The Last Time (4 page)

4

Hazel

Days like these made me question why I was a dancer. My feet were killing me, all the girls were bitches, and Vanessa was threatening to murder me with just her eyes. It was well known that she and I were mortal enemies. As a result, I had few allies. But that fact my boyfriend was the writer and assistant director of the production really saved my ass. Because of that, I was invincible. It was the one time I took advantage of Flynn’s power and esteem.

It was almost ten at night when we finally ended the session. Every one was tired so our practice runs were terrible. The instructor made us stay afterwards until we got it right, just like school children in kindergarten
who were learning how to form a single line.

By the time I reached my bag, I kicked off my dance shoes and put on sandals. I knew Flynn would give me
a foot rub when I got home because he did it every night after practice. I didn’t even need to ask him to. That’s just how great he was.

The idea of his producer hitting on him made me sick with jealousy and hurt, but I knew Flynn was a good-looking guy and a smooth talker. I couldn’t be upset with him for being
attractive to all women. That was wrong. Now I felt terrible for overreacting and kicking him out of his own apartment. I really needed to be better at trusting him. The relationship would never work unless I really gave my effort.

I was starving, so I pulled out my phone to text him. He better have something ready for me to eat at home. He usually did, but I had to make sure. I was about to eat a bear.

I already had a text message from Flynn.

Thanks for the wonderful time tonight. You really rocked my world, Zahara. I’ll let you know next time Hazel isn’t home. I’ll break up with her soon.

What. The. Fuck.

I read the message ten times,
still unable to breathe. I read it again. And again. He must have sent this to me by mistake. Kyle used to do the exact same thing with Hannah…and every time it broke my heart.

Tears sprang to my eyes quicker than I could process my emotions. Knowing Kyle cheated on me broke my heart, but this was a million times worse. Flynn was my whole world. I thought we were happy together. As soon as I went to practice, he was fucking his ex. And he was planning on dumping me for her…

Every one left the auditorium, and I knew I needed to get out before they forced me to leave. But I was so numb that I couldn’t feel a damn thing. I finally grabbed my things and landed on the street.

People passed by me, living out their lives like nothing was wrong. My world was crashing and burning. I just couldn’t believe Flynn would do this to me. I thought we were happy. What did I do wrong? I don’t understand.

What the hell is wrong with me? Why couldn’t a guy just treat me right?

Should I go back to the apartment? Should I confront him? What was the point? I had clear evidence he cheated on me. He wouldn’t send this to me on purpose. It was clearly a mistake, no room for misinterpretation.

My heart was beating so fast I thought it would give out.

Someone bumped into me as they passed but I barely noticed.

Was this a dream? God, I wished it were. I wish this wasn’t happening. Why did this have to happen? Why? Why?

I gripped my skull and screamed.

The New Yorkers glanced at me then kept walking. No one asked if I was okay. I started to sob, unable to accept the fact that everything with Flynn was a lie. He wanted to move in with me, but he got bored of me so quickly. He was the player I always thought he was. I needed to get my shit and get the hell out of there. I didn’t have any shoes, clothes, or anything I needed. I had to go.

Still sobbing, I walked to the apartment. The despair quickly turned to anger. He played me like a fool, and he did a damn good job of it. I kept picturing him with his ex over and over again, wanting to stop. It made me tremble and shake. I wanted to gag. The idea of him being with anyone else but me was sickening.

I finally reached the door but just stared at it. It wasn’t my door. It was his. I never belonged here. This wasn’t my home. I took a deep breath then got the door open.

“Hey, baby.” He stood up from the couch then turned to me. He froze when he saw my expression. “What’s wrong?”

“Fuck you.”

He flinched. “What…?”

“You’re such a damn liar and a piece of shit. You made me trust you and then you took advantage of me. You’re sick!”

“Hazel, what are you talking
about?” He came closer to me, concern in his eyes.

I slapped him hard across the face. I never slapped someone before, but that’s how pissed I was.

Flynn took the hit and his eyes burned in irritation. “Why did I deserve that?”

“When you texted Zahara, you accidentally texted me.” Spit was flying out of my mouth because I was so angry.

“What?” His eyes were wide. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“Look at your damn phone. If you’re going to cheat on me, at least don’t make rookie mistakes.” I marched to the bedroom, ready to grab my things and get the hell out of dodge.

He followed behind me while he pulled his phone out of his jeans. “Fuck…”

I knew he saw the message. “Go to hell, Flynn.”

“Fuck,” he yelled. He sounded pissed.

I ignored him then approached our room.
His room.

He grabbed me
and pushed me against the wall. “Look, that wasn’t me. I can explain what happen. Just give me a second.”

I kneed him in the crotch. “I don’t want to hear your lies, Flynn.”

He hissed then bent at the waist. After he recovered himself, he pushed me against the wall again, his body stopping me from kicking him again. “Just listen to me. I didn’t send that message. Zahara did.”

“Oh, that makes it so much better.”

“Shut up!” He glared at me. “She came by the apartment and asked to use my phone because hers was broken. I thought it was a harmless request. She obviously took it and sent you that message so you would dump me. Ian and Johnny were here the whole time. They can prove it.”

“Your best friends?” I asked incredulously. “Of course they’ll say whatever you want.” I moved out of his arms but he pushed me back.

“She’s doing this so you’ll break up with me. She’s manipulating you.”

“Why?”

“Because she wants me back.”

“And you know that how…?”

The anger disappeared for a moment. “I didn’t tell you this because you went off the wall about Carly, and I didn’t want to drop too much on you. But Zahara sought me out and asked if we could get back together. Obviously, I said no. She thinks if she can break us up, she’ll have me.”

“So she came all the way h
ere just to send me a message from your phone?” I asked incredulously.

“Did you read the message?” he snapped. “It doesn’t even sound like something I would say. Think logically for a moment. I’m home every night
with you. And if I could have her whenever I wanted her, why would I even bother cheating? Based on our relationship, it makes no sense. Come on, Hazel.” He stared me down. “Please believe me. You claimed you trusted me. Now prove it.”

He made some good points. The message wasn’t written in his usual style. But I still felt uneasy, especially being pinned to the wall. “Let me go.”

“No.” He held me firmly. “Let me call the guys and they’ll come over and explain what they saw. They aren’t good liars, so you’ll know immediately if they are.”

“I said get off me,” I hissed.

He stepped back but blocked the hallway so I couldn’t move back to the living room. It was obviously an attempt to stop me from leaving.

I went into the bedroom and stilled at what I saw. The perfectly made bed was messy with sheets all over the place. A pair of underwear that didn’t belong to me was on the floor. A bra was on the pillow. I turned back to Flynn and glared at him.

He was seething. “Zahara did this. Not me.”

I slapped him again. “Fuck you, Flynn.”

He took the hit then clenched his knuckles.

I grabbed a bag and stuffed everything that would fit inside of it.

“You aren’t leaving.” He grabbed the bag and ripped it from my grasp.

“I’ll hit you again. Give me back my stuff.”

“No.” He tossed it behind him. “I’m not lying about this. Don’t do this, Hazel. She’s tricking you.”

“When Kyle cheated on me, he gave me every excuse he could think of. Since I loved him, I wanted to believe him, but I’m so glad I didn’t. Your explanation doesn’t even have solid fact. If it really was her, she was
in your apartment which is just inexcusable.” I pushed him away then grabbed my bag.

He grabbed my arm. “Hazel, please.” The desperation was in his voice. His eyes looked dark, like they’d never see the sun. “I’ll swear on anything that I’m not lying. I love you and only you. I don’t want anyone else. Please.”

Even after what he did to me, I melted. I loved him so much, but I couldn’t settle for this. I’d experienced too much heartache. I deserved something better. I needed something better. “No.” I grabbed the bag and headed back into the hallway.

Flynn yanked it back. “Please trust me, Hazel. I can prove it to you. Let’s talk to my friends. Let’s even talk to Zahara. If we confront her together, she’ll admit what she did.”

“Give me the bag.” I was blocking him out. I just needed to get out of here.

“No. Let’s talk about this.” He was growing desperate, his eye starting to redden.

“If you don’t give me the bag and let me leave, I will call Cortland and all the guys and ask them to help me. When I tell them what you did to me, every bone in your body will be broken. I suggest you hand it over.”

Flynn dropped the bag and gripped his skull. “I can’t believe this is happening…”

I grabbed the handle then put it over my shoulder.

When Flynn looked at me again, his eyes were heavy with tears. I’d never seen him cry before. “Hazel, please. You’re making a mistake.”

I couldn’t look at him anymore.

“Please.” He reached for me but I stepped out of his way. “I love you so much. You know how much I love you.”

“I have to go.”

The tears fell down his face. “You know I would never do this to you. Come on, Hazel. That’s not me. I’m not a cheater.”

I opened the door and walked out. “Don’t call me.”

He followed me, desperation on his face. “I’ll beg.” He fell to his knees. “Please. I’m being set up. You have to believe me.”

I didn’t look at him. This was too hard. The past few months were the best of my life, but they were built on lies. Flynn didn’t love me. He never did. “I’ll get the rest of my stuff tomorrow. If you don’t want to be jumped, I suggest you don’t be here.” Without looking back, I left the hallway and took the stairs.

5

Cortland

Less than a year ago, Monnique lost her mother to a fatal car accident. It happened so quickly and so suddenly Monnique couldn’t grieve properly. I was there for the funeral and the weeks and months afterwards, standing by her side and letting her cry in my arms. I hated seeing the pain she was in.

And now her father passed away. Two parents in one year…

There was no question where I should be. I would stand by her side because that’s where I belonged. I never loved anyone so much in my life. I would do everything and anything for her.

I drove to her apartment and almost slammed into a car. I was in such a hurry that I was reckless. After Scarlet told me the truth, I couldn’t believe Monnique didn’t tell me herself. But after the way I screamed at her and made her cry, it wasn’t that surprising.

I ran all the way to her floor then pounded on the door harder than I meant to. My adrenaline was still strong and I was desperate for her. When she didn’t answer, I pounded again. I hoped she didn’t leave on an early flight.

She finally opened the door, her cheeks puffy and her eyes wet. “Cortland?”

I stepped inside then wrapped my arms around her, making a blanket with my body and keeping her safe. I couldn’t make the pain go away, but I could comfort her as much as I could. “I’m so sorry….”

She stilled then sniffed. She didn’t move from my arms but she didn’t return the affection. She simply stood there.

My hand rubbed the back of her neck and I listened to her breathing.

She pulled away and looked at me, her eyes emotional. “Why are you here?”

I thought that was obvious. “Scarlet told me what happened.”

She sighed. “It’s terrible…”

I wanted to cry because I felt so bad for her, but I kept a straight face and stayed strong. That’s what she needed. “Do you know what happened?”

She nodded. “Heart attack. According to the paramedics, it happened quickly. If he suffered, he didn’t suffer long.” She took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a moment, stilling her tears. When she was better, she opened them.

“I’m so sorry.” I wanted to say something better but I couldn’t think of anything.”

“Thank you.” Her voice was a whisper.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

She looked at the ground and crossed her arms over her chest. “I’m not your problem anymore.”

“You were never my problem,” I said. “I care about you and always will.”

“You made it clear you didn’t want me to speak to you for any reason, and frankly, that’s a reasonable request. I honored it.”

“But…this is different.”

She sniffed then swallowed the lump in her throat. “I really appreciate you coming here to comfort me, but you can go now.”

What? “I don’t want to go.”

“I do.” She said it with a straight face.

“What?”

“Cortland, I know you feel obligated to be there for me. But please don’t. You came all the way here and gave me your condolences, and that’s more than enough. But now it’s time to go.”

“I’m not leaving,” I said firmly. “You need me.”

She sighed. “Cortland, it’s okay. Really. We aren’t together anymore. I will get through this on my own.”

“But I don’t want you to.”

She turned away slightly. “Please leave.”

“No.” I held my ground. “I’m not turning my back on you. I’m here now and I’m staying.”

“I don’t
deserve your compassion or concern.” She said it venomously, showing all her self-loathing in just her words. “You’re better than me, Cortland. You deserve better. I want you to leave.”

I grabbed her arm and turned her to face me. “You can talk me out of it all you want, but I’m not leaving you. No matter what happens between us, I will always love you and care about you. I will be here for you through this. You’re the love of my life. That doesn’t change, even with the passing of time.”

“This is why I didn’t want you to know…”

“And I’m really glad Scarlet told me.”

“But you hate me.”

“No,” I said firmly. “I would never hate you. I said a lot of mean things in my anger, but of course I don’t hate you. I love you…”

She closed her eyes for a moment and breathed through the pain.

“So, we can sit here and argue about me leaving, or we can just stop this and let me be there for you.” I wasn’t going
to leave her high and dry. No one would judge me if I turned around and left, but I wanted to be here. It didn’t matter how angry or upset I was. When it came to Monnique, I was a different person. She had her own set of rules. I made exceptions for her when I shouldn’t. Because I loved her so damn much.

She finally fell silent and didn’t argue with me.

“That’s better.” I wrapped my arms around her and held her close. Her face pressed to my chest and she started to cry, to grieve.

I stood there silently, listening to the sound of her pain. She cried for an hour while I held her, my own heart hurting. I finally scooped her up in my arms and carried her into her bedroom. Her arms hooked around my neck and she still sobbed.

I pulled her clothes off then my own, leaving on our undergarments, then crawled into the bed beside her.

She immediately cuddled wi
th me and cried quietly, slowly starting to stop. “It’s my fault. If I never followed you here, I’d be with him. He’s been drinking and staying home all the time, depressed and unable to go out. If I were there, I could have stopped it. If I were there, I could have done CPR…something.”

I cupped her
cheek and pressed my face close to hers. “No. Don’t blame yourself. This didn’t happen because of you.”

She sniffed and didn’t argue with me.

“Sometimes things happen for no reason at all. If someone is determined to keep bad habits, they’ll do it even if someone tells them not to. Do not blame yourself. I know he wouldn’t want that.”

“He died all alone…”

I ran my fingers through her hair and down her back, trying to calm her. “We all die alone, Monnique.”

She closed her eyes and squeezed a few tears out.

I pulled her close to my chest and listened to her breathe.

“Are you sleeping with me?”

“I’ll be here in the morning.”

She took a deep breath. “I don’t deserve your compassion…not after everything I did to you.”

“It doesn’t matter. You have it anyway.”

She refrained from touching me, keeping her hands to herself.

“What time does your flight leave tomorrow?”

“Eight.”

“Okay. What’s the flight number?”

“Why?” she asked.

“I need to get a ticket.”

She looked at me. “You’re coming with me?”

“Of course I am.”

“Cortland—”

“Don’t argue with me.”

She shut her mouth.

“Now get some rest. When you fall asleep, I’ll make all the arrangements.”

Silence fell in her room. She crossed her arms over her chest and kept to her side of the bed. When she tried to keep her distance, I pulled her closer to me.

When her even breathing filled the room, I left the bed and bought my plane ticket and packed. I was going back to Seattle.

Monnique was quiet the next day, stone-faced. We checked in at the airport then boarded the plane. She hardly looked at me, and when she did, she quickly turned away, like she was embarrassed to be caught looking at me.

We sat near the window on the plane, just the two of us. Monnique sighed constantly, and sometimes she would cry quietly before she regained her composure. I was beside her the entire time, comforting her when she needed me.

Once we were in Seattle, we rented a car and got on the road.

“I made reservations at a hotel.”

“We can stay with my brother.”

“Is that what you want to do?”

She nodded. “He already thinks I’m coming.”

“Okay
.” I wondered if he knew we weren’t together. I didn’t want to make her more upset by asking.

We headed
to the house then pulled into the driveway.

Monnique stared at it for a long time, sighing.

I squeezed her hand then popped the trunk, getting our luggage. She came to me and started to help, but I steadied her hand. “I got it. Tell your brother we’re here.”

“Okay,” she whispered. She went to the front door and rang the doorbell.

Her brother answered it, looking like a ghost. They stared at each other for a long time before they hugged. Monnique cried into his chest, and Javi got choked up a little.

I looked away and gave them their privacy.

Javi pulled away then spotted me by the trunk. He came to me and extended his hand. “Thanks for coming.”

I shook it. “Of course.”

He kept staring at me. “It means a lot to me that you’re here.” I could see the emotion in his eyes.

I always liked her brother. He was cool and easy to get along with. We played basketball together and got drinks while we watched baseball. “Your family means a lot to me.”

“I know you and Monnique aren’t together anymore. She told me what happened.” He said it simply, like he wasn’t on her side or mine. “So the fact you’re here speaks volumes. I’m glad my sister has a great guy in her life, whether you’re together or apart.”

His words pulled at my heartstrings. I couldn’t deny my undying love for her. She was everything to me. No matter how much she hurt me, I was still obsessed with her. I wouldn’t be here if it were any other ex. Monnique was different. She would always be different. “I love her.” That was all I could say.

“I know this isn’t the time, and I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I won’t bring it up again. But, she really feels like shit for what she did. She’s called me crying several times, wishing she could do anything to take back everything. I know she loves you and would do anything for you. Since you’re here, I know you must feel the same way. What I’m trying to say is…I really hope you can work this out. Because, I’ve always wanted you as a brother. And I know my dad would have wanted you to marry her.”

I looked down, feeling the sting of his words. My greatest dream was to marry Monnique and spend the rest of my life with her. I loved her family and felt accepted the moment I met them. They teased me for being paler than the sun, but I knew their jokes came from a good place. They were my second family. I really wish I could get over the pain and trust her again. I wanted it more than anything. “Thanks…” I didn’t know what else to say.

He grabbed some of the bags and carried them to the door, dropping the subject. I carried the rest inside then set them in the living room.

“Monnique can stay in the spare bedroom, and you can have my room,” Javi offered.

“No,” I said immediately. “That won’t be necessary.”

“I don’t mind sleeping on the couch,” Javi said. “It’s pretty comfortable.”

That’s not what I meant. Monnique and I hadn’t discussed it and I knew she would never ask, but I assumed I’d sleep with her. “Monnique and I will be in the same room.”

“Oh.” He nodded. “Sure.”

Monnique stared at me until I looked at her. Then she quickly looked away, embarrassed for being caught.

Javi carried the bags to our room.

“Is that okay?” I asked.

“You don’t have to sleep with me,” she said immediately.

“I want to. If you’re okay with it…”

“Of course I am.” She
didn’t look at me. “Why won’t you look at me?”

“Because I don’t deserve to,” she said simply.

That broke my heart. I placed my fingers on her chin and lifted her face, forcing her to look at me. “That’s not true, Monnique. You just made a mistake.”

Tears started to pool in her eyes. “There are two sides of you, Cortland. There’s the sweet man that says I just made a mistake. He acts like he loves me and
says everything will be okay. He makes love to me. And then there’s the other Cortland, the one who is so ripped apart and broken that he screams at me and hates me. I never know which one will come out. I really hate the second one and don’t want to provoke him.”

Now I felt like shit. I didn’t mean to mess with her emotions, but I knew I had. I acted like we were getting back together one moment, and then the next, I was
telling her how much I despised her. I didn’t blame her for being so nervous around me. “I’m not trying to play games with you.”

“Until the two men fused together and form a single man, I’ll always walk on egg shells.”

I didn’t want that. “Please don’t worry about that, not right now. I will be the loving and supportive man you know so well. You don’t have to be on your guard around me.”

“I wish you hadn’t come,” she said bluntly. “It’s hard knowing you’ll never be mine. If anything, it just makes me more depressed.”

I cringed. I didn’t realize how selfish I was being. I hadn’t even thought of that. “I’m just trying to help…”