The Girl Who Came Back (40 page)

‘It would indeed,’ Jules agreed, ‘but when I spoke to Gemma, Dean’s mum, earlier, she said Helen Hall had told her to take Gavin for a psychiatric assessment. If they can prove that the stress of everything has unhinged him, he’ll probably be recommended for counselling rather than anything more serious.’

‘Helen Hall’s working for the Foggartys, is she? Well, I guess that’s some good news for them. What we need to hear now is that Dean’s on his way home, but I guess that’s not going to happen any time soon.’

Sighing, Jules said, ‘I wonder if Dean knows yet what his father did. Poor Gavin, he’s obviously suffered horribly over everything, and we had no idea.’

‘Could we have done anything if we had known? We haven’t been in great shape ourselves.’

Sobered by the truth of that, Jules said, ‘Do you think we are now?’

He gave it some thought and nodded slowly. ‘We’re getting there,’ he decided. ‘There’s still a way to go, but no one ever said the journey would be short or easy.’

She curled her fingers round his. ‘Once the kids have gone … Well, we’ve got a lot to talk about, you and me. So much that I hardly know where to begin.’

Dropping a kiss on her head, he said, ‘Then allow me.’

She turned to look at him. ‘That sounds as though you’re ready to get started.’

‘That could be true,’ he conceded, ‘because there’s a lot I want to say, though none of it matters more than how sorry I am for everything I’ve put you through.’

Surprised and saddened, she said, ‘You’ve got nothing to apologise for …’

‘Oh but I have. What I tried to do to myself, the way I handled things so badly …’

‘Wasn’t your fault. Oh Kian, you have to know that I understand how hard it was for you …’

‘For you too …’

‘But we all handle things differently.’

‘I should have been there for you. You needed me, more than you ever have, and I let you down.’ Kian sighed deeply.

‘No you didn’t. What you did was try to cope with your grief, to make some sense of what happened, and because there was no sense to it, it wasn’t possible for either of us to know which way to turn.’

‘You didn’t fall apart …’

‘Yes I did, in my own way. I withdrew from everyone. I didn’t want to see or speak to anyone in case they mentioned her, or in case they didn’t. No one, even you, would have been able to do or say the right thing, so in a way it was a relief when you went to Ireland with your mother.’

Shaking his head sadly, he said, ‘There’s her, too. I put too much on her. She’s not getting any younger …’

‘But she’s your mother. She wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. I know that from being a mother myself.’

Hugging her to him, he said, ‘And you were so wonderful at it. No child could have asked for more …’

‘It was you she adored.’

‘It was both of us. We were blessed, that’s for sure.’

‘Until Amelia Quentin came along.’ With a shaky sigh, she said, ‘I wonder if she’d have turned out differently if her mother had lived.’

‘I guess we’ll never know the answer to that, but you remember, when she was small, and her mother was still around, there was always something … strange about her.’

Remembering it only too well, Jules said, ‘Why did fate send her our way? I’ve asked myself that a thousand times. What did we do that was so evil that we had to be punished like that?’

‘We didn’t do anything, because that’s not how it works. Bad things happen to good people, and just as often good things happen to bad people. We have no say over it; all we can do is choose how we respond to what is thrown at us, and for a long time I was definitely choosing the wrong way.’

Curious, she said, ‘Does that mean you feel differently now?’

‘Mm, I guess it does. Not that it doesn’t hurt any more, or I don’t long for my girl every minute of every day, or feel empty inside when something happens I want to share with her. But I’ve come to realise, with some help from Father Michael, that only by
accepting
that it’s happened am I ever going to start getting over it.’

Intrigued to know more, she said, ‘So you were talking to Father Michael about things?’

‘I kind of found myself doing it without even realising it was happening. He’s an easy man to talk to and he said a lot of things that, after I thought about them, seemed to make sense. He made me understand how resisting, instead of accepting, just causes more pain and keeps us all locked up inside our grief.’

Feeling drawn to this new understanding, Jules said, ‘Did you tell him about your suicide attempts?’

He nodded grimly. ‘I feel so ashamed now,’ he whispered shakily. ‘To think of what I put you through … I wasn’t in my right mind …’

‘None of us were. How could anyone expect us to be?’ After a beat she said, ‘I’ve been so afraid you’d try again and manage to succeed.’

Turning to her, he said, ‘It’s never going to happen, I swear it. We might not have Daisy any more, but after talking things through with Father Michael he’s made me see how much I still have to live for, and just about all of that is wrapped up in you. I don’t know how I lost sight of it, but I do know that I never will again.’

Gazing deeply, tenderly into his troubled eyes, she said, ‘Do you think Father Michael would talk to me too, if you asked him? He sounds so wise.’

‘I know he would, because he’s said so. Catholic priests have got themselves a bad rap these days, but he’s definitely one of the good ones.’ Tilting her mouth up to his, he kissed her softly. ‘Do you remember on the phone, before I left Ireland,’ he said, ‘that I promised everything was going to be all right, that it would all be taken care of?’

She nodded, ready to hear whatever it was now she felt sure it had nothing to do with Amelia Quentin.

‘Well, I’ve got a proposal for you,’ he began. ‘If you don’t think it’ll work, or if it’s not what you want, we can always bin it and try something else, but whatever we do, it’s time we started moving our lives forward, don’t you agree?’

‘Of course,’ she murmured, bringing his hand to her cheek. ‘Just please let it be together.’

Sounding surprised, he said, ‘Of course we’ll be together, as long as it’s what you want.’

‘There’s nothing I want more,’ she assured him.

He sat with that for a moment, stroking her hair and seeming to absorb the reassurance in a way that strengthened the bond between them. ‘So what I’ve been thinking,’ he said in the end, ‘is that maybe we could make a fresh start – in Ireland.’

Stiffening at the unexpectedness of it, she tried to think what to say. She’d never considered leaving Kesterly; this was her home, she’d grown up here, met Kian here, the Mermaid was here, so was her mother, and Daisy, in her ethereal way. They couldn’t just up and leave everything, everyone, behind. It was making her feel panicked even to think of it.

‘I’ve got it all worked out,’ he continued, sounding both anxious and eager. ‘My mother and I have been visiting care homes near us and there are a couple I think you’d approve of. Of course, I realise you’d need to see them before making a decision, but if you do give one of them the thumbs up, our Danny’s talked to a customer of his who has a private plane – not one of those little two-seater jobs, it’s a proper executive jet – and he’s agreed to let his pilot fly us all over there so your mum doesn’t have to go through the ordeal of a public flight. Danny’s even spoken to a nursing agency about hiring a qualified nurse to come with us to take proper care of Marsha on the journey.’

‘Wow,’ she murmured, ‘you have been busy.’

‘Of course, if you’d rather your mother stayed here and we came to see her regularly, that would work too.’

‘But what would we do in Ireland?’ she asked. ‘Everyone we know, everything we own, our businesses, this house, is here.’

‘We know people there too,’ he reminded her, ‘and there are plenty of things we could do. I’ve been working with our Cullum lately. He’s got a really good business going now the recession’s over. He mainly buys up old properties, restores them the way we did with the Mermaid, then he sells them on. And I got to thinking that with your flair for interior design …’

With a choke of surprise, she said, ‘And what flair would that be?’

‘The one you used on the Mermaid.’

‘I had help from a professional.’

‘And you could have help again, until you felt ready to take it all on yourself, and even hire someone in to assist you. It’s all just a suggestion,’ he went on hurriedly. ‘If you want us to stay here and maybe even move back into the Mermaid …’

‘No, we can’t do that. It’s Misty’s and Marco’s home now, it would be wrong to make them move out. Not that I can bear to think of giving it up …’

‘I’ve had an idea about that. Why don’t we ask Misty and Marco if they’d like to buy into the place, you know, become joint owners with us? That way we’d still keep a stake in it, but they’d have one too. It seems fairer than the arrangement we’ve had with them up to now where they’re basically on a salary, with no security if we did decide to sell. And let’s face it, they run the place brilliantly, so they deserve to have a proper footing in it.’

Since that was undeniably true, Jules could only say, ‘I’m not sure they’d be able to afford it.’

‘They could if we set a price that works for them. We don’t need to make money out of them, we just want to keep our connection with the place, and do right by two people who’ve always done right by us.’

Loving him for his crazy and wonderful generosity, she smiled as she said, ‘You’re a good man, Kian Bright.’

Affecting a full Irish brogue, he replied, ‘Now that I won’t be arguing with.’ Then after a pause, ‘So what do you say? About Ireland.’

Still not sure how she felt, she lay quietly assimilating it all, trying to imagine resettling her mother in a different care home, creating a new life with Kian and Aileen and the family and friends they had over there, many of whom she already knew …

‘You don’t have to give me an answer now,’ he said softly. ‘I just wanted to put it to you as an option, but it’s not our only one, and I’m ready to do whatever makes you happy, because that’s really all that matters to me.’

The following morning they were off early to Bristol airport with the youngsters, all of them experiencing a dizzying mix of emotions as excitement, nerves and nostalgia got caught up in grief and hope and the bonds that tied them all together.

‘We’ll keep in touch,’ Stephie assured Jules tearfully as they hugged goodbye. ‘We’ll send emails and texts and … Did you sign up for Instagram? Ethan, did you put Instagram on Jules’s phone?’

‘It’s there,’ Ethan assured her.

‘’We’ll send photos of everything we’re doing,’ Stephie ran on, ‘well, nearly everything, and you’ve got to text and email back.’

‘Of course we will,’ Jules promised, so pleased that Stephie was travelling with Joe and Ethan rather than on her own that she could just about cope with the wrench of letting them go.

There were tears in Kian’s eyes as he held Joe tight. ‘Take care of yourself, son,’ he said huskily, ‘and you know how to get hold of us if you ever need us.’

Joe’s eyes were wet too as he choked back a sob. ‘I’ve got to say it,’ he responded, ‘I love you, man, you’re the best, you and Jules. I never want to lose touch with you.’

‘It’s not going to happen,’ Kian reassured him. ‘We’ll always be here for you, you just have to pick up the phone, or email, whatever works best, and wherever our home is, there’s always going to be one for you.’

‘That goes for you too,’ Jules said to Stephie. ‘And you,’ she smiled at Ethan. ‘You feel like family, all of you, so that’s how we think of you.’

‘Can I tell Dean you said that?’ Stephie asked anxiously.

‘Yes, of course,’ Jules replied. ‘I intend to write to him soon. Have you heard from him lately?’

‘Not since he rang to ask if I knew about his dad. He knows I’m going to Europe now, but I’ve promised that no matter what happens, or where I am when he finally comes out, I’ll make sure I’m there for him.’

‘We all will be,’ Jules assured her.

As they rode the escalator to the first floor, Joe said, ‘You’ll still come to the States for visits? Em’s there, so I guess you will.’

‘Of course,’ Kian replied, with a glance at Jules, ‘and we’ll hope to see you over this side of the pond from time to time.’

Jules almost added ‘with a new girlfriend’, but decided it wouldn’t be right to mention anything like that today.

Eventually the travellers were going through passport control, turning round every step of the way to wave and blow kisses while laughing through their tears. Jules wondered if they knew how heart-breaking it was for her to watch them go without Daisy being amongst them. She guessed they did, and no doubt felt it just as deeply.

As Kian’s arm went round her she leaned into him and gave one last wave as they disappeared. They were ghosts now, like Daisy, but unlike Daisy they’d come back one day soon, please God.

An hour and a half later Jules and Kian were at the Seafront Café where Fliss had reserved them a window booth and Andee was already waiting with the lawyer, Helen Hall. Helen was a petite, pale-skinned woman with a shock of dark red hair, shrewd green eyes and a smile that Jules found herself instantly warming to.

‘It’s good to meet you,’ she told Jules and Kian as they slid into the booth. ‘You probably don’t recognise me, but my family and I have long been regulars at the Mermaid.’

‘Your face is certainly familiar,’ Jules responded truthfully.

Kian said, ‘I hope the service was always up to scratch.’

‘You never failed us,’ she assured him.

With a smile he said, ‘You’re going to be a legend around here now you’ve managed to get the charges against our Danny dropped; I hope you realise that.’

Helen’s laugh was surprisingly girlish. ‘I’m afraid that wasn’t my doing,’ she confessed, ‘although I’m having a problem convincing your cousin of that.’

Drily, Andee said, ‘From what I know of Danny I think he’d far rather give credit to a lawyer than anyone in the police force, so like it or not, Helen, you’re his new best friend.’

With a droll arch of an eyebrow, Kian added, ‘Good luck with that.’