The Doctor Is In (4 page)

Kasen’s feelings were beyond bruised. He didn’t want her to see the hurt in his eyes, so he stepped around her and walked over to her desk. He swallowed an oversized lump in his throat.

He turned to her and said, “Personally, I don’t think the timing could be more right. We’ve been together for three years. I seriously thought this was what you wanted. Before we moved in together you told me that you wouldn’t wait too long for me to make my move, and now that I’ve made it, you turn around and slap me in the face. What’s changed all of a sudden?”

Raine stood biting her nails. She really didn’t know what to say to make this conversation more comfortable for either of them. The fact was that she wasn’t ready to become Kasen’s wife. Her career wasn’t exactly where she wanted it to be, and that bothered her. Kasen had provided for her in ways that she thought no man would ever do, but she was a woman who wanted to feel like she could take care of herself if it came down to it. With her making only thirty-five thousand dollars a year compared to his two hundred thousand, she wasn’t there yet—not by a long shot. It mattered to her, because she wanted to contribute to their lives in a major way. Lying on her back and having his baby wasn’t enough. She wanted more out of her life.

She could see the hurt in his eyes, but she didn’t even know where to start to explain how she felt. This discussion needed to resume at home, when they would have more time to talk it out and get a better understanding of where their lives were headed.

Raine stepped forward and eased her arms around his waist. She laid her head against his shoulder, feeling how tense he was. “Kasen, I am so madly in love with you. I hope you know that. All I request is that we take some time to think about everything, and then we can talk this through tonight. You know, you did kind of spring this on me out of nowhere,” she said, trying to sound lighthearted.

When he didn’t laugh or say anything in response, she continued.

“I don’t want to rush into anything, and I apologize if I’ve hurt your feelings. Just . . . just don’t be mad, okay? We’ll work this out, and one day I’ll have the pleasure of being your wife. Does it matter if that’s today or somewhere down the road?”

It certainly mattered to Kasen. His ego was crushed, and he was so upset that he was prepared to end it right then and there. Something wasn’t adding up. She had been the one pushing him to move in, she was the one who had been playing Russian roulette by stopping her birth control pills, and now all of a sudden she sounded like she didn’t want to commit to a life with him. All he wanted from Raine was a simple yes, but she had turned this romantic afternoon into a painful and confusing one.

He pivoted to face her. “I really don’t want to spend hours and hours discussing this, but I do need something from you right now. That would be a yes or a no. I know you have some doubts. Hell, I do too. But why wait? We have the kind of relationship many people can only dream of having. . . . Unless there is something you’re not telling me. Are you hiding something that I should know about?”

Raine moved her head slowly from side to side. “No, baby. Trust me, I have no secrets. I just want us to be sure before I give you an answer. I want to say yes, but—”

“Then say it. Stop all this nonsense about wanting to be sure and just say it. Will you marry me?”

Raine realized in that moment that the last thing she wanted was to disappoint the man she loved. Regardless of her uncertainty, Kasen’s feelings mattered to her, and she knew just how to repair the hurt she had caused.

“Yes,” she said softly. “Yes, I will marry you. Any day, any time, and anywhere.”

A bright smile reappeared on Kasen’s face. Even though things hadn’t gone as smoothly as he would have liked, she had still said yes. Raine was going to be his wife. He embraced her and planted a big kiss on her forehead.

“I’m going to make you one of the happiest women in the world,” he said.

“I know you will,” she said, but her enthusiasm still didn’t match his, and Kasen sensed it immediately.

He raised her chin so he could look into her eyes. “Listen,” he said. “I know this is a lot all at once. But we are good together—and good for each other. Everything is going to be fine, and once you get over your nerves, I’m sure you’re going to feel the same way.”

She nodded and gave him a small smile.

“I’ll see you this evening, and I promise we can talk about this some more. It is my hope that after our discussion, your yes will be confirmed,” Kasen said, wiping away a small tear that had formed in the corner of Raine’s eye.

She shook her head as if she was trying to reassure him. “I’m confirming it now,” she said, and they sealed the deal with a kiss.

* * *

When Kasen returned to his office, Voncile was right there waiting for him. She noticed right away that Kasen wasn’t nearly as enthused as he had been before he’d left earlier.

“So, what’s the verdict?” she asked, following Kasen into his office. Inside, she was screaming,
Please tell me she said no!

He swung around to face her. “Good, not great, but I don’t want to talk about it right now. My appointment should be here shortly, and I need to make a few phone calls before Mr. Louis arrives. Please shut my door. I don’t want any interruptions until he gets here.”

Voncile was taken aback by Kasen’s demeanor. She was dying to know what had happened. In her opinion, nothing was good, or great, about the mood he was in. She headed toward the door.

“Uh, Voncile,” he said, and she stopped, turning around to look at him from the doorway. “What happened here?” he asked, gesturing toward the dent in the wall made by her chair-throwing tantrum.

Voncile squinted at it, hoping she looked perplexed and not guilty. “Huh. I noticed that the other day too. Figured one of your patients threw a tantrum in here, but I didn’t bother to ask.”

Kasen touched the dent, tilting his head like he was thinking about which one of his patients might have done it. Voncile was on pins and needles, waiting for him to realize that if a patient had done it during a session, he damn sure would have remembered it. Instead, he just shrugged after a few seconds and walked back to his desk. He was acting really weird, but at the moment, Voncile was too relieved to be worried about what was going on with him. She exited his office with a grin on her face.

“What? She laughed at you? Man, come on. I like Raine a lot, but I’ve always warned you about her sneaky ways. Something is up with her. You need to dig deep tonight and find out what is really going on before you walk down the aisle having some serious regrets.”

After his awkward proposal to Raine, Kasen had felt a need to reach out to his best friend. Omar was stunned to learn that Kasen had proposed, and his two cents full of negativity weren’t exactly what Kasen wanted to hear, even if part of him agreed with his friend’s assessment of the situation.

“Yeah, I know, man. She didn’t exactly act the way you would expect a woman to act when you put a big-ass diamond ring on her finger. I was so out of it after her reaction that I didn’t really know what to say, but I plan to get to the bottom of it tonight.”

“You’re a better man than me, brother,” Omar said. “I would’ve jetted. Hell, I probably would have slapped the shit out of her, too, for laughing—but that’s just me.”

“You know I don’t get down like that,” Kasen said. “And when all is said and done, I do love her. You’re right about the laughing, though. I don’t know what the hell she thought was so funny. I mean, here I was pouring my heart out, and she thought it was a joke. You couldn’t have paid me to believe that she would act that way. I always thought she wanted to get married. Did I really misread her so badly?”

“Uh-uh, man. You’re a good therapist, and you know how to read your patients well. Maybe this is different because it’s someone you love.”

“You mean like I was blinded?” Kasen asked.

“I don’t know. Not blinded, but, you know, maybe willing to overlook some things that you wouldn’t have if she was a patient. That’s why I’m saying you need to dig deep with her and don’t let anything get by you. Gaze into her eyes, and really read between the lines of whatever she’s saying. Hell, play some mind games with her if you need to, but whatever you do, find out exactly where she’s coming from.”

Kasen sat quietly for a minute, thinking about all the possible reasons Raine might have acted the way she did. Maybe she was just nervous because it was so sudden, he thought. After all, he hadn’t really given her any indication that he was thinking about proposing. Or maybe he’d messed up by not making the whole scenario more romantic. He’d seen her watching those sappy bridal shows on TV before, where every last detail is planned out so the bride can feel like a princess. His proposal had turned out more like a booty call with a ring ceremony at the end. Just as he was about to start beating himself up for proposing the wrong way, Omar came out with a totally different point of view.

“Personally, I think you’re too good for her. You should’ve hooked up with that fine bitch in your office—but on second thought, stay away from her. I’m claiming her for myself. She’s looking better and better every time I come there. Sometimes I go to your office and pretend I need to see you, just to get another look at that phat ass.”

“I’m sure you do,” Kasen said, chuckling at his friend’s bad-boy behavior. “But clean up your words, man. Women don’t appreciate being called bitches. And yes, Voncile is undeniably a beautiful woman. She’s just not for me.”

“Exactly,” Omar said. “That bi—I mean that
lady
is for me. So put in a good word for me, will you?”

Kasen shook his head. “Once a player, always a player, huh?”

“Yup,” Omar said proudly.

“You’re a fool, but I will put in a good word for you,” Kasen said. “Meanwhile, I have to go. Need to wrap up a few things before my patient arrives. I’ll give you a call tomorrow to let you know how the night unfolds.”

“Can’t wait to hear all about it. And don’t forget to tell the beautiful one I’m interested. She already knows I am, but she be playing hard to get.”

“If it’s meant to be, it will be. We’ll talk soon, and thanks for listening.” He hung up the phone.

Kasen heard a knock on his door. “Come in,” he said, thinking it was Mr. Louis, his next patient. He looked up to see Voncile stepping into his office. “What’s up?” he asked.

“I have a slight headache. Wondered if I could leave an hour early to go home and get some rest.”

“Of course you can. Go home and get some rest,” Kasen said.

“Thanks,” she said, and then added in what Kasen thought was a rather flirtatious tone, “You know, maybe my headache is because I’m hungry.
Somebody
forgot to bring me back the salted caramel shake he promised to get.”

“Oh, shoot. I’m sorry, Voncile. I—”

She raised her hand to stop him. “No need to apologize. I was just kidding. You looked like you had a lot on your mind when you came in,” she pressed.

Kasen’s face crumpled into a frown, letting her know she was right. “Yeah, I guess I was kind of preoccupied.” He tried to recover quickly, putting on a fake smile. “I promise to make it up to you tomorrow. Lunch is on me. Anything you want, I’m buying. We’ll lock up the office and go together. How does that sound?”

Voncile was beaming. Her smile was wide and toothy, the kind of smile he wished he had seen on Raine’s face earlier. “Sounds good,” she said happily. “I’ll see you tomorrow. And don’t stay too late. I know Raine will be at home waiting for you, especially after your good news today.”

“Yeah, well, that’s another story, but I promise not to stay late.” He pivoted the subject in a hurry, needing to get his mind off of the botched proposal. “Speaking of news, what happened with you and your boyfriend?”

“I am so done with him,” she said, not giving any more details. “I’m single for now.”

“Okay,” he said, a little surprised that she was smiling. She didn’t seem to be upset in the slightest. “Well, I have a friend, a close friend, who’s interested in you.”

Now the smile fell off her face. “Let me guess,” she said, frowning. “Omar, right?”

Kasen understood her reaction to a certain extent, because Omar could come on a little too strong when he was interested in a woman. But that was still his boy, and he wanted the best for him. He had faith that his friend could tone it down with the macho player stuff if he needed to. “He’s a really nice guy, Voncile. I think you should at least go out on one date with him. I guarantee you that you’ll have fun.”

She scrunched up her nose like something smelled bad. “No, thank you. He already asked me out on a date. It’s not that he’s bad looking or anything like that, but I just can’t see myself with a man like him.”

“Meaning?” Kasen asked, feeling protective of his friend. He knew Omar could be a little heavy-handed with his approach, but Voncile’s reaction was a little too dramatic as far as he was concerned.

“Meaning I’m simply not interested. And please don’t ask me again. This whole thing feels a little pushy,” she said.

That stopped him in his tracks. He still didn’t know why her reaction was so strong against Omar, but he definitely didn’t want to cross any kind of lines and offend her. She was his employee, after all, and potential sexual harassment claims were not a joke. “Sorry. I won’t ask again,” he said, raising his hands defensively. “I’ll let him know that you’re not interested. Now, go home and take care of that headache. See you tomorrow, and be prepared to eat well.”

That reminder of their lunch date was all it took for Voncile’s mood to lift.

“Oh, I’ll be prepared,” she said happily. “You have a good night, now.”

Voncile left the office looking practically giddy—not like someone with a bad headache—but Kasen still had a lot on his mind. Voncile had wished him a good night, but in truth, he had no idea how the night would go. Kasen sat there feeling as if some things in his relationship with Raine were about to change. His intentions were to make the best of it that night, but he wasn’t going to hold back on Raine like he had done earlier. He wanted her to know the disrespect he felt, and if she wasn’t on board with the marriage thing, he needed specifics as to why.

* * *

Kasen’s appointment with Mr. Louis was another successful one. Mr. Louis had a fetish for wearing women’s clothing, and for the past three weeks, Kasen had assisted him with getting in touch with his deepest feelings. Kasen suspected that Mr. Louis was leaning toward becoming a woman, even if he hadn’t admitted it to himself yet. It was amazing to Kasen how many more patients were coming to him to discuss gender issues ever since Bruce Jenner had announced he was becoming Caitlyn.

“I know that by being completely honest with you, I can begin to be real with myself,” Mr. Louis said. “This is just so hard, Doc, and I’m afraid to break out of this shell I’m in and let everyone see the real me.”

“In due time I hope you will feel more comfortable. When you’re ready, you won’t have to fight this anymore. I think you will be surprised by how comfortable you’ll feel, as hiding who you really are only prolongs your misery and prohibits you from being the person you know you are deep inside. But until you feel ready to open up to your friends and family, I’m here for you.”

Mr. Louis patted his chest and released a deep breath. “Thank you,” he whispered with tears in his eyes. “You have no idea how good it feels to speak to someone who truly understands my situation.”

Kasen was masterful at his job. He knew how to make people feel that he really cared, but it wasn’t an act for him. He truly did care about his patients and their problems. Now it was time for him to pack up for the day and head home to deal with his own issues.

In his car, he tried to call Raine to let her know he was on the way. He tried not to read too much into the fact that she didn’t answer either the house phone or her cell. He even allowed himself a momentary fantasy that she was naked in the tub, waiting for him to come in so she could surprise him with some bomb-ass make-up sex.

Forty-five minutes later, Kasen parked his BMW in the four-car garage of the immaculate house he shared with Raine. It had set him back a pretty penny, but to come home to this every day felt worth it. The modern four-bedroom house with plenty of windows to let in a beautiful, natural light sat on an acre of well-manicured land. Kasen liked his privacy, so he had chosen a house that was far away from the city. It was decorated with contemporary furniture, shiny marble floors, and plenty of gadgets that made the entire place unique.

He checked to make sure the alarm was off, then he touched one button to turn on every light on the lower level. Before going up the floating staircase, he used a remote to flick on the mounted fireplace. The music was next, and with the same remote, he pressed a button that spilled sweet melodies throughout the house.

“Raine,” he shouted as he walked up the steps. “Baby, are you here?”

There was no answer. Maybe she hadn’t made it home yet, he thought. He removed his jacket as he passed through the double doors of the master suite. The second his feet touch the plush white carpet, he could tell that something was wrong. The bed covers were a mess, the decorative pillows were scattered around on the floor, and a broken glass lay on the carpet next to a big red wine stain.

He suddenly felt very disoriented. Raine was usually so meticulous. She would never leave the bedroom in disarray like this, and a stain on her white carpet? That would have freaked her out. Something was very wrong, he realized, and this feeling was confirmed in a hurry when he glanced over toward the dresser where Raine kept her clothes. Every drawer was pulled open, and as he stepped closer to it, he realized that every single drawer was empty. He whirled around and headed toward her walk-in closet with dread growing in the pit of his stomach. His worst fear was confirmed when he opened the door and saw nothing but the hangers where her clothes used to be.

He raced into the bathroom, worried that he might actually throw up, and that was when he spotted the worst thing of all. The ring he had given Raine that afternoon was in the bathroom, sitting in the water at the bottom of the toilet bowl.

“What the fuck?” he shouted, reaching in to retrieve the ring without hesitation. He wiped his hands on a towel and headed out of the bathroom, pacing wildly as he tried to put the pieces of this scene together in his mind. He just could not comprehend the thought that Raine might have packed up and left—until he spotted the letter on his nightstand and read the proof she had left him.

Kasen did his best to read the letter through the tears that were forming at the rims of his eyes. It was difficult for him to swallow the huge lump that felt lodged in his throat. He knew that their relationship wasn’t perfect, but it wasn’t anywhere near the way that Raine had described it in the letter. The last time he had cheated on her was a few years ago, not long after they had met. It wasn’t anything serious. He’d met a chick at a bar, had sex with her that night, and that was it. She wound up stalking him for a couple of weeks, and then the chick found out who Raine was and told her about it. Kasen had some serious explaining to do, but when all was said and done, Raine had forgiven him. At least he thought she had.