Prologue
September 15, 1993
After waiting in the sweltering heat for a bus, the seven-year-old girl and her mother, Sabrina, finally walked into their two-bedroom apartment. Sabrina released her daughter’s hand then wiped the sheen of sweat from her aching forehead. She was tired, having just gotten off work then picking up her daughter from school.
“Go put your book bag in your room and tidy it up for me, okay?” Sabrina said, smiling at her daughter, whom she loved more than anything in the world. “Mama is going to fix you some mac and cheese and bake one of your favorites, a chocolate cake.”
The little girl was overjoyed. She loved chocolate cake, especially the ones her mother made. Sabrina bent down, tapping her cheek where she wanted her daughter to give her a kiss. Her daughter happily smacked Sabrina’s cheek with a big ol’ kiss then marched toward her bedroom to do as her mother had told her.
As she turned the corner, she bumped into her father, standing in his dirty drawers, smelling like he had bathed in Hennessy. His scruffy beard resembled a broke-down Santa Claus, and it was evident that he hadn’t shaved in months. A mean mug was tightened on his face, and the nappy beads of hair on his chest made him look like a monster to the child. She tilted her head back to look up at her father who, through her eyes, was a giant. She waited on him to say something nice to her, but the greeting she got from him was nothing like the way her mother had greeted her at school that day. Sabrina had tightly embraced her daughter, asked how her day was, and told her she loved her. Her father, on the other hand, spewed, “Where is that bitch at? Did she come in here with you?”
Bitch
was the name her father, Joshua, had given her mother. The little girl had become very accustomed to hearing that word around their home. All she knew was her mother didn’t like the name, and her parents always got into heated arguments when her father referred to her as a bitch. Today would be no exception.
The girl pointed toward the kitchen, referencing her mother as the person she knew her to be. “Mommy is in the kitchen making me a cake. You can have some too, Daddy.”
Joshua grunted then charged toward the kitchen to confront Sabrina. The girl tiptoed behind him but stopped at the doorway to hide behind the wall. She peeked around it to see what her father was so angry about.
Sabrina sat at the table, stirring cake batter. She looked up when she saw Joshua march into the kitchen with his face scrunched.
“What did you do with the fucking money I gave you to pay the electric bill?” he barked.
Sabrina stopped stirring the batter to address her angry husband, who was trying his best to pick a fight with her. She figured he was still upset about last night, when she had refused to have sex with him because his ass needed a shower, and she wasn’t about to keep laying on her back for a nasty, abusive motherfucker who didn’t have a job and didn’t respect her. His petty drug-dealing money hadn’t paid their overwhelming bills in a long time. Everything was behind. Sabrina had been working twelve-hour shifts sometimes, in order for them to stay afloat. In addition to that, her new man had been keeping her busy. He treated her like a queen. So, she didn’t have time for Joshua and his mess. Basically, she wanted a divorce.
“I used the money to buy our daughter some clothes and tennis shoes. You’ve seen the way she’s been looking. The kids at school make fun of her, and I want them to stop. We can pay the electric bill in a few days when
I
get paid. What’s the big deal?”
“The big deal is, that asshole who works for the electric company showed up today to cut that shit off. I had to dig into my stash and give him something so he wouldn’t turn off the electricity. What I don’t understand is, when did you start making decisions around here about what gets paid and what doesn’t? I decide how to spend our money, and that li’l bitch in there already got enough clothes and shoes. Who gives a fuck about kids making fun of her? She needs to learn how to beat their asses. I bet that’ll stop ’em from saying anything to her.”
Sabrina disagreed, but she remained silent, getting up from the table to pour the cake batter into a baking pan. Joshua hated to be ignored by her, so he continued his harassment.
“It’s funny how you can ignore me, but I bet you don’t ignore that nigga you’ve been giving my pussy to. You were with him last night, weren’t you? That’s why you didn’t want to make love to me.”
Sabrina had heard enough. She wished that Joshua would take his drunk ass somewhere and go sit down, but like always, that wasn’t going to happen. He wasn’t going to chill until he got certain things off his chest, or until he felt satisfied from beating Sabrina’s ass.
“For your information, you and I haven’t made love in a loooong time, and I haven’t been with Stoney in months,” she lied. “But if I were with him, how can you blame me? You’re fussing about bills, yet you barely pay them around here. If you had to go into your stash for the electric bill, that’s good! Dig in it some more so we can get out of this rut. You aren’t doing—” Sabrina stopped abruptly and turned around to ignore him again. She didn’t want to insult Joshua or damage his ego, which would only escalate the situation.
Joshua walked up behind her and placed a tight grip on the back of Sabrina’s neck. The girl looked on with tears in her eyes. She feared what was about to happen next. Her father would do what he did best, and her mother would come out of it looking like a different woman, with a disfigured, bruised face.
“Don’t bite your tongue, bitch! Speak up and tell me what you were about to say. What’s on your mind? Open your got-damn mouth and say it. Then again, keep it shut before I bust yo’ ass clean in it.”
Joshua’s spit sprayed on the side of Sabrina’s face as he yelled at her. She wiped it away, afraid to say another word. Her narrowed eyes, however, spoke volumes for her. She wanted to kill her husband. She had had enough. He deserved to die, and she told herself that this would be the last time he ever put his hands on her.
With the tight grip still on Sabrina’s neck, Joshua shoved her head forward, banging it against the edge of a cabinet. Sabrina felt blood trickling down the side of her face. The nasty gash on her forehead made her dizzy, but not dizzy enough where she couldn’t reach out and grab a sharp knife from the dish rack on the counter. She swung around to face Joshua with the sharp weapon in her hand.
“Back the hell up now, Joshua! Get your ass out of here. We’re not doing this today! I’ve had enough of your bullshit!”
The girl had seen enough too. She figured things were about to turn ugly. She wanted this to stop. With tears cascading down her face, she ran into the kitchen, still carrying her backpack from school. She stood right in front of her mother, trying to protect her.
“Stop it, Daddy! Stop being so mean to Mommy!”
Sabrina’s focus was distracted as she tried to move her daughter out of the way so she wouldn’t get hurt. That was when Joshua snatched the knife from her hand. He shoved his daughter out of the way, causing her to skid across the floor. Almost instantaneously, she witnessed her father snatch her mother into his arms and press the sharp blade close to her neck.
Tears welled at the rims of Sabrina’s eyes, then they began pouring over. She narrowed them again, to show her repulsion for Joshua. In return, he showed his hatred for her.
“This is for betraying me, bitch. I win; you lose.”
Joshua slid the blade across Sabrina’s throat, slicing it so fast that when his daughter blinked, she missed it. All she saw was her mother’s body crashing to the floor. She ran over to Sabrina, sobbing as she placed her hands on the gaping hole in her mother’s neck. That’s what she had learned in her first-aid class: adding pressure would stop the bleeding. Unfortunately, it was too late. Sabrina was gone. She had stopped breathing, and the little girl could see that her mother wasn’t coming back.
“Mommy, noooo!” she shouted as she tried to lift her from the floor. “No, Mommy, come back.”
The girl turned to glare at her father. He stood still, as if cement had been poured over him. No doubt, he was in shock. Even he couldn’t believe what he had just done.
“I . . . I’m sorry, baby girl. I didn’t mean to do—”
Joshua paused, dropped the bloody knife that he had been squeezing in his hand, and then ran off. Seconds later, his daughter heard the front door shut. She crawled on her hands and knees, making her way over to the phone. She dialed 911, and when the dispatcher answered, the girl begged for someone to come and save her mother.
When the police and ambulance arrived, they found the girl lying next to Sabrina with her arms around her. Sabrina’s daughter kicked and screamed as they cautiously pulled her away. She knew she would never see her loving mother again.