The Extraordinary Adventures of Ordinary Boy, Book One: The Hero Revealed (9 page)

While we waited, a large crate came floating up the sidewalk toward the school. It was only as it got closer that I saw it was being pushed along by an old friend of my dad’s, and a former member of the New Crusaders, the Levitator.

“Hey, Lev,” I waved. “How’s it going?”

“Ordinary Boy!” he said in surprise as he poked his head around the crate. “Good to see you. How are your mom and dad doing?”

“They’re great,” I said, and then corrected myself.

“Well, my mom is doing fine. Dad’s having a hard time getting back into crime fighting.”

“Aren’t we all.” The Levitator laughed cheerfully. Even when he was down, he was still up—if you know what I mean. “It seems that all I can do for AI is deliver his products.”

“What is this?” I asked, pointing at the enormous crate.

“It’s a new vending machine for your lunchroom—courtesy of Indestructo Industries. Not that they won’t make a nice profit in the process,” he added. “It should be all set up for you kids by tomorrow. Take care!”

As the Levitator made his way toward the school, Stench charged up to us with a determined look on his face.

“We’ve got to find one of those cards,” Stench blurted out as he reached us. “For three very good rea-sons: A) because it’s valuable; B) because it completes our collection; and C) because it will really tick Miss Marble off.”

“Yeah, did you see how she was practically daring us?” Tadpole fumed. “But we’re not even completely certain what we’re looking for.”

“You heard O Boy,” Plasma Girl said. “He’s sure the card is of Professor Brain-Drain. Aren’t you, O Boy?”

“I am,” I said, and it occurred to me there was a way to confirm it. “And I have an idea. But it means we’ll have to split up.”

“Whatever you say, O Boy,” Halogen Boy volunteered.

“Well, first, we should keep checking the card packs in the stores around the city,” I said. “Tadpole, you and Hal go check out the Cavalcade of Candy. They should have lots for you to sort through. In the meantime, Stench, Plasma Girl, and I are going to go right to the source.”

“You don’t mean—” Plasma Girl started to say.

“Exactly,” I confirmed. “The three of us are going to pay a call on Indestructo Industries. If anyone has an answer, it will be them.”

We split into two groups and Tadpole and Halogen Boy headed in the direction of downtown. As Stench and Plasma Girl looked over my shoulder, I pulled out the
Li’l Hero’s Handbook
and looked up Indestructo Industries in the “Places” directory.

With the address in hand, we headed off to the outskirts of town. It didn’t surprise us that Indestructo Industries was one of Superopolis’s most successful companies. We certainly bought enough of their products! But when we reached the address listed in the handbook, we couldn’t believe the sleek, shiny office tower that awaited us. As we walked up the main sidewalk leading to the building, we passed under the legs of the enormous statue of AI. On its shoulders was balanced a huge globe bearing the name of the company. It was impressive, but not more than I would expect for the greatest hero in Superopolis.

INDESTRUCTO INDUSTRIES

Located at 777 Indestructo Boulevard in the heart of the Indestructo Industrial Park, Indestructo Industries oversees all entertainment, merchandising, marketing, manufacturing and licensing operations for Superopolis’s most financially successful hero, the Amazing Indestructo, as well as the League of Ultimate Goodness.

In the lobby we saw a directory, and we quickly found what we were looking for: Office of the President, twentieth floor. It made sense that the president would be at the top.

INDESTRUCTO INDUSTRIES

20
^th
floor • Office of the President

19
^th
floor • The Sentinels of Trademark Infringement

18
^th
floor • The Defenders of Lawsuits

17
^th
floor • The Federation of Fine Print

16
^th
floor • The Syndicate of Shell Corporations

15
^th
floor • The Human Resources Self-Preservation Squad

14
^th
floor • The Enforcers of Corporate Euphemisms

13
^th
floor • The League of Licensing, Royalties, & Copyrights

12
^th
floor • The Proprietary Protectors of Patents

11
^th
floor • The Association for the Exploitation of Adjectives

10
^th
floor • The Union for Foodlike Substances

9
^th
floor • Cafeteria/
The League of Ultimate Goodness World Headquarters

8
^th
floor • The Product Development Force

7
^th
floor • The Secret Society of Safety Testers

6
^th
floor • The Toxic Substance Recategorization Team

5
^th
floor • The Choking Hazard Clearance Guild

4
^th
floor • The Guardians of Profit

3
^rd
floor • The Legion of Pencil Pushers

2
^nd
floor • The Minions of the Mailroom

1
^st
floor • Aren’t You Here Already?

“I’m not so sure we should be doing this.” Plasma Girl stopped suddenly. “We could get into a lot of trouble and maybe even get yelled at.”

As usual, Plasma Girl was thinking sensibly—the last thing a superhero on a mission wants to do. After all, if heroes thought sensibly, they’d stay home where it’s safe. I was about to start my usual pep talk when we heard a raspy voice behind us.

“You kids must be here for the test-marketing study we’re conducting today.”

We turned around, and to our complete surprise, there was the Bee Lady! She’s older now (and a lot heavier) and can only get around in a motorized scooter, but when she was younger, she was the first female member of the League of Ultimate Goodness. Just as in her heyday, she still has a real beehive woven into her hairdo. The bees that live in the hive, and which she has the power to control, were buzzing all around her head. Her black-and-yellow-striped spandex costume looked like it was being stretched to the breaking point.

Plasma Girl has always idolized the Bee Lady. She immediately began to gush.

“Bee Lady,” she said in short, excited breaths, “what an honor to meet you! You have done so much to pave the way for female heroes everywhere!”

“Thanks, sweetie,” the Bee Lady replied without sounding like she meant it. “I’m headed out to the parking lot for a cigarette, but you kids go on up to the eighth floor and I’ll be right back to start the test marketing.”

As the Bee Lady chugged away on her scooter, I ushered my teammates into the elevator and hit the button for the twentieth floor. The car zoomed to the top.

“Can you believe I actually met the Bee Lady?” Plasma Girl said excitedly.

“She didn’t seem very heroic,” Stench said. I agreed but kept quiet to avoid the glare that Plasma Girl was now giving Stench.

“Well, she’s older now,” Plasma Girl snapped. “We’ll see what you look like in sixty years.”

Before my mind could form an image of an elderly Stench, the elevator doors opened onto a very expensive-looking reception area. There was a woman sitting at a desk, looking like she was doing something to her nails. As we came closer, I realized she was touching the nails on one hand with the index finger of her other. As she did, her nails changed from one color to another. That appeared to be the extent of her power.

“That is so cool!” Plasma Girl blurted out, clearly more impressed by the receptionist’s power than I was.

“Is there something I can help you with?” the nail lady said, clearly irritated that we had interrupted her important task.

“We’d like to see the president, please,” I asked aspolitely as possible. I also flashed my best “adorable child” expression. Adults usually love that. But not her.

“It ain’t gonna happen, kid,” she said, cracking a wad of bubble gum. “There’s only one way to meet the president, and that’s to have an appointment.”

“Could we make an appointment?” I asked hopefully. I didn’t bother with the sweet expression this time.

“Let me see …” She pretended to ponder my request for about five seconds. “NO!”

I couldn’t believe that the Amazing Indestructo, the paragon of all that’s good and right in the world, would have such an unpleasant person working for him.

“Okay, Stench,” I said. “Maybe you can convince her.”

The receptionist looked at us suspiciously. Plasma Girl and I knew to hold our breaths, but Fingernail Woman, or whatever her name was, did not. As Stench’s powerful stink reached her nostrils, we watched her turn pale and clutch her desk with her colorful fingertips. A second later she was on her feet and running through the door that led to the executive offices. I grabbed the door before it closed and motioned with my head for Plasma Girl and Stench to follow me. The door clicked shut behind us, and it was safe to breathe again.

“Okay,” I said, “the annoying woman went to the left, so I say we head to the right.”

We ran down the carpeted hallway, trying all the doors on each side in hope of finding the one that would lead us to the president of Indestructo Industries. Every door was locked. When we reached the end of the corridor, there was only one door left to try. I reached for the knob, and, to my surprise, it turned. But that was nothing compared to the surprise I got when I opened the door. Because standing there, right inside the doorway, was that epitome of all that is evil, Professor Brain-Drain himself.

CHAPTER NINE

Business Is Business

We all stood there frozen with terror as Professor BrainDrain stared down at us. It was impossible to make out his expression behind the incredibly thick glasses he wore, but there was no mistaking who we were dealing with. He was dressed completely in black except for his white lab coat, and the colander on his head shone eerily beneath the fluorescent lighting. And then