn’t home, Jill swore she’d leave the wedding gown on the front steps rather than take it back to her apartment.

A few minutes passed before the door opened. Shelly stood on the other side, dressed in a long robe, her hair in disarray and one hand covering her mouth to hide a huge yawn.

“I got you out of bed?” That much was obvious, but Jill was in no state for intelligent conversation.

“I was awake,” Shelly said, yawning again. “Mark had to go into the office early, but I couldn’t make myself get up.” She gestured Jill inside. “Come on in. I’m sure Mark made a pot of coffee. He knows I need a cup first thing in the morning.”

Jill set the box down on the sofa and followed Shelly into the kitchen. Clearly her friend wasn’t fully awake yet, so Jill walked over to the cupboards and collected
two mugs, filling each with coffee, then bringing them to the table where Shelly was sitting.

“Oh, thanks,” she mumbled. “I’m impossible until I’ve had my first cup.”

“I seem to remember that from our college days.”

“Right,” Shelly said, managing a half smile. “You know all my faults. Can you believe Mark loves me in spite of the fact that I can’t cook, can’t tolerate mornings and am totally disorganized?”

Having seen the love in Mark’s eyes when he looked at his wife, Jill could well believe it. “Yes.”

“I’m glad you’re here,” Shelly said, resting her head on her arm, which was stretched across the kitchen table.

“You are?” It was apparent that Shelly hadn’t guessed the reason for this unexpected visit, hadn’t realized Jill was returning the wedding dress. Half-asleep as she was, she obviously hadn’t noticed the box.

“Yes, I’m
delighted
you’re here,” Shelly said as her eyes drifted shut. “Mark and I had a long talk about you and Ralph. He seems to think I’m overreacting to this engagement thing. But you aren’t going to marry Ralph—you know it and I know it. This engagement is a farce, even if you don’t recognize that yet. Getting Ralph to propose is the only way you can deal with what’s happening between you and Jordan. But you’d never go through with it. You’re too honest. You won’t let yourself cheat Ralph—because if you marry him, that’s exactly what you’ll be doing.”

“He knows I’m not in love with him.”

“I’m sure he does, but I’m also sure he believes that in time you’ll feel differently. What he doesn’t understand is that you’re already in love with someone else.”

A few hours earlier, Jill would have adamantly denied loving Jordan, but she couldn’t any longer. Her heart burned with the intensity of her feelings. Still, it didn’t change anything, didn’t alter the path she’d chosen.

“Ralph doesn’t know about Jordan, does he?”

“No,” Jill said reluctantly. If she was forced to, she’d tell Ralph about him. Difficult as it was to admit, Shelly was right about one thing. Jill would never be able to marry Ralph unless she was completely honest with him.

Shelly straightened and took her first sip of coffee. It seemed to revive her somewhat. “I should apologize for what I said last night. I didn’t mean to offend you.”

“You didn’t,” Jill was quick to tell her.

“You frightened me.”

“Why?”

“I was afraid for you, afraid you were going to ruin your life. I don’t think I could stand idly by and let you do it.”

“I fully intend to marry Ralph.” Jill didn’t know for whose benefit she was saying this—Shelly’s or her own. The doubts were back, but she did her best to ignore them.

“Oh, I believe you intend to marry Ralph…now,” Shelly said, “but when the time comes, I don’t think it’s going to happen. Neither does Mark.”

“That isn’t what he said when we talked.” Mark had been the cool voice of reason in their impassioned discussion the night before. He’d reassured her and comforted her, and for that Jill would always be grateful.

“What he said,” Shelly explained between yawns, “was that he was sure you’d make the right decision. And he is. I was, too, after he calmed me down.”

“I’ve made my choice. There’s no turning back now.”

“You’ll change your mind.”

“Perhaps. I don’t know. All I know is that I agreed to marry Ralph.” No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t keep the breathless catch from her voice.

Shelly heard it, and her eyes slowly opened. “What happened?” Her gaze sharply assessed Jill, who tried not to say or do anything that would give her away.

“Tell me,” she said when Jill hesitated. “You know I’ll get it out of you one way or another.”

Jill sighed. Hiding the truth was pointless. “Jordan came by late last night.”

“I thought you said he was in Hawaii.”

“He was.”

“Then what was he doing at your place?”

“He said he had a feeling there was something wrong—and he flew home.”

“There
is
something wrong!” Shelly cried. “You’re engaged to the wrong man.”

Unexpectedly, Jill felt defeated. She’d hardly slept the night before, and the tears she’d managed to sup
press refused to be held back any longer. They brimmed in her eyes, spilling onto her cheeks, cool against her flushed skin.

“I’m not
engaged
to the wrong man,” she said once she was able to speak coherently. “I happen to
love
the wrong one.”

“If you’re in love with Jordan,” Shelly said, “and I believe you are, then why in heaven’s name would you even consider marrying Ralph?”