The Future's Mine (20 page)

‘I pity you, living in darkness and fear. I pity all of you but especially you, Rhian. You’re as soulless and dead as those bones you wear. You’re the one that’s bad, you’re the one that’s cold, you’re the one that’s in the dark, and I hope you rot there like you made your own people rot!’

She screamed as though my words had caused her physical pain. She bared her teeth and sprung towards me, hands outstretched to encircle my neck. But what happened next occurred so quickly that I didn’t even have time to duck.

The noise of a thousand flapping wings filled the air. A screech like a warning siren came from above and I was suddenly surrounded by blackness. Darkness, blackness, tearing at me, swirling around me. The bats had returned.

Whirling, diving and circling like a plague swarm, they rushed past us, back to their cave but it seemed as though there were no end to the flock. They just kept on coming. I was buffeted by their wings and gouged by their sharp claws, praying, hoping, that no rabid teeth would bite me.

I felt hands grab me but not from the direction I expected. I could just make out Grimmy in the pulsing gloom. He was pulling me deeper into the cave, following Matthias and Noah who were beating out a path through the swarm, swatting bats away with their water flasks. We followed in their wake, but then icy fingertips crawled up my back and grabbed my neck from behind. Rhian. I could hear her panting in my ear and I saw that her arms were covered in little scratches where bats claws had skimmed her.

‘They’ve come to reclaim you,’ she hissed.

There was pandemonium in the crowd below, I could hear screaming and yelling.

‘Back to the Dark where you belong,’ she laughed. I tried to aim the gun towards her but she was positioned behind me and I couldn’t get a good angle to fire. She was dragging me backwards, inching me towards the waterfall. It suddenly occurred to me that she was going to throw me over it. I began to struggle more wildly but her grip only tightened.

‘Good riddance, snake,’ she hissed

Something hit my side and I was flung sideways, towards the edge of the drop. I scrabbled to a halt, only just stopping short of tumbling down the stone steps to my death.

‘Only
I
get to insult her!’ I heard Grimmy roar.

He shoved Rhian with all the strength he could muster. I saw her briefly suspended in a halo of bats. She landed in the water with a splash. The bats let off a series of shrieks that sounded faintly victorious. Rhian’s cries mingled with the bats’ and I saw her swept over the waterfall. Her eyes never left mine as she went over.

She shrieked all the way down and then shrieked no more.

The last of the bats swooped into the cave in a rustling flurry until nothing could be heard but the sound of the waterfall.

Grimmy took my hand and led me towards Noah and Matthias. We walked slowly, for we knew that the others wouldn’t come after us now. Silently, we walked through the bat cave, skirting the hanging creatures that lined the walls, until we eventually reached the night air. Noah was right, the passageway did lead to the surface. I’d never been happier to be faced with rain and cold and wind. The wind reddened my cheeks and the rain trickled down my neck, making me shiver. I looked up and saw stars. Not false glow-worm stars, but real, genuine stars. 

Chapter Twenty-two

I dreamt of the Mayor that night. He was summoning the ocean to engulf our little boat. The waves were tossing us around. We were on the top deck and I saw him, standing on the surface of the ocean, trident in hand, calling upon my death. The moonlight bounced off the water which was as dark as an abyss. Then we saw it.

A wave rolling towards us, higher than the mightiest oak, higher than the sky, unstoppable. We tried to sail away but where to go when all around you is water? The wave hit and I was thrown clear from the boat. I cried out for Noah and I watched his face as I got swept under. He remained safe and stable, master of the ark, whilst I joined the green-hued bodies of those the Mayor had already claimed as his victims during The Flood.

They tore at me, desperate to share some of my warmth whilst I still had it. Seaweed-slippery hair and crab pincer fingers. Pulling at me whilst I fought for air, lungs burning until I was finally defeated and gave in. I awoke with a jolt and it took a few seconds before I realised that I was safe. It was the type of night-terror that made you sweat and tangle up your bedcovers. I pushed them back with a relieved sigh and let the cool air meet my skin. The calm real-life waves rocked me back on to the verge of sleep.

But suddenly, there was a furtive noise in the corner of the room. Scrambling for the bedside light but still hampered by the heaviness of sleep, I knocked the light to the floor and swore loudly.

‘You’re loud enough to wake the dead,’ I heard Matthias drawl. He lit an oil lamp and it illuminated him sitting on my desk chair, his shoeless feet up on the desk.

‘Christ, Matthias, what the hell are you doing? You know that I hate anyone sneaking round whilst I’m sleeping. And get your stinking feet off those maps.’

He didn’t though. He just sat there, pensively picking at a thread on his shirt.

‘Time please?’ I asked.

‘Five thirty,’ he replied.

Barely a couple of hours since we had emerged from the underground hell.

‘Since when have you been an early bird? Go back to bed and get some rest. God knows, we all need it after last night.’

‘I can’t sleep.’

‘Grimmy snoring?’

Grimmy had the sofa to sleep on. He had pulled it as close to the stove as he possibly could, moaning all the while about how we’d find him frozen alive with frostbite. Noah and Matthias shared Edie and Aiden’s room but they were in close enough range to hear Grimmy’s volcanic rumblings every night. Luckily my captain’s cabin was set a bit further back and had thicker walls so I was spared the symphony at night.

‘No. Just been thinking.’

‘About …?’ I coaxed.

‘Nothing.’ He sighed.

This was most unlike him. You usually couldn’t stop him from saying what was on his mind.

‘Is it animal, vegetable, or mineral?’ I asked teasingly.

‘I’m not playing this game.’

‘Go on, it’s fun. Besides I always win. Answer it.’

He sighed again. ‘Animal.’

‘Bats?’

I
hadn’t been able to stop thinking about them; their putrid smell, their leathery wings, their miniature vampire fangs, the
sound
of them. I shivered and pulled the blankets back around me.

‘No,’ he said baldly.

‘Oh … human?’

He nodded sadly.

‘Rhian?’

‘Not really, but I suppose so.’

‘… You do realise what you just said makes no sense?’

‘For Christ’s sake, I told you I didn’t want to play this game!’

‘All right, all right but stop being so vague and just tell me what’s bothering you. What happened last night is just the tip of the iceberg. There’s going to be far worse situations when we meet the Highlanders and when we take on the Mayor so we need you on top form, not moping and sleep deprived.’

He got up from the chair and moved to sit on the foot of my bed. It took a minute for him to find the words he needed. ‘… You know how when we made it back to the boat last night, you said you were exhausted and went straight to bed? Well, there was still work that needed to be done, such as building the fire and casting off shore so that Rhian’s people couldn’t come on board in the night.’

‘Is that what’s wrong? You’re upset because I didn’t help out?’

‘No, that’s not it at all, let me finish. I said that I would cast us off so I stayed on the top deck. Noah and Grimmy were supposed to be building the fire downstairs. But I couldn’t hear any noises, so I came downstairs to see what was going on …’

‘And?’ I prompted. I was not sure where he was going with this but I could tell he was really upset. It was strange to see his massive shoulders sagging and shrinking with the weight of so much anxiety and sadness.

‘Grimmy was in the main cabin. He had your binoculars and was singing that song you both know. You know, “the future’s mine”. I’d never heard you sing it before you met him. We’re supposed to tell each other everything but you never sang it to me before. How do you know it?’ He sounded faintly accusatory.

‘I don’t know, it’s just sort of ingrained in my mind, as though it’s always been there but I just needed Grimmy to trigger it.’

‘Right … fine.’

‘I wasn’t keeping anything from you.’

‘Ok.’ But he didn’t sound convinced.

‘Come on, Matt, you’re being ridiculous.’

‘Am I? It seems to me that you two have a connection.’

I was about to balk at the idea that I was tied to that stinking loser in any way but Matthias held up his hand to stop me and said, ‘You have. He chose you tonight. I saw it in his eyes. You have a special connection in Regina. And I’m not part of it.’

I didn’t reply; I wasn’t going to indulge this type of self-pitying, especially at such an ungodly hour. But he continued, ‘I couldn’t see where Noah was at first. He wasn’t with Grimmy but your door was ajar …’ He trailed off.

It was a loaded sentence. He was trying to catch me out; but at what? ‘So …?’ I replied; there was a bite to my voice that I didn’t like but I couldn’t stop myself.

We might tease and needle each other regularly but there was never any real animosity between us. But perhaps things change. He shrugged in an inconsequential way but his expression was very pointed and accusatory. It was unbelievably enraging.

‘Let’s not dance around this anymore. What exactly are you accusing me of?’ I asked, trying to bottle my temper and not let it explode just yet.

 ‘OK … Was Noah with you?’

‘What? How the hell do I know? I was asleep!’

‘Oh very likely,’ he scoffed.

‘I was! And anyway, even if he was with me, I don’t need to justify myself to you.’

‘So he was then? You admit it?’

‘No! I told you, I fell asleep straight away. Is it my fault that all the men in my life are apparently sneaking around when I’m sleeping? Grimmy did it, you’ve done and now it appears that Noah has, too. Just my luck, I’m a magnet for weirdoes and sleep-watching obsessives. Great.’

He sniggered reluctantly at this.

‘Why would it bother you anyway? You’re not … you’re not jealous, are you?’ I cringed the moment I said it because it just felt so strange. We had a brother and sister relationship and the thought of it being anything more made me edgy and uncomfortable.

‘No … not in that way anyway. I just … I just felt so alone. Who do I have in this world? You have all these new people starting to emerge, these connections, but who have I got?’

‘Your grandmother, of course.’

He heaved a sigh and placed his head in his hands. ‘Maida, let’s not kid ourselves into thinking she’ll last much longer. After the Munitions Assistant sent round Parrots to frighten her, she’s never been the same. I doubt she’ll last the year.’

I was horrified and felt a renewed surge of anger towards the Mayor and his cronies. ‘We’ll stop them, Matthias and then we’ll get her proper help. She’ll be better once we get rid of the Mayor.’

He shrugged as though the matter was irrelevant and he’d already given up hope. ‘You have so much opening up for you, so many people that could now be part of your life. Grimmy –’

I scoffed at that.

‘No really, Maida, Grimmy is now part of your life. You’re connected in some way. I saw the way he was with you tonight. He saved you. He’s chosen you to follow and now he’ll follow you anywhere. And he might be the key to discovering who your parents are. And when you find them … well, things will be different. Edie and Aiden are growing up, you’ll spend more time with them. And now … Noah.’

‘It might not work out, he’s a Blueblood,’ I said but the words tasted bitter in my mouth. I knew I wanted it to work out more than I could say.

‘But who do I have?’

‘Me,’ I said in a quiet voice.

‘No offence, Mai, but you’re only one person and you’ll start to drift away. You can’t be a substitute for an entire family. I have no family left.’

‘But you’re part of our family. Our family of Edie, Aiden, Noah, Wolf,
Grimmy 
… my parents if I find them … and you … and me.’

‘Pretty dysfunctional family.’

‘Well, that can be our last name – The Dysfunctionals. Maida Dysfunctional. Matthias Dysfunctional. We’ll put it on our letterbox and hang a plaque on our front door – The Dysfunctionals’ House – only weirdoes and misfits welcome. We’ll have a great time.’

He laughed at this.

‘Now, are you done with me being your councillor or do you need more therapy because I have to get my beauty sleep now?’

‘I’m OK, I guess. Go to sleep. But do you mind if I stay in here?’

‘Seriously, what is it with people watching me sleep?’

‘No, not because of that … Grimmy’s snoring really is like thunder tonight. I’ll sleep in the chair if you don’t mind.’ He blew out the oil lamp and I snuggled down under the covers and tried to listen to his rhythmic breathing.

But I couldn’t stop my mind from whirling. Had Noah really been in my room whilst I was asleep? Should I be worried by that? I decided that no, rather than being creepy, as it was when Grimmy did it, it was actually very sweet. He was just making sure I was peaceful and safe. I felt free of anxiety and calmer than I had done in days, knowing that he was there to watch over me. I drifted off into a dream about Grimmy and Regina. My mother. Maybe. Possibly. I would tackle Grimmy about it as soon as I could. Perhaps he could help to shine some light on the situation.

Chapter Twenty-three

‘Land ho!’ cried Noah. He threw my binoculars down from his perch and I caught them instinctively. I turned to where he was pointing and put them up to my eyes, adjusting the lenses so that the blurry picture became sharp and focused.

There, looming out of the slate grey sea, rose mountains and lochs higher than anything I had ever seen before. The highest of the mountains was like a castle floating on the water, turrets and towers of rock swept down to cliff walls that tumbled into the sea. It was magnificent. In the Periphery, mountains were very rare as only the highest tips peaked out from the water. But here, the mountains were so large that the entire structure thrust itself defiantly out of the sea. I could see a dusting of snow on the peaks that gleamed white like a beacon. At the bottom of the mountains, the sea raged and threw itself upon the jagged rocks, which did not budge. They were time-hardened and ever-enduring; they looked as though they had been there since the beginning of the earth and no mere matter of an angry sea-storm would dislodge them. The whole air was that of a fortress. Impenetrable in its might, the Highland mountains were far too hostile, wild, and remote for occupation. I could now see why the Metropole had given up the fight for colonization here. It was as though the entire land, its entire spirit, was dedicated to resistance. It was the only place in the entire continent of Europa that was free from the reign of the Metropole and I was instantly in love with it.

Noah leapt from his vantage point and landed deftly next to me. He put his arm around me and pulled me closer. ‘The Highlands.’ His warm breath caught in my hair and turned into icy vapour that crystallised on each strand. ‘We’ve done it. We’re here. Now we can bring Iris home, where she belongs.’

He looked euphoric. I was feeling less so. ‘Don’t count your chickens before they’ve hatched,’ I said quietly.

He dropped his arm from my shoulder and I immediately felt the cold. ‘Why the pessimism?’ he asked.

‘Not pessimism, just caution.’

‘That’s not like you to be cautious.’

‘Perhaps I’m maturing,’ I teased.

He smiled and picked up a blanket to put around my shoulders but I shrugged it off. ‘No, I like the cold. It helps me keep my mind clear.’

But I was beginning to feel very anxious; not really for my own safety but for Noah. A fear of failure lay heavily in my gut. I couldn’t bear to see Noah crushed should we fail. What on earth were we doing here? How could we possibly think that we could just sail to the Highlands in a houseboat, scour the vast terrain in a couple of days and stumble upon Iris by chance? How could we ever possibly think that we could parlay with the Highlanders, who are renowned for shooting on sight and asking questions later?

But then Noah took my hands in his and began to rub some feeling back into the icicles that had replaced my fingers. The anxiety began to subside slightly. ‘You should wear gloves,’ he said.

‘But then I can’t shoot this.’ I waved the little golden gun that Noah’s grandmother had given me.

He tried to smile but it looked more like a grimace. ‘I thought you had said you weren’t going to use that unless you couldn’t avoid it?’ he asked. His voice was edgy and as brittle as the ice around us.

 I hated to admit it but I had started to grow attached to the weapon. The revulsion I had originally felt for the little gun had somehow turned into respect. Well, it had served me well and saved us from the rabid Deddern. If I hadn’t have fired it in the cave, Rhian wouldn’t have let go of Grimmy. Surely that was justification enough for its use?

I spun the barrel and watched the six bullet holes spin round and round until one clicked into place. I looked at the shiny metal affectionately and stroked its smooth surface with my fingers. It felt cool and deadly. It was empowering. I caught myself smiling foolishly and hastened to wipe the grin off my face. Perhaps I was starting to feel
too
attached. But I couldn’t abide the thought of being without it now and I had slept with it under my pillow last night. The thought worried me a little so I tried to make a joke. ‘Well, every hero needs a weapon, right? A calling card? Robin Hood and his arrows. King Arthur and his sword. You know. I could be the Girl with the Golden Gun. Catchy, right?’

 But he didn’t laugh. ‘Maida … that gun. I don’t think you should use it too often. I think you should stick to your knife from now on.’

I sniggered. ‘Yeah, good one, Noah. Because a blunt kitchen knife is
totally
the best weapon to challenge the Highlanders with.’

‘Believe me, Maida. That gun has been in my family for dozens of generations. I was surprised when my grandmother gave it to you. In fact, I was angry; I don’t know what sort of game she was playing, giving it to you. I know what that gun has been used for in the past and … well … don’t get me wrong, I’m not superstitious, but it has a chequered past and things happen with it.’

 ‘A chequered past? How can a gun have a chequered past? It’s an inanimate object. You’re talking as though it is alive; “things happen with it”. You know me better by now to know that I don’t believe in superstition.’

Then his eyes met mine. They were sorrowful and, I couldn’t believe it,
pitying
. He pitied me. It was as though we were suddenly gulfs apart from each other. I was unexpectedly very upset. Why would he pity me? How could he? We were supposed to be equals yet he was making me feel as though I was a dumb child that was to be pitied for my lack of understanding. The embarrassment I felt melded into knee-jerk anger and I pulled my hand away from him petulantly.

‘Please, I can explain,’ he said hurriedly. ‘Don’t get upset. I’m not patronising you or trying to control you because I think I know better. I just really don’t like you using that gun.’

‘Why? Think I can’t handle it? Think I’ll get power crazed and start shooting everyone on sight? Think that only
Bluebloods
can be trusted with a weapon and everyone else is too stupid to have one?’ I put on a mock Blueblood accent, ‘
Oh darling, we must confiscate the weapons from the commoners or they’ll blow us 
–’

‘Stop right there,’ he said ominously and I knew I had crossed a line. ‘I don’t think that at all and you know it.’ His voice was deathly quiet.

Redness coloured my cheeks – this was the first time I had ever seen him angry. Of course I knew he didn’t think that. I knew that he didn’t think I was too stupid to have the gun but I just couldn’t stop myself from getting riled up.
Idiot, idiot, idiot, why did you say that?
Why couldn’t I control my fat mouth? Why did I have to start picking fights with allies all the time? ‘I’m sorry,’ I said. ‘I know you don’t think that, it’s just that I’m so used to being patronised by Bluebloods and Parrots that –’

‘Oh, don’t give me that “
poor me, I’m so downtrodden
” routine because I know it’s false. You said it because you’re hot-headed and don’t think before you speak.’

I was briefly stunned into silence. ‘Wow. Well, that’s a pretty damning assessment,’ I replied, feeling sulky that he had seen through to my true, blemished personality yet again.

‘But it’s OK.’ He sighed. ‘I know you don’t mean it but I would appreciate it if you could stop lumping me in with the Bluebloods and stop seeing enemies where there are none. I’m on your side.’

He put his arm around me and I tentatively rested my head on his broad shoulder. Such close proximity allowed me to study his face. The shadow of stubble coloured his chin and strong jaw line. His features were all so
straight
: straight nose; straight teeth; strong, straight, black eyebrows that framed his soulful blue eyes. It was the face of someone to put your faith in. Strong and stern but not without emotion. We were silent for a few minutes whilst we listened to the waves slosh against the side of the boat. It sounded so lonely until the air was broken by the pained voice of Matthias lecturing Grimmy about something below deck. This interrupted Noah’s reverie.

‘The reason I don’t like you using that gun is that nearly every person who has used it in the past has died.’

‘Really?’

‘Yes.’

‘Well, if you play with fire …’

‘That’s not the reason,’ he replied haughtily.

Once again, we remained silent until he chose to elaborate. ‘That gun is known in my family as the Gun of Honour but sometimes we call it the Martyr Maker if we are being flippant. Remember when I told you that the most important rule in the Blueblood world is maintaining your honour, keeping up appearances, and saving face? Well, I really do mean that. We preserve our dignity, our honour, our beliefs to the very end. To the extreme. And I don’t just mean hiding Iris away in a room to rot. That’s just child’s play. We do a lot worse.’

He took the gun from my hands. ‘Notice how the gun is decorated so elaborately? It’s so elegant but impractical. Why would anyone take it into battle? Or to go hunting? It’s too small. You have to reload constantly. The metal gets too hot for continual firing. It’s far too valuable to be taken into a muddy field. So what is the point of it?’

‘Ceremonial?’ I guessed.

‘Exactly. It is used by Bluebloods to restore or maintain their honour. And there’s no greater way of doing that than being a martyr to your cause. We die for our honour and we expect others to die for theirs. You know the phrase “falling on your sword”?’

I nodded and he handed the gun back to me.

‘Been shown to be a disgrace to your name? You can restore your pride with the Gun of Honour. Need to make a stand and die a hero’s death? The Martyr Maker will do that.’ He laughed bitterly. ‘They don’t see the irony that dying is the coward’s way out. It would be far braver to face the music and live.’

‘Oh, I don’t know,’ I said pensively, thinking of Matthias’s parents who had died for Regina. I thought they were incredibly brave, facing death with their heads held high despite the fact that their leader had gone missing.
The mystery of Regina.
Was she a martyr for her cause or was she a coward? A runaway or a hero? I was beginning to get a headache from thinking too hard.

Shock registered through me as I remembered that Noah’s grandmother had deliberately given the gun to me and no-one else. I put the gun on the deck and pushed it away with my feet. ‘Noah? Why did your grandmother give me this?’

He angled his face from me, shielding himself against my gaze and refused to look me in the eye.

‘Noah?’

He walked away and leant over the handrail, perhaps poised to jump off if I continued down that line of questioning. I followed him, unable to let it slide.

‘Tell me why she specifically gave
me
this gun and not another one,’ I demanded.

Still he didn’t answer. But he didn’t need to. I knew the reason why this specific gun had been given to me only. ‘She expects me to die, doesn’t she? She thinks I will have to finish what Regina couldn’t and give the rebels their martyr, their symbol. It’s true, isn’t it?’

His eyes were shiny with unfallen tears and he tried to avert his face from mine but I wasn’t prepared to let him. I grabbed his chin and forced him to look at me. ‘I’m her disposable hero, aren’t I? I’m her catalyst. I’m supposed to die.’

His head dropped into his hands and he pulled sharply on his messy black hair as though to cause himself pain.

I walked to the bow of the boat in a trance, sat down, and dangled my legs off the edge. I was so close to the edge, only a little closer and I would be drowned at sea. Now I knew what was expected of me. Sea spray tickled my face and froze there in little salt snowflake tears. I heard footsteps behind me.

‘When I told her about meeting you in the Complex and how you stood up to the Mayor and escaped, she laughed. She hadn’t laughed in as long as I’d known her. She said, finally, someone could finish what the rebel girl started. Someone could finish the job that Regina began but failed to complete. Someone could be the cause, the symbol, the martyr. That’s why she wanted to meet you, to give you the gun, to make sure you did it properly. To make sure that nothing went wrong this time. To make sure the cause had their symbol and then the Bluebloods could move in and capitalise on your death.’

‘Disposable,’ I spat. ‘That’s how she sees me? Nothing put a pig for the slaughter. And you knew? You didn’t tell me? What were you going to do, Noah? Hand me the gun at the end and hoped that I’d got the gist? Shoot me yourself and pretend that I’d done it?’

He clattered to the floor and twisted me around to face him. His tears were falling now. ‘Of course not! Don’t be stupid, you know that I wouldn’t. Haven’t I proved to you enough that I’m loyal to you? That I’d give up my entire family, my past, and my future to stand with you or die with you? I don’t belong to that family anymore, I belong to you.’

He grabbed me and kissed me, urgently then slowly, then gently. Light and warmth and happiness and sorrow. His lips were hot against mine. He pulled away but rested his forehead against mine, his hands stroking my cheeks and neck. I was trembling but couldn’t feel the cold anymore. ‘We’re in this together and I’ll never let you stand alone.’

Our fingers weaved together and we sat on the bow for a long time. The breeze stirred my blonde hair like seaweed dancing in the tide. His warmth still burnt on my lips despite the icy wind.

‘No-one has to be a martyr this time,’ he eventually said. ‘Once we show the townsfolk the tape at the coronation ceremony, they will be riled up enough to rebel. No-one needs to die.’

‘But isn’t that what the townsfolk want? They want a legend, a symbol. Someone to avenge. They were denied that by the Mayor when he made Regina disappear last time. Perhaps it is my duty to do it this time around.’

‘
Don’t
talk like that,’ he said through gritted teeth. ‘We’ll do it differently this time. The tapes will expose the Mayor and that will be enough. You don’t have to be a martyr.’

A large wave hit the prow and made the boat lurch violently towards the left. The golden gun slid across the deck and landed right next to me, nudging my thigh. I laughed.

‘Well, the gun doesn’t seem to think so.’