The Mammoth Book of Tasteless Jokes (67 page)
Read The Mammoth Book of Tasteless Jokes Online
Authors: E. Henry Thripshaw
Tags: #Jokes & Riddles, #Humor, #Form, #General
What’s the difference between a bowling ball and an Essex girl?
You can only get three fngers in a bowling ball.
What do Essex girls use as protection during sex?
A bus shelter.
An Essex girl goes to the DSS to register for child benefit.
“How many children do you have?” asks the assessor.
“Ten,” replies the Essex girl.”
“Ten? Are you sure? What are their names?”
“Duane, Duane, Duane, Duane, Duane, Duane, Duane, Duane, Duane, and then there’s little Duane.”
“Doesn’t that get confusing?” asks the assessor.
“Nah,” says the Essex girl. “Its great, because if they are out playing in the street I just have to shout, “DUANE, YA DINNER”S READY” or “DUANE, GO TO BED NOW” and it’s sorted.”
“Yes, but what if you want to speak to one individually?”
“That’s easy,” says the Essex girl, “I just use their surnames.”
How can you tell if an Essex girl really likes oral sex?
She hitches up her skirt when you yawn.
What’s the difference between an Essex girl and an Arab girl?
The Essex girl gets stoned before she commits adultery.
An Essex girl is walking down the road with her left tit hanging out. A police car pulls up beside her and the officer says, “Miss, put your breast back in your top or I will arrest you.”
The Essex girl looks down and says, “OH MY GOD, I’VE LEFT THE BABY ON THE BUS AGAIN!”
Why do Essex girls wear knickers?
To keep their ankles warm.
Why do Essex girls like cars with sun roofs?
Extra leg room.
What is the difference between an Essex girl and the
Titanic
?
Only 1,500 people went down on the
Titanic
.
Where does an Essex girl go to lose weight?
The abortion clinic.
What does an Essex girl put behind her ears to make her more attractive to men?
Her feet.
What is the difference between an Essex girl and a plate of spaghetti?
Spaghetti moves when you eat it.
An Essex girl was in bed with this fella. “Go on,” she said, “put a fnger inside me.” The man obliged.