The Love She Craves: Selling Her Soul to Declan (3 page)

Normally, he liked to see a woman cry. Seeing a sub vulnerable with emotions after he’d punished her was one of the most potent aphrodisiacs he responded to. Fucking them in that state was the only time he felt truly connected to women.

But Onyx’s tears felt different. He never imagined a woman’s emotions could be too raw for him to see as anything but a turn-on, but for once, he actually wanted to see her stop crying. He didn’t want to analyze what made her different, but he supposed the way she always seemed more fragile than the other girls in school had something to do with it.

Or maybe it was just because he couldn’t fuck her.

When he placed his hand on her back and she startled, he realized she didn’t know he was there. “Do you want me to send for the chaplain?”

She made no indication she heard him. He stroked her back in a long slow-motion. “Onyx, I have to get back to work. I’ll check on Cody and you later.”

3

Declan wondered if she fell asleep in that position when he reentered the waiting room hours later and found her still folded in half. But as he approached, he began to hear the soft moaning and see the slight rocking. He knew the self-soothing motion was oftentimes exhibited in abused and neglected children but he’d never heard of an adult doing it.

“Nyxie,” he said trying out her nickname, hoping it made him seem like a friend. “Cody’s out of surgery. You can come see him.”

She didn’t react.

“Onyx, did you hear me? Cody’s in the SICU. You can see him now.”

Nothing.

Fuck. He bent down and unwrapped her arms, then exerted as much pressure as it took to make her sit up. Her bare knees and face were wet with tears and snot. He pulled her to her feet, and for a moment, he thought she might collapse.

“Legs go to sleep?” he asked tightening his hold on her. “Okay, we’ll just stand here for a minute while you get your circulation back.”

Declan resisted the urge to wave his hand in front of her face to see if she was aware of his presence. The waiting room had cleared out considerably, but the few people remaining watched with mild curiosity. She gave no resistance as he pulled her forward. He leaned down until his face loomed in front of hers as he tried to draw eye contact. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”

He led her by the arm into the single toilet bathroom a few yards away. As he wet a paper towel, the mechanism on the door shut them in making Declan swear under his breath. Suddenly, he realized she had moved to the toilet and was pulling down her underwear. He fixed his eyes on the paper towel he held under the tap. “I would have stepped out if you told me you had to go.”

He took it as a sign that she was functioning on some level. If she wanted to get her children back, the last thing she needed was a stay in the psych ward.

He waited until she washed her hands to bathe her face and legs to remove the signs of grief. Feeling a bit awkward exiting the bathroom with her, he wanted to announce to the room, “It’s okay, I’m a doctor,” but decided he didn’t give a shit what anyone thought.

With his hand keeping a steady pressure on her back, he compelled her forward until they entered the SICU. Unlike normal private or semiprivate rooms, the SICU could best be described as a ward with walled-off
bays and curtains for privacy. He stopped outside the curtained-off small three-sided room.

“Nyxie, I want to warn you before we go in, he’s going to be hard to look at. He was hit by a truck and he looks like it. He’s battered and he’s bruised and he’s still a bit bloody. There are wires and tubes everywhere. Do you understand?”

He could see her eyes meet his and for the first time he was beginning to detect that she was more present than before. She nodded and drew her shoulders back. After taking a deep breath that she blew out of her mouth, Nyxie stepped past the curtain.

Declan tried to see the boy the way Onyx would. The first thing that struck him was how small he looked in the forest of machines and IVs. Everywhere he looked, Cody was attached to something. Ox-sat clip on his finger, blood pressure cuff on his arm, IV and blood entering his neck, drain coming out of his incision, respirator in his mouth, his left arm and leg in casts, a urine bag hanging on the side of the bed.

Although Declan had never met Cody, he knew the boy was unrecognizable. His gruesomely misshapen head was hard for him to look at. He could only imagine how it affected her. They had only shaved as much of his dark blonde hair as needed, leaving him with half a head of hair and a huge scar held together with countless staples. The right side of his face was scraped and bruised from hitting the pavement and the swelling made him puffy and distorted.

“Oh, hello,” the male nurse said. “Come in. I’m Joseph. So far, our little Cody has been a model patient. His O-2-sat is right where it should be. The marching band could take lessons from his heartbeat. His kidneys are having the output of a grown man after a couple of beers.”

“Joseph, this is Nyxie. She’s a friend of mine from high school. She’s having a pretty rough time so I’d appreciate it if you would look after her, too.”

“Any friend of yours, Dr. Stryker, is a friend of mine.”

“It’s okay, honey, he won’t bite. Come over here and hold his hand. Let him know you’re here.” When Joseph saw her reluctance to approach the bed, he took her by the elbow and pulled her forward. She flinched slightly at the contact, but did not resist him.

“I’m afraid I’m going to hurt him,” she said, her voice barely more than a whisper.

“Nyxie, he so deep under, he’s not feeling anything at all,” Declan said. “By the time we let him come out of the coma, he’s going to be well on his way to recovery. Keeping him asleep is merciful.”

She nodded to acknowledge she heard him. “He’s never slept alone before. I wonder if he’s cold.”

The nurse patted her hand. “You know what, we have heated blankets. Let me go get him one.”

“Get one for Nyxie, too. I think she plans to stay with her brother.”

As soon as the nurse left, Declan pulled a syringe and a foil packet from his pocket. With the deftness of experience, he ripped open the alcohol pad, remove the cap from the syringe with his teeth and in one swift motion, he lifted the hem of her short uniform, swiped her hip just above her panties with the alcohol and jabbed her with the sedative.

“What—what the fuck?” she said.

Declan pulled out the needle and reached his arm around her. “Good night, Onyx,” he said. And she was out.

He easily placed her limp body in the mesh chair in the corner. One-handed, he put his stethoscope in his ears and checked her heart.

That’s how Joseph found them when he returned.

“My word, did she faint?”

Declan turned and smiled at him, the cap still held in his teeth. He rose to his feet and put the cap back on the needle before shoving it into the red box on the wall.

He explained to the nurse what had transpired earlier; about how CPS took her nieces and planned to take Cody and how he was afraid she was on the verge a mental breakdown. “She wasn’t going to sleep without help.”

“But that’s assault,” Joseph said in a stage whisper. “You could lose your license.”

He didn’t know the man well enough to know if he’d turn him in, but of all the nurses in the SICU, he knew Joseph was the only one who didn’t take offense when he spoke curtly to him.  He also suspected Joseph was attracted to him, but so were several of the female nurses. Declan didn’t feel threatened by it in the least. He was a man who felt secure in his sexuality and if he could use Joseph’s attraction to his advantage, he would.

“Keep your mouth shut and I’ll set you up on a blind date with a gay doctor I know.”

Declan stared stony-faced at the nurse waiting to see what he would do. One word from this man and he could lose his job and his license and possibly go to jail. He was much more concerned about Joseph’s reaction than Nyxie’s. She might
be mad about it in the morning but he doubted she’d pursue making a complaint to either the hospital or the police.

“You know that’s not a bit sexist. Not every male nurse is gay.” He put his hands on his hips and stared at the young doctor.

“But you are,” Declan said, his lip curling slightly.

“Even if
I am, you just think I’m a slut you can buy off with the prospect of becoming a sex toy to some handsome doctor?”

Declan lifted his hands in a questioning gesture. “Yeah.”

Joseph’s angry glare turned into a half-smile. “I’m just so transparent, aren’t I?”

“Try playing hard to get,” he said dryly. “Give me that blanket.”

Declan wrapped the white cotton blanket around her, tucking the ends between her and the chair so it wouldn’t slip down. He stroked her hair and touched his lips to her cheek.

“Dr. Stryker, are you hot for her?”

Declan rose to his feet and put his hands in his pockets. “You have no idea. Remember back in high school how every guy wanted a girl who was unobtainable?”

Joseph laughed. “In my case, her name was Hunter.”

“
She
was my unobtainable.”

“Her?”

He nodded. “I turned eighteen and she was too young for me to ask out.” Not that he would have, he added to himself. At eighteen, he was too concerned with what his friends thought to ask out a girl who didn’t fit the mold of the type of girl they expected him to date.

“Oh, you dirty old man.”

Declan chuckled. “I was the quarterback and she was from the wrong side of the tracks.”

“God, this is so romantic. Did she have a biker boyfriend who dressed in tight black wife-beater T-shirts?”

“Not that I know of,” he said scowling.

“Darn, we could’ve double dated.”

He didn’t want to think of what kind of men she’d been dating. Until that moment, it never occurred to him, she could already be in a relationship. She wasn’t married—he’d ascertained that much from the CPS interview, but if she was in love with some guy….
Fuck
.

Declan stared at her and sighed softly. “Her dad was the town drunk.”

“Shit.”

“I cared way too much about what everyone else thought to befriend her. Hell, she didn’t even remember me this afternoon.”

Declan wasn’t aware Joseph moved next to him until he put his hand on his back as he examined the girl. He knew others didn’t see the appeal of Onyx. Thinner than he would like; her eyes were too big, her cheeks too hollow and when she wore her hair down, the sheer volume of raven hair overwhelmed her too small face. Tiny, in high school, Declan estimated she had grown at least four or five inches since he’d last seen her.  He wished he could say her weight had kept up. Although he’d barely glimpsed her backside when he injected her, he found her weight disturbing. The shapeless waitress uniform may have masked her figure, but what he saw under it didn’t lessen his desire. But then her looks had only been a small part of why she fascinated him. He liked the way she seemed helpless, as if she needed someone like him to be her strength.

“So you think since you saved her brother’s life, she should just fall into your open arms?”

The doctor shrugged in response.

“If you really want to win her over, get those kids back for her.”

“Christ, Joe, I just want to get into her white cotton panties and turn her into my sex slave. I don’t want to marry her.”

“And people say gays are crude.”

Declan drove home to his three-story townhouse near the university thinking about those white cotton panties he glimpsed as he sedated her. Never once, in all of his fantasies about her, had he pictured her in white cotton bikini-briefs. It was startling. He usually imagined her in black leather, red silk, hot pink with black lace or nothing but a pair of handcuffs and a collar. But somehow the reality was so much better than some mentally downloaded porn image with her face photoshopped.

4

“How’s our little patient?” Declan asked Joseph as he entered the ICU carrying two Starbucks cups.

“Which one? Oh, honey, you shouldn’t have,” he said reaching for a coffee.

Declan turned to the side to block the nurse from grabbing the cup. “I would’ve gotten you one, but I figured you’d be hitting the sack in a couple of hours.”

Joseph sighed dramatically. “Funny, I don’t remember you ever doing your rounds this early before.”

“I thought it might be best to make sure Sleeping Beauty was up before I have to explain to anyone else why she’s sleeping through Armageddon.”

Joseph’s voice dropped to a whisper. “You’re not going to administer more drugs without her permission, are you?”

He wagged one of the coffee cups in Joseph’s direction. Declan ordered the most calorie laden drink they carried. Over six hundred calories before she ate breakfast. “Double shot of espresso in her white chocolate mocha.”

The nurse looked over his glasses at Declan, his disapproval evident.

“Did you check her vitals at all during the night?”

“You sedated her, of course I kept tabs. Heart rate a little slow, blood pressure a little low, but her ox-sat stayed about ninety-six, so I wasn’t too worried.”

Declan stood over her staring at her face for a moment as he had the night before. She looked so relaxed, he hated to wake her. That was the look he’d strive for when she learned to submit. He’d take care of her worries. She’d learned to trust him—surrender fully.

Crouching down on his haunches, Declan gave her shoulder a shake. “Nyxie, wake up. Come on, open those big brown eyes.”

It took about two minutes of trying before he opted for painful stimuli. He pressed his knuckle into the hollow below her clavicle. “Nyxie, baby.” She groaned and opened her eyes for a moment.

“That’s just mean,” Joseph said. “Nurse Ratchet won’t be here for another half an hour.”

“Rachel is his day nurse?”

Declan made a face. The woman’s reputation of being a ball-buster circulated daily with new complaints about her bitchiness. There wasn’t much he could do unless he wanted to bring attention to his interest in Onyx. “I definitely want to be gone before she gets here.” With a sigh, he dug his fingers into the spot again, this time with conviction.

“Ow!” She opened her eyes and looked around taking in her surroundings.

“Here, drink this,” he said thrusting the cup at her before she closed her eyes again. “Good morning, by the way.”

She adjusted her body in the chair and tried to stretch out some of the stiffness from her back. “God, I hoped it had all been a terrible nightmare. Do you think there’s a way to find out if Lotus and Reina are okay? Shit, I can’t even remember that woman’s name who took them.”

“I’m sure you can call Child Protective Services a
fter government offices open up,” he said but doubted the bitch would give Onyx the assurances she needed.

Nyxie sipped at the hot brew. “I can hardly wake up this morning.”

Declan reached for Cody’s chart. “You don’t remember me giving you a little shot to help you sleep last night?” He flipped it open and began reading as if drugging her was no big deal.

She looked up at him wide-eyed. “It was probably the kindest thing you could have done short of killing me.”

His face rose from the chart as he gaped at her. “Please, tell me you don’t feel that way this morning.”

Christ, he just wanted to spank the living fuck out of her at that very moment. She might not know it yet, but as far as he was concerned, she belonged to him already. Mind, body and soul were his. He felt certain their paths crossed for a reason and he’d be damned if he was going to squander this chance to have her. She was meant to be his and nothing would stand in his way this time.

“Answer me!”

She bit her lip and looked at Cody’s battered body. Her three kids—and fuck anyone who said they weren’t her kids—were her reason for getting up every morning. Lotus and Reina were already gone and now the only precious time she had left with her brother was the time he spent recovering. As soon as the hospital released him, CPS would take him, too.

Tears formed in her eyes.

An alarm on one of the monitors suddenly went off. Nyxie’s heart dropped into her gut as she assumed the worst.

“Calm down, honey,” Joseph said with his soft Southern accent. “His IV is running out nothing more. These alarms go off all day long which you would have known already if someone hadn’t slipped you a Mickey Finn.”

The nurse shut off the alarm, changed out the bag and pressed a few buttons.

“You still haven’t answered my question. Do you want to die?”

Her watery brown eyes met the hard gray of steel of his gray-green eyes. “It’s not that I want to die. I just can’t imagine living with the emptiness if they’re not in my life.”

Declan wore a determined look as he thrust the chart at Joseph. “You need to get out of here and get some food.”

“Strike while the iron is hot,” Joseph whispered into the doctor’s ear.

“Fuck off.”

“I hate to leave Cody.”

“Nyxie, sitting here wringing your hands isn’t going to make him better. And should he pass away, being here won’t change anything. He’s not going to wake up and say goodbye. Honestly, you don’t want to be present if they try to resuscitate him. You don’t want that to be your last memory of him.”

“Ignore Dr. Sensitive here,” Joseph said to Nyxie. “Cody had a good night last night—completely uneventful. He made it through his first night—and that’s big—actually, that’s huge, all things considered.”

Nyxie turned to the nurse, her eyes meeting his with gratitude. “Thank you, Joseph. I needed to hear that.”

Joseph grinned widely at Declan. “Some of us know how to talk to the ladies, some of us don’t. Don’t be hatin’.”

“I swear to God, I’m going to set you up on a date with a lesbian.”

Joseph laughed. “Make sure she’s got hairy pecs and a clit no smaller than a bratwurst.”

Declan shut his eyes and shook his head as if he could clear the image from his mind.

“Where’s the bathroom?” Nyxie asked abruptly.

Joseph opened a lower cabinet and a toilet appeared from inside. The young woman looked around the room at the two men and her brother and the curtain that separated the room from the rest of the ICU. “I don’t think so,” she said setti
ng down her Starbucks cup and winding her way past the doctor and the nurse.

“It’s at the other end of the ward, honey.”

“Thanks.”

When Onyx emerged a few minutes later, Declan stood at the nurses’ station a few feet away chatting up a pretty blonde. When snatches of the conversation drifted to her, she was surprised to hear him telling the nurse, she was a friend from high school.

“Are you ready to get some breakfast?”

Onyx looked at Declan trying not to give in to all the insecurities she felt in school. She didn’t know him back then, but she certainly knew who he was. And although he’d never tormented her, he scared her. She remembered him as a typical star quarterback—the proverbial cock-of-the-walk. The crowd of jocks he hung out with had bullied her sister, Melinda, before she dropped out of school.  She wasn’t sure, but suspected any one of them could have been Lotus’s father.

“I appreciate the offer, but I’ll just grab a bite in the cafeteria.”

A look of annoyance crossed his face and she suspected he rarely heard the word
no
.

“I want to talk to you,” he said in a low cool tone that made her want to step back. It was riddled with a sharp air of superiority. His eyes drifted back to the nurses’ desk, but lasered in on her as he awaited her reply.

Had he been so aloof in high school? She couldn’t really say because she’d never let him speak more than a word or two before she bolted.

He stood so close to her that
she took a step back in an attempt to put a more comfortable distance between them. “About Cody?”

He handed her the drink she’d set aside. “About fighting CPS.”

Her eyes instantly met his. Could he see the gears in her head moving as she processed the possibility of fighting CPS?

“You’ll have to come eat breakfast with me to find out how.”
He held his hand out to her. “Ready?”

She eyed his hand wearily but refused to take it. “I suppose,” she mumbled but turned and walked past him, out the SICU to the bank of elevators not far from the entrance.

Catching up quickly, he jabbed the call button. When the doors didn’t open immediately, he jabbed it three more times.

“Is something wrong?”

“You saw me holding out my hand to take yours and you just ignored it. I don’t appreciate the rudeness especially when I’m trying to help you.”

Nyxie’s eyes narrowed at him. “You told that woman I was a friend from high school. Funny, I don’t remember having any friends in high school. Why
would
I take your hand? You’re being nice to me for some reason I can’t fathom and I don’t trust it or you.”

The doors to the elevator opened and Declan stepped in, but Onyx stood rooted to the spot. They stared at each other. His hand shot out and grabbed her arm pulling her in only moments before the doors closed.

“We’re not in high school anymore. Full disclosure when we get to my car.”

“Did you do something mean to me you’ve felt guilty about all these years?”

“No—yes, well, not guilty, something I’ve regretted. I always regretted giving into peer pressure and not befriending you.”

An almost imperceivable har
rumph came out under her breath followed by a slight chuckle. “It’s probably just as well. The girls would’ve scratched my eyes out if you had acknowledged my existence.”

Declan turned, stepping forward
somewhat so he could look into her face. His stony expression softened slightly as he examined her. “On some level, you do remember me, don’t you?”

She pulled her eyes away from the brushed aluminum doors, glanced at him and nodded curtly.

“I told the nurse we were friends because it’s inappropriate for me to start a relationship with you while I’m on your brother’s team. I thought it would seem less questionable if people thought we already had a previous connection.”

“You want to date me?” Nyxie hated the incredulous sound of her voice and wanted to repeat her question with disdain.

“Not exactly.”

Nyxie stared straight ahead as she felt the heat of embarrassment creeping up her neck into her face. Of course, he didn’t want to date her. Why would
a hot stud like Declan Stryker want to be with white trash like her? He was gorgeous with the body of a Greek statue, the face of a movie star, and if the M.D. after his name was any clue, he was smart, too—a regular trifecta of genetics.

Christ, she just wanted the ground to open up and swallow her.

The elevator dinged and the doors opened. Declan grabbed her hand and led her into the first streaks of morning sunshine.

Nyxie looked at her small hand engulfed in his and wondered if she’d ever held anyone’s hand voluntarily besides her kids’. She remembered as a child, having to hold hands when they played Red Rover. Her classmates may have made a huge fuss over holding her hand, but she was just as repulsed by holding theirs. Nyxie did not invite any kind of physical contact. It was completely foreign to her to touch other people because she had not grown up in that kind of an environment. She may have held Cody’s hand out of necessity when he was little, but it grew into the only way she knew to show her brother affection. It broke her heart when at the age of seven; he announced he was too old to hold her hand like a baby. But sometimes at night, when their father stumbled in drunk, he reached for her hand.

As they approached the parking lot, he withdrew a key fob and the lights of a pale metallic blue Jeep lit up. He opened the door and waited until she was seated before stretching the belt across her and clicking it into place. With a slight smile, he gave it a little tug to make sure it wouldn’t come loose. He closed the door and walked around to his side and climbed into the bucket seat.

“Where to?” he asked starting the car and buckling his seatbelt. “Waffle House? Tech Café?”

She looked at her hands folded around the cup in her lap. “I’ve always wanted to go to IHOP.”

“You’ve never been?”

She shook her head. “When we could still pick up the TV stations, before they went digital, we used to practically salivate over IHOP commercials.”

Declan pulled his phone off his hip and turned on the Bluetooth before connecting the charger.

“IHOP it is.”

The doors locked automatically when he put it in gear making her jump, her head pivoting to the door lock button and then to Declan.

“It’s just a safety feature, Onyx. I’m not a kidnapper or rapist.”