The Lonely Girl (18 page)

I’m barely keeping it together, and I look to Keegan, who is now right beside me. He puts his head on my knees, and I know he’s crying. “I didn’t have sex with her. I promise I’m not Michael.” I go rigid at the mention of Michael.

“You said you didn’t have sex with her. Did anything else happen? Where did you sleep?” He goes tense, and I know I’ve caught on to something. “You’re an idiot, Keegan.” I go to stand, but he pulls me down.

“She kissed me, but I told her no. I did sleep in her room the night I got there, but nothing other than that happened. I swear.” I’m shaking. He slept in her bed.

“You slept in her bed and you think that’s okay?” He looks angry now.

“You don’t get to play that shit with me, Becca. You’ve been with Jake every night for how many months? Don’t you dare go there with me, you hypocrite.”

Jake is between us in a minute. “Enough, Key back off.” I push him aside.

“No, he’s right. Him being drunk in bed with someone he’s screwed is just like me sleeping with my friend so I don’t have nightmares that make me scream and cry and make me wish I never went to sleep or that I was never born. Get your head on straight, Keegan.” I start to pull away from both of them. “I love you, Keegan but I won’t do this. Either she goes or I do. I don’t want her around. Make your choice but either way I’m moving into the dorms tonight. Jake, you coming?” He nods, then turns to Keegan.

“You’re a complete
asshole, I hope you know that.”

Chapter 16

I’ve been in the dorms for twenty three days. Things have improved with Keegan and me. He told Sarah that they couldn’t hang around with each other, and that he wanted to make things work with me. To say she wasn’t happy would be an understatement. My brother is still angry that I moved out, but understands my need for independence. Things between Keegan and him are less tense, and they are joking around again.

There is a party tonight, and I know that it’s not a big deal to college students anymore, but I’ve decided to have sex with Keegan tonight. If he doesn’t screw it up. He’s been trying, and he promises me that he loves me no matter what university I go to. He said if I wanted to leave and go
alone, he wouldn’t follow me, but it wouldn’t be the end for us. My heart swelled when he told me that. I told my brother and Keegan I’d be staying at the house tonight. Jake is going to stay at the cabin and do some hiking tomorrow. So I figured it would be the perfect time. I even slipped to Jake that I was thinking about it. He pretended not to hear me, which was fine since I didn’t really want him to know anyway. I went out and bought a new outfit for tonight and to make my day a bit brighter. Nervous doesn’t even begin to explain how I feel about tonight.

There’s a knock on my door
, and it’s just in time. I just finished my makeup and hair. I’m wearing tight black pants that make my butt look amazing and a silver glittery top which has a plunging neckline. It shows more than what I usually wear. Underneath, I’m wearing this black lace lingerie set. It fits perfectly to me and makes me look wild sexy. At least, that’s what Charlotte said when I sent her a picture of the outfit on the hanger before I bought it.  I open the door and Keegan’s mouth drops open. Just the response I was looking for and he hasn’t even seen what’s underneath.

“Not so bad yourself.”

He’s wearing tight, but not too tight jeans and a blue plaid button up shirt that makes his eyes stand out more than usual. I hug him, then step out while locking my door. I walk over and knock on Jake’s door. He opens and just smirks at me. “Damn, Beckers you’ve got a boyfriend. Why are you dressing like that?” I laugh. If anyone else said that to me, I might freak.

“I like it and that’s all that matters.”

We all head out to Jake’s BMW and head over to the party where my brother is already waiting.

The party is packed and there is barely enough room to move. Instantly, I see Sarah, and she gives me a deadly look and stomps away. I couldn’t be mad she’s
here, it’s not our party, but I sure as hell don’t have to be nice. Jake gives me a hug, then takes off to talk to Kristy and some of the guys. He looks amazing and has a great behind.
Wow, where did that come from?
I shake it off and look to Keegan, who already has drinks in his hand. I shake my head. I want to remember tonight and not have my first sexual encounter when I’m hammered. He just chugs the second drink that was meant for me, and I laugh. We head to the table where they are doing shots of Skittles Vodka. I know I want to try this, but not tonight. Keegan seems to be going all out though. I see my brother, and he’s talking to a cute blonde who’s in my Bio class. I smile and look back to Keegan, who is slamming back drinks with the guys. After a few hours of this, I finally talk him into going home.

When we arrive home after a ten minute walk, Keegan is hammered. I walk over to the bed and start taking off my clothes to get my pj’s on. I hear the door click and lock and turn to see Keegan staring at
me in my lingerie. Oh crap I forgot.

“Did you wear that for me?”

I nod my head. “But maybe we could use it another time when you’re not half in the bag eh?” His lips connect with mine, and he is guiding me to the bed.

“I’d never be able to have that much to drink that I wouldn’t want to be with you, Babe. You look so sexy.” He makes me giggle, and he starts taking off
his clothes, leaving just his boxers on. I see every part of him is perfectly sculpted. I am completely lost in him. He lays me down and gets right on top of me, while deepening our kiss. 

His tongue guides along the inside of my mouth grazing mine with his. I’m completely taken with the heat of it. He pulls back and starts kissing his way down to my breast. “I love you so much,” he says between each of his kisses. “You know we don’t have to do this?”

I nod to him telling him I want to I feel like we need this to prove that we are supposed to be together. “I need this, Keegan.” That sets him off, and he’s back to kissing my lips. “Tell me if I hurt you babe.” I give him a look that tells him I will, and we continue into our blissful night, and my first time.

   ******************************************

It was perfect, not that I have anything to compare it to. He was gentle and always checking to see if I was alright. Now we are just lying in bed cuddling, and it’s so wonderful. I love this man, more than anything. I turn my back to his front and snuggle back into him. He is still intoxicated, but you wouldn’t have known it from what just happened. “I love you, Keegan.” I hear him sigh, and he pulls me tighter against him.

“I love you too, Babe.” I’m starting to drift.

“Goodnight, Keegan.” I’m almost out when I hear his response.

“Goodnight, Sarah.”

What was that? I instantly tense and don’t move. I feel his chest falling into a steady pattern, and I know he’s almost out. I feel the tears coming down my face. Maybe I didn’t hear him right. God who are you kidding, Becca? You just had sex for the first time, and you say ‘Goodnight’ to your boyfriend of how many months to which he says ‘Goodnight, Sarah.’ The tears are starting to get heavier, and I don’t want to wake him up. I feel like my heart is being squeezed till it will explode. I don’t want to deal with this right now. I want to do the normal Becca response and run. I slide out of bed and grab my clothes off the floor. I sneak out the door and run to the bathroom to get dressed.  When I come out, I see my brother’s room is closed, so I know he’s asleep. I need to see Jake. He will know what to say to make everything okay. I can’t stay here.

I call Jake, but his phone is off. I hear someone shuffling and turn to the sound. I see my brother
’s keys on the table. I run, grabbing them and head out the front door. I run to the car and jump in the front, starting the car. I take off and start heading to Jake’s family cabin. I can’t believe I’m driving, but I barely have time to deal with that. I needed to get away, and Jake wasn’t answering. It takes about twenty five minutes, and I am pulling in behind Jake’s car. I jump out and run to the door. I knock, but no answer. Jake showed me where the spare key was, so I grab it and unlock the door. I move inside, but the lights are off. I turn the living room light on and open his bedroom door. I stand there with my mouth wide open unable to form words.

Jake springs up as the light shines in his eyes. He looks beside
him, then back to me the hurt apparent in my eyes. Next to him is a sleeping Kristy. I start to back away, and I don’t know why, but I know my heart just broke.

“Goodbye
, Jake.” I turn and run not shutting doors behind me. I jump in the car and start the engine. I see him come running out as soon as he sees me behind the wheel and stops. He seems to realize what’s happened as I start to take off. I hear him screaming my name, but I don’t stop I just keep driving. I don’t know where I’m going, but I know there’s only one person I can call. I grab my phone and dial Charlotte.

“Hiya, Becca is that you?”

I’m in tears and just wish I knew why seeing Jake with Kristy hurt me. Come on, Becca you’re not that stupid you have feelings for Jake too. I make my decision right then.

“Ya it’s me, Charlotte. How quick can you pack a bag and be at the airport? I’ll have a ticket waiting there for you.” She doesn’t even ask me anything, she just says she’ll be there in an hour or so. I know she can tell I’m crying and knows
if I’m running away it’s for a good reason. I just can’t stay and with reading week upon us I have some time to spare. Not to mention my perfect 4.0 can handle a week of missed classes. I head to the airport and walk right up to the ticket counter. “I need a ticket to Europe.” The agent looks at me strangely.

“Where would you like to go?” Good question.

“Whatever leaves first and I need one for my cousin who will be leaving from the Glasgow airport as well.” She nods and sets it all up. I make my way through security and find my flight to already be boarding. My phone has been going off like a mad man. I grab it and answer without looking.

“Becca, thank God, where are you? What happened?”

I don’t even know where to begin so I just let it all out. “Well, my boyfriend and I had sex which was my first time. Then, I said goodnight to him and he replied ‘Goodnight, Sarah’. To top that off, I run to my best friend only to see him in bed with a friend of mine. I know I can’t be mad, but it doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt. Worse than all of that, I realized I don’t just love my best friend. I am in love with him too. I’m leaving, Jake, don’t come looking for me.” I hang up and turn my phone off while boarding my plane to Amsterdam, Netherlands.

When I arrive, Charlotte is already there waiting. I run to her and burst into tears. “Oh,
darling, what’s the matter?” I go over everything and tell her all that’s happened. Then I tell her about Jake. She looks at me like I’m stupid. “Love, there was always something more than just friendship with Jake.” I just nod because deep down I know she’s right. How did I think our connection could be purely friendship? We haven’t even moved from the arrival area, and she gives me this look that I know I’m not going to be happy with. “You need to call your brother.” I open my mouth, then close it.

“How the hell does he know I’m gone?” She continues to tell me that Jake went right to the house afterwards and woke up Alec. He told Alec what had happened and then continued to Keegan’s room where he woke him up only to punch him in the face. My brother is freaking out. Jake is panicking that I’ll never come back, and well, Keegan had no idea he’d said what he’d said. I put my hand out for her phone and tell her I’m not turning mine back on yet.

“Charlotte, please tell me you’re with her?” Alec seems frightened. I didn’t mean to put him through so much.

“Alec, it’s me. I’m sorry.” I hear Jake and Keegan yelling at each other in the background. My brother tells them to shut up and turns his attention back on me.

“What the hell, Becca? I should call Mom right now and tell her.” I grin at this because he doesn’t even know.

“Who do you think I called after Charlotte? Mom knows. I told her everything, Alec. I won’t lie about how screwed up my life is but I wasn’t sticking around to fix it. Not right then anyway.”

He grumbles. “You called Mom and told her. Why didn’t you think to, I don’t know, call your brother who lives with you? Where are you, Becca? I’m coming to see you.”

“
I didn’t call you, because you would have stopped me and I didn’t want that. I won’t tell you where I am and neither will Mom. She knows where I am that’s all that matters. I’m an adult and I don’t want to even discuss this. If you know the full story, then I don’t even know why you’re surprised I ran.” I hear them all yelling again.

“Becca, Keegan’s an asshat. He’s already got the black eye for proof from Jake.
Why didn’t you just hide out at the cabin with Jake?” Wait, what? Jake didn’t tell him.

“What I’m about to say to you best not be repeated or I will never come home. I will move here and find some school here. Do you understand?” I hear only Keegan yelling, and I assume Jake knows what I’m about to say to my brother.

“Ya, Becca of course I won’t tell them if that’s what you want.” I sigh. Finally, he says the right thing.

“I walked in on Jake with Kristy.” He says nothing.

“Why would you walking in on Jake... Oh…” Ya oh, but did he have to say that out loud. Keegan is there, not that he has room to talk.