The Full Experience (29 page)

“I’ve been doing ok, thanks,” Raven replied. “Better.”

It had taken a while, but Raven had begun to come out of her funk and had started to smile again. She was ok as long as
he
wasn’t mentioned. There were a few other reminders that she couldn’t let go of, no matter how much she tried.

“What’s been happening around these parts?” Leila asked, accepting her new glass of wine from Donnie as he returned.

Ava stood and resumed her position on his knee.

“Not much, just the same as usual,” Raven answered. “Mike’s been great and there’s not been much for me to think about here.”

“Any cute guys come in here?” she asked, and Raven snorted a laugh.

“I think you’re asking the wrong woman, Leila,” she said, turning back to glance at Mike. He winked, and she smiled in return.

“Hey, it doesn’t hurt to ask.” Leila lifted her glass to her lips and sipped the red liquid.

Raven took a drink of her beer then swung the bottle by the neck between her fingers. She watched her friends’ happy smiles, getting kisses from their boyfriends, and chatting excitedly about things to come. She felt the familiar flare of sadness churn in her stomach but held it back.

Get over it, Ray, you were together for a month. It wasn’t anywhere near long enough to feel like this.

Only the voice in her head was wrong. She felt like that then, and she still felt like that seven months later. Even though time had healed some of her pain, the rest was just laying dormant, occasionally attempting to rise to the surface. Luckily, she had Mike to take her mind off it with plenty of things to do.

The conversations carried on around her and Raven sat quietly as she listened to them talking. They were laughing about things that had happened over the past few months. Things she wasn’t aware of. Leila had gone to the bar and brought back a chipotle grapefruit margarita in an extra large pitcher.

“Oh my God, it’s
huge!
” squeaked Kerry as she watched Leila place it on the table.

“That’s what she said!” One of the guys said; earning him laughs from the others.

That was one of the worst lines Raven had ever heard.
 

“Fucking amateurs,” she mumbled more to herself.

In an instant, she was angry with herself. Not from what she’d said, but because of the immediate thoughts at the innuendo.

The thoughts of what
he
would say in response.

“Amateurs?” Wynn asked. “That line’s a classic. It can be used with almost anything,” he chuckled.

“There’s no originality there,” she countered. “It’s pretty lame, even for school kids.”

“Have you got anything better?” Another guy asked.

 
Yes I do.

Raven shifted in her seat when eyes turned to her.

“Actually yes,” she said, before telling them. “You could say, ‘thanks, it’s not even hard’.”

“Oooh!” The group chorused, high-fiving each other.
 
“Or, you could say ‘wait ’til you see the other half’.”

“Where did you hear those?” Wynn asked, laughing loudly.

“I have a tonne of that shit stored away,” she replied. The hurt from the memories of the years past digging their hooks into her.

Raven felt Ava rubbing her shoulder. She turned and gave her friend a reassuring smile.

“Beck.” Donnie said, freezing in his seat.

“Donnie, what the fuck?” Ava chastised him.

“Beck,” he repeated, his eyes wide as he pointed towards the doorway where a man in an expensive black suit and tie walked in.

“This looks like a cozy party.” The low rumble of his voice rolled through Raven, and she closed her eyes.

Slowly, she stood from her seat and turned in the direction of the voice.

“Beck,” she whispered in disbelief as she took in the figure that had approached them.

*****

Raven’s inside were churning as she fought to believe that Beck was actually standing in front of her. He was even more handsome than she remembered, and he looked professional in his suit and his styled hair. Her pulse throbbed, and she willed the tremors away that he was causing to run through her. Although she hated him for what he’d done, he still had that power over her body with just his presence.

“What the fuck are
you
doing here?” Donnie growled in anger.

“Me? Shouldn’t you be asking
her
that question after what
she
did?” Beck asked looking pointedly to Raven.

Raven stood glued to the spot, staring at Beck who was looking at her with hate filled eyes. She had no idea why he would look at her that way, when he was the one who left.

“What
I
did?” she asked in shock. “Don’t you mean what
you
did?”

Raven could feel the lump forming in her throat, but she fought it back. She wasn’t going to cry. Especially in front of the person that had caused her so much pain.

“You played me,” he snarled at her. “That was your plan all along, wasn’t it? String me along just to report me anyway. Were you trying to teach me a lesson?”

Raven was confused. She had no clue what he meant.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” she asked, her eyebrows pinching in question. “Why would I do that to you?”

“I could’ve gotten kicked out of college and caused problems for my dad if it got out,” he said, ignoring her. “He got the Dean to allow me to finish my studies at home.”

“What? I never said anything!”

“Beck,” Ava cut in. “Ray didn’t do anything.”

“Really? I have a report that says otherwise,” he replied, still glaring at her.

Beck had never once looked at her like that, and she didn’t like it all. What he thought she’d done, he was wrong. The only thing she was guilty of was falling for him.

“I don’t see how,” Raven replied.
 

“Kato gave me the report that you signed yourself.”

Raven stood in shock at hearing Kato’s name being brought into it. Beck smirked slyly at her as though her reaction meant she’d realized she’d been caught out.

“You thought I could do something like that to you?” Raven asked, her voice shaking. “After more than three years, I never said a fucking word, yet you believe the bullshit
Kato
fed you? A guy that you hate?”

Beck narrowed his eyes. “He said he got his information from the admin. Your signature was right there. Why
wouldn’t
I believe him?”

“Because I loved you!” she yelled, putting her hand over her mouth. She hadn’t meant for that to come out.
 

 
Beck took a step back as though he’d been slapped in the face. He stood still, his mouth open; his eyes fixed on her.

Ava wrapped her arms around her shoulders, glaring at Beck. “You need to get the fuck out of here.”

“Not until I can see Raven alone,” he said, looking around Ava.

“Go away, Beck,” Raven spat.

“Raven, will you at least talk to me? Hear me out?” he pleaded. “Please Raven.”

Raven shook her head. “You have no idea what happened when you left, do you?” Beck closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Raven didn’t care. It was his own fault that their friends were now looking at him in disgust. “You didn’t give a shit. You thought I’d played you, so you cut everyone out of your life like a spoilt child.”

“What happened?” he asked quietly.

“Go fuck yourself.”

Raven wasn’t about to tell him how devastated she’d been.

“Yeah, hotshot…” Ava said, crossing her arms. “No amount of sweet talking is gonna get you out of this mess. You should just leave. You’re good at that.”

Beck took a step towards Raven, but Donnie got in his way.

“We thought something had happened to you, you prick. We were worried sick. I kicked open your fucking door because Ray was panicking that you’d had an accident and were hurt.”

Beck’s eyes moved from from Donnie’s to Raven’s, and she could see the emotion behind them.

He was upset.

He had the same expression that he had the day he approached her after leaving his room when they’d first slept together.

I hope it hurts, asshole. Maybe you’ll get a taste of what I felt.

The claw filled agony ripped through Raven from inside out.

All he had to do was call her straight away when Kato had turned up. The past seven months could have been avoided if he’d just picked up the phone.

“I’m so sorry,” Beck apologized again. “I didn’t know…”

“I have to get back to work,” she said, wiping her eyes and turning to the bar. She wasn’t going to hear another word.

“Wait, you
work
here?” he asked, his eyes widening.

“No, I’m just a huge fucking fan,” she replied sarcastically as she gestured to the name of the bar across her T-shirt.

“How long?”

“Get out of my bar,” Mike said from behind Raven. He lifted his arm and wrapped it around her protectively as she slipped hers around his waist.

Beck’s eyes narrowed as he looked between them. His lips pursed, and his jaw flexed under the tension.

“Go.” Mike pointed to the door, and Beck slowly turned and headed to the entrance. “Are you ok sweetheart?” he asked Raven, cupping her face.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Raven replied, and Mike kissed her forehead before pulling her into his chest, hugging her tight.

She turned her head into his shoulder and opened her eyes in time to see Beck take one last look at her before disappearing through the door.

Raven saw Donnie whisper something to Ava before leaving.

“He’s going to find out what the hell’s going on and why he chose today to turn up.”

“There’s no need, Ay,” Raven said, wiping the rest of the tears from her stained cheeks. “I don’t want to know his excuses.”

Raven went behind the bar and lifted a tray of clean glasses ready to be shelved. They rattled as her hands shook.

“You don’t want to hear what happened?”

“Does it matter?
 
After everything we’d been through, he thought I was capable of that?”

“Yes, it does, Ray-Ray. Even thought the fucker deserves to be strung up for what he did to you,
 
to believe Kato it must have been some really convincing stuff. I mean, would you believe Mike if he showed you something like that?”

“That’s different,” Raven shrugged. “Mike isn’t a jealous son-of-a-bitch who doesn’t think twice about stepping on people to get what he wants. He’d make sure he found out the truth before telling me anything.”

“True,” Ava nodded. “But he had ‘evidence’,” she said, holding her fingers up.

Raven gave Ava an ‘are you kidding?’ look. “Whose side are you on? Have you forgotten what happened that day? After that? What I…” Raven screwed her eyes shut to block out the memories she was trying to forget.

“I haven’t forgotten,” Ava said angrily. “It doesn’t change the fact that he’s an asshole for putting you through that. I’m just saying it might be worth finding out what happened, before you tell him he can go jump off a cliff.”

“He saw my car outside,” Donnie said to Ava when he returned.

Raven was serving some customers their drinks and tried not to hear what he said.

“And?” Ava asked.

“The next thing he knew, he was already through the door.” He turned to Raven. “He told me what happened.”

“I don’t want to hear it.” Raven shook her head.

“You need to. Kato fucked him over big time,” Donnie said gently and Raven could tell he believed whatever excuses Beck had told him. ”With what Kato said to Beck, Ray, it was pretty fucked up; even for him.”

Raven looked down at her hands as she wiped the bar.

Donnie began to talk again, but Raven moved further down the bar away from their conversation. She didn’t want to hear anything more that involved Beck. She saw Ava glancing to her as Donnie spoke, and was glad when she could see Ava’s face twisted in fury, which quickly turned into sheer surprise.

“Hey Ray,” Mike said, putting his hand on her shoulder. “How’re you holding up?”

“I’m good, thanks Mike. I just didn’t expect him to show up.”
 

If she was completely honest, she didn’t think she would see Beck ever again. Especially since he’d never been back to campus. Not that she would have seen him there anyway, but no doubt Ava would’ve mentioned kicking his ass, like she said she would.

“If he shows up again, say the word and I’ll show him the pavement,” Mike said with a mean glint in his eye.

‘Showing him the pavement’ was Mike’s way of saying he would beat the shit out of him outside.

“As much as that’s a lovely gesture…” she smiled placing her hand on his cheek. “…that won’t be necessary. I doubt he’ll come back here.”

“Well, if he does and you need me to, you know where to find me.”

“Thanks Mike.” Raven wrapped her arms around his waist and hugged his solid frame tight. “Now I need to serve your customers.”

Raven plastered a fake smile on her face and tended the bar.

*****

“Hi, Mom. What have we got today?” Raven asked when she arrived at the surgery.

“Good afternoon, honey,” Jayne, her mother, greeted her. “We have a black lab coming in soon to get his stitches removed, a rabbit with an infected ear from a wire cut, and a hamster who decided to chew through a plastic house. The poor thing swallowed some big pieces and I have to surgically remove them.”

Raven put on her white coat, and latex gloves to get ready to work.

“Ok, should I set up for the dog?”

That wouldn’t take long. Just the suture removal scissors and tweezers.

“That’s already done, honey,” her mom said with a warm smile. “Tell you what, why don’t you just go and check on our furry patients in recovery?”

Raven’s mom knew she loved to do that because it relaxed her.

Her stomach bottomed.

“You’ve spoken to Mike, haven’t you?” she asked, already knowing the answer.

“Don’t be angry Ray. He’s worried about you. He told me he didn’t know who the guy was until he saw Ava stepping in front of you like she was guarding you.”

“I’m not angry, mom. I know he means well.”

Mike had given Raven a job when she left college. He’d been looking out for her ever since. Just like he had when she was little. He never scolded her for what happened, he just accepted her with open arms as he always had. Her own personal cuddly bear. That was as solid as concrete.