The Dog Cancer Survival Guide (83 page)

Dogma of any kind does not belong in medicine. If a treatment may help and is safe, I am all for it, no matter where it comes from.

Be sure to share your own philosophy with your vet, too. This helps him to know how to serve you best. If you feel comfortable, you can share your mission statement. Some guardians would rather keep that private. At least, make sure you share:

• Which benefits you find most important.
  
• Which side effects you can tolerate and which you cannot.
  
• Any options you are considering in addition to what has already been discussed.
  

Getting on the same page with your vet is critical to having a good working relationship and helping your dog. Dealing with dog cancer is hard enough without feeling uncomfortable with your veterinary professional.

When speaking with vets, oncologists, specialists, herbalists, energy healers, or any other practitioners you bring onto your team, make sure you ask these important questions:

Why do you recommend doing this? What is the ultimate outcome you expect?

It can be easy to get caught up in the details of a particular treatment, or in the emotional anguish of the situation, and completely forget the goal that you have set as your dog’s guardian.

Asking the “Why?” question will help you to assess whether the treatment will get you what you really want (whether you want tumor reduction, pain relief, increased energy, or some other specific outcome).

I recently noticed that the word “compass” is contained within the word “compassion.” Asking “why do this?” on a regular basis can be a compass for us, as we treat our dogs with the compassion they deserve.

Health care practitioners are not the only members of your Full Spectrum team. Reaching out to friends and family members can be a great way to get emotional support while you deal with your dog’s cancer. Your spouse, child or close friend can be an active member of your team. However, even if you have a truly exceptional group of people in your life, you may run into a few who just don’t “get it”.

Many people don’t have the psychological skills to help us at a time like this – and maybe we should not expect them to. A guardian told me that one of his best friends refused to speak with him during his dog’s cancer ordeal. “I lost my mother, my father and my uncle to cancer,” she said. “And my son died last year. I just can’t stomach how upset you are over a
dog
.”

That may seem heartless and it certainly hurt my client’s feelings. I suspect, however, that this otherwise loving friend was still grieving her own losses. For whatever reason, she just couldn’t be there for my client at that time.

Often friends and family members who behave with insensitivity may actually be very worried about you. Their comments could be designed to help you by “shaking you out of it.” What they most likely really want is for everything to be all right, for you.

Of course, that’s what you want, too. But if you love your dog the way that Dr. Ettinger and I love our dogs, it may not be possible for you to act like everything is all right. If your friends and family are not dog lovers, they may never understand what you are going through. For some people, dogs are animals, not loved ones. The sooner that you accept this, the sooner you will find peace of mind and maybe even forgive them for hurting your feelings. Releasing those hurt feelings is important.

If someone is really hurting your feelings on a regular basis, intentionally or not, it’s absolutely all right for you to say something like “I appreciate your advice, but I’m going through a really tough time right now. Can we talk about this later?”

Sometimes friends or family try to be supportive by saying something like “Everything is fine, you’re fine.” This can actually feel a little dismissive. I know that if my dog Björn had cancer, I would not feel “fine.”

It’s all right to be honest about how you feel. You can say “Thanks, but right now I feel [angry, sad, afraid, guilty, frustrated, etc.].” Agreeing that you’re “fine,” when you don’t feel “fine” can actually set you up for trouble. s

According to experts, sadness that is repeatedly avoided turns into a more intense form of grief, which, if it continues to be avoided, turns into depression. Sadness is an emotion that ends after a while. Depression, on the other hand, is a recurring, life disrupting disorder. Also, because of the emotional feedback loop between you and your dog, your depression might even put your dog at risk for depression.

The bottom line is this: be a guardian at all times. Do not assume that your best friend, your mother, your sister, or your favorite uncle can be as supportive as you may wish. Remember that they love you and want what is best for you, and try to see their good intentions behind any insensitivity. If you can, drop your expectation that they be perfect, and if you need to, protect yourself. Right now, your priority is your dog – right?

What if you need to protect someone else? Children and teenagers often blame themselves for a dog’s cancer. And sometimes they blame the adults – in other words, you. This can be really hard on guardians.

Remember, there is an emotional feedback loop between you and your children; your mood influences them. Be as kind and supportive as you can be, and include them in important decisions to demonstrate to them that you are taking charge and helping your dog. In my experience, some of the best cancer caretakers are teenagers. They will often do more for their dogs than they would for themselves. Depending upon their personalities, maturity, sensitivity and skills, young people can make valuable members of your team.

Although it may be difficult, it’s also important to have a conversation about the possibility that your dog could die as a result of this cancer. The purpose is not to plan for or to focus on it. The purpose is to have a complete and intimate conversation. For example, it can be very helpful for children to find out that you believe your dog has an indestructible soul (if this is what you believe). As a child, I found this idea very comforting when a beloved pet was sick and facing death.

No matter how strong you are, if your dog has cancer, you are scared. I’ve never met a guardian who wasn’t, even those of us who tend to tough it out. Who wouldn’t be afraid of losing her dog?

If you have been in therapy before, or if you regularly talk to your spiritual leader, you probably don’t need to be reminded to call him and let him know what is going on. Do not underestimate the impact your dog’s cancer can have on your emotional and spiritual life. At the very least, it’s draining. You can use the support.

If you are a stiff-upper-lip-type, listen up. You must admit that this is hard, even if you only admit it to yourself. If you are fighting to stay tough, you are using valuable energy that is better spent helping your dog fight cancer.

Talking to someone, like a priest, pastor, rabbi or other religious figure, can help you a great deal. Professional counselors and therapists can be very helpful, also. It can be a relief to speak with someone trained to listen.

Some veterinary schools (Cornell, University of Minnesota, University of Tennessee and others) offer support hotlines, supervised by professionals and staffed by vet students with good “bedside manners.” Speaking with one of these compassionate students can be very helpful. The best way to find these support lines is to go online and search for the keywords “veterinary school support line.”

There are several good online support groups for guardians whose dogs have cancer. One that readers have found very helpful is the yahoo.com group named “Canine Cancer”
http://pets.groups.yahoo.com/group/caninecancer
.

Speaking with a good friend can also be very restorative, and remember the emotional management exercises in
Chapter 2
.

The bottom line is this: there are a lot of people going through the same thing. Reach out for help and get the emotional support you need; you are worth it. You’re also helping your dog when you help yourself.

O
nce your plan is in place and you’re in motion, you’ll need to stay organized. You’ll need a place to record your schedule, treatments, side effects, diet changes and many other factors. Doing this in an organized fashion helps you to chart your progress over time.

By using a journal, you’ll be able to accurately discuss your dog’s cancer case without having to rely on your memory. The act of keeping a journal also sharpens your observational skills; small changes that happen gradually won’t be missed this way.

Many guardians start a new diet, new drugs, new supplements and new therapies immediately after a cancer diagnosis; that’s when it is especially important to keep notes. Because any change in a dog’s diet or routine can cause stomach distress, for example, knowing what changes you made and when will help you to figure out what may be causing problems, if they arise.