The Extraordinary Adventures of Ordinary Boy, Book One: The Hero Revealed (4 page)

“Okay,” Dad finally said, glancing over at the nosy store manager. “We’ll take them both for now and figure it out later.”

In the next aisle we ran into one of Dad’s old friends.

“BB! How’s it going?” Dad said. “I haven’t seen you in ages.”

Dad and the Big Bouncer went way back to when they were both part of the New Crusaders. The Big Bouncer is about as round as he is tall, but that’s perfect for his power. Anyone who comes after him just bounces right off. Even better, with something to push off against, he can go bouncing in any direction. He has a kid in my grade named Cannonball, who, unlike his dad, plows through things instead of bouncing off them. He’s also unlike his father in that he’s kind of a creep.

“Hi, Thermo. Hi, Ordinary Boy. It’s good to see you,” he said, trying to sound cheerful, even though he looked miserable. “I’m working here now. I was turned down again by the League of Ultimate Goodness. And, of course, none of the younger teams has any interest in an older guy like me.”

“Don’t I know it,” my father agreed. “They gave me the brush-off, too, just a few weeks ago.”

The Big Bouncer picked up a case of canned carrots and plopped down on his butt. He immediately bounced up about ten feet and set the case on the top shelf. He landed back on his feet without missing a beat.

“I just don’t get it. We used to be the best. Now here I am stocking the shelves at the Mighty Mart.”

NAME:
Big Bouncer, The.
POWER:
Rubbery and round, the Big Bouncer has skills remarkably similar to those of an elastic ball.
LIMITATIONS:
Often a victim of the three laws of motion.
CAREER:
A founding member of the New Crusaders, his crime-fighting career never rebounded after the team’s retirement.
CLASSIFICATION:
There’s always a chance of this hero bouncing back.

“Don’t worry, BB,” my dad said as we continued with our shopping. “Things will work out … somehow.”

The next aisle had candy on one side and things like nuts and popcorn on the other. I grabbed a large bag of SugarJolt Chocolate Energy Pills and Dad picked up a multipack of Turkey Jerky Rinds. We both knew there was no hope of compromise here.

“Let’s just put them in the cart for now,” Dad said.

The next section was the first of the two potato chip aisles. This one contained nothing but one-pound bags of original flavor Dr. Telomere’s X-tra Crispy Potato Chips. When Dad worked at the factory we got all our potato chips for free. Now we have to buy them like everybody else. Mom’s list said to get thirteen bags. We filled up the cart with ten regular bags and then tried to decide which special varieties to choose this week.

My current favorite is the popcorn-flavored chips, while Mom likes the barbecue-flavored variety of Telomere’s crinkle-cut style. Dad, as usual, could not make up his mind. I knew that it would be a good fifteen minutes before he decided, so I headed over to the comic book rack.

I was just getting to the good part in the newest issue of
The Amazing Indestructo
(and the League of Ultimate
Goodness)
when all of a sudden the Mighty Mart was rocked by an enormous muffled explosion.

DR. TELOMERE’S POTATO CHIP FACTORY:

Superopolis’s most successful business by far, the Dr. Telomere’s brand of potato chips has become a staple in every home thanks to their perpetual crunch and their all-around salty, fried goodness. The Dr. Telomere’s factory is located at the base of the Carbunkle Mountains within the confines of sprawling Telomere Park. Most people assume that Dr. Telomere is a fictional character created as a marketing device to sell potato chips, although rumors of a genuine Dr. Telomere still persist.

CHAPTER THREE

Mayhem at the Mighty Mart

As I ran toward the explosion (after all, that’s what superheroes do) I noticed other heroes from all over the store converging on the paper products aisle. I couldn’t believe what I saw when I got there. A villain was on a rampage!

“No one will ridicule the Multiplier ever again,” the criminal screeched, pitching rolls of toilet paper at everyone.

I immediately pulled out my
Li’l Hero’s Handbook
and looked him up. Sure enough, there was an entry on a villain called the Multiplier.

According to the book, the problem for the Multiplier was that he just couldn’t make duplicates fast enough to cause any real harm. And he could only duplicate small things. If he tried duplicating a car, for instance, he might end up with a fender or a steering wheel or maybe just a dipstick. As a result, his crimes had all been fairly small (duplicating stamps, making copies of winning lottery tickets—that sort of thing), and the
Li’l Hero’s Handbook
classified him as a minuscule threat—possibly the most embarrassing thing that could be said about a supervillain.

NAME:
Multiplier, The.
POWER:
Has the ability to make an exact duplicate of anything he touches.
LIMITATIONS:
Power works slowly and only on small items.
CAREER:
Turned briefly and ineffectively to crime in his late teens; inactive ever since.
CLASSIFICATION:
Minuscule threat.

Somehow that had all changed. As I watched him multiplying rolls of toilet paper out of control, I knew he must have figured out a way to speed up his power.

Behind the Multiplier, the paper products aisle was now hopelessly clogged. It didn’t look like the Multiplier even needed to touch the rolls to create duplicates. Then, over the sounds of the commotion, I heard metal groaning. It took me a moment to realize that it was caused by the pressure of all those rolls of toilet paper building up in the aisle with no place to go.

“Tremble before the awesome power of the Multiplier,” the villain shrieked in that way that only a previously powerless person can.

There was a moment of almost complete silence as both the villain and the heroes surrounding him paused and looked back at the mountain of toilet paper. Suddenly, the long shelves on either side of the aisle gave way. The metallic groan grew louder and louder, and then all at once the shelves creaked and buckled and finally toppled over. Heroes, in a very unheroic way, began screaming and running as the shelves on both sides of the paper products aisle flopped over in both directions. This started a chain reaction as those shelves crashed against other shelves like falling dominos.

“Hey, you guys,” I shouted to the throngs of fleeing heroes. “Shouldn’t you be rushing to the rescue rather than running away like cowards?”

That was all the guilt it took. Heroes paused for just a moment before turning to face the threat. Some went to the aid of trapped shoppers while others did what they could to stop the tumbling shelves. But it wasn’t easy. The release of all that built-up pressure had caused the toilet paper rolls to explode into the air, and they were now raining down on everyone.

The heroes not focused on the cascading shelves were having even less luck dealing with either the toilet paper, which now seemed to be everywhere, or the Multiplier, who continued creating more rolls which he launched with pinpoint accuracy at the helpless superheroes. I felt completely powerless, which wasn’t unusual for me, but then I was distracted by a familiar voice behind me.

“That’s quite enough, Multiplier,” boomed the authoritative voice of Thermo. “All this toilet paper should be just enough to get you through your next prison term.” As Dad stepped in front of me, the Multiplier whipped two rolls directly at him. Thermo never blinked. Instead he caught both of them, one in each hand. His hands began to glow red, and both rolls of toilet paper burst into flames.

Before the Multiplier knew what was happening, the two flaming rolls were hurtling back in his direction. As the Multiplier ducked to get out of their way, he tripped and stumbled into a pile of toilet paper. He struggled to his feet with his cape now in flames. Then, before he could launch another attack, a large rolling object came rumbling up behind him at full speed.

“The Big Bouncer!” my dad said with an enormous grin.