The Education of Sebastian (22 page)

“I love you,” he breathed, placing gentle, loving kisses on my lips. “I love you so much.”

We lay there for some minutes, cocooned by the dim light creeping through the cracks around the door.

“You have to get back to work,” I said softly.

He sighed. “I know.”

“We have the whole weekend to look forward to.”

“I have to work all day Friday and Saturday,” he said sadly.

“The nights are still ours.”

“All night.”

“Yes.”

I felt his lips turn upwards in a smile and he kissed me.

I slid off him, wincing slightly. I’d enjoyed his aggressive love-making, more than enjoyed, but I was feeling a little sore. I didn’t care: it was a small price to pay.

We both had to scrabble around in the dark to find our clothes. I couldn’t help laughing to myself: there certainly wasn’t much dignity in it, but damn, it was hot!

We listened carefully at the door but at that time of the day the locker room was still empty. I don’t know what we’d have done if it had been busy: we could have been stuck there for hours! Hmm, that didn’t sound so bad.

Sebastian quickly pressed his lips to mine then snuck out first. He looked his usual, handsome self, although perhaps a little more flushed than usual.

I, on the other hand, looked as if I’d just had rough sex up against a cupboard door in the dark. I stared in the mirror at my reddened face, neck, chest and back, and at my once neat ponytail which was lopsided with half my hair coming loose.

I spent a few minutes splashing myself with cold water, trying to return my skin to its usual olive tones, and combed my hair out with my fingers. Eventually I felt composed enough to leave the locker room. As I walked back to the pool, I imagined that everyone I saw knew
exactly
what I’d been doing. I felt as if I had a sign pointing at me shouting ‘Locker-room Slut!’.

I slid onto my sun lounger and gratefully took a long drink of my mineral water. I picked up my notebook and pencil and tried to concentrate but my thoughts were well and truly scattered. I couldn’t believe what I’d just done. It had been so intense and exciting and so completely out of character for me. Although I wasn’t entirely sure what my character was anymore. I’d meant it when I’d told Sebastian that it wasn’t David’s fault; that I’d let him take control and allowed him to take away the essence of being me. I’d been a sleepwalker through my marriage: we both deserved better – David as well as me.

I wondered again what David saw in me: had he seen something when I was 19 that was no longer there? Or did he simply prefer a submissive, compliant, bovine wife? And what about Sebastian? Why did he want me? Was it more than just sex for him, or was I being naïve? He said he loved me but…

“I see you’ve been catching some sun: my, you’re looking a little red, Caroline.”

Donna’s kind face was looking down at me.

“Oh, hi Donna,” I said, my voice sounding a little more high-pitched than usual.

“And this is Shirley.”

“We’ve spoken on the phone – it’s nice to meet you in person.”

I stood up to give Donna a quick hug and to shake hands shyly with Shirley Peters who was short and dark haired, and had mischievous hazel eyes; the resemblance to Ches was obvious.

“It’s good to meet you, too, Caroline. I’ve heard so much about you already. You’ve made quite an impression on the boys. Ches couldn’t wait to show me your article.”

She laughed lightly. “My son is certainly a fan and I have my suspicions about Sebastian.”

My face froze as she winked at Donna. “It’s like having a second son: I swear Sebastian spends more time at our house than he does at his own. Hmm, well, not so much lately: Ches thinks he’s got a girlfriend, although I don’t know why it’s such a secret.” She sighed. “Well, maybe I do: I can’t imagine him wanting to bring a girl home to meet Estelle and Donald.”

Donna nodded sympathetically and settled herself in a deckchair under the large, colorful sun umbrella. Shirley headed for the locker room to change into her swimsuit.

“How was your meeting at City Beat?”

I couldn’t help smiling at Donna: she really was interested in my writing. I showed her the article and watched her face as she read it in detail.

“You’ve really caught the spirit of surfing, Caroline,” she said. “And that’s a super photograph. Oh, look: Sebastian still had his long hair there. I wonder why he cut it? I suspect that his father had something to do with that.”

Shirley returned wearing a purple and orange tankini.

“What are you suspecting?” she asked, her voice laced with curiosity.

“Oh, we were just talking about Sebastian’s buzz-cut.”

“Oh, that,” said Shirley darkly. “He wouldn’t say anything to Ches, but we definitely got the impression it wasn’t voluntary. All the girls at school were crazy about Sebastian, according to Ches. I think if they weren’t such good friends he would have been a little jealous – well, more than a little. There was even something in the yearbook about Sebastian’s long hair, if you can imagine that.” She frowned. “And did you see that bruise he had on his cheek last week?”

She sucked her teeth.

“Hey, mom!”

Ches was walking towards us in his shorts and polo-shirt uniform. He grinned at his mother and gave her an affectionate kiss on the cheek.

“Chester, honey! Just in time: Donna and I are about to expire from thirst.”

“Hi Donna, Caroline,” he smiled, but whatever he saw behind us made his smile falter. “Hello, Mrs. Hunter.”

Sebastian’s mother weaved her way towards us: it was clear she’d spent some quality time at the bar.

“Donna,” she slurred. “And friends.” She looked at me, “the won-der-ful Caroline Wilson. I almost expected you to be walking across the water in the swimming pool, not lying next to it.”

“You’ve been drinking, Estelle,” said Donna sharply. “Perhaps you should rest on the veranda where it’s cooler.”

“Yes, let’s put the embarrassing drunk where she won’t bother anyone; let’s hide her out of the way,” sneered Estelle. “You sound just like Donald.”

Donna turned to Ches and spoke in a quiet voice. “Is Sebastian here? Can you get him, please.”

Ches nodded and walked away quickly.

Estelle picked up my copy of City Beat and tried to focus her eyes on the photograph. Suddenly she tossed the newspaper into the pool.

“You don’t fool me,
Mrs. Wilson
,” she snarled. “You were a stuck up bitch nine years ago and you haven’t changed, have you? You’ve just polished up your act. But you don’t fool me.”

“Estelle! Keep your voice down,” ordered Donna, as other people around the pool began to stare. I was frozen on my sun lounger, terrified of what Estelle might say next.

She scowled at me then turned her glazed eyes to Donna.

“You don’t tell me what to do, Donna. I don’t even know why you like her. She pretends to be so sweet and pure – but she isn’t. Flaunting herself everywhere, ingratiating herself. Well, she doesn’t fool me. She’s nothing but a…”

“Mom!” Sebastian’s voice was tight with anger as he walked towards us. “What are you doing?”

Ches stood behind him, one hand on his shoulder, seeming to restrain him.

“Mom, you’re embarrassing yourself,” he said coldly. “I’ll drive you home.”

Estelle whirled around and slapped him hard. I couldn’t help gasping as my hand flew to my mouth and I started to stand up.

Sebastian’s eyes were almost black with fury. Ches gripped his arm and tugged him backwards.

“Come on, buddy, walk away.”

A sudden silence descended, horrified eyes staring at Estelle.

Slowly she came to her senses and her cheeks flushed with embarrassment as she took in the faces turned in her direction to look at her. She straightened her purse over her shoulder and staggered off.

“What the hell was
that
about?” whispered Shirley.

Donna sighed. “I don’t know: but her drinking is getting worse. Donald will have to do something.”

Shirley scoffed at the idea. “Donald doesn’t give a shit about her: word is that he’s been seeing some young civilian nurse.
Seeing to her,
probably.”

Donna shook her head slowly. “God knows those two should have divorced years ago. It would have been better for Sebastian if they had. Poor boy; I hope he’s okay.”

“He’s got Ches with him,” said Shirley softly. “He’ll be ok: he’s used to it.”

My heart lurched painfully. I desperately wanted to wrap my arms around Sebastian to comfort and protect him, but I couldn’t. It hurt so much. And then a more painful thought crossed my mind: maybe he wasn’t running
to
me; maybe he was just running away from
that
. And if he was, I couldn’t blame him. Besides, couldn’t he say the same thing about me and David?

I didn’t want to believe it, but once the thought was there, it seemed more plausible than to believe that Sebastian would want to be with me.

He had opened my eyes to a world of possibilities, to a world where I could be loved for myself, but would my new life be with him? I was afraid to hope.

After a moment, Shirley stood up. “I’ll just go check on the boys.”

Donna exhaled deeply and looked at me. “Are you okay, Caroline?”

I nodded, still feeling shaken. Did Estelle
know?

“That wasn’t really about you,” Donna continued, “she’s just jealous.”

“Jealous? Of what?”

Donna smiled sadly. “Never mind, it doesn’t matter. Now, what were those questions you had?”

I shook my head. “They seem rather insignificant now.” I stared at the sodden sheets of newsprint that some helpful children were fishing out of the pool.

“Please ask me,” said Donna. “I need something to get my mind off that awful scene.”

We chatted about our shared experiences of living on different bases for several minutes, before Shirley reappeared.

“How’s Sebastian?” said Donna, her concern evident. “Did you see Estelle?”

“Ches and Sebastian got her into the car; he’s driving her home.”

She shook her head. “If there are any more incidents like that, Estelle will have her membership suspended.”

“I’ll speak to Johan,” said Donna. “Maybe he’ll be able to persuade her to… seek some help. She won’t be the first Navy wife to... well, she won’t be the first.”

A subdued Ches returned with some orange juices. Shirley rubbed his arm and they swapped brief smiles. It was refreshing to see the close relationship they had – especially after the unpleasant scene that had played out between Estelle and Sebastian.

I bit my tongue as Ches went back to work: I wanted to ask him if Sebastian was ok, but I couldn’t.

I turned my attention to finishing my article, as Donna had suggested.

Shirley was incredibly helpful, offering fascinating insights into the world of the military wife.

“Of course, it’s hard leaving friends behind, and hard for Chester starting new schools every couple of years, but it’s made us closer as a family, too. And the Marine Corps is a second family; we’re all pretty tight. It’s made Chester good at making friends and he’s a very resourceful boy, very self-sufficient. But we did make sure that his last four years of high school were consistent – we felt that was important for his education. I like traveling and the challenge of new places – new countries. To be honest, I’m dreading the day when Mitch retires: I don’t know what he’ll do with himself. He’s so used to the structure and routine of the Marines, I’m not sure how well either of us will adapt to civilian life.

“But what about you, Caroline? If David decided to quit the Navy, what would you do?”

I twitched uncomfortably, not wanting to have the spotlight turned on me.

“I don’t think his routine would change that much: he’d still work in a hospital; still work his clinics. It wouldn’t make that much difference. Just a different sort of uniform.”

Donna smiled. “Yes, you’re right. Medicine imposes its own set of regulations and routines. Being the wife of a doctor isn’t such a huge leap.”

I’d enjoyed talking to Donna and Shirley – it had been a lot like having friends – but I realized the sun had shifted in the sky and I leapt up.

“Oh, I’m so sorry. I have to get back and pack for David. He’s taking everything with him to the hospital tomorrow morning. I have a mountain of ironing to do.”

Shirley laughed and Donna smiled sympathetically.

I thanked them again and sketched a wave.

Chapter 10

David managed to find fault with everything that evening: my cooking, the clothes I’d packed for him, the way I’d ironed his shirt and pants; probably even the amount of air I was inconveniently breathing.

I tried to think if he’d always been so difficult. I honestly couldn’t remember.

He was particularly annoyed because I refused to come to bed with him, insisting instead on finishing up with my interview notes. During his bombastic huffing, I realized that he didn’t have a coping mechanism for dealing with my refusal: he wasn’t used to it and he didn’t know how to handle it. The thought was oddly liberating.

When he left the next morning, he didn’t even ask how I was planning to spend my weekend. Not that ‘screwing the brains out of my young lover in your bed’ would have figured high on my list of responses to that particular question, but I did think he might have pretended to take an interest.

I’d had one brief text from Sebastian simply saying that he was looking forward to the weekend. He hadn’t answered when I’d asked if he was okay.

I spent the day writing and also took a moment to look up possible photography classes I could take at NYU. Carl Winters had praised my snaps: it made me wonder if I could take that side of my work further.

During the afternoon, Donna telephoned to invite me to supper. I appreciated her kindness but I wasn’t going to be as alone as she thought. I simply told her I was enjoying the peace and quiet: she understood at once, checking only that I’d be at the annual Base picnic on Sunday.

I felt strangely nervous. I hadn’t seen Sebastian since yesterday’s ugly scene; it was also the first time that we’d been able to plan to be together for more than a few hours.