The Education of Sebastian (27 page)

“I wish! But I’ve agreed to take photographs for City Beat, too. They’re counting on me. Oh, Sebastian, I’m so sorry! If I’d known you had the day off…”

“It was a last minute thing,” he muttered. “They gave Ches the day off, as well. Probably because so many people will be at the fun day.”

The possibilities presented by being able to spend a whole day alone with Sebastian now drifted through my mind, as substantial and certain as mist.

I wrapped my arms around his waist and laid my head on his chest again.

“There’ll be other days,” I said, my voice sad.

“Yeah, I know. It’s just that every day… every moment with you…”

“…is precious,” I finished the sentence for him.

“Very.”

I kissed him softly. “I’ll go make dinner.”

“I’ll light the candles.”

I was surprised when he pulled a lighter out of his pocket; I’d never seen Sebastian smoke and I’d certainly never smelt tobacco on him. Odd.

I switched off the overhead electric lights so the only illumination in the kitchen was from the candles. The flickering lights threw weird images onto the walls, like some freakish shadow play. A shiver ran through me: someone must have walked over my grave. I shook off the superstitious notion and concentrated instead on the way the candlelight played across Sebastian’s face, highlighting his cheekbones and making his eyes glitter. He smiled up at me and in the dim light, his irises looked coal black. I could lose my train of thought just by looking at him.

I served up the grilled lamb chops and Sebastian ate heartily; I merely picked at my food. I felt resentful of tomorrow’s wasted opportunity and, stupidly, I was letting it spoil this evening, too. I made an effort to pull myself together.

“How was work today?”

“Busy. There was some big golf tournament: a lot of out-of-towners.”

“Any pool-side incidents?”

He laughed as he remembered something.

“Yeah! One of the guests dropped her cellphone in the deep end. I dove down to get it for her.”

“Was she grateful?”

“I think she was more pissed, but she gave me ten bucks… and her cellphone number.”

“You’re kidding me!”
How dare she? Was she pretty? How old was she?

Those were the questions that I couldn’t
ask.

“I mean, how dumb can you get?” continued Sebastian. “She just dumped her damn phone in the pool and that’s the number she gives me!”

“Sebastian,” I said, pointing out the blindingly obvious, at least to me, “the number will still work: she’ll just have to buy a new handset.”

He looked at me.

“Really?”

“Yes!”

He shook his head. “Well, it doesn’t make any difference: I threw her number away.”

“You did?”

“Of course I did!”

He looked annoyed. “I wouldn’t cheat on you, Caro!”

I couldn’t bear to point out the irony in that statement. Instead, I changed the subject.

“Do you want some dessert?”

His expression changed in an instant: from righteous indignation to the most scorching look of lust.

“Chocolate?” His voice was low and seductive.

“I… I made a polenta cake… but I bought chocolate, too.”

He didn’t take his eyes off me and his voice didn’t waver.

“Just the chocolate.”

He stood up, his chair scraping across the kitchen floor, and he held out his hand to me. I took it wordlessly and Sebastian pulled me into his arms, then kissed me until I stopped breathing.

“I want to make love to you,” he said, his voice hoarse. “I’ve been thinking about it all day. Fuck! I couldn’t think of anything else.” He blinked and his eyes danced with amusement. “People could have been drowning in that pool and I don’t think I’d have noticed.”

“Let’s go to bed.”

“Oh, yeah, baby!”

Suddenly he scooped me up off the floor and flung me over his shoulder; the surprise made me cry out. He practically ran up the stairs and threw me on the bed. I couldn’t help laughing at his eagerness, at the sheer joy I saw on his face.

“Damn! We forgot the chocolate.”

“No, we didn’t.” I pointed to the bottle of chocolate sauce by the alarm clock and watched his eyes light up.

He twisted the lid and the jar made a soft popping sound as it opened. He stuck his index finger in and pulled it out covered in chocolate. He held it out towards me.

“Suck,” he said.

So I did.

At some point in the night we must have fallen asleep. It hadn’t been a conscious decision, more a sort of acknowledgment of sheer exhaustion.

Waking up was a struggle. My eyes were gritty with tiredness, and my body ached so much, I didn’t know which muscle to favor first.
And there was chocolate everywhere!

Oh, the chocolate! Mmm, that had been good. No, that had been
great
. That had been
fun
.

We’d laughed so much. I couldn’t remember laughing so much, not ever.

And the way we’d explored each other’s body. I remembered again the touch of his fingers; the way his skin warmed against mine; the soft, wet heat of his lips, everywhere. The passion that had smoldered for hours, blazing suddenly into flames that burned.

I rolled over to find his eyes open, a smile of wonder on his face.

We didn’t speak; we just gazed at each other. I think I was smiling, too.

His fingers stroked my arm slowly, rhythmically.

I reached up to rest my hand on his cheek, but he pulled it to his lips and kissed the palm. I nestled into his body and his hand moved down to stroke my bare back.

I listened to the quiet, steady beat of his heart.

“We have to get up,” I said, sadly.

He nodded slowly but neither of us moved.

“When will I see you again?” he murmured.

“Today, at the picnic,” I said, trying to sound upbeat.

“You know what I mean.”

I sighed. I did know what he meant; I just didn’t have an answer. There was no tomorrow for us.

“We’ll figure something out,” I said, trying to sound reassuring.

“I hate this,” he said sulkily. “All the sneaking around, all the lies. I want everyone to know we’re together.”

“Fine!” I snapped. “Go ahead! Tell everyone! And then I can spend the next God knows how long in prison, or stuck on the sex offender registry and not able to get a job.”

I knew I was behaving badly, childishly, but I couldn’t seem to stop.

He gasped in shock. “I didn’t mean it like that,” he mumbled.

“Then what did you mean?” I said, my voice beginning to rise in volume. “Do you think I find this easy? Do you think I enjoy betraying people, lying to decent people like Donna and Shirley? Deceiving everyone? Do you think this isn’t hard for
me?
This isn’t a game, Sebastian!”

“I know that!” he yelled back. “It’s my life, too!”

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I’m just… a little tired. You’ve worn me out.”

That brought a slight smile to his lips but his eyes were still hurt and angry.

I knew I shouldn’t take my constant anxiety out on him.

“I’m sorry: it’s frustrating for me, too.”

“I don’t want to fight with you, Caro. I just want to be with you all the time. You’re all I think about.”

We lay there for a few more minutes, wishing the hands of the clock to slow in sympathy.

“Donna will be here in an hour,” I said quietly. “We have to get up.”

Our shower was over too quickly and my hands reluctantly let him go. We dressed in silence, the ache of separation already billowing between us.

I glanced at the bed where he had made such sweet love to me, the chocolatey sheets a reminder of a carefree night.

“Do they have other flavors?” asked Sebastian, following the direction of my gaze.

“I don’t know: probably. Maybe we should investigate?”

“I like peanut butter,” he said wistfully.

I raised my eyebrows. “Crunchy or smooth?”

He laughed, a little sadly, and pulled me into a hug.

“I’d better get going.”

“You don’t want breakfast?” I was surprised.

“You can’t risk driving me to the park today: half the neighbors will be outside in their yards. I’ll go through the back.”

At least one of us was thinking clearly.

“I’ll see you later?” he said tentatively.

“Yes,” I said simply.

He smiled.

We walked down the stairs in silence.

In the kitchen I pulled him towards me and we kissed hungrily. I held him as long as I could, but too soon, it was time for him to go. He kissed me lightly on the forehead and then ducked out through the kitchen door.

I’d forgotten to remind him to charge his phone.

Feeling miserable, I threw the chocolatey sheets in the washing machine and made up the bed with clean ones. I removed every piece of evidence, every trace that there’d been anyone in the house but me: the doormat wife of a bullying man.

I was disgusted with myself: and the list of reasons was endless.

Chapter 12

Donna was on time. Of course.

“Good morning, Caroline. How are you today?”

“Just fine, thank you, Donna. Are these your sons?”

Two attractive men in their twenties with Johan’s Nordic looks were getting out of Donna’s station wagon.

“Kurt, Stefan – Caroline Wilson.”

“Hello, nice to meet you. I hear you’re down from college for the summer break?”

We chatted easily while the boys loaded up Donna’s trunk with the boxes of food stashed in my kitchen.

“My goodness,” she said. “There’s enough here to feed the five thousand!”

“Too much?” I asked anxiously.

She laughed. “I’m sure it’ll all get eaten: it looks delicious.”

I grabbed my notebook and camera, shoved the spare films in the pockets of my shorts and we headed off.

“How many people do you think will be there today?”

“Oh, well, probably a couple of thousand in total: it’s mostly folk from the Naval Medical Centre but quite a few families come from the Marine Corps, too. The Peters will be there, and I think Shirley said the boys had been given the day off work, so I expect they’ll tag along… especially if they know you’ll be there – with food.”

I stared out of the window, hoping my burning cheeks wouldn’t give me away.

I hadn’t realized the picnic was quite such a big deal. Of course, if I hadn’t been so preoccupied, I might have been a little more aware. But then again, I’d never gone out of my way to be involved with family life on the Base, not having had a family.

I’d been to Harbor Beach just once before. It was a wide, flat esplanade of fine sand, perfect for families. Lifeguard towers ran the length of the beach between the jetties, where a couple of surfers were catching some small waves. A playground on the sand was a major attraction for the younger children and Donna informed me that some of the older ones – and their parents – would be making use of the volleyball courts: just supply your own ball and net.

The beach was already getting crowded; the military personnel stood out a mile with their crew cuts and buzz-cuts. The parking lot was a cheerful, chaotic crowd with mountains of food being ferried to the fire pits that ringed the beach.

The tide was way out; it would be quite a hike for anyone wanting to go for a swim. But most people seemed intent on playing and eating their way through the day.

I saw volleyballs, soccer balls, Frisbees, footballs, numerous body boards, and lots and lots of kids carrying colorful kites – several in the shape of airplanes. One group of mothers was organizing a sandcastle building contest for the kids – and whichever of the adults felt like joining in; and a group of Marines was planning a pie-eating competition. Something I personally found rather gross: watching grown men shove as much pie in their faces in the shortest amount of time was unpleasant, to say the least. I couldn’t understand why anyone would want to do it. It seemed a waste of good food.

Despite the fact that alcohol was not allowed on the beach, I saw several men openly carrying six-packs. It wasn’t really taking that much of a risk: I knew that you would be hard-pressed to find a police officer willing to give a ticket to someone in the service. I suppose you’d call it a sort of brotherhood. I’d lost count of the number of tickets David had gotten out of because of his ‘Fly Navy’ license plate and his military service window stickers.

There was a real holiday feel to the day: I felt cheerless by comparison despite knowing that I’d see Sebastian later. Nevertheless, I had a job to do, such as it was. I pulled out my camera and started snapping some candid shots of the military at play. To my surprise I began to enjoy capturing the varied scenes of happiness: games of football that seemed to be rule-free; small children chasing their burly fathers; kids running around in swimsuits; and enough food to feed an army – which it was, of course.

Although it had been advertised as a ‘family’ fun day, there were lots of singles there, too, men (and a few women) adopted into the family of the unit they served with. There was no doubt that putting your life in the hands of the other guys in your unit created quite a bond.

It dawned on me that I was one of the ‘singles’, and that Donna had adopted me into her family for the day. There were worse ways to be treated.

I heard Ches’s van before I saw it, but I studiously kept my eyes on the boxes of food that Kurt and Stefan were carrying to the spot where Donna had staked her claim.

She looked up at the noise and waved furiously to attract their attention. The van rumbled to a stop nearby and I saw that Mitch was driving, with Bill and Shirley sharing the front seat.

My heart began to beat a little faster because I knew that Sebastian was now just a few feet away from me; although he may as well have been on the moon because I wouldn’t be able to touch him. I would hardly dare to look at him.

I didn’t know which was worse: to see him and not touch him, or to not see him at all.

Shirley jumped out first followed by Bill who winked at me, much to Donna’s amusement; Mitch went around to open the back of the van. I kept my eyes on the trunk of Donna’s car and continued unpacking.